Читать книгу The Complete Christmas Collection - Джанис Мейнард, Rebecca Winters - Страница 91

THE morning of the Christmas party Hope kept her laptop packed away and helped Anna with the preparations.

There was to be hot cocoa for the kids and hot spiced cider for the adults, as well as cookies and treats. While Anna went to work making iced shortbread, Hope donned a red-and-green apron and began making an old family favorite—Gram’s Chocolate Truffle Cookies.

She’d called for the recipe yesterday, and been shocked to hear that Grace was out doing something Christmassy with J. C. Carson. She’d wondered if J.C. would make it through the evening uninjured. She’d said nothing to Gram, though, who’d sounded satisfied at the whole thing. And neither of them had mentioned Hope’s parents.

She melted chocolate and then went to work on the dough, beating the butter and sugar while Anna hummed along with “Frosty The Snowman” on the radio as she spread icing on shortbread bells and stars.

Hope was up to her wrists in dough when Blake strolled in, cheeks ruddy from the cold and a smile on his face. “I think the sleigh is ready to go,” he said. “And what have we here?” His gaze traveled from Hope’s feet to her face. “In an apron? Surprising fashion statement, Hope.”

“Oh, I’m full of surprises,” Hope responded, rolling a spoonful of dough into a ball and placing it on a cookie sheet. “My grandmother’s Chocolate Truffle Cookies. To die for. Wait and see.”

“Full of surprises, hmmm?” he speculated, snatching a cookie from Anna’s freshly frosted tray. He bit into it and a smidgen of green icing remained on his lip.

Hope stared at it and swallowed. It would be tempting to remove it personally, but she’d sworn off that sort of thing and Anna was right there, after all.

“You’ve got a...” She pointed at her own lip and then watched, fascinated, as his tongue slipped out to swipe the sweet bit of frosting away.

“Thanks.”

She shrugged, rolling another cookie, filling the sheet. “Actually, I have an early present for you. Let me slip these into the oven and set the timer.”

“A present?”

She nodded, butterflies swirling around in her stomach. Why on earth was she nervous? But she was. She avoided his gaze as she washed her hands and dried them on a towel. “I’ll be right back,” she said to Anna, who merely nodded as she worked on piping a red outline on a star.

She only had ten minutes—enough time to give him the present, not enough for them to be alone together for too long.

She hoped.

* * *

Blake followed her down the hall and into her room—the first time he’d been inside it since that afternoon she’d arrived and he’d carried her bag upstairs. The bed was neatly made and her suitcase was nowhere to be seen. Her laptop sat closed on a side table, the mouse pad and mouse precisely lined up at a right angle beside it.

Her perfectionist streak manifesting itself again?

Clearly Hope was nervous. She could barely look at him, and her shoulders were tense. He smiled a little as he saw a smudge of cocoa on her apron. That had been a total surprise. Hope always seemed so put together, so... He wasn’t sure how to explain it. Untouchable, perhaps. Out of his league with her tall, elegant looks. Either way, baking cookies in an apron made her look different. Put them on the same level somehow.

Maybe she was starting to unbend just a little bit. He hoped so. If anyone needed to unwind and let go of tension it was Hope. He only wished he knew what had her so tied up in knots. It wasn’t just her friend Julie. He understood that now. She needed to grieve, and not just for her friend. But what? Why was she so demanding of herself?

She disappeared into the closet. She’d bought him a Christmas present and that surprised him—especially after the episode in the snow. She’d told him she didn’t have feelings for him. She was a damned liar, but he knew she didn’t want to have feelings for him and that essentially amounted to the same thing. Hands off. No matter what he was feeling in return.

Trouble was, he didn’t want her to go. He wanted her to stay, to see if what was between them was real. For the first time since he’d broken up with his ex he trusted a woman to see beyond the surface. It had all changed the day she’d touched his scar with a tenderness and reverence that had humbled him.

