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Conjugal dialogue

The dialogue is to love,

what blood is to the body.

As children we are taught to talk about things: of others, of the realities that surround us, gossip. Some received “teachings” from little on to yell, argue or to impose ideas. But, in reality, are we taught to dialogue?

We have been assimilating a misconception of what is dialogue. We believe that a good dialogue is to talk a lot. Conjugal dialogue is very demanding, requires depth, and is not a simple conversation. Many couples believe they have reached a good dialogue because they talk about things: of work, of “life is expensive”, of neighbors, of the television program, of the in-laws. It is clear that some of these themes should be discussed, but do not cross arms and assert that everything is accomplished in the area of matrimonial dialogue. Also remember that many speak, and very well, demanding to be heard. But they never listen.

Dialogue partners are permanently feeding the conjugal love. Make it grow and fortify it. How can one achieve a deep matrimonial dialogue? By talking about one's self, not others: “We”, transmitting our feelings to each other. By having a deep dialogue with your partner, communicating your intimate thoughts, sorrows, joys, desires and little things of life in common.

Stones, plants and animals constitute a world closed in on itself. Unlike them, we can open up, communicate to each other, penetrate into the other and be penetrated. The richness and wonders achieved in conjugal dialogue is not, then, the others’ or everyday details, but same couple, their inner wealth and their feelings.

The dialogue is a capability that Dios gave us as a road, whereby we are able to open our own interior to the other.

Someone said to me: We do not know what to dialogue. Is this so? Or are they so estranged that they have nothing in common? You can discuss many topics, but the fundamental is speaking of one's self, of what it feels like to be together or away for various reasons, the feelings that children produce, what you experience with a dislike or a joy, when the other says “I love you,” or to share the same bed.

Talk so love lives! Because dialog is for love, what blood is to the body.

To talk in couples

1. How do we see our dialogue?

2. What have we found negative in us that hinders the dialogue?

3. What have we found positive in us which helps to enhance our dialogue?

4. What can we do to improve conjugal dialogue?

To pray together

Lord,

you who are the word,

that being so you did little:

a man; to get close to you,

and so talk with us;

teach us to renounce

our pride,

not to be indifferent

to the request of the other,

to want to impose our ideas.

Lord,

Teach us to dialogue,

to talk about ourselves,

to open our hearts

to be totally with the other,

so our intimacies are as one.

Amen.