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How the Hell Did We Get Here?

A question many of us have asked ourselves as we fall into our assigned submissive roles as women

It has been a long time since we gained the right to vote, but are we any closer to being viewed with equal value? Has there been progress? Yes, there has been. Have there been setbacks? Well, duh!

Sometimes we are blinded by roles that have been passed down from generation to generation as acceptable. We have done so much to advance, but we are still limiting ourselves when we can’t see the worth of every individual. How are we going to get past color, race, sexual orientation, and religious belief if we can’t even get to the balance between his and her, yin and yang? Are we ready to open our eyes enough to see that we aren’t helping anyone by keeping someone else down? We don’t have to be against anyone. We can simply be for humanity. We are not in a competition to be better than anyone else. Our purpose is to be the best version of ourselves. So, I repeat, how the hell did we get here?

•Where are these beliefs about being less-than coming from?

•Where are we accepting unacceptable behavior?

•Are we communicating our feelings, or putting our energy into more of what we don’t want?

For women questioning faith…

Dear Spirit,

I don’t even know who is listening when I write this. Is it God? Is it a great void in the Universe? If there is a Being up there or in me somewhere, tell me, how the hell did we get here? I don’t even know what to call you anymore. I’m angry! I don’t know how in some cultures women are revered, and in others we are feared and kept small. I don’t get how people are still using religion as a tool against other people. Is that really what you want? Do you want people to feel more than or less than someone else? Am I supposed to love you or fear you? Am I supposed to love my neighbor or fear them? Am I supposed to love myself or not think of myself at all? It is so confusing. If I don’t understand where you stand, how am I possibly supposed to understand how to treat myself and others? Everything seems to be for or against; love or fear. If I have so much confusion with you, how am I not supposed to be confused dealing with other humans?

I can’t love and fear you at the same time. That is not peace. I can’t feel peace inside me if I’m in a constant battle about what you represent in my life and how to honor you and my fellow humans. My internal battle starts with my not understanding you.

Spiritually Lost

For women who are enraged by other women’s actions…

Dear Women-Bashing Women,

Now I feel like I have really seen it all. How do we expect men not to be against us when so many of us are against each other? You don’t agree with my parenting style—don’t do it! You don’t agree with my hairstyle—don’t get it done! You don’t like my clothes—don’t wear them! You don’t like what my life looks like—don’t choose to live like me! Even over all that, what really has me the most enraged is the women who are criticizing the brave women coming forward reporting abuse and harassment. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? REALLY?!?!

Who are you to say anything to a woman that brave? You should be thanking her. She is contributing to stopping a cycle, so it stops getting passed down from generation to generation. Our daughters won’t have to suffer as we did. Our daughters’ daughters will suffer less than they did. Then, at some point, girls won’t feel like they have to shut up and be quiet when a man tries to take advantage of them.

Just because you may have put up with it and it doesn’t bother you, that doesn’t mean that anyone who feels differently shouldn’t voice it. I won’t put up with any abuse so that you can feel comfortable. I’m done with women like you thinking you are representing the majority of women. You are for abuse if you can belittle a woman for coming forward. You are against women’s rights.

I’m sorry if you put up with this from parents, boyfriends, and/or husbands, but REALLY, do you think other women should have to shut up and be silent? Is that really what you think? These women aren’t whining. They finally have a place to raise their voices and say what they have been dying to say.

These are the women who would embrace you if you needed it, and you are turning your back on them. What are you hiding from? What is creating that dark wall inside you that can make you act so cruel? Do you really feel that little inside that you need to tear another woman down?

A Brave Woman’s Friend

For those who are fed up with the negativity on social media…

Dear Social Media Users,

Really? I mean REALLY! I’m at the point where I can’t stand social media anymore. We have spiritual beliefs and somehow, by practicing prayer, we are insulting others. If we are members of a minority and speak up, others may assume we are trying to represent our whole culture instead of just expressing our personal beliefs. Can’t we have our own personal opinions without it turning into a war? Christianity can’t agree on everything from church to church. Doctors don’t always agree on how to treat people. A man can’t be the voice of ALL men. A woman can’t be the voice of ALL women. We are each individuals who accomplish great things and make mistakes. We sometimes say things out of ignorance. It doesn’t mean we are sexist, racist, anti-gay, anti-religion, right-wing, left-wing, or anti-men.

