Читать книгу One Summer At The Ranch: The Wyoming Cowboy / A Family for the Rugged Rancher / The Man Who Had Everything - Rebecca Winters, Christine Rimmer - Страница 12
ОглавлениеTracy heard it. In fact, she heard and saw so many things already, she was starting to experience turmoil. Johnny was eating up all the attention Carson showered on him. It would continue nonstop until next Saturday when they flew home.
With all their own family and work responsibilities, none of Johnny’s uncles could give him this kind of time. Not even Tony had spent every waking hour with their son in the due course of a day. No father did, unless they were on vacation. Even then there were other distractions.
Few fathers had the skills or showed the infinite patience of this ex-marine rancher who seemed to be going above and beyond any expectations. He had to be a dream come true for her son, who’d been emotionally starving for a male role model since Tony’s death.
When she’d accepted the invitation to come to the ranch, she hadn’t realized these former soldiers would spend their own personal time this way. She had assumed the ranch staff would offer activities to entertain them. Period.
This was different.
Carson was different.
By giving Johnny that photo of his father, Carson had formed a bond with her son that wasn’t going to go away. Carson might not see what was happening, but every moment invested for Johnny’s sake increased her son’s interest.
Tracy couldn’t allow that to happen. Before long they’d be leaving this place, never to return. Johnny was still dealing with his father’s death. They didn’t need another crisis after they got home. She had to do something quickly to fix things before he got too attached to this incredible man. Tracy had to acknowledge that, so far, he was incredible, which was exactly what made her so uneasy.
While he’d driven them around the breathtaking property, giving them fruit and water, she’d sat in the back of the Jeep planning what she would say to Carson when she could get him alone. Another lesson at the corral after dinner was not an option.
Tonight after they’d eaten, she and Johnny would watch a movie in their cabin until he fell asleep. Then she’d phone Carson and have an important talk with him. Once he understood her concerns, he would make certain his partners spent equal time with Johnny. By the time he pulled up in front of their cabin to let them out, she felt more relaxed about her decision.
“I kept you longer than planned, but we’re still in time for lunch.”
Johnny looked up at him. “What are you going to have, Carson?”
“I think a grilled cheese sandwich and a salad.”
“Me, too.”
Since when? Tracy mused.
Carson tipped his Stetson. “See you two inside.”
She slid out, not wanting to analyze why what he just did gave her a strange feeling in her tummy, as Johnny was wont to say. “Come on, honey. Don’t forget your mustang.”
To her relief, Carson drove off. “Let’s use the restroom first, then maybe we’ll find some other kids and you can play with them.”
A few minutes later they entered the dining room. Ross was seated at a larger table with some tourists, including a couple of children. He waved her over. “Come and sit with us, Tracy. We’re all going to do some more fishing after we eat and hope you’ll join us.”
Bless you, Ross.
“Johnny? Meet Sam Harris, who’s seven, and Rachel Harris, who’s nine. They’re from Florida. This is Johnny Baretta from Ohio. He’s six.”
“I’m almost seven!”
Tracy smiled. “That’s true. Your birthday is in a month.” He’d be one of the older ones in his class in the fall.
After they sat down, Ross finished introducing her to Monica and Ralph Harris, who were marine biologists. The Tetons had to be a complete change of scenery for them, too.
Soon the waitress came over and took everyone’s order. Carson still hadn’t come. Tracy knew Johnny was looking for him.
Sam, the towheaded boy, glanced at Johnny. “How long are you here for?”
“A week.”
“Same here. Then our parents have to get back to work.”
“Oh.”
“Where’s your dad?” Rachel asked.
Johnny had faced this question many times, but Tracy knew it was always painful for him. “He died in the war.”
“That’s too bad,” she said, sounding genuinely sad. “Do you like to fish?”
“My dad took me a couple of times.”
“We’ll catch our limit this afternoon,” Ross chimed in, no doubt anxious to change the topic of conversation.
By the time lunch arrived, Carson had come into the dining room and walked over to their table, but he didn’t sit down. Ross introduced him to everyone while they ate. “Mr. Lundgren’s great-great-grandfather purchased this land in 1908 and made it into the Teton Valley Ranch.”
“The ranch house was a lot smaller than this in the beginning,” Carson informed them.
“You’re sure lucky to live here,” Sam uttered.
