Читать книгу NegoLogic - Peter Frensdorf - Страница 9
ОглавлениеNegoLogic shines a new light on commercial interaction by taking advantage of the human predictability factor.
Doing business on any level means walking the high rope in a very natural balance. Every single person on earth is sensitive to the logic behind the deal. We can learn how to separate impulses from decisions, and why it is fruitful to plant an impulse inside the head of another person. It is possible to change the direction of our argument drastically, to trigger the right response from whoever is opposing us.
Once this door has been opened, it will become almost second nature to give negotiations exactly what is needed instead of just opposing each other in a predictable and often ineffectual manner. But there is more than that. You will not only balance the negotiation, but every single argument, proposal, and objective that you face.
The NegoLogic philosophy is a great asset for anyone who negotiates, because it begins where other methods end, with the realisation that interaction outweighs any result. This effect is known as ‘neuroeconomics’, which is just practical business psychology. Our aim is to reach exceptional results in one-to-one commercial negotiations, but some aspects can also be used for procurement and resolving conflicts. Every time you face someone of flesh and blood you will be able to use NegoLogic.
Here is the blueprint for the way issues are presented throughout this book. First we Focus on the problem or discovery, then we Elaborate its aspects and finally we bring the Solution. Just like the following:
FOCUS: Why do intelligent people turn into Pavlov’s dogs when they negotiate?
Who injected us with the “knowledge” to downgrade the position of the opposing party and blatantly upgrade our own, beyond all fact and reason?
ELABORATE: This “method” is ineffective because we cease listening to each other if we do not like the messages that reach our ears. Here is a matter of fact: any predictable attitude adds to the abyss we naturally have to bridge – our difference in value because if there is one thing we can bank on it is that buyers want to reach the lowest price, and sellers the highest. We hope to accomplish this by talking negatively about what we want to buy, and only positively about what we are selling. This makes no sense.
SOLUTION: What would happen if we were able to break out of that vicious circle – if we could place the money issue on a lower shelf, as it were, so it is just a segment of the negotiation, like pride, acknowledgement, and satisfaction?
NegoLogic establishes us as extremely reliable, painfully honest – to the point of neutral – dealmakers. We acknowledge both sides of the coin and do not shy away from mentioning negative elements, even though these may seem to “hurt” our own position.
This way we gain an unusual level of trust with our opponents, and our sole remaining disagreement (the price) can be resolved by dissecting the value, and putting it back together again in any way that fits our purpose.
I must emphasise that it is not our aim to emerge from the negotiation as “the winner”, but to get our valuation across.
This must be our only objective.
In introducing this approach we should address the common denominators of behaviour – the mistakes that we all make to some extent, every single one of us.
Let’s kick this uneven match off with a very stupid question:
“Which tool is imperative to close deals?”
Your most likely answer would be: “Money or assets.”
That answer is right – as well as wrong!
Yes, money is a major tool for any negotiator ...but... there is a BIG but ...the real asset is planting the right emotion inside the mind of the opposing party. They must “feel” that the deal we are bringing to the table is too good to miss.
Feel? That is a word we rarely see in any negotiation book!
FOCUS: We have been misled into believing that money is all that matters. Because we have always been told that – like computers – both parties have their bottom line set out in a very rigid manner. The idea is that the other side will only trade with us if they get a deal that satisfies them, anything in between what they hope for and what they are willing to settle for and within those margins, we face a brick wall that cannot be breached.
ELABORATE: In recent years professionals have been taught that the best way to negotiate is no longer to win, but to create a win-win result. Both parties gain in equal proportion, and are therefore satisfied with the outcome.
Give them what they want and they will be happy!
It sounds quite logical but is that really the only truth?
If it were, then I would not be able to paint a scene where you get everything you could wish for...
and still be unsatisfied with the outcome!
But this is shockingly easy.
Imagine you want to sell me an object that is worth 15.000 and start out with your highest asking price of 19.000.
Instead of negotiating, I immediately shake your hand and say; “Sold!” Then I slap your shoulder and thank you over and over again.
Now, how does that make you feel?
Keep in mind that you should be very satisfied to receive your highest asking price… but I predict that your happiness will not last.
Why? That is the million-dollar question!
You are not happy because....I made you realise that you started too low.
Suddenly, you “know” (feel, sense) that I was willing to pay even more.
Who put that suggestion into your head?
Well, I triggered it and if we can direct our opponent’s most inner thoughts in this simple manner then we are well on our way to determining the outcome of any negotiation.