He wasn’t sure if he was in love with her or not, but he wanted the opportunity to find out. And he couldn’t do that if she left for good tomorrow.

“I hope these are what you were looking for,” she said, coming out of the closet carrying a gift bag very carefully as if what was inside was incredibly fragile.

He took the bag from her hands and heard a funny jingle. He opened the bag and peered inside. His heart gave a little catch. He reached in and pulled out a leather strap. The clear sound of bells filled the room.

“Cate said she wanted bells on the sleigh, so...”

He looked in her eyes. In the bright sunlight of her bedroom they were stunningly blue, full of hope and uncertainty. It hit him then. The professional manner, the precision and perfection—it wasn’t confidence. It was covering up a massive case of insecurity. Was she worried he wouldn’t like them? That they wouldn’t suit? There were so many more layers to Hope than he’d first thought. It touched him that she was so obviously trying to please him. That she’d bothered to find something so appropriate, so personal.

He slid the leather over his palm and smiled. “They’re perfect, Hope. Where ever did you find them?”

“In an antique store just outside Calgary,” she replied. “You’re sure they’ll work?”

“Oh, they’ll work. They’ll be perfect.” He looked up and smiled. “Thank you, Hope. It was very thoughtful of you to go to the trouble.”

She blushed. Color infused the crests of her cheeks much to Blake’s delight. The more she let go of the veneer she protected herself with, the more he liked her. Right now, with a bit of flour across the breast of her apron, her hair in a ponytail and a glow to her cheek, she looked adorable.

Was he actually considering a relationship, then? It would be a mistake to think that way. No matter how much he was starting to care for her, he knew she would never be happy here. Their lives were so different, and his first priority was the program.

She was right. He probably shouldn’t have kissed her. Too bad he couldn’t quite muster up an appropriate amount of regret.

“You’re welcome. I thought...I thought the kids would like them.”

“They will. They’ll make tonight perfect.” She was looking at him so hopefully he knew he had to keep the mood light before he got himself in trouble yet again. “I have something for you, too.”

Her eyes widened. “You do?”

He nodded. “Not a present as such... Well, hold on. I’ll get it and explain.”

He made a quick trip to his room and grabbed the shopping bag from his closet. There was no guarantee she would go for it, but he hoped she would. Hope needed to let her hair down and show some silliness. They needed to have fun, and he had to stop thinking about her in ways that would get him nowhere. Their kisses before had been surprising and spontaneous, but there was something more now. A gravity between them. He couldn’t quite put his finger on when or how it had changed but there was something—something important and a little sad and slightly desperate in these last twenty-four hours before her departure.

Back in her room, he handed her the bag. “I’m dressing up as Santa tonight and handing out some small presents to the kids. I was kind of hoping you would help.”

She opened the bag and stared at the contents. “This is...” She put the bag down on the bed and drew out a hat, green-and-red striped, with a bell on the end. “This is an elf hat.”

“Santa needs an elf,” he said lightly, but he wasn’t encouraged when he saw her frown.

She pulled out the tunic and tights and his favorite bit—the shoes, curled up at the toes and with bells attached to the tips.

“You can’t be serious.”

“Hey, at least you don’t have to stuff your costume with pillows and wear a scratchy beard,” he remarked, forcing a chuckle.

“You do realize I was hired to take pictures?”

“I know that. I thought over the last few days that had changed into something more.” He remembered hearing her laugh as he tackled her in the snow, the taste of her lips all the sweeter because she’d been a willing and equal participant. He took her hand. “I thought we were something more,” he said quietly.

“You know that’s impossible.”

And yet there was a hint of longing in her voice that he didn’t miss. “So we’re not friends?”

She pulled her hand away. “I didn’t think that was what you meant. I hadn’t really thought about it,” she said, but her gaze slid from his. She had thought about it. They both had—too much.

“Have you never done something silly? Something just for fun, Hope? Have you seen the look on a kid’s face when he or she sits on Santa’s lap? It’s Christmas. I want to give them something awesome—there’s not enough fun in their lives. And I want to give you something, too.”