“We’re lucky you came to visit.”
Carson always knew the right thing to say to make everyone feel good.
“To my regret, something’s come up and I won’t be able to join you this afternoon, but Ross is an expert and will show all of you where to catch the biggest fish. When you bring them in, we’ll ask the cook to fix them for your dinner. There’s no better-tasting trout than a German brown.”
“He ought to know,” Ross interjected. “He was fishing the Snake with his grandpa when he was just a toddler.”
Everyone laughed except Johnny, who’d become exceptionally quiet.
“Enjoy your day. See you later,” Carson said. His glance included Tracy and Johnny before he hurried out of the dining room.
“Where’s he going?” her son whispered.
“I don’t know, honey.” Something had come up. Though he’d shown nothing tangible, she’d felt his tension. “He runs this ranch with his friends and has a lot of other things to do.” Thank heaven.
“Do we have to go fishing?” He’d only eaten half of his grilled cheese and didn’t touch the green salad, which was no surprise.
“Yes.” Her automatic instinct had been to say no, because she was afraid to push him too hard. But right now she decided to take the psychologist’s advice and practice a little tough love. “It’ll be fun for both of us. I’ve never been fly fishing and want to try it.”
“Okay,” he finally muttered. At least he hadn’t fought her on it. “But I bet I don’t catch one.”
“I bet you do. Think how fun it will be to phone your grandparents tonight and tell them everything.”
This was the way their vacation was supposed to be. Doing all sorts of activities with different people. Unfortunately, Carson had gotten there first and had spoiled her son. Nothing and no one was more exciting than he was, even Tracy recognized that.
Ross got up from the table. “I’ll bring the van in front and we’ll go.” He came around to her side. “Is everything all right?” He’d assumed there’d been a hard moment at the table for Johnny. He’d assumed correctly, but for the wrong reason. She couldn’t tell Ross what was really going on inside Johnny, not when these wonderful marines were doing everything in their power to bring her son some happiness.
She smiled at him. For once this wasn’t about Tony, or Johnny’s sensitivity to a child’s question. This was about Carson. “Everything’s fine. Honestly. See you in a minute.”
Sam got out of his chair and came over to Johnny, who was putting another roll of caps into his mustang. “Where did you get that cap gun?”
“In Jackson. Carson took us.”
He turned to his parents. “Can we go into town and buy one?”
“I want one, too,” Rachel chimed in.
Their mother gave Tracy that “what are you going to do?” look. Tracy liked her. “Maybe after we’re through fishing.”
Tracy took her son aside. “Why don’t you go out front and let them shoot your gun for a minute?”
“Do I have to?”
“No, but it’s a good way to make friends, don’t you think?”
A big sigh escaped. “I guess.” He turned to Sam. “Do you guys want to try shooting some caps outside?”
“Heck, yes!”
They both ran out and Rachel followed. Tracy walked over to the parents who thanked her.
“I’m glad Johnny has someone to play with. After dinner we could all drive into town and take you to the Boot Corral. You can get a cap gun and cowboy hats there, in fact, everything Western.”
“That’s a wonderful idea!”
“I’m afraid my son would sleep in all his gear and new cowboy boots if I let him.”
Both Harrises grinned as they headed out of the dining room for the foyer. “This is a fabulous place,” Ralph commented. “I wish we could stay a month.”
Tracy understood how he felt. She was grateful his children would be here for Johnny. If she could drum up enough activities that included them until they flew home, maybe a talk with Carson wasn’t necessary. She needed to let things play out naturally before she got paranoid. No doubt other families with children would be staying here, too, and her worries would go away.
The next time Johnny brought up Carson’s name, she’d impress upon him that the owner of the ranch had too many responsibilities to be on hand all hours of the day.
Unfortunately, his name surfaced after their wonderful trout dinner when they’d all decided to go into town and do some shopping.
“I don’t want to go, Mom. Carson’s going to give me another lesson on Goldie.”
“But he’s not here, honey. We’ll have to wait until tomorrow. Tell you what. After we get back from town, you and the kids can go swimming. How does that sound?”
He thought about it for a minute before he said, “Okay.” Convincing him was like pulling teeth, but he liked the Harris children well enough to give in.
As it turned out, once they were back from town loaded with hats, guns and more ammo than they could use in a week, they realized it was too cool outside to swim. Monica suggested they play Ping-Pong in the game room off the dining room.
