Читать книгу A Lighter Side to Cancer: From Wake-up Call to Radiant Wellness - Sandra Miniere - Страница 5

After the surgeon biopsied two small cancerous tumors from my left breast, she told me I was very fortunate because my cancer had been detected early. The damage to my body was minimal. However, once she recommended a mastectomy with reconstruction, I did not feel lucky. A lumpectomy was never suggested. I remember her saying, “Something is going on in that breast.” I had two tumors in one breast, and my breasts were small. Getting clear margins and breast appearance were probably considered too. It felt like my health-conscious, disciplined lifestyle for the past twenty years had just been defeated. Adequate nutrition, yoga, and meditation had not prevented this health crisis. The alien world of cancer had found its way to my front door, and I couldn't slam the door in its face. Those pamphlets on breast surgery, neatly stacked in a small wooden shelf on the wall in my surgeon’s office, were about to become a part of my realty.

The surgeon instructed me to take several weeks to educate myself about treatment options. My life depended upon making an informed choice. Surgery, radiation, chemotherapy, or non-invasive alternative treatments were possibilities. I got my first assignment from my surgeon: Read Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book—all 700 pages. I asked Paul to buy this breast cancer bible on his way home from work because I did not want to deal with it. He held the book first and began reading it before me. The book lay on my kitchen counter. Each time I walked by it, I reminded myself, “I should be reading but I am just not ready.” I needed more time to recover from the shock. Two days later, I picked up the book. It was my turn to make choices like all the women who have gone before me. I felt some embarrassment that I had become one of them. In my work as a holistic, body-centered mental health counselor, I had helped cancer patients. I was not supposed to become one. Clients and students looked to me as someone who had it together. The illusion of invincibility was crumbling fast, and I had to face it.

When I finally emerged from the false security of denial, I sprang into action. First, I faxed the biopsy report to two experts for second opinions. Then I read the treatment section of Dr. Love's book, contacted support centers, bought books, scanned the web (before the Google phenomenon), called friends knowledgeable about cancer, and consulted a holistic doctor. Each contact gave me a list of more contacts. Within two days of taking charge, I was inundated with resources for traditional and non-traditional treatment options. My dining room table became a smorgasbord of cancer information. Cancer had invaded my home.

While adapting to this uninvited guest, I had difficulty releasing the tension from my body. My insides were quietly trembling as if I were in the aftershocks of an earthquake. I seemed to be able to keep the feelings under control while I stayed busy, learning all I could about the causes of cancer and treatment options. But, the shock and trauma were rumbling around in my body anyway. Yoga stretches, meridian tapping and meditation provided minor relief. However, after one visit to Dr. Xie, my new Chinese acupuncturist in California, I felt optimistic and in charge. With thin needles in my feet, abdomen, and head, he reconnected me to my peaceful center. When I left his office, my body and soul were calm for the first time since the earth-shattering news. Grace enveloped me, and I felt more connected to a Higher Power.

As I walked to my car after that treatment, I told myself, “You can do this.” I just didn't know what “this” would entail.

Overwhelmed, but motivated, I continued to gather information and speak to other women who had survived breast cancer. One of the women's cancer support centers gave me a buddy. She listened to my cancer story and shared hers. We discussed doctors, surgery, recovery, alternative medicine and prevention. She spoke in a matter-of-fact way about sleeping in a chaise lounge for three months after her breast reconstruction. The assurance and confidence in her voice gave me hope. It placed a solid foundation under my feet. Real people had successfully survived the havoc of treatment. The world of cancer was becoming familiar, and a women’s support network was nurturing me.

Some Cancer Statistics

•The American Cancer Society 2010 Cancer Statistics reveal that one out of three women in the US is at risk for developing some form of cancer in their lifetime. That number increases for men to one out of two.

•The National Cancer Institute reports that more than 11 million Americans have a history of invasive cancer, while the American Cancer Society estimates that in the year 2009, over 1.4 million Americans will receive a diagnosis of invasive cancer with over a half million cases resulting in death.

•In 2012, the American Cancer Society estimates that about 226,870 new cases of invasive breast cancer will be diagnosed in the United States—and about

•53,300 new cases of carcinoma in situ (noninvasive). About 39,510 women will die from breast cancer, and 2.6 million survivors currently live in the United States.

•A study by scientists at Imperial College in London confirms the link between lifestyle and breast cancer. A woman can significantly reduce her risk of getting breast cancer if she limits the amount of alcohol she drinks, maintains a healthy weight and is physically active.

Just when I thought I was coping effectively, I received a telephone call from a friend who worked in cancer research. “This is Vicki. You have to have your breast off!” I was sitting on my bed listening to her with my free arm wrapped around my stomach while she told me, “All the women I know who had lumpectomies are dead, and those with mastectomies are alive.” As soon as we hung up, my body began shaking. Paul found me lying on the bed trembling in a fetal position. My body seemed to be resisting this truth. I could not accept that the body I had tried to protect with hormones and healthy lifestyle would be mutilated by a surgeon's knife. This thunderbolt of reality shattered the fragile armor I had erected to keep going.

I calmed down enough to fall asleep that evening only to awaken abruptly at 3:00 a.m. As I opened my eyes and I sat up, I could still see the dream image even after blinking a few times. The scene in front of me reflected an ethereal substance with natural color. It revealed my surgeon standing next to a hospital gurney with me lying on it. We were getting ready to go into surgery. I couldn't see my face, but I felt safe. She stood confidently by my side. The truth encoded in this vivid image got my attention. In that moment I decided to have a left modified radical mastectomy. It felt right.

The truth—distasteful as it was—set me free. Peace replaced the turmoil in my mind and body. I fell back to sleep with a profound sense of relief. In the morning I would discuss my decision with Paul, begin to grieve the loss of my breast and explore breast reconstruction options. Gratitude filled me because the decision had been taken out of my ego’s hands by the truth and guidance of my soul. I began to feel that I was not alone on this cancer journey. A power greater than myself appeared to be helping me take each step. A process that could have consumed my energy for weeks resolved itself within five days after the diagnosis. In my hour of need, my body and soul spoke to me—and, I listened. I never doubted their profound wisdom. The memory still brings tears to my eyes.