Is it clear that this emotion has nothing to do with any reality or value?
It no longer matters what the books or experts say your product is worth, because now you “know” for sure that you have made a mistake. You started too low.
This is a prime example of how self-centred and vulnerable our thoughts are during dealings, of how easy it is for another person to control and direct our thoughts. The event blew knowledge that you would otherwise swear by, straight out of the water! You know what just happened? This shows how neuroeconomics works – simply and reliably.
SOLUTION: Reading this calmly in your easy chair, it’s all very clear to you. What really happened was that I accepted too fast. That doesn’t mean you would not fall for it if it happened to you. Keep this in mind: our perception during negotiations becomes blurred. We cannot see the forest for the trees because every single detail of information must pass through our filter – a filter that consists of our deepest hopes and fears. What comes out afterwards may give us a completely distorted picture. I have helped countless individuals with their negotiations who were stumbling around blindfolded and totally unaware of it.
Do you see the seemingly unbreakable relevance – between outcome and satisfaction – shrink away?
The other party was so sure that they only had to give in to your demand to satisfy you, but although you received more than you wanted, you are still unhappy with the outcome. This makes no sense and according to current knowledge, it should not be possible.
If my answer had been:
“What? No way. Anything over 12,000 is out of the question!” then, after a harsh negotiation, you had to let it go for 14,500, or 500 less than the value.
Well, you would feel so-so about the deal, but knowing that you had made the best of it, you would be able to put the moment aside and move on, and again I know what goes through your head...”At least it is sold!”
Which means that your happiness did not depend on the bare outcome but on the feelings that the proceedings left you with, and that happens to be what Neuroeconomics is all about – the proceedings outweigh the result.
So the dilemma starts with our deep-founded personal involvement, a sometimes confusing mixture of facts and feelings. What we should notice is that our feelings almost always trump the facts and we don’t even notice it.
There is no mistake in this book that I have not made myself first. We can only get well when we dare to admit that we are ill, and take our medicine.
The auction mind set
NegoLogic introduces the term “auction mind set”. It means accepting a value based on what someone else thinks it is worth. It triggers the feeling of a safety net. So long as there is another bidder who is willing to pay nearly the same amount as you you’ll feel that electric impulse of excitement when you beat someone to the punch.
Example
You find yourself at an auction where you spot a table you really like. The bidding starts off at 500 and you are bidding against one other person. Both of you are very persistent. Finally your opponent bids 1000, and you get it for 1050. You have won the auction (note the linguistics!). You are not losing money but have won the chance to spend it.
In your predictable mind, only the final 50 may have been too much. Now the other buyer may have escaped from a lunatic asylum, but that idea does not enter your brain because it does not suit your Story2Tell. I outsmarted him sounds so much better. Meanwhile what really happened was that you based your value on someone else’s, a complete stranger’s. You just assumed that this man was an expert when it came to tables like this one – and he happened to think the same about you!
In fact you both drowned in a sea of emotions.
Let’s imagine the same scenario without any buyers, because the poor man failed to clear the gate of the madhouse. Then you’ll get that table for 500, the opening bid but now the whole 500 is at risk of seeming too much because nobody else wanted it. So maybe it’s worthless?
That means you were happy to pay 1050 and seriously doubting paying 500. Same item, same value. All we have changed is the emotion of winning.
The winning emotion
Do you enjoy going to the casino every now and then? After days, weeks, months or years of at times thinking the best and the worst of yourself at work as well as at home it is really pleasant to get a clear outcome even if you lose a bit of cash in the process. Your defence is theStory2Tell that in the end everyone loses in the casino!
But when you are the lucky fool sitting at the jackpot machine at the right time, you can feel a winner!
And here everyone knows about your success instantly because lights are blinking, music is playing and people congratulate you.
Isn’t that the clear recognition we are lacking in everyday life?
Mind you we are complimenting your brilliant decision to sit down in a chair and pull a handle at exactly the right moment. Pure luck, nothing genius about it. Yet casino winners are overwhelmed by emotions that money cannot buy.
Linguistics
Note also that the words winning and losing in particular can be used to create any reaction you desire.
This is the main reason why we can play with values during negotiations, because it can be so easy to predict what people will feel in certain situations. Sometimes a loser, sometimes a winner but always predictably so. It is the emotion that counts.
Perhaps this is the basis of all the revelations of NegoLogic:
If the emotion feels wrong, the deal cannot be right
Your opponent can be corrected by “the facts” as he gets to see them during the proceedings.