Tracy agreed and told Johnny to go along with them. She’d come back to the ranch house as soon as she’d freshened up. When she walked in the bedroom for their jackets, her cell phone rang. She checked the caller ID. It had to be her mother-in-law calling.
“Hello, Sylvia?”
“No, it’s Natalie. We came over for dinner before we leave on our trip in the morning. I’m using her phone to call because I can’t find mine. How are you doing by now? Or, more to the point, how’s Giovanni? Is he begging to go back home? I’ve wondered how he would handle things. I guess you realize our father-in-law is worried about him.”
That was no news. Since Tony’s death, his father had tried to step in as father and grandfather.
“If you want to know the truth, things are going so well it’s got me scared.”
“What do you mean?”
“Mr. Lundgren might be a former marine, but he’s the owner of this ranch and is this amazing cowboy who’s showing Johnny the time of his life. My son has a new hero.”
“Already?”
“I’m afraid so. You wouldn’t recognize him.”
“Why afraid?”
“That was a wrong choice of words.”
“I don’t think so. How old is this guy?”
Natalie always got to the crux. “Maybe twenty-nine, thirty. I don’t know.”
“Is he a hunk?”
“Nat—”
“He is!”
“Listen. I’d love to talk more, but I don’t have time. This nice couple with two children is watching out for Johnny in the game room and he’s waiting for me.”
“You mean he’s playing on his own without you?”
“I know that sounds unbelievable. In a nutshell, he’s had his first horseback ride on the most beautiful golden pony you’ve ever seen, and he’s in love with her.”
“Her?”
“He named her Goldie. You should see him riding around in the saddle like a pro, all decked out in Western gear and a cowboy hat. We’ll bring the same outfit home for Cory.”
“You actually got him over his fear long enough to ride a horse?” She sounded incredulous. Tracy understood. Since Tony’s death, Johnny showed reluctance to try anything new.
“Mr. Lundgren gave him his first lesson.”
“How did he accomplish that?”
Tracy told her about the photo of his father Carson had given him at the airport. “That was the magic connection that built his trust.”
“You’re right. He sounds like some wonderful guy. What’s his wife like?”
Tracy gripped the phone tighter. “He’s not married. Now, I really have to go. Have a great time on your trip to New York. We’ll talk when I get back. Give our love to the family. Ciao, Nat.”
There were no words to describe the ex-marine that would do him justice, so it was better not to try. No sooner had she disconnected than the phone on the bedside table started ringing. She assumed it was the front desk calling. Maybe it was Monica. She picked up. “Hello?”
“Hi, Tracy. It’s Carson. Am I disturbing you?”
His deep voice rumbled through her. She sank down on her twin bed. After discussing him with Natalie, she needed the support. “Not at all. I was just on my way over to the ranch house to play Ping-Pong with the others.”
“That sounds fun,” he said before he started coughing. “I’m sorry about today. I’d fully intended to take you fishing and give Johnny another horseback riding lesson.”
She gripped the phone a little tighter. “Please don’t worry about that. Ross did the honors. Even I caught a twelve-incher. It was my first time fly fishing. I must admit it was a real thrill to feel that tug and reel it in.”
“How did it taste?”
“Absolutely delicious.”
“That’s good,” he murmured before coughing again.
She moistened her lips nervously for no good reason. “I take it you had to deal with an emergency.”
“You could say that. A couple of college kids out backpacking in the forest didn’t do a good enough job of putting out their campfire. It took several crews of rangers and forest service workers to keep it from spreading too far onto ranch property.”
Her breath caught. That was why she’d felt his tension at the table. “How much did it burn?”
“Only a few acres this time.”
“This time?”
“It happens every year.” Suddenly he was hacking again. “Some fires are more devastating than others.”
“Does that mean you were breathing smoke all day?”
“No. I rounded up the hands and drove them to the fire in shifts, but I took oxygen with me.”
“Even so, you shouldn’t have been near there with your problem,” she said before she realized her voice was shaking.
“There was no one else to do the job. Undeserving as I am, I have to try to save what my grandfather willed to me.”
She got to her feet. “What do you mean by undeserving?”
“Forget my ramblings. It slipped out by accident.”
“And I heard it, which means you inhaled too much smoke today and don’t feel well. You ought to be in bed.”