“What’s that?” She put the costume back on the bed and faced him, her guard fully up and functional again.

“A memory,” he said. “A good Christmas memory. Because I think you need one—desperately.”

The guard slipped just a little as her eyes widened and he saw his chance.

“Trust me.” He lifted his hand and touched her cheek with his finger. “Can you trust me for tonight, Hope?”

“I leave tomorrow, Blake.”

“I know that. Believe me, I know.” He wished he had more time. Time to get to know her better. Time to...

Aw, hell. Maybe it was better this way. He was already getting too involved. Much more and she’d really be able to hurt him. He knew for a fact that she wouldn’t be back. She’d go back to her life in Sydney and that would be that, wouldn’t it? Girls like her didn’t stay. They didn’t settle.

But it didn’t stop the wanting. Or the need to do this for her. For all of them.

“Trust me,” he repeated. “Wear the costume. Be my elf. Drink hot cocoa and eat cookies and let yourself be a kid again, Hope. Just this once.”

She looked down at the costume and back up at him again. “You are so going to owe me for this.”

And he was going to enjoy paying the price. “You’ll do it?”

“I’ll do it. For the kids, mind you.”

“For the kids,” he repeated. “You’d better get back to your cookies.”

“The cookies! They’ve probably burned!” She rushed from the room, leaving the elf costume scattered on the bedspread and the scent of her perfume and dark chocolate behind.

He shook the bag of bells and smiled as the sound rang out. If this was the end of their time together he was at least going to give her a good memory to take away. He’d deal with his own feelings later.

* * *

Anna had saved the cookies from burning, and Hope had baked the rest without incident. They sat prettily on a plate now, dusted with icing sugar like snowy mountaintops. Hope had sneaked one earlier and they tasted as delicious as when Gram made them, making her long for the comforts of the one place she truly considered home.

Blake had remained scarce for most of the afternoon, getting the chores done ahead of his guests’ arrival.

At three-thirty the kids and parents started arriving, and the house became a hubbub of activity as Anna set out a Crock-Pot of hot cider, carafes of hot chocolate, plates of cookies and bowls of potato chips and pretzels.

Hope hadn’t yet changed into her costume, and questioned whether or not she would. She would look ridiculous. Like an overgrown female Peter Pan with bells.

But when it came down to it she’d probably play along. She couldn’t escape the memory of the look on Blake’s face as he’d implored her to help him. Lordy, he was so handsome—and kind. She’d stopped noticing his scar days ago. What had once been ugly was now simply a part of the bigger whole, and that whole was something really special.

The carols playing on the stereo could barely be heard over the chatter and happy laughter of the kids. Cate arrived, using her crutches to get around, and Hope felt a surge of pleasure knowing that the little girl would have her sleigh ride complete with bells.

Hope looked around the busy room with a lump in her throat. This was how things should be, she realized. Loud and crazy and happy, with the sound of children’s voices echoing through the house and the lingering scent of fresh-baked cookies in the air. It all felt so right that it caused an ache deep inside her. This was what she’d wanted for her sisters. For herself. And despite Gram’s best efforts, and Hope’s, it had never quite come to pass. But here—here it happened so effortlessly.

It was a bit of a miracle, really, and she wondered if Blake truly appreciated the magnitude of what he was doing with Bighorn. It was more than therapy. It was home. This was his family, she realized. Not by blood, but by love. He was the cord that bound them all together.

She blinked away a sheen of moisture on her eyes. If she wasn’t careful she was going to leave a bit of herself behind when she left, and she wasn’t sure she had too many pieces to spare.

“Ready for the first sleigh ride?” Blake’s voice sounded close to her ear, the warmth of his breath sending tingles over her neck and down her spine.

“There’s more than one?”

“I’ll need to do two for sure, to fit everyone in.”

