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Conjugal harmony

Conjugal harmony

is built day after day.

The permanent and fundamental work in the life of a marriage is the search for conjugal harmony.

Someone might ask: why Permanent? Is it that we never get to say we are harmonious in our marriage?

The conjugal harmony is the reality of the already and the not yet. Maria and Jose, stating their experience, claimed that they felt a harmonic climate between them and, at the same time, if they did not fight for their permanent conquest, it seemed to escape them as water between the toes. Harmony is built day by day. You are performing it. But there is still some way to go. It is growing, in search of the peak that has not yet been reached.

When conflicts, obstacles and problems exist in a marriage, do not panic. The disharmonies are signs of a normal couple. The couple should really take into consideration a disharmonic situation when thinking maturely cannot overcome conflict, obstacles and problems. Faced with this reality, the married couple goes along smashing and crashing against a series of obstacles which will destroy, little by little, their marriage.

Totally unreal is the situation of a couple who believe they live in full and permanent harmony. This is not normal. What will be happening? Several causes may be present that make the couple live a life of fictional harmony. As an example: when one of the two spouses is very strong-willed and the other very submissive, this tends to create a false harmony, because it is one partner that decides everything without ever having resistance from the other party, since the other circles as a satellite around him.

We are left with the first of the cases, disharmonic walking towards harmony. Harmony and unity is being developed, are building. It is not a gift fallen from heaven the day of the marriage. It is developing. When is the marriage more united? In the early days? Or when it has already travelled together part of the way?

How can you continue walking towards harmony? With what means? Based on the years of marriage that each pair has shared they will have more or less experience the path, will have more or less the resources to grow. These are things coexistence will have shown them. It is important to discuss some of those elements that will help you grow and which will later have opportunity to explore more deeply:

• Dialogue: The most powerful weapon to destroy obstacles. An open dialogue, sincere, complete and loving is the key to the approach, the best tool to build growth as a couple.

• Ability to solve conflicts: Index of normality of a couple is not measured by the absence of conflicts but by the ability to solve them.

• Love: A couple that is permanently concerned with demonstrating in the smallest of gestures day to day knows what is wanted. Theirs is a marriage suitable to solve problems with more capacity, because there is the habit of focusing and concentrating on the other. That, ultimately, is love: make me feel extended toward the other.

• Us: It is important to realize that the problems that must be solved by a couple do not belong to the sphere of the you or the me but by the Us.

• Goals: A couple without goals is a stagnant couple, unable to cope with the obstacles and move forward.

The desire to overcome, search for perfection and happiness… is necessary.

• Prayer: The Us is also the Him. Jesus internalizes problems and gives grace to solve them. He is always fair. Talk of it, converse in prayer. Together all three can accomplish it. Alone surely nothing will be accomplished.

To discuss in couples

1. How have we been exceeding our conflicts?

2. Have we used dialogue to solve our problems?

3. Have we demonstrated our ability to settlement disputes?

4. Have we reinforced our ability to resolve conflict in a loving environment?

5. Are we aware that the problems are “ours”?

6. Is there any goal for us?

7. Do we pray about our problems?

To pray together

Lord,

Thank you for our marriage

and also for the conflicts

that helped us to mature.

It would have been beautiful to have no problems,

but we are this way

flawed, selfish, sinful...

We have walked this far,

overcoming obstacles,

which has allowed us to come together more,

want each other more,

be better friends...

We ask you, Lord,

never abandon us,

always be at our side.

Thus, the three of us continue to grow,

destroying obstacles,

and so build every day the best 'we',

talking with you about

the solution to every problem.

Amen.