Читать книгу The illusion of forever - Rolf van der Wind - Страница 6

Chapter II

A new horizon.

It was still early in the morning when I opened my eyes. I could tell from the light in my room that another hot day was coming. Outside, the sky was blue, with not a single cloud on the horizon. I like these few seconds between dreams and reality. There is a pleasure in my hesitant consciousness, waking up to a new day.

A long time ago, I decided to look for a job that could allow me to travel and change places frequently. For the last 5 years, I have been working at a large company based here in the US. as a marketing manager. In my position, I am responsible for managing the promotion and positioning of a brand of products and services that my company sells. I must create and balance a competitive business strategy with a creative vision.

On one side, this job is a curse because no one voluntarily chooses to always change address and coworkers. After 5 years, I have maybe only two or three people I can call friends. On the other hand, it is a dream come true because it makes me feel alive. Since young, I had the rarest desire always to be somewhere else.

Most of my time, I do work with art directors, product developers, sales executives, public relations managers, and other employees to create engaging marketing campaigns. It may not sound awe-inspiring, but people like me are responsible for increasing global sales in many ways. I must be aware of global market trends and develop products that meet demand worldwide.

The IGUM Corporation was incorporated in April 1991. Our business concept is simply expressed uniquely. It offers products in the United States, Canada, Europe, and throughout Latin America.

When I joined IGUM in 2014, we already had customers in more than 45 countries worldwide. Nevertheless, the international expansion plans were far from complete. My work concentrated initially on domestic products, but later I was assigned to countries outside the US. My duty was to determine which countries would require longer-term investments and which had the potential to offer us faster near-term growth. We developed a five-part framework that can help the company to create a more targeted expansion strategy.

Working in marketing is more than merely selling a product internationally. Preferably, it includes the whole process of planning, producing, placing, and promoting a company's products in a worldwide market. Large businesses often have offices in the foreign countries they market to, but with the expansion of the Internet, even small companies can reach customers worldwide.

To be less technical, people like me need to understand what the customer wants to buy and achieve that goal.

Today I was consciously enjoying the gift of life that has been given to me. Though the room was quiet, my spirit was excited. I could sense the change the day would bring before I was even fully awake. A couple of weeks ago, I was asked if I would be interested in taking over a Scandinavia position. For me, it was a considerable challenge, one I was thrilled to take.

After many uncomfortably quiet and sullen mornings, I decided to always play music at the start of a good day. Not only did these songs help me get through those Monday blues, but the music in general also helped me start all of my mornings on the right side of the bed despite waiting for a long day at work. Later I prepared another coffee, and it was just another morning that made me realize that the most plain-speaking things are enough to be happy.

This new opening outside the US pulled me to the edge of madness. There were hope and fear. I instinctively knew that a stay abroad was a prerequisite for growth and evolution.

Waking up and going out into the world without knowing what each day holds, taking life as it comes, giving up any illusion of control that was the way I wanted to live.

Personally, I am not a great fan of meetings. It is a waste of time most of the time, so I nearly never attempt one or organize one unless I know what result I want out of it. Big companies tend to have too many meetings but no agenda, and by the end of the day, they have reached a resolution on absolutely nothing.

Today it was different. This meeting occurred at the precise moment in my career when I needed a change in my life. Now it was precisely when it would have the most significant impact on me.

In a startup, it does not matter if you are right all the time. What matters is having forward momentum and understandably presenting your vision.

At the end of the day, there were reasons to celebrate. I was the newly appointed manager of our office in Stockholm, and to my delight, the position was to be taken almost immediately.

I remember thinking to myself, "Sweden, I am coming. We may be complete strangers until will be not."

Many events added together in my mind until I felt that the time was ripe for looking back over the week, the year, and trying to figure out where I came from and where I was going to. This upcoming change was sincerely welcome. I felt that the time was right to start a new chapter in my life to change not only the address but myself. Personal growth was not planned to please others. I wanted to be different to emphasize interpersonal relationships. If the period living with Carol taught me something, that could be explained by saying that sharing life includes more than sharing a bed. When you start faking who you are, you start lying to yourself.

In the end, nobody has a chance to be happy.

Nobody must remain the way they are forever. We should be the person we aspire to be. Actual change requires work.

To think that only because I was going to be in a new country does not bring change automatically. I was convinced that the process would take time and effort. Rewarding personal growth requires motivation, the desire to educate yourself, and the willingness to make changes. I also needed to be prepared to get out of my comfort zone and sometimes do uncomfortable things, but I am convinced they are for my own good.

I have often heard people say, "Time heals all wounds." but I disagree. In time, our mind, protecting its sanity, find a way to lessen the pain, but it is never gone. I do not want to win Carol's heart back because deep inside, I know we would cry and hurt each other again. I still remember how strange I felt after she left. Even now, waking in the night, I miss not having her sleeping beside my side.

Sometimes listening to a song can take you back instantly to a moment bringing about beautiful things. The music will always remain the same tune, just like the memories. Undoubtedly, some things have to be forgotten if we want to go on living. The trouble is that beautiful moments exist not in what is seen and remembered but in what you keep in your heart, unable to forget. Carol used to joke about my easiness, forgetting the past. For me, it is sometimes primordial to forget or at least to try not to remember.

Fortunately, no matter how deep and unsatisfied I was feeling with myself, someone always watched over me. My father died years ago. I was very young and have not many memories of him. My mother was different; she was always there for me. The day she left this world, I was far away. It felt more comfortable to be so far away because I was exempted from grieving and saying the last farewell.

When one of our parents goes, then you know. Your life is ending. I know that well; her parting gave me a better understanding of myself. May her spirit allow me to manifest, create, and stop doing wrong. All her love will keep shining on me, helping me to reach beyond what I ever thought possible.

As an only child, I got accustomed to being by myself, and not having a large family made it worse. So, my mother and I spent a lot of time reading, listening to music or doing sport. I wanted a little brother or a little sister growing up, but I am happy I am an only child. When I hear all the trauma, some friends have dealt with brothers or sisters.

Maybe it was pathetic, but I wanted to live in a world where I could reproduce the stories I read in books, especially the romantic ones. I definitely gave myself more chances to put into practice all I had learned in the books than I should, but the end was never what I expected. In the heart matters, you cannot play a role and hope to experience true love.

By the time I was close to 30, my list of girls was numerous. When I seduced a girl, and she accepted, my body did go, but my heart stayed behind.

If Carol had not crossed my path, I would possibly be an irreparable case. She was who showed me the meaning of love. Now when I look into a girl's eyes, I care to know what the girl sees. If she is in search for love, I will not try to be a lover. I am in search of genuine love that reaches beyond the vague thrill of the conquest.

The desire to become a loving man shines through my mind and gives me the key to writing my history, not a copy of someone else's.

Life throws challenges, and every challenge has a learning curve; I do not expect to be Mr. right guy but a decent one. I would rather have my heart broken by girls that do not deserve me than breaking the hearts of girls who honestly loved me.