“Won’t I take up a valuable seat?” She turned her head slightly, angling her chin to look into his face.

His eyes were twinkling—he really enjoyed all this Christmas stuff, didn’t he? He was going to make a wonderful Santa Claus. He’d make a wonderful father too—if he ever settled down and started a family. She wondered again why he hadn’t.

“You can sit up with me,” he said. “And get the carols started.”

“Carols?”

He shook his head dolefully. “Hope, are you telling me you’ve never been on a sleigh ride?”

“Never.”

“Then you’d best get your coat and boots and bundle up warm. It’s high time you experienced one.”

And then he was gone, to organize the first round of kids.

She met them outside, bundled as warm as she could be in heavy mittens and a hat, and one of Blake’s goosedown jackets that was too big but the warmest thing she’d ever worn. The sleigh waited, hitched to two huge horses that stood so patiently Hope was sure they qualified as gentle giants. One shook his head, making the bells ring out merrily.

Cate clapped her hands at the sound. “Mister Blake, you do have bells!”

Blake tucked blankets around the knees of the passengers and rubbed the top of Cate’s pom-pommed hat. “Didn’t Hope promise you we would?”

Cate spun around to look at Hope. “You were right! He does have bells!”

The research, the drive, the money, the awkward moment with Blake this morning—all was worth it when she saw the smile on Cate’s face.

“Of course!” she replied with a laugh. “What’s a sleigh ride without bells?”

Hope climbed up front with Blake and nudged him with her elbow. “You’ve made Christmas for her, you know. Probably for all of them.”

“They make mine, too,” he replied quietly. He turned sideways and called back, “Everyone ready?”

“Yeah!” went up the chorus.

He gave the reins a gentle slap and the team started off. The runners squeaked on the snow, and Hope could smell the freshness of the air mingled with the pleasant smell of horses. Once they passed through the open gate to one of the pastures Blake urged the team into a trot, picking up the speed and causing some squeals in the back. Before long the first chorus of “Jingle Bells” started without any prompting from Hope, accompanied by the percussion of the bells on the harness. After “Jingle Bells” came “Silent Night,” the young voices so sweet that Hope felt a stinging behind her eyes.

“You okay?”

She nodded. “You were right. This is special, Blake.”

“Didn’t you have fun Christmases at home?”

She shrugged. “Not so much. I tried, and Gram definitely tried, but most of the time either my parents were split and my dad was missing, or they were together and things were so tense that it just felt wrong, you know? After they split for good it was worse. We usually spent Christmas with Gram, but our mother wasn’t always around.”

“I’m sorry, Hope.”

She shrugged again, not wanting to delve too deeply into those feelings. “It is what it is, you know? I tried for a long time to step into that role, but it was a bit much to expect from a young girl. After a while I gave up.”

“You were too young to be the mother.”

She shrugged. “My sisters resented me for it, I think. I was only trying to help, but to them I was being bossy. I forgot how to have fun—thought that if I somehow kept things together maybe things would work out. That it would help Mom so she’d want to be around more. And if she were around more she’d be happier with Dad...” She paused, wondering how much to confess. “It was too much pressure to put on myself. The snowball fight the other day...? I haven’t done anything spontaneous like that in years.”

“Everything’s precisely planned?”

“I don’t get disappointed that way. I’ve had a lot of disappointments, Blake. I’ve learned not to have high expectations.”

The song changed to the more upbeat “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” The bells rang out merrily and the cold made their skin pink and vibrant.

“I hope you’re not disappointed now,” Blake replied, handling the reins easily in one gloved hand as they maneuvered through another gate into a grove of trees.

He put his free arm along the back of the seat, not quite an embrace, but she felt the intimacy of it anyway. It made her long to lean against his shoulder and let all her troubles go.

The tall spruces on either side made the setting even better, adding the spicy scent of their needles to the winter potpourri.

“Today’s a good day,” she said simply, afraid to say any more lest emotion get the better of her.