“A good night’s sleep is all I need. I’ll let you go so you can join your son. It would be better not to tell him about the fire.”
“Agreed.” She couldn’t let him hang up yet. “Carson, how long were you in the hospital?”
“About five weeks. From the end of January to the beginning of March.”
“Were you all suffering from the same illness?”
“On our ward, yes.”
His cough worried her. “Are you getting better?”
“We’re certainly better than we were when we were flown in.”
“I mean, are you going to get well?”
“We don’t know.”
She frowned. “You mean the doctor can’t tell you?”
“Not really. They’re doing studies on us. The day before we left the hospital, a general came to talk to us about asking Congress for the funding to help our cause.”
“The Congress doesn’t do enough,” she muttered.
“Well, at least he came to our floor and said he’s rooting for us, so that’s better than nothing.”
“Then you could have a lifelong ailment.”
“That’s right, but we can live with it, even if no one else can. The ranch house gets pretty noisy when the three of us have a coughing fit together.”
He tried to make light of it, but she wasn’t laughing. “You’re very brave.”
“If you want to talk brave, let’s talk about your husband. Why did he join the Marines?”
“His best friend went into the military and got killed by friendly gunfire. It tore Tony apart. He decided to join up to finish what his friend had started. We were already married, but I could tell he wanted it more than anything. We were lucky to go to Japan together before he was deployed to Afghanistan. It doesn’t happen often that a marine can go there with his wife.”
“You’re right.”
“During 9/11 I saw those firefighters run into those torched buildings and I wondered how they did it. Then I met Tony and understood. It’s in his genes, I guess.”
“Those genes saved lives, Tracy. That’s why you can’t talk about him in the same breath you talk about me and the guys. We’re no heroes.”
But they were.
“You shouldn’t have gone near that fire today.”
“That’s the second time you’ve said it.”
“I’m sorry. Johnny’s been worried about you, too.”
“Tracy,” he said in a deep voice, “I appreciate your concern more than you know. I haven’t had anyone worry about me in a long time. Thanks for caring. We’ll see each other at breakfast. Good night.”
He hung up too fast for her to wish him the same. Afraid he’d be up all night coughing, she knew that if she didn’t hurry to the game room she’d brood over his condition. And his state of mind, which was none of her business and shouldn’t be her concern. But to her chagrin, she couldn’t think about anything else on her way to the ranch house.
* * *
CARSON HAD MEDICATED himself before going to bed, but he woke up late Sunday morning feeling only slightly better. It wasn’t just his physical condition due to the smoke he’d inhaled the day before, despite the oxygen. When he’d phoned Tracy last night, he hadn’t realized how vulnerable he’d been at the time. His sickness had worn him down and caused him to reveal a little of his inner turmoil, something he regretted.
She was a guest on the ranch. He was supposed to be helping to lift her burden for the week instead of talking about himself.
He grabbed his cell phone to call his ranch foreman and get an update on the progress with the fencing in the upper pasture. After they chatted for a few minutes, he dragged his body out of bed to shower and shave.
Once dressed, he walked through the ranch house to the kitchen and poured himself some coffee. He talked to the cook and kitchen help while he drank it, then entered the dining room and discovered a few guests still eating, but no sign of Tracy or Johnny. Ross would know what was going on.
Carson went to the office, but the place was empty. Since Buck wouldn’t be back until lunchtime, he headed for the foyer to talk to Susan. “How’s everything going?”
“Great!”
“Have you seen Ross?”
“Yes. Another couple of groups went fishing with him. Did you know that by this evening we’ll be all booked up?”
“That’s the kind of news I like to hear.”
Like most ranches, the cattle operation on the Teton Valley Ranch had little, if any, margin. But the value of the land kept rising faster than the liability from raising cattle. It was either sell the hay, grass and cows to someone else, or borrow on the land when the market was down. In time he hoped the dude ranch idea would bring in its own source of revenue.
“Johnny Baretta was asking about you this morning. He can’t wait for another horseback riding lesson.”
That news pleased him even more. “Do you have any idea where he and his mother might be?”
“I heard him and the Harris children talking about going swimming. You should have seen how cute they all looked in their cowboy outfits when they came in for breakfast.”
“I can imagine. Talk to you later.”