We can make good use of this discovery.
Allow others to choose between a slightly disappointing result that they can live with, or seemingly no deal at all, as long as they feel they may lose the deal or win the agreement. Confront them with what they have already invested so that they realise what they have to lose unless they deal with you.
TIP: Entice others to invest time, money and as much effort as you can get away with.
Example
You made it all easy for your counterpart. They get the deal handed on a silver plate. All they need to do is sign on the dotted line. You have done a great job!
But that is not all you have done. You have invested a lot of effort and they have invested nothing. It’s easy for them to walk away.
There is another option. You can ask them to present details, maybe travel and prepare. TEST: The more they are willing to do, the more eager they are, no matter what they tell you – this is a major sign. There are only limits if they set them. Just try how far you can take this principle.
There are two reasons why this works so well:
1 After investing they have more to lose.
2 The deeper the investment the more commitment they have shown beforehand. Even when you used some “salami” (small bits at a time), the effect remains the same.
For the next step the other party must be taken to the point of reconsideration, given room to rethink what really is the lowest they can accept or the highest they can live with. One thing should be made clear to them – changes must be made in order to conclude the deal!
This forced reconsideration can happen to anyone, and it has not happened to me often enough in my practice. That tells me that the level of opponents I have met with over the years, many of whom were highly-educated businessmen, lacked the most basic negotiation skills to push me beyond the point that I assumed as my limit. Had they used NegoLogic, then I would often have paid more or sold for less.
YES and NO
This is another principle I often found lacking in practice. We assume that the other party knows that we want to deal. We are there, aren’t we? Sorry, but that is not good enough. We must explain, show and prove that we are ready to pull the trigger.
Lord knows how many others act just like us but when push comes to shove they are suddenly lacking a mandate or have to get final approval from their bank.
In my experience: “Just a formality” often becomes much more than that. Showing YES has a double effect.
A) You separate yourself from others who just assume their objectives are clear.
B) From that moment onwards the other party knows that the only obstruction to closing the deal .... is them!
Don’t you think this creates a very strong realisation?.
Show NO
This is the perfect moment to stretch the boundaries of what seemed possible at first sight. Once YES has been established you must now show that you are just as willing and able to walk away if the terms are unreasonable in your eyes. Now you have created a perfectly clear picture of the possibilities where others would leave their position obscured by fog.
Training
Now, after teaching and training for over three years I can see that our current education system fails to prepare participants for real negotiations. Executives overestimate their skills and because there is rarely a basis for any real comparison – every single negotiation differs from every other – this dream is allowed to become a costly nightmare for the company.
It is ludicrous to think anyone can practice successful negotiation without serious consideration, training and exercise. This common lack has enabled me to use hilarious situations1 from my own practice as teaching and training material..
Whenever there is serious money on the line the other party must be made to reconsider their position. This can never happen by force from outside2, but as the result of reasoning coming from within.
When it makes perfect sense and appears fair, the final result appears to be in total balance. Because of this fact anyone can be satisfied with a lesser result.
Which one of us doesn’t trust his own gut feeling?
NegoLogic is all about exchanging values for feelings, trading assets against emotions. With both earlier examples you have seen that the same person in different situations is liable to accept different prices; more than the highest or less than the lowest.
The worst result satisfied him, but the best didn’t.
That person is you, me and everyone on the planet.
Because we are all human and guilty of predictability.
The sentence is a cash fine!
Our thoughts can be steered like a remote car, but it is not all bad news. This acknowledgement enables us to answer a major question correctly.
Which tool is imperative to close deals?
The answer: Triggering the right emotions in another person.
FACT 1: Satisfaction can be triggered by aspects other than the result
We are so predictable when we barter that our emotions and decisions can be directed by an exact sequence of events. This is not always as easy as in my earlier examples, but brings unexpected rewards that we cannot accomplish in any other manner.
We cannot win every negotiation, but we can improve on the status quo, change a loss into a draw, and a draw into a win and a winning situation into more than we can imagine in our wildest dreams.
Trading assets against emotions
FOCUS: Why are we so vulnerable?
Before you meet your opponent, you are completely in the dark. What is their position regarding the upcoming negotiation? What is their bottom line and how to find it? Will they be reasonable or impossible? Maybe they are already hooked on closing the deal with you? Then anything you give in to, no matter how small or reasonable would be seen as a gift. Do you really want to play Santa Claus?
ELABORATE: There is no way of knowing their limits at this point, so you will feel blindfolded. All you know is that the other side opposes you and when they start pushing you in any direction, it is only a matter of time before you will lean the other way because you sure-as-bleep do not want to fall over in the direction of their choice.