Why are we so quick to judge instead of asking questions? If we see something we don’t like, why do we have to attack before we find out what was really happening? Why do we like to judge people and situations so negatively so fast? Now, I’m not saying that, if someone makes a completely racist or sexist comment, we shouldn’t call it out. And we do that by asking if that is what they meant and then educating them if they were just being ignorant.

But what I’m witnessing is that we are full of so much anger. I’m watching people spew out hate in responses to sometimes innocent or maybe ignorant people sharing a moment on social media. When did we become such a shaming society? Is that what social media brought us? Have we been being groomed for this? Are the haters really the majority?

A Terrified Me

Are You Uncomfortable Yet?

The question that will lead some to avoidance, denial, and addictions and others, who are ready to face all the darkness, to awareness, acceptance, and positive action

Here’s where we need to be careful and often get stuck. A flame is ignited inside us by injustice. We’re angry and frustrated and we want change. We react in our pain states. We make rash decisions, not considering the whole. We actually feed our negativity into honorable causes. People end up knowing what you are against, but not what you are for. This will continue as long as the message is driven by fear, anger, rage, and resentment. If what you are reading is making you squirm, good! Squirming is what the caterpillar does before it transforms into a butterfly. Now is the time to get uncomfortable. There has been an invisible barrier keeping women at a certain level. We are getting ready to shatter it. The question is: Are you ready?

This stage can be painful for women who have experienced trauma. It can also be painful for men who treated women as less-than without thinking anything of it. The role of villain may seem obvious, but some of these men are unconscious of what they are actually doing. When they are forced to open their eyes, the shame and guilt spiral can take them down. Whether a person is the perpetrator or the victim, some will use drugs, eat, drink, shop, gamble, and/or become relationship junkies, to name a few escape mechanisms. They will do these things so that they don’t have to feel through the pain. During these painful times, we will question our spirituality and core beliefs. We can’t pretend the questioning isn’t there.

Some of women’s biggest champions are men who have made horrible mistakes in devaluing women. Let’s give people a chance to change before we attack. Some of the most vicious personal attacks on women come from other women who are caught in some sort of cycle of denial of their own truth. As we get stronger, we become clearer. Come on, part of being empowered women is trusting our instincts. Don’t let rage cloud one of our greatest gifts.

I know it’s uncomfortable, but it’s important for our growth as conscious humans. We can’t stay in the dark about where people are and where we are. This is a step in the transformation to becoming empowered women. Get in the dirt and FEEL through it. If we ever want to get healthy, we must process the deeply buried feelings first. When it comes to personal, communal, and environmental growth, we must get uncomfortable. When we get uncomfortable, we move and we shift. That is how we shatter the status quo.

Struggle to look in the mirror…

Dear Me,

I hate you. Why are you so stupid? Why did you let him do this to you again? Why can’t you stand up for yourself? Why are you such a doormat? You keep giving and giving and now you are empty. What else do you have? No one wants you. You can’t do anything right.

You mess up everything! Look at you! Standing in the mirror, I see your cellulite, and your stomach jiggles more than Jell-O. How do you expect someone to even want to see you naked? People have no idea the person you really are. Okay, put on that fake smile again. Maybe they won’t notice how you have to drink and eat yourself to sleep every night because you’re so miserable.

You are always talking about your problems. You need to distract others from how pathetic your life is. You are constantly on defense. You hate your life. Life hates you. I hate feeling this way about you. I want to understand how you got here. Why do you keep attracting men who treat you horribly and women who backstab you? When did you stop being happy? Were you ever happy? How do I stop hating you?

A Broken Me

Tired of feeling triggered…

Dear God,

I really don’t like people anymore. I could once look at everyone with a neutral face. Back then, I didn’t have a problem with what politician people sided with. I could even see their prejudices with compassion, because those came from the way they were raised. Lately, however, my compassion is wavering. I never thought that would happen. How did I get here?

I have worked so hard not to be against another person or group. I’m not perfect, but it has been a very long time since one person’s character could trigger an internal rage so deep that it makes me want to step out and do something. I can’t stand the person I’m becoming. I feel angry all the time, and the smallest altercation makes me want to scream my head off.

The problem is that I know without a shadow of doubt that what I fight against, I make stronger. I’ve heard this message over and over, starting with the famous quote by Mother Teresa: “I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.” I don’t know why some quotes stay with you for a lifetime, but that one has.

I never wanted to be against men, because I believe in the value of women. That is why what is happening now is really bothering me. I don’t want to be against the voters who see value in another human being. I know that even in the chaos there is value. Yet, I still find myself here. I feel more and more prejudices seeping in. I don’t want to live with so much anger inside me.

