Читать книгу Christmas Brides And Babies Collection - Rebecca Winters - Страница 49

IT WAS IMMEDIATELY obvious that he wasn’t from around here and it had nothing to do with the fact that he was a tall, dark, handsome stranger. You could always expect a few strangers at a funeral but Seb wasn’t wearing the country uniform. All the male mourners were wearing smart jeans, their polished boots and a shirt that was obviously kept for best. Seb was wearing neatly ironed chino pants, a black T-shirt and his leather jacket. The other men all had suntanned faces with white foreheads where their hats sat, and despite the hours Seb spent on the water he didn’t have the same weathered look of years spent outdoors.

The stunned silence was followed by a swell of murmuring as everyone tried to figure out who this man was. Luci could hear people asking each other if they knew him.

‘OMG, what is he doing here?’ she muttered.

She could feel Flick looking from her back to Seb and back to her and she knew Flick’s jaw had dropped open again.

‘Is that him?’

Luci nodded. She couldn’t speak.

‘Holy…’ Flick said under her breath. ‘He looks like more than just a bit of fun. He looks like a whole lot of fun.’

‘Shush,’ Luci said, whacking Flick on the arm before making a beeline for Seb. She had to get him out of the pub. People had only just moved on from discussing her and Ben and she knew there was no way they’d be able to resist talking about her again now that they’d laid eyes on Seb and realised he was here for her.

Was he here for her? she wondered as she was halfway across the room. Maybe he was here to see Callum? Although that made no sense whatsoever. She knew that the two brothers didn’t even talk that often, so why would he have travelled halfway across the country to see him?

He was grinning widely by the time she reached his side. His blue eyes sparkled and to keep herself from jumping into his arms she grabbed his elbow and pulled him back through the doorway, out of the garden and into the pub. She would have kept walking too, wanting to get him right out of the building and into the street, away from flapping ears and prying eyes, but Seb planted his feet and once he did that she had about as much chance of moving him as a mosquito had in a cyclone.

‘What are you doing here?’

They were in a short, narrow corridor between the pub kitchen and the rest rooms and it was only a matter of time before they were interrupted, but Seb didn’t seem to mind. He leaned against the wall and pulled her into him. She could see he was about to kiss her and she wasn’t going to let him do that. Not in front of her family and the rest of the town.

She put her hands on his chest, keeping them separated by a few inches of air, but the gesture hardly afforded her any protection. His chest was firm and solid under her fingers and his thighs were strong and powerful against her legs. She could feel herself melting into him as her resistance weakened. She might as well have let him kiss her, the effect would have been the same.

‘I thought you might be finding things difficult,’ he said. ‘I wanted to be here for you.’

She was touched that he had even thought that, let alone jumped on a plane and somehow made it to Vickers Hill just hours after she had. He was gorgeous. She couldn’t believe he was standing in front of her, in her home town, looking at her with his blue eyes and ridiculously long, dark eyelashes. She’d been wishing he was here and somehow her wish had come true. She wasn’t going to deny that it was good to see him.

‘I love it that you’re here,’ she told him. And she did, except for the fact that the gossip mill was going to go into overdrive again, but that wasn’t his fault. She couldn’t expect him to understand how her home town worked. She’d just have to deal with the questions later. ‘But my uncle was old so while a funeral is never the best situation it’s okay. I think my dad is going to find it hard but I’m all right.’

‘I wasn’t thinking about your uncle. I was thinking that you would be seeing Ben and Catriona. I thought that would be hard on you. I wanted to be here to support you.’

‘Oh.’ He really was incredible. She couldn’t believe he had come all this way for her. ‘Catriona had the baby yesterday.’

‘Did you know?’

Luci shook her head.

‘How are you feeling?’

‘Mixed emotions, if I’m totally honest. I’m actually pleased for Ben that he’s found happiness and I’m not sorry that he’s had a child, but I am sorry that it might not happen for me.’ She didn’t want Ben, there was no sense of longing, of wishing they were still a couple. The spark was well and truly extinguished, but she did want what he had.

‘I’m here for you. Just tell me what you need me to do. Do you want to get out of here?’ he asked.

She did. Desperately. She wanted Seb to take her away from all this. Now that he was here she knew he would be all she could think about. But he’d asked her what she needed, not what she wanted. And she needed to have dinner with her parents.

She shook her head. ‘I’m supposed to be having dinner with my family.’ She didn’t want to introduce him to anyone, she wasn’t ready for that. She didn’t want to explain or start any rumours. It wasn’t worth it when it would all be over in a week. These considerate gestures that Seb insisted on making—turning up here to offer support, walking with her across the harbour bridge, bringing her a cup of tea every morning in bed—not to mention being simply gorgeous, were going to make it hard to walk away, but there was no other option. That was the agreement they had made. She wasn’t ready for the end yet. But it wasn’t her choice.