SOLUTION: So this leaning against the direction that you are being pushed is a prediction that will – at one time or another – come true. Can you see the importance of this promise?
Because when it is you doing the pushing, you will be able to direct their actions! Just by pushing the other way.
Does that sound like magic?
This is just the beginning of NegoLogic.
Winning
The major thought on anyone’s mind? “Can we WIN the negotiation?”
FOCUS: Hanging on to the word winning
Which do you prefer, winning or losing?
Even before the proceedings have started, we fully intend to win every negotiation, regardless of position, proof or arguments because humans like to win, winning feels good.
Losers… well, they are losers. Any questions?
ELABORATE: No jackpot in sight! So what exactly winning entails is not always so easy to determine when it comes to a subject as diverse and fragmented as a commercial negotiation can become.
And should become! Because we have the need to find the exact right level of complications on our path to signing on the dotted line. A negotiation must not be too confusing, nor too easy. We will come back to this aspect later.
We confuse our ego with our position, and get insulted when one or the other is attacked, because then we feel that both are under fire. Separating your ego from the deal is really important. One matters, the other should never be allowed to.
The outcome of most negotiations will be described by both negotiators as follows:
“We have reached the best result possible, given the circumstances.”
Circumstances! But what are they? And what role do you play in creating them?
The reality of new facts are revealed, the brick wall or final stand of your opponent. Most people will not go beyond a certain point without really good reasons (to tell onwards to others). Before the proceedings start, these are unknown factors for both parties.
What makes someone feel like a winner?
Usually, it’s just two points.
The person who gets recognition from his opponent feels like a winner. That means in order to walk away with money you must crown your adversary as victorious, “You’ve reached this result because of your brilliant strategies” or words to that effect, suitable to the actual situation. Praise is free.
After a balanced give and take bartering, the individual who gets his last concession accepted is often regarded as the “winner”.
Bearing in mind that the last concession is usually of minor importance, you probably can guess where I am heading.
SOLUTION: Yes, I want you to lose every negotiation!
But let’s call that what it really is.
Allow your opponent to experience winning, while you settle for the money.
Because if winning is a state of mind that can be triggered by the attitude of the “loser”, it is meaningless, and your counterpart is more than welcome to the glory.
There are also practical reasons for being generous, because what good is it to get your way if the deal fails to go through?
You increase that risk by gloating over a victory.
Your sole aim is to change your opponent’s mind regarding the value of whatever you are buying or selling...
Change your opponent’s mind on what the value is.
There is his value and yours… and the gap in between, which you need to bridge but there is no need for this if your value is basically accepted by him.
And here is a truth that will save you a lot of time, effort, and aggravation.
FACT 2: You can never change anyone’s mind by an abundance of arguments
What? That is exactly what we were planning to do! If we speak long enough, loud enough, and repeat it often enough, then they will see it our way. Now you’re telling me that this will not work?
That is right! A huge percentage of the information that reaches our ears does not register, especially when the message sounds unpleasant. Would you like to hear how much? Sources come up with different numbers but none sound very promising. Conservative estimates show seventy percent of the spoken word does not reach the listener. Newer research places the percentage all the way up to ninety-three. So seven percent of your words must do the job because the rest is lost in the wind
Now prepare your pitch and we’ll remove 93% at random3. Is it even worth opening our mouth?
You should keep in mind that the difference between thirty and three percent is easy to understand. The more predictable you are, the more you “lose” your listeners, especially when negotiating. They don’t want to hear what you are saying because they want the exact opposite.
So changing anyone’s mind must come from within. He acts out of his own “free will”. At least that is what you need him to think, an impulse that feels right to him, but has been in fact triggered by you. For this to happen, you need to gain direct access to his brain, unknown to him, via a back entrance.
NegoLogic is not a cookbook; “take fifty grams of smart, mix it with an ounce of daring, and add a fine-chopped calculated risk....” If you expect this, I must disappoint you right here.
There will be certain paths to follow, but you must decide what size steps to take and which boots to wear because every situation and opponent is different. Your own personality must be allowed to play a major role too, because NegoLogic only works naturally, without your forcing yourself.
No matter who you find yourself up against, NegoLogic will become a natural part of you so it can be used in all kinds of negotiations against a wide variety of opposition. Your current methods will be replaced by unlimited choices based on whatever you are facing.
