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7: Listen

We are Promoters and Explorers. We promote our ideas with emotion. We explore the world around us by listening for meaning and answers. Promotion and exploration are yin and yang on the coin of communication and learning. Promoters talk. Explorers listen. Both are needed for communication but learning comes from listening.

“A wise man listening to a fool will learn more than a fool listening to a wise man.”

Anonymous

Most people prefer promoting. They never take a breath as they promote their ideas. Are there times that we must promote an idea? Of course there are. Even so, we should explore what we are sending and what is being heard.

Explorers know listening is a choice. Active listening focuses on a message and its meaning. Unconscious listening is only hearing. Hearing is involuntary. Hearing is a physical sensation created by an external stimulus. We are bombarded by sounds around us like traffic, television, conversations, construction and more. We must prioritize what we listen to so that we don’t miss something important. Take this conversation for instance.

Husband (concerned): “What’s wrong honey?”

Wife (sniffling): You didn’t get me a birthday present.”

Husband (perplexed): “But you told me not to get you anything this year.”

Wife (innocently): “That’s what I said, but you know what I meant.”

Husband (getting his coat): “I’ll be right back.”

The husband heard what his wife was saying but he was not listening. Technically he may have been right, but his inability to pick up the subtle message behind his wife’s words caught him off guard.

“When making personal decisions, listen to what your head says; then listen to what your heart says. If they differ follow your heart! Whenever you listen to you heart, you listen to that part of you that is most interested in your well-being.”

Anonymous

What are a few obstacles to listening? Imagine we are sitting in a training seminar, or lecture hall or even in church. We daydream. We are not interested in the subject. We focus on the speaker’s clothing or delivery. We are distracted by outside noises or conversations. We feel the room is not right. We are impatient or self absorbed.

Listening for understanding is a learned skill. Explorers use two types of feedback to check understanding – statement confirmation and questioning for clarity.

Statement confirmation is restating what you the think the speaker is saying. Explorers are able to paraphrase the speaker’s words to the speaker’s satisfaction.

Questioning for clarification is asking for additional information to clarify your view of the speaker’s message. Explorers use this method to double check their understanding.

One-on-one statement confirmation and questioning for clarity is a quicker process than in a group setting. Statement confirmation and questioning for clarity in a group setting may entail taking notes, reviewing for restatement and asking questions later.

Statement confirmation and questioning for clarity does not mean you agree with the speaker. It means that you are seeking understanding of the message.

You as a Promoter can refine your ideas by becoming an Explorer. Prepare your audience by asking for active listening. Tell your audience you will ask them to paraphrase your idea, you will open the floor for clarifying questions, expect feedback on whether your idea makes sense and entertain how they would improve your idea. Can you see what happens? You become an Explorer. You actively listen to feedback. You now can switch roles back to Promoter with a better chance of presenting your idea in terms that makes sense to your audience.

You have created the coin of communication and learning.

The little child whispered, "God, speak to me."

And a meadowlark sang.

But the child did not hear.

So the child yelled, "God, speak to me!"

And the thunder rolled across the sky.

But the child did not listen.

The child looked around and said, "God let me see you."

And a star shone brightly.

But the child did not notice.

And the child shouted, "God show me a miracle!"

And a life was born.

But the child did not know.

So the child cried out in despair,

"Touch me God, and let me know you are here!"

Whereupon God reached down and touched the child.

But the child brushed the butterfly away and walked away unknowingly.

Take time to listen. Often times, the things we seek are right underneath our noses. Don't miss out on your blessing because it isn't packaged the way that you expect.

Anonymous