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Know how to listen

Whoever has ears, let them hear

(Mt 13, 9).

This thought of Jesus, who wants to hear, will hear, said on several occasions, perfectly refers you to the domestic dialogue. What usually occurs is that in order to deepen the theme of the dialogue, many couples touch a very painful wound: the absence of a mature dialogue.

It is necessary to not get discouraged. It is possible to restart the dialogue. How? Sacrificing everything to reach mutual understanding. Recognizing that in each failure, make a true and deep examination of dialogue. But above all things, learning to listen, but listen loving.

He who wants to hear, will hear. It is clear that Jesus did not speak to deaf people, people with hearing problems, but that he addressed those who simply received the words, not letting them to penetrate to the heart. He who wants to hear with your heart, will hear.

Only he who actually opens his heart to the word of the other can listen loving. Dialogue, before talking, is to listen.

How can we hear lovingly?

• Having such a disposition that the other feels encouraged to continue transmitting from deep within.

• Wondering, as to motivate the interlocutor can deepen their interior.

• Evaluating if what is heard is accurate. In the appropriate moment it is necessary to perform a synthesis of what is heard and repeat it to the other, for an assessment, to be sure if what was received was what they wanted to convey.

• Avoiding judgment and defensiveness.

Listening is not just letting the words of the other person into our auditory system. It is to embrace the other person through their word. The ability to listen loving depends on how deep the desire is of being reached by the other. Listening requires openness.

It is necessary to know how to listen to achieve a deep dialogue. Anything is possible for those who love each other, especially work in reconstruction or the enhancement of dialogue. To start on this path, a real test is necessary to discover personal responsibility of each other, why the conjugal dialogue has not yet reached its true depth.

The ideal dialogue is not achieved:

• When talks go back permanently to the past, always restating the same arguments, the same topics.

• When one of the two constantly rejects the ideas of the other.

• When due to a lack of listening skills it is not discovered that both parts are expressing the same thing.

• When the coincidence of a point has the result of revenge times ten.

• When they stubbornly repeat the issues that divide, rather than highlight the ones that bind.

• When one prepares the answer, without listening to what the other is saying.

• When the horrible custom to disagree, interrupt and raise the tone persists.

• When only hurtful words are expressed and falsely interpreting the words of the other with minimal effort to agree.

• When you want to hold the most dubious propositions as fundamental truths.

• When you are being proud, superior and intolerant, and prefer to continue to live in contaminated cesspools instead of looking for sources of living crystalline water.

• When acknowledgements and gratitude are expected, and one receives only accusations.

• When the ideas that one is willing to defend to the death, the other combats with silliness.

When all this happens in a marriage, it builds a living hell, but very cold hell.

Building dialogue, “listening with love”, is to solidify the conjugal harmony.

To talk in couples

1. Are we willing to “listen with love”?

2. What feelings were produced in us while discussing this chapter?

To pray together

Lord,

How many lost the opportunity,

How many are still in darkness,

by not listening to your Word

with an open heart.

We don't want that in our marriage.

When the same thing happens,

each one is left in darkness,

by not growing the light,

by not getting to know each other better.

Lord,

We want to know each other more deeply,

through a dialogue guaranteed

by a manifest ability to listen,

so, not only to receive the word of the other,

but also Himself.

Help us, to “listen with love”.

Amen.