Battle of the buck
FOCUS: Buffers and faking financial climax
ELABORATE: If you are like the rest of us, you misrepresent your opening position on purpose based on your first impressions of the situation and your actual opponent. The more extreme his position appears, the higher you portray the difference between you. So you create a buffer based on first impressions and preconceived notions, just like the other party does with you. Nothing new there.
SOLUTION: We may be the nicest and most honest people otherwise, but during negotiations we all lie, or avoid telling the whole truth. This is not only likely, it is expected of us, otherwise we have not tried hard enough to win the Battle of the Buck.
This strange folk belief tells us to misrepresent our real position in a frail and unrealistic hope to fool the other party.
Example
Joe wants to sell his property and Bill is interested. The perfect beginning of any negotiation. Then they start dancing around the issue. Who will come up with the first number?
Why is that so important? The idea behind this hesitation is that the other person might surprise us pleasantly. For instance, Joe wishes Bill would start with three million while Bill himself does not want to risk losing the chance that maybe Joe wants to sell for just two. For that reason both appear reluctant to open fire.
When this situation becomes unbearable, one of them will start the proceedings. You have guessed already that the true value of the building is around 2.5 but both want to reserve a buffer. So they will start higher – 3 – and lower – 2 – than they really have in mind. So there is exactly one million separating the parties in the fake opening positions. The truth is that this amount may consist completely of buffer, and that both have the same price in mind.
If neither shows superior skills they will end up as expected, and strike a deal around 2.5. Time to celebrate! The anti-climax (for the precious few who can tell the difference) is that in fact they have accomplished absolutely nothing, as neither of them had to reconsider the price he already had in mind. The whole “negotiation” was song and dance.
During these predictable proceedings the buyer is likely to utter only negatives, while the seller seems blind and deaf to these arguments and only sees the positive sides to the real estate he wants to part with. They need to walk this weird and slightly irritating path in order for both of them to feel that they really tried their best.
By pointing out the windows are in bad shape Bill hopes that Joe will agree with him, and as a result, lower his price, but Joe is thinking that Bill will pay more if he keeps on hearing how nice the new parking lot is. Pigs will fly 747s before either of them changes his position on the basis of this arguing.
Welcome seven percent of the spoken word! Nobody listens any more, because they don’t like most of what they are hearing. If neither insults the other too much, they will deal despite their arguments. Both participants in this farce will give themselves credit for their great accomplishment and repeat the procedure next time. They have learnt nothing so their experience has zero value. Yet they feel they are accomplished negotiators, standing ready to advise others.
I met one of them recently. Talking about my work he looked at me in a funny way: “I don’t understand what you are teaching. I always buy for the lowest price...” The man was managing director of a company and self-appointed negotiator. Once in a long while I get someone like him in a training course and it is like explaining the colours in a movie to a blind person. He cannot even recognise the shapes or images but don’t get your hopes up of meeting many like him. An increasing percentage of professionals are aware of practical business psychology and you are on the road to joining them.
Slippery slopes
The person skiing backwards down the track will feel disoriented and confused. Sliding from an innocent conversation into negotiation has exactly the same effect. We don’t know where we are and have lost valuable ground that can never be regained.
There are no re-dos and failing to recognise the commercial implications is a costly affair. Sometimes it can close all lines of communication completely, making it impossible to move in any direction.
But see the next chapter for examples.
FOCUS: Ego rules!
ELABORATE: We pretend that the result is all that matters. This is not the case at all. Our ego is allowed to sit on the first row whenever we nEGOtiate.
SOLUTION: Everyone has a position worth defending. So long as we haven’t made any mistakes that are openly exposed we can keep our pride intact. The one factor playing a major role in negotiations is our precious ego. It is constantly in the way of reaching the best result. Above all, we want to appear smart and capable. This makes it so easy to charm anyone with unexpected messages that sound pleasant. Compliments are the secret path to Fort Knox.
Example
This man was angry with me because he did not like the tone of my email. Instead of allowing a war of words to escalate, I set up a meeting because I needed his office to represent me. First I let him cool down for two weeks – always a good idea. Of course I preferred hostile terrain – his office instead of mine. Here he felt at ease. That day I could almost feel the stress inside the building from the moment of entering.
After some talk about the awful traffic I started with the following words: “Now about our disagreement. The reason I wanted to speak to you today is that I never told you that I had my pick of people to work with but I chose you over the others because you represent the kind of qualities I find important in this business and in life itself. And I am not sorry that I did. Now that we have that out of the way, shall we talk about what is bothering you?”