Truthfully, today felt like a fairy tale. In her quest for perfection over the years she’d forgotten what it was like to enjoy simple pleasures. She’d pushed so much of her old life aside—things like hearing children’s laughter and baking cookies and not worrying about how she looked and enjoying the moment.

Her quest for the perfect picture wasn’t important right now. Perhaps it wasn’t important at all anymore. She was living a sterile, scheduled existence, hiding behind a camera instead of participating in her own life.

She needed to fix that. She wasn’t quite sure how, but she hoped that the trip to Beckett’s Run would help. It was a start, anyway.

The horses picked up their pace as the back of the house came into view again, their necks bobbing as they led the way home.

“You coming on the next run?” Blake asked. “Or are you too cold?”

His shoulder buffered hers, and it would be so easy to slide over another inch or two and lean against him, swaying to the rhythm of the horses’ gait. She was tempted, but she knew it wouldn’t solve anything. Leaving was going to be difficult enough.

She shook her head. “I think I’ll help Anna in the kitchen.”

“Don’t forget, when I get back it’s Santa time.”

Her heart thudded. “I haven’t forgotten.”

They pulled to a stop and Blake hopped down, then offered his hand to Hope to help her out of the seat. She put her mittened hand in his and jumped, landing so close to him the zippers of their jackets touched. For a prolonged second they paused, looking in each other’s eyes.

Hope finally looked away. “Santa’d better get a move on,” she murmured, and skirted around him toward the house.

As she went inside she heard his cheerful voice instructing the next round of kids where to sit, more laughter. She felt a strange sense of belonging and yet not belonging. Because this wasn’t hers. She was only borrowing it for today. And it was getting harder and harder to remember that.

* * *

Blake had thought he was prepared for Hope as an elf, but he’d been very, very wrong.

Once the horses had been unhitched and put in their stalls he’d come in the back door to get ready for his stint as Santa. He was sneaking down the hall when he caught sight of her, all dressed in green. He should have known that, with her height, her legs would go on forever. The green tights clung to her legs, emphasizing the lean length of them, and the tunic with its scalloped edges skirted the tops of her thighs. Even with the ridiculous hat and shoes she was one heck of a sexy elf.

He changed into his Santa suit, stuffing the coat with a fat bed pillow and hooking the white beard over his ears before putting on his cap. Black boots rounded out the costume, and Anna had stitched him up a red sack made from fleece. Inside were presents for each child—a toy and a treat. He hadn’t been extravagant, but that was hardly the point. Each item had been carefully chosen and wrapped.

“Ho, ho, ho!” he boomed, stepping into the living room with the sack over his shoulder.

Eyes widened, and one small voice whispered reverently, “It’s Santa!”

Blake wasn’t sure how convincing he was going to be—he was probably a good deal taller than most Santas, he only hoped the beard concealed his scar, and keeping up the deep, booming voice was going to be a challenge. But he took a seat in a chair by the tree and did his best.

“Santa’s got a good little helper this year! Do you all know Hope? Doesn’t she make a pretty elf?”

He nearly laughed at the mortified expression on Hope’s face as all eyes turned to her.

“Well,” she replied, clearing her throat, “if Santa came all this way for our party, it’s only right he should have a helping hand, don’t you think?”

“Yeah!”

Excitement bubbled up and out, and everyone looked to Blake again. Hope sent him a wink that said she knew what he was up to—and she was going along with it.

“Hope, maybe you can give Santa a hand by taking the presents out of that sack.” He looked down at the children. “Did you all want presents? My elves have worked very hard this year. I hope you’ve all been good.”

“I’ve been good, Thanta!” one girl called out with an adorable lisp.

There were more shouts and laughs and Blake chuckled at one little boy who was so excited he was almost vibrating.

Dutifully Hope came forward and reached into the bag, pulling out the first present. She handed it to him and he let his eyes twinkle up at her. Little did she know, but this was only the first of the surprises in store for her today.