I don’t want to go in to work feeling like I’m viewed as less than for being a woman. I don’t want to judge men who have been recognized for their achievements. I don’t want to feel like I must be polite when I’ve been violated. I don’t want to feel the double standard of roles in relationships. I don’t want to be filled with this angry energy all the time. God, Divine, Universe, Angels, Buddha, Jesus, Allah, Source, and/or Great Spirit, whatever name I need to call you to make this pain go away, please save me! Please show me the way to make the changes I want to see instead of focusing all my energy on what I don’t want in my life. Please, heal the hate in my heart and show me a better way to live. Help me become a better me.

A Hopeful Me

What Do I Do Now?

What if there was a way for someone to guide you through the steps of becoming the best version of yourself? Okay, maybe it won’t be easy, but I’m here, right here in the trenches with you. Let’s really let the crud surface. It’s there anyway, buried deep inside, destroying your foundation. We can’t build a solid house if you aren’t willing to fix your foundation. If you keep trying to build with a foundation full of rage, anger, fear, and hate, you will keep triggering explosions and destroying your progress. Let’s work together to bring it up gently, and clean up your foundation so you can build something beautiful that will last. Here’s where we begin:

Deep breaths. Fully breathe in to the count of five and exhale to the count of five. Do this three times. Take a second; sit with the emotions that are stirring inside you. Remember to fully exhale when you feel something triggering you. Don’t hold your breath. This breathing practice gives us the space we need to open our minds to awareness of our own feelings, thoughts, and perspectives.

Drink a lot of water. You are cleansing a lot of toxic energy running through your body. If you drink a lot of water, it will help you stay physically and emotionally hydrated. This process can take a lot out of you. Think of it as cleaning your pathways. Visualize the water opening your heart as it runs through you.

Letter writing. Use the technique in this book to help you be honest and get out all your anger, fear, rage, frustration, gratitude, acceptance, and understanding of yourself and others.

•If you are judging other women, write about it!

•If you are bashing yourself, put it all on paper!

•If you are hating on men, scream it out!

•If you have underlying prejudices against others, preach it.

Get it out so you can see the darkness you’re carrying around. You don’t have to share these with anyone, but make sure you hold onto them for the duration of the book. The darkness lurking within is what you are projecting onto the world. The first step in healing it is seeing it. Take responsibility for what you are putting out there! Part I is about seeing what is going on inside honestly. Don’t sugar-coat it!

Watch how the letters transform throughout the book and become more powerful and feed the empowered woman you are. I found this to be one of my biggest transformation tools. Letter writing changed my life and my relationships. Writing things in this form is like writing up a contract and signing it. I am committed to become a better me.

Journal. Write about anything that stirs you up while you’re reading this book. It can be something in your daily life or in the book itself. Knowing what your triggers are is the first step toward taking back your power and becoming the empowered woman. If you don’t know your triggers, you aren’t in control of your feelings, thoughts, perspectives, actions, and reactions. Just keep writing. If a topic that makes you squirm isn’t in here, write about it yourself. Get it out, get ugly, and get dirty. Most of all—get real. Be conscious of what you are putting out there. Part I is not for you to read and go out and spew your pain to the world. Part I is about taking off your blinders, reflecting, and getting real with your pain. When you think about the feelings and thoughts you are projecting, ask yourself:

•Is that really what you want?

•Are you in a place of love or fear right now?

•What feelings are coming up as you sit quietly?

Book buddy. Book buddies help you stay committed to the process. Read the book together and do the exercises. If you choose the book-buddy route, be careful whom you choose. You want someone whose goals for personal and spiritual growth are similar to yours. You will fuel each other. Are you fueling the light inside your heart, or is one of you wanting to burn things down and create more darkness? One route will create more love in the world, and the other will create more hate. You have to feel comfortable to be completely vulnerable with the person or people you partner with. You want someone who is on the journey to bring out her empowered woman too.

For the remainder of the book, you will be given the option to go deeper with a variety of exercises. These exercises are designed to help you to go as deep as you are willing to go. The deeper you go, the greater your transformation. This is your journey! Think of it as creating a garden. You will need to get the soil ready, pick and choose the seeds you want to plant, pull weeds, and nurture your garden to reach its greatest potential. You will get back what you put into it. You get to decide how amazing you want your garden to be. First you have to prepare the foundation and clean up the toxic muck lying beneath the surface. Are you ready?