He walked outside and headed around the other side of the house to the pool area. The swimming pool had been Buck’s idea and was a real winner for children and people who simply wanted to laze about. The kids’ shouts of laughter reached his ears before he came upon the two families enjoying the water.
“Carson!”
Johnny’s shriek of excitement took him by surprise and touched him. “Hey, partner.”
The boy scrambled out of the pool and came running over to him. Above his dark, wet hair he saw Tracy’s silvery-gold head as she trod water. Their eyes met for a brief moment, causing a totally foreign adrenaline rush. “Can we go horseback riding now?”
“That’s the plan,” he said before breaking the eye contact.
Like clockwork, the other two children hurried over to him dripping water. “Will you take us riding, too?”
He chuckled. It brought on another coughing spell. “Of course. Anyone who wants a lesson, meet me at the corral in fifteen minutes!” he called out so the parents would hear him. They waved back in acknowledgment. As he turned to leave, he heard Rachel ask Johnny why Carson coughed so much.
“Because he breathed all this bad stuff in the war.”
“What kind of stuff?” Sam wanted to know.
“Smoke and other junk.”
“Ew. I hope I never have to go.”
“I wish my dad had never joined the Marines.” Johnny’s mournful comment tore Carson apart.
He hurried back inside the ranch house to grab a bite of breakfast in the kitchen. While he downed bacon and eggs, he phoned Bert and asked him to start saddling Goldie and two of the other ponies.
After they hung up, he packed some food and drinks in a basket. In a minute, he left through the back door and placed the basket in the back of the truck, then climbed in. The interior still smelled of acrid smoke.
If the kids wanted some fun after their lesson, he’d let them get in the back and he’d drive them to the pasture to see the cattle. When he’d been a boy, he’d enjoyed walking around the new calves and figured they would, too.
When he reached the barn, he saddled Annie, but held off getting more horses ready for the Harrises. They might not want to ride, only watch their children.
Another lesson for Tracy and her son ought to be enough for them to take a short ride down by the Snake River tomorrow. With enough practice, they’d be able to enjoy half-day rides around the property.
If Johnny could handle it, they’d camp out in the Bridger-Teton forest where there were breathtaking vistas of the surrounding country. Even if the journey would be bittersweet, he longed to show them his favorite places. Since joining the Marines, he hadn’t done any of this.
Once Annie’s bridle was on, he grasped the reins and walked her outside to the corral where Bert had assembled the ponies. In the distance, he saw the children running along the dirt road toward them. All three were dressed in their cowboy outfits.
Johnny reached him first. “Do you think Goldie missed me?”
“Why don’t you give her forelock a rub and find out?”
Without hesitation he approached the golden palomino. “Hi, Goldie. It’s me.” He reached out to touch her. The pony nickered and nudged him affectionately. “Hey—” He turned to Carson. “Did you see that? She really likes me!”
While Burt grinned, Carson burst into laughter. It ended in a coughing spasm, but he didn’t care. “She sure does.”
“I’m going to feed her some oats.” Seizing the reins without fear, he walked her over to the feed bag.
Knowing Bert would keep an eye on him, Carson approached the fence. Beneath the brim of his Stetson, his gaze fell on Tracy whose damp hair was caught back with a hair band. This morning she wore a tangerine-colored knit top and jeans her beautiful figure did amazing things for. “Are you ready for your next lesson?”
“I think so.” Her smoky green eyes smiled at him before she entered the corral.
“Would you like some help mounting?”
“Thank you, but I’d like to see if I can do this on my own first.”
This was the second time she hadn’t wanted him to get too close. The first time he might have imagined it, but the second time led him to believe she was avoiding contact. He forced himself to look at the Harrises, who’d just come walking up.
“Should I ask Bert to saddle some horses for you?”
They shook their heads. Ralph leaned over the fence. “We’ve been riding before. Right now, we just want to see how the kids do.”
“Understood.” He turned to Johnny. “Hey, partner—why don’t you help me show Rachel and Sam what you do before you get on.”
“Sure! Which pony do you guys want?”
“That was a good question to ask them, Johnny.”
Sam cried, “Can I have the brown one with the black tail?”
“Bruno is a great choice.”
“I like the one with the little ears and big eyes. It’s so cute.”
Carson nodded. “That dappled gray filly is all yours, Rachel. Her name is Mitzi.”
The children loved the names.
“Okay, Johnny. What do they do now?”