‘Why don’t you do that, then, and I’ll see if I can catch up with Cal and meet you later. After dinner.’

He didn’t push her for an invite. He seemed to know what she needed before she did. She wanted to go with him now but knowing he would be waiting for her at the end of the day was enough. She was glad he was here.

She nodded. ‘Okay. Where are you staying?’ she asked, hoping he wasn’t staying at Callum’s. That was her house. That would be weird.

‘I booked a room at the hotel.’

She didn’t need to hear any more. That was perfect.

‘Room eleven,’ he added with a wink and a grin, and Luci nearly gave in right then. She was sorely tempted to ditch the family dinner in favour of jumping into bed with Seb.

But instead she had to be content with grabbing a fistful of his shirt and pulling him towards her. She kissed him hard, not caring who saw them. She didn’t care any more. He had come all this way for her and she didn’t want to waste a minute of the time they had left together.

She’d be gone again tomorrow. Let them talk.

‘I’ll see you later,’ she said as she pushed him out of the pub.

Luci sneaked into her parents’ house just before sunrise, avoiding the fourth and ninth floorboards in the hall because she knew they creaked. She felt like a teenager again, even though she knew she shouldn’t have to worry. After all, she’d been married and divorced, but old habits died hard.

She hoped they were asleep. She didn’t want to explain where she’d been, what she’d been doing. She had spent the night in Seb’s bed and after saying goodbye he’d headed off early in order to make it back to Adelaide in time for his return flight.

Luci climbed into her old bed but she couldn’t sleep. Her mind was turning in circles.

She needed to start planning her next move. To work out how she was going to fulfil her dreams. Seb wasn’t going to be a part of that. She knew he didn’t want a proper relationship and she was determined to fulfil her dreams of motherhood one way or another. She assumed it would have to be through adoption and she wanted to find a partner who would support her in that. She couldn’t afford to waste time on Seb. They had eight more days together and then it would be over. They would go back to their own lives. She couldn’t focus on Seb, there were more important things for her to worry about.

The decisions were hers to make and hers alone.

Luci disembarked from the plane in Sydney and switched on her phone. As expected, there was a message from Seb asking her to text when she arrived safely, but there was also one from her GP, asking her to call back. Luci waited until she got back to the apartment to return the call.

‘Could you come in for a chat?’ her GP asked. ‘There’s something I need to discuss with you.’

Her GP was in the neighbouring town to Vickers Hill. Luci hadn’t wanted to see anyone with ties to her dad’s clinic so ever since she’d got her driver’s licence she’d made the fifteen-minute drive along the highway.

‘Actually, I can’t,’ she said. ‘I’m in Sydney. Is there a problem? I’ll be here for another three weeks.’ Luci couldn’t imagine what it was about. She was perfectly healthy and so was everyone else, as far as she knew.

‘Can you talk now?’

‘Yes,’ she said, sitting on the couch.

‘I received a letter today from the lab that did your fertility tests. The letter contains your test results. Apparently they were upgrading their computer system at the same time that you went for testing and some of the results were mistakenly filed as “sent” when they were actually pending. The lab has only just realised their mistake. I’m sorry, I never realised that these weren’t forwarded to you. You haven’t been in for an appointment.’

‘It doesn’t matter,’ Luci replied. ‘It turns out the results were irrelevant.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘It was obvious that the problem was with me. Ben had no trouble getting Catriona pregnant. The results don’t matter, it’s not like I’m in a situation to have a baby now. I’m divorced and single, I’m not trying to get pregnant any more.’

‘I still think you should know the results. It’s not quite as simple as you think. The tests indicated that the problem wasn’t solely with you.’

‘What does that mean? Ben’s reproductive system seems to work fine.’

‘The problem was with the two of you together.’ Luci frowned as Veronica continued. ‘Your body was producing antibodies against Ben’s sperm. It’s very uncommon and especially rare to see in women, but it meant that your body was having a kind of allergic reaction to the sperm. The antibodies attach to the sperm and impair motility, making it harder for the sperm to penetrate the cervical mucus and therefore fertilise the egg. IVF would have been a relatively simple procedure for you. In your situation there would have been a high chance of success for the two of you.’

‘What?’ Luci couldn’t believe what she was hearing. ‘We could have had children?’ They could have had the family she’d dreamed of?

‘With IVF assistance, almost certainly,’ Veronica agreed.

‘How?’