Now this was over the top, I admit. An extreme test of my own material and I expected him to say that he had read my book and would not fall for this manipulation but, believe it or not, I never found out where his anger came from because it did not seem to matter any more. Mysteriously his problem had disappeared or maybe this is not so mysterious after all. When people feel insulted, they become angry. The more angry, the more personally they experience your unintended insult. Yet nothing is so serious that it cannot be overruled by a grand gesture.
When a deal seems impossible we look around to make up the difference, finding elements that are worth more to one party than to the other. That’s called a variable. In theory, the list of possibilities is extensive.
Example
If we stick to the example of the building and suppose that Bill really thinks the windows are so run down that the building needs new ones. In his head he will deduct the expense from his valuation so even if both go beyond their bottom line, they still cannot come to an agreement.
When, after days of standstill, Bill offers 2.2 and Joe goes all the way down to 2.4, they are still 100,000 apart that neither wants to give up, because Bill (in his mind) adds 300,000 to his 2.2, so his real offer is 2.5. He just fails to inform his counterpart, Joe.
Suppose Joe’s neighbour happens to be a contractor who has new windows in stock that he would like to sell for half price... then a variable has been born and the deal can now go through. It all hangs on one thing. Asking why.
If Joe does not ask that all-important question he will never be able to come up with the solution that is needed to close the deal. We will return to the pros and cons of variables later.
The outstanding result
FOCUS: How does one obtain an outstanding result?
ELABORATE: The word to remember is outstanding. You will distinguish yourself from others, who are satisfied with any result as long as their ego doesn’t get crushed in the process.
SOLUTION: To begin with, you, as an individual, must stand out from the crowd. You must appear outstanding, because everyone else seems satisfied with a mediocre result.
Tiny subliminal messages can accomplish this because exceptional people act... well, exceptionally.
The trick is convincing the other side to accept your most damaging facts, and they will not take that kind of information from just anyone. So if they remember just one person they met that day, week or year, make sure it’s you.
Our introduction is often rushed but I don’t see why. Later we may think about dominant or submissive handshakes. Most people know a firm handshake is the sign of a strong individual, period. There is much more to it and I could write a book about this segment alone but ... After shaking hands. Do you want coffee or tea?
Start here!
According to our prejudices, we separate coffee and tea people. The coffee drinker is more likely to move fast and may act nervous, or even aggressive. We suspect that the tea drinker has heart problems, or wears socks inside his sandals, and smokes pot. True or not, it does not matter. We all have slightly different notions depending on our upbringing and previous experiences.
Today you will not fit in ANY box
It is important that they cannot place you, because while they are looking, feeling, probing, and weighing every bit of your appearance… they will look and listen.
So I usually ask for special coffee, maybe double latte decaffeinated, or a certain fruit tea. They do not have it? Hum!
“Then just water please, no ice.” Or lots of ice, whatever you feel like. Within reason, be as difficult as you can. I promise that you can manage it.
At this stage they will expect easy answers because you do not want to be any bother, just match the wallpaper, so to speak. Most people blatantly disregard their own wishes when something big – like a major negotiation – is about to start. They are on hostile ground or a neutral place, still unfamiliar.. While you are picky at home, you won’t be when you are under pressure. When you display the same attitude as you would at home, the message under the surface is that the proceedings do not worry you in the least. You are just busy with your drink.
Show that you are completely calm and confident of the final outcome and I promise everyone will feel it. Either with this meeting, or with someone else, you will reach your desired result.
Make sure you dress to fit the image you want to create, but never wear recognizably inexpensive items unless as a joke, like a Mickey Mouse watch in combination with an expensive suit. You should not appear in need of money; this should not appear to be an issue for you. These are preconceived notions that we have to deal with. We cannot really change them, but we sure can take advantage.
Once this is established it means you deal because you want to be associated with these persons, their company. There is a clear compliment here that you have options but these people (whatever they stand for or hold dear) have earned your preference.
How about the weather?
Seemingly unimportant conversations have their place at the negotiation table as an introduction. It is considered unwise and in some cultures even impolite to just start proceedings with facts and figures. And rightly so. It puts too much importance on the deal instead of on the personal relationship even if there isn’t one at this early stage. People will never question why you respect them even if there is no way they could have earned it.
It is also a great way to gain valuable information about the person on the other side of the table. Beforehand and during breaks are the perfect moments to gain information that seemingly has no relevance to the case.