“Says here this present is for Chad,” Blake boomed. “Come on up, Chad, and get your present.”

Chad, who had suffered a spinal cord injury when he was three, shuffled up to Blake with a wide smile. “For me?”

“For you,” Blake said, handing over the present.

And so it went on until, just as he’d planned, there was one box left in the bottom of the sack.

“Ho, ho, ho,” he said deeply as he picked it up. “It feels like there is something else in here.”

Hope had a wrinkle between her eyebrows. “But everyone has a present,” she said.

He reached into the bag and took out the small box. “Says here this one is for Hope. Ho, ho, ho!” He looked up at her expectantly. “Hope, come sit on Santa’s knee while he gives you your present.” He patted his thigh.

“I think I’ll stand—thanks anyway, Santa.”

“Sit on his knee!” called Cate.

“Yeah,” shouted a few others, “sit on Santa’s lap, Hope!”

With a dark look aimed just at him, Hope came closer and perched on his knee. “I’ll get you for this,” she murmured, just loud enough that he could hear.

“I’m counting on it,” he whispered back, but then continued on in his booming, jolly voice, “Now, Santa has a long trip after this, so I think he needs a little something to keep him warm.”

“Hot chocolate!” shouted someone.

His grin widened. “Need to watch the waistline,” he said, patting his round stomach. “After all, I’ll be getting lots of milk and cookies very soon. What about a kiss from Hope here?” He touched a finger to his cheek. “Come on, Hope. Give Santa a kiss.”

Her eyes were like daggers, but she smiled sweetly and dutifully pecked his cheek. “Santa’s beard is scratchy,” she announced.

He handed over the present. “Don’t open it here,” he whispered, then boosted her off his lap and picked up the empty bag. “Well, Santa must be getting back. Reindeer-training, you know. Merry Christmas, everyone!”

He added in a few extra ho, ho, hos as he waded through wads of wrapping paper to the door and slipped outside. Then he made his way to the back of the house and stripped down to his T-shirt and long johns. So no curious eyes would catch sight of the bright red suit he left the suit on the back step to collect later and hurried out of the cold, darting inside and sneaking to his room, where he changed into his jeans and shirt. He pulled on his jacket, went out the back door and around to the front, and made a show of coming back in again.

“What’d I miss?”

“Oh, Mister Blake, Santa was here!” Cate’s excitement quivered in her voice. “And he got me a new doll!”

“Santa? When I was stuck out in the barn putting the horses up for the night?”

“You missed it! Hope sat on his knee and kissed him an’ everything!”

His gaze strayed to Hope. She was still in her elf getup, still strikingly beautiful. As their eyes met he suddenly wished for the party to be over, so he could put the next part of his plan in motion.

This was their last night together. No more television in the evenings. No more watching her work on her laptop with those silly glasses on her face. No more kisses in the snow or by the flickering light of the tree. He didn’t want the day to be over, but he did want the evening to get started. He’d promised her a good memory, after all. He wanted it, too. If this was all he was going to have from her he wanted it to be a night to remember.

“Well, I’m sorry I missed that,” he replied to Cate, dragging his eyes away from Hope.

“Okay, everyone, before you go I want a group picture,” Hope called out, picking up her camera once more. “In front of the tree. Blake, you get on your knees. And, moms and dads, if you could help out...”

Blake followed orders, wondering how Hope was dealing with the chaos of trying to set the shot. She was always so worried about lighting and balance and things being in the right place. But before he knew it she was directing them to smile and say “Merry Christmas” and it was over.

Things started to wind down after that; parents got kids ready to go home, Anna and Hope began clearing away platters and bowls and cups.

Blake retrieved his Santa suit and put it away, and as Hope changed out of her elf costume he packed a Thermos of fresh cocoa and a basket of goodies. It was fully dark outside, crisp and cool, and if his hunch was right nature was going to put on a show later tonight. A show he didn’t want Hope to miss.