‘The sperm would be injected directly into the harvested egg. If the sperm aren’t swimming freely there would have been no opportunity for your body to attack. The antibodies wouldn’t have had a chance to attach to the sperm. With IVF a viable embryo would have been created and it would then have been implanted.’

‘So I can have kids?’ Luci still wasn’t absolutely sure that she was getting the right message. Was that what Veronica was telling her? She held her breath as she waited for the final confirmation.

‘Yes. Either with the right partner or with IVF.’

Luci breathed out as tears welled in her eyes.

‘It’s rare for a woman to produce anti-sperm antibodies so it’s quite likely that with a different partner you wouldn’t have the same issues,’ Veronica went on, but Luci was only half listening. She was still processing the idea that she could have children.

‘But don’t forget, this condition is very successfully overcome with IVF assistance. Identifying this is a good thing.’ Veronica was still speaking. ‘You and Ben may have been incompatible but that doesn’t mean all men will be. And there’s more good news. Your eggs were healthy. You’re young and fertile. You have time. It will happen for you, I’m sure of it.’

‘Thank you.’

Tears spilled out of Luci’s eyes and rolled down her cheeks as she ended the call. Mixed emotions engulfed her. The news was incredible but it was tinged with anger and regret. Just when she felt she had come to terms with the demise of her marriage to find out that Ben’s betrayal had robbed her of her dream of motherhood was almost too much to bear. When she had thought she couldn’t fall pregnant she’d been able to forgive him for leaving her. She had blamed herself as much as him. But now?

If he had stayed they could have worked this out. With IVF she could have been the one who had just had a baby. She could be a mother now.

She needed to think. She needed a walk to help focus her mind. She changed into a pair of shorts and her sneakers and headed for the beach.

As she walked she realised it was unlikely that her marriage would have survived regardless. They had broken up because of the stress of infertility but Ben had very quickly moved on. If she’d been unable to rely on him to stick by her through that situation she knew she wouldn’t have been able to rely on him for anything else. Quite possibly he would have run for the hills the moment the going had got tough. Quite possibly she would have ended up divorced with a baby.

Would she want to be a single mother?

Yes.

If she could have a baby without a partner she knew she would take that opportunity. She had never imagined herself as a single mother but she knew that if that was her only option she wouldn’t hesitate any more. She still wanted a baby more than anything.

More than she wanted Seb?

Yes. Her heart ached with longing and her womb ached with emptiness. A baby was very much her priority.

She had fallen in love with Seb but planning a future with him had never been realistic and especially not now. He was her second ever boyfriend and she wasn’t even sure she could call him that. They weren’t thinking about the future and he didn’t want commitment. He didn’t want to settle down and she was pretty sure he wasn’t going to want kids.

She would have to break up with him. It was her only option.

She wanted it all but if she couldn’t have it all she was going to choose motherhood, or the possibility of it at least, and if her dream was to become a reality she needed to find the man who could help her to make that happen.

Which meant she needed to break up with Seb.

He was starting his holidays at the end of the week. He was heading off in his boat so their relationship wasn’t going to last any longer than that anyway, no matter what she wished for, so the best thing to do would be to end it now. Quickly and swiftly. Waiting a couple more days wasn’t going to make it any easier. She needed to move on to the rest of her life.

The decision was made. Now all she had to do was tell him.

Telling him would give him the chance to change his mind if he wanted to and she knew she was still hopeful that he would make that choice. Perhaps he would decide that she was worth it.

The sun was low in the sky as she returned to the apartment. Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out and looked at the caller ID. Seb.

‘Where are you? Is everything okay?’

He sounded worried but she didn’t think she could put his mind at ease so she opted for a simple reply. ‘I’m almost home. I’ll see you in a minute.’

But Callum’s apartment wasn’t home. And Vickers Hill hadn’t felt like home either.

Luci knew she wouldn’t be going back to Vickers Hill. She’d felt like a fish out of water there. Everyone was settled or, worse, if they weren’t she had known them all her life and she knew she wasn’t going to find the man she was looking for amongst them. She needed new faces. New places. She had no idea where she would go but she knew she wouldn’t go back.

She would need to find somewhere that felt right.

Also, she needed a man, or his sperm at the very least, and a place to live. But one thing at a time. Her first priority was to speak to Seb. She needed to tell him her decision. There was no point delaying. She needed to get on with things. She was a girl with a mission.

The door to the apartment was open. Seb was waiting for her. He still looked worried. There was a little crease between his eyebrows and his blue eyes were dark with concern. But she almost didn’t notice. It was a hot night and he was dressed only in a pair of shorts. Shirtless and bare-chested, she found it hard to notice anything else.