If your opponent is the first to talk about business, this can make him seem more eager, and for that reason you will find some people reluctant to do so. If after a period of small talk the conversation stalls, you may direct it towards your opening statement. It is not really a weakness, and may even be a sign of strength. The alternative is a non-starting negotiation.
Opening statement
Give a brief description of who you are and what you are doing, and how you view the current situation. Then let the other side take their turn and listen carefully, making notes as if all the spoken words were golden. Immediately you have created a subliminal tool: your pen. Now you can indicate they are being unreasonable by ceasing to write. Stronger action needed? Put the pen away; nothing they can say is worth writing down any more4.
Yet if during the meeting the atmosphere becomes strained or even hostile, don’t allow this to continue. Clear the air with a joke or a story, or break for coffee. If you do it right, everybody will be grateful for the intermission. Even real anger or aggression can be calmed by lifting everyone’s spirits and taking a break. If they are able to hold on to these emotions for too long you may assume they are faked or at least overacted.
Relaxed situations can be very revealing because the stress is lifted. But I must say something strange… there is a need for some stress in order for it to be lifted again. People get used to unchanging patterns, too much of anything and they lose attention.
Everyone will carry their own hopes and fears into the negotiation room. Using NegoLogic means that you fill up every lack you find.
Are they just laughing and talking, instead of paying attention? Then you may put on the pressure! Paint their worst-case scenario and tell them that they are already half way there. Force can be a tool, but use it sparingly and with care. Remember you can only pull out your gun once. The second time you are just looking foolish because if a threat5 doesn’t work the first time, it will certainly fail the second.
If they expect you to talk nervously, become a good listener and ask intelligent questions that are a bit daring to keep their attention focused. Positive posture and eye contact are vital.
Speak slowly and clearly, take slight pauses without boring anyone, just in order to make sure your words are connecting. Talking too fast, breaking off sentences, slurring words – all that is out of the question. Weighing every single word calms you down. Prepare and plan beforehand but remain flexible to changes if the situation calls for it. You can never spend too much time contemplating their next move and the reasoning behind it.
What comes out of your mouth does not have to be rocket science, but it must make sense and sound perfectly honest. Understate yourself so they will naturally assume you are more than you really are. Does that sound crazy? Crazy like a fox.
FACT 3: Understating means strength
During negotiations, while everyone is boasting and lying to some degree or another, I found that the individuals who understate their worth make the most powerful impression.
Here is the reason. A man with 100,000 or 250,000 in his bank account may say that he has unlimited funds, because for him it seems like a lot of money. Meanwhile, a multimillionaire is extremely unlikely to utter such words. He might reluctantly admit that he “has a bit of money”, because his concerns go in another direction. He doesn’t want the word to spread or to attract too much attention that would mean people asking or even demanding funds from him. Most importantly, he doesn’t feel the need to emphasize this fact of his life because that is what it is, a fact. The person selling fiction must try harder to convince himself, as well as you. That makes it easy for us to distinguish between the two. The one trying his hardest to make an impression is also the one faking it.
So when you really only have a bit of money and you say so, then everyone in business will automatically overestimate your worth.
Can you see why?
And this does not just apply to money, because the same goes for any subject like experience, travelling, contacts, etc. People who have been “all over the world” have often seen less than the ones who have just “travelled a bit”. Deep inside we all realise this on some level of consciousness, that makes understatement a most powerful tool.
It is lying by telling the truth
Words from modest people carry more weight because they understate their experience, accomplishments, and assets. Understating is not the same as underestimating, quite the opposite. Successful people act, walk, and talk differently than less successful ones.
This method becomes really effective when you mention something impressive and play it down. The listeners will automatically assume that you are used to much more, because that is the only possible reason, isn’t it?
Hey, what happens now? They are hanging on to your every word! No more seven percent or even thirty... almost all your words are being heard.
Why are we gaining all this attention, just by acting differently?
Because newborn humans are the most helpless among all species.
FOCUS: Humans are notoriously slow learners
It takes us years to stand on our feet, walk, and make ourselves understandable – feats that animals perform in a matter of hours.
We do not fare well in new situations, and that is the reason we are so fond of repeating any sequence of predictable movements over and over again.
ELABORATE: How do we get through everyday life? By repeating patterns. We get up, shower, dress, brush our teeth, and have breakfast, then go to work.
This is only managed rapidly because we follow the same routine in exactly the same order. We don’t need to stop and think about what comes next. Repetition is also comforting for us, and we get upset if that rhythm is disturbed. Often you can witness incredible outbursts of what is expressed as anger, but in reality is despair that comes from a feeling of being out-of-place, out-of-time or out-of-rhythm.