“They have to rub their noses so the ponies will know they like them.”
The next few minutes were pure revelation as Tracy’s son took the kids through the drill, step by step, until they were ready to mount.
Ridiculous as it was, Carson felt a tug on his emotions because Johnny had learned his lesson so quickly and was being such a perfect riding instructor. He glanced at Tracy several times. Without her saying anything, he knew she was bursting with motherly pride.
Soon all four of them were astride their horses. They circled the corral several times and played Follow the Leader in figure eights, Johnny’s idea. Carson lounged against the fence next to the Harrises, entertained by the children who appeared to be having a terrific time. Since Tracy rode with them, Carson had a legitimate reason to study her without seeming obvious.
He threw out a few suggestions here and there, to help them use their reins properly, but for the most part, the lesson was a big success. Eventually he called a halt.
“It’s time for a rest,” he announced and was met with sounds of protest. “Bert will help you down. I know it’s fun, but you need a break and so do the ponies. I’ll give you another lesson before dinner. Right now, I thought you might like to ride to the upper pasture with me and see some Texas Longhorns.”
Johnny looked perplexed. “What are those?”
“Beef cattle.”
“We’re not in Texas!” Sam pointed out.
“Nope, but they were brought from there to this part of the country years ago. Want to get a look at the herd?”
“Yeah!” they said with a collective voice.
He turned to the Harrises. “I’ll bring them back for lunch. You can come along, or you’re welcome do something else.”
Ralph smiled. “If you don’t mind, I think we’d like to take a walk.”
“Good. Then we’ll meet you back at the ranch around one o’clock.”
While they talked to their children about being on their best behavior, Carson walked over to Tracy who’d once again gotten off her horse without assistance. “Are you going to ride with us?”
“Please, Mom?” Johnny’s brown eyes beseeched her.
Apparently she had reservations. Maybe she hadn’t been around other men since her husband’s funeral and didn’t feel comfortable with him or any man yet. Operating on that assumption he said, “I was going to let the kids ride in the truck bed. If you’re with them, you can keep a close eye on what goes on. Those bales of hay will make a good seat for you.”
She averted her eyes. “That ought to be a lot of fun.”
Johnny jumped up and down with glee. “Hey, guys—we’re going to ride in the back of the truck!” The other two sounded equally excited.
Pleased she’d capitulated, Carson walked over to the truck and lowered the tailgate. One by one he lifted the children inside. Before she could refuse him, he picked her up by the waist and set her down carefully. Their arms brushed against each other in the process, sending warmth through his body. After she scrambled to her feet, he closed the tailgate and hurried around to the cab.
With his pulse still racing, he started the engine and took off down the road, passing the Harrises. The children sat on the bales and clung to the sides of the truck while they called out and waved. Through the truck’s rear window, Carson caught glimpses of her profile as she took in the scenery. Haunted by her utter femininity, he tried to concentrate on something else. Anything else.
There’d been a slew of women in his life from his teens on. One or two had held his interest through part of a summer, but much to his grandfather’s displeasure, he’d never had the urge to settle down. It had been the same in the military.
Carson couldn’t relate to the Anthony Barettas of this world, who were already happily married when deployed. Though foreign women held a certain fascination for Carson, those feelings were overshadowed by his interest in exotic places and the need to experience a different thrill.
Then came the day when his restlessness for new adventures took a literal hit from the deathly stench of war. Suffocation sucked the life out of him, extinguishing former pleasures, even his desire to be with a woman. Of no use to the military any longer, he’d been discharged early but had returned to the ranch too late to make up to his grandfather for the lost time.
Since he’d flown home from Maryland, the idea of inviting the Baretta family and others like them to the ranch had been the only thing helping him hold on to his sanity. Giving them a little pleasure might help vindicate his worthless existence, if only for a time.
Never in his wildest imagination did he expect Tony Baretta’s widow to be the woman who would arouse feelings that, to his shock, must have been lying dormant since he’d become an adult.
Somehow, in his gut, he’d sensed her importance in his life from the moment they’d met at the airport. Nothing remotely like this had ever happened to him before. He couldn’t explain what was going on inside him, let alone his interest in one little boy. But whatever he was experiencing was so real he could taste it and feel it.
Next Saturday they’d be flying back to Ohio. He already felt empty at the thought of it, which made no sense at all.