He looked incredible. She’d almost forgotten how gorgeous he was. She should ask him to put a shirt on, she wasn’t going to be able to concentrate when he was semi-naked, but she resisted. Why deprive herself of her last chance to see him like this? She could use the memory.

He greeted her with a hug. God, that felt good. His arms were strong, his embrace warm, and Luci could have stayed there quite happily for the rest of her life.

‘I’ve missed you,’ he said as he let her go. ‘Is anything wrong?’ He ran a thumb under her eye and Luci’s knees buckled slightly at his touch. ‘Have you been crying?’

Her tears had dried long ago but she knew her eyes would still be puffy and red. She wiped a hand across them. ‘Yes. But they were happy tears, I think.’

‘You think? What’s going on?’

‘I need to sit down.’

Seb ushered her to the couch. ‘Can I get you anything?’

She shook her head. ‘No. But I need to talk to you.’ Luci launched into her news. She knew if she waited she’d chicken out. She was sorely tempted to spend one last night with Seb and tell him tomorrow but it wouldn’t be any easier then. She needed to do this now. ‘I had a phone call from my GP today. She was calling about some test results. Results that I should have got ages ago but the lab made a mistake. I didn’t really notice that the results hadn’t come back because of everything else that was going on at the time between Ben and me.’

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yes. I’m perfectly okay. That was what she was ringing me about. Apparently I am perfectly healthy and fertile. I can have children. The problem wasn’t with me. It was with Ben and me. But even so we could have had a family together if we’d stuck it out. IVF would have fixed it.’

‘Wow.’ Seb sat back and ran his hands through his hair. The muscles in his arms and chest flexed and Luci averted her gaze so she wasn’t tempted to throw herself into his arms. ‘Does Ben know?’

She shook her head. ‘No.’

‘Are you going to tell him?’

‘I hadn’t thought about it. Probably not. It doesn’t matter to him any more. He’s moved on. I have too. My marriage is over but now I have a chance to fulfil my dream of having a family. I am going to chase that dream. Which means I need to find the man who wants to follow that same dream, the man who wants to share my future. I know that’s not what you want so I need to say goodbye.’

‘Now?’

Luci nodded. She knew it would be hard. It was so tempting to spend their last remaining nights together but she knew the longer she waited the harder it would get. If her heart was going to break she wanted to get it over and done with.

‘You’ll be gone in a few days anyway. We both knew it was only a bit of fun, just a temporary arrangement. It was always a matter of when, not if, and I need to move on to the next phase of my life. I appreciate every minute, everything we have shared, you have helped me more than you’ll ever know. I know I’m ready to let someone else into my life now.’

‘What are you going to do?’

‘I’m not sure yet. Finish off my last two weeks here while I try to work out what this all means and then I don’t know what. But I’m not going back to Vickers Hill. I doubt the man for me is there and I’m not sure that a big city is for me either.’

‘So that’s it? This is goodbye?’

She nodded, forcing herself to stay strong. ‘We don’t want the same things, Seb. We’ve both been honest about that. I was always going to want to find a way to have a family. You’ve always said that isn’t on your agenda. I need to go.’

Now was his chance to tell her he’d changed his mind. That he couldn’t live without her. She held her breath, waiting to see what he would do.

‘Okay.’ Seb sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and sighed. Luci stretched out one hand, wanting to run it over his back, but she hesitated just inches from his skin then pulled her hand away. She didn’t know if he wanted or needed comfort.

Seb pushed himself to his feet and turned to face her. His blue eyes were still troubled but his voice was strong. He nodded his head. ‘I respect the fact it’s your decision to make. I’ll just grab a few things and I’ll sleep on the boat.’

Disappointment flooded Luci’s chest and surged through her belly. She’d pinned her hopes on him changing his mind, even though she’d known it was a long shot, and it was devastating to know that he wasn’t going to argue with her. That he wasn’t going to change his mind. But neither was she.

She wanted to tell him that he didn’t need to leave tonight but then realised it was probably better if he did. He wasn’t the man for her future. He had been a perfect interlude but she couldn’t let emotion derail her dreams.

But saying goodbye to Seb took some of the gloss off her dream. Gaining the knowledge that she could have kids meant she was losing him. She needed to remember he had never really been hers in the first place.

This was goodbye.

She loved him but that was irrelevant. She had said she would give her right arm to have a chance at motherhood; giving up Seb was much harder.

She wasn’t going to let the chance to have a baby feel like a consolation prize. She wanted a child more than anything. She had to remember that. But that didn’t stop the tears from flowing again as she watched him walk out the door with his duffel bag and bike helmet. He travelled light, leaving only with what he’d come with, and taking her heart with him.