When we cried as babies, our mother made the cradle rock and the repetitive movement calmed us down. Rock to the left – we know what is coming next – the right. As adults we prefer stores where we already know where everything is. Travel for hours from east to west or the other way around, the McDonald’s interior is the same for good reasons. Even the smallest difference can make us look foolish which is always one of our greatest fears. That is why we prefer Starbucks, Burger King, Ikea to individual businesses, although they might be better or cheaper, because in the familiar places we do not need to think, and we cannot get it wrong.
Can you imagine a radio station playing only new songs, or seeing different programmes on television every single day? Every time Episode One? No, we, as the audience, want to see the same programming and the same familiar actors returning in other movies. We want to hear our favourite songs, see the same programmes and faces, over and over again. That is why celebrities are not allowed to age, and when they do we dump them.
SOLUTION: If repetition is so important for human beings, let’s take advantage of the fact. Using their own words in your replies to them shows that you have been listening and this is a compliment in itself. Some businessmen are starved of attention from the right source, from someone they respect. See how it all fits together? Because you act exceptionally your opinion suddenly matters.
FACT 4: We only give people our full attention before we box them in
FOCUS: Boxed in
We put people neatly in boxes inside our brain, wherever we think they belong. That means we only observe them well for a limited time in order to do so.
ELABORATE: I am not meaning to insult, but this is rather practical. Nobody has time to constantly keep on “placing” each new individual they meet. It is too much work and requires thinking – brain activity – that is needed elsewhere.
So we label them: the nerd, the athlete, the sex-bomb, the professor, and so on. We place them quickly in their box, and that is where they belong from then onwards.
Once people are placed, that is where we want them to stay. This makes our lives a whole lot easier.
Does anyone live in a country where the inhabitants of the neighbouring country are not “known” to be ignorant, unreliable, strange, or slow-witted? We all love these false securities; we need them like we need air, water, and food, because it makes us feel better about ourselves.
We certainly cannot get through life if we, on top of all our worries and interests, also need to constantly revalidate these personal “beliefs”.
Escaping the box
SOLUTION: How to stay outside the box
This means that we can easily put our opponents in unknown territory by acting in an unexpected manner. The moment we force them to think without the luxury of a safety net (past experiences) they are officially in trouble. All their attention is concentrated on that instant in time. That’s how easily this works.
So nobody will be insulted when I say that we all – as a species – are predictable in our actions, and never more so than during negotiations.
We are all proud, and must get the better of the deal, or at least be allowed to embrace the illusion.
I have never met a businessman who realised what a lousy negotiator he was. Everyone is proud of their negotiation skills, even if they are absolutely nothing to write home about.
So even when you know nothing about your opponent, you may assume that they will act predictably, trying to sell high and buy low. Pride will rule decisions. They will only mention weaknesses in your case, and strengths in theirs. That is the way things are.
Do we deal with people, or robots? We act as if we were robots, but carry human flaws that so far have been mostly ignored.
Here is precisely where the problem lies.
Predictability
FOCUS: The seller sees only positive aspects, while the buyer dwells on the negative
ELABORATE: Despite this, the buyer still wants to own what he does not seem to appreciate, or value properly. Meanwhile the seller seems to love whatever it is he wants to part with.
It just does not add up but we keep banging our heads against each other until one of us gives in, and walks away to cure his headache. In this way the argument itself becomes an issue and ends up outweighing what really matters, the outcome.
SOLUTION: The last thing we need is making it harder to close a deal. Every word we speak must have a reason behind it, yet this must never be obvious. If you do it to distract attention, then it is a valid move but there is no place for counterproductive reasoning.
Picking fruit from the garden of predictability
There are great advantages for deal makers who are able to determine what the other person will think. So we must make use of any predictability that comes along during negotiations, and there are so many.
When I buy something, I rarely like anyone’s price. Even if I did I wouldn’t admit it and when selling, I never accept anyone’s opening bid but we must realise that sellers often take their own position very serious
So what do you accomplish by talking negatively?
This should be your keyword: accomplish. It is a natural result of the decision that the outcome is more important than we are, because the more we speak, the more we water down the value of our words.
All too often people waste those precious moments of first attention. They are out of the window, never to return. There is great truth in the saying, ‘you can only make a good first impression once…’ on account of this “placing”.
From the very beginning we must deliver the right level of mixed messages to keep them guessing and watching, listening. We can only get our message across if they are eager to hear what we have to say.
