Читать книгу Planning A Wedding For Dummies - Sarah Lizabeth Barker - Страница 19

You’re so excited to get married and you’re sitting with your family one afternoon chatting about how the wedding planning is going. You start talking about the beautiful white flowers you’ve picked, because white flowers are your favorite, and someone in your family says, “I hate white flowers. Why would you pick white flowers?” All of a sudden, you’re second-guessing every decision you made. In this section we’ll talk about how it’s important to set boundaries with the ones you love the most while planning your wedding.

You’re planning your wedding. You are not planning the wedding of your parents, your bridal party, or your friends. This is your wedding, and it should reflect you as a couple. If you love white flowers, then you need to have white flowers. I cannot tell you how many clients have allowed outside influences to impact their big day — not just impact but completely ruin their wedding. You wedding day isn’t about anyone else other than the two of you. I know that is a very hard concept to understand when your outside influences are so strong, but please remember that this is about you, no one else.

I once watched a mother of the bride walk down the aisle while screaming profanities about the groom and how she didn’t like him. I couldn’t fathom what was happening right in front of my face. How could someone do this? How could anyone possibly think that this was the time to let everyone know what she thought about the person her daughter was about to marry? I stood there not knowing what to do. Was I supposed to tackle her, or just stand there and cry with the bride? How dare she do this to my friend!

That was a traumatic experience, but the fact is that people around you may often insert their thoughts and feelings about something you’re planning for the wedding. There is a reason for this. There is always a “why,” and I challenge you to find that out. It will open communication and help avoid problems down the road or aisle.

Why did this mom do this to her daughter? My guess is that from the time her daughter got engaged until the wedding, they never once spoke about the fact that mom didn’t like the groom. It was brewing inside and when she hit the aisle, everything came to the surface, and it was not good.

If your parents are paying for your wedding, it’s important to sit down with them and talk about whatever is important to them regarding your wedding. Ask them if they have any needs or expectations for the wedding. It’s an unbelievable gift that they’re paying for your wedding, so you need to have a conversation about their expectations. Ask them some of the following questions:

 How many guests do you plan on inviting?

 Do have a particular menu in mind?

 Do you have an idea of what kind of entertainment you want to provide?

 Is there anything that you want to see at the wedding?

 Are you excited about the big day?

 Do you have any reservations about the wedding day?

Having conversations with your parents will help you avoid any problems down the road. As the mother of three girls, I’m certain that I will be feeling all kinds of emotions when they get married. I hope that those emotions come out in a positive way. If they don’t, it’s most likely because I felt as though my opinion or voice didn’t matter. That is my “why.” I want my voice to matter.

Find out the “why” behind your parents’ opinion. Trust me, they have a reason why they hate white flowers. Acknowledge that and then explain to them how much you love white flowers and as much as you appreciate everything they’re doing for you, it’s important to you to have white flowers. Setting those boundaries early in the wedding planning process will help you plan the perfect day that reflects you and your fiancé.

In Chapter 2 we’ll talk about picking the perfect bridal party. They are your people. Some you have picked, and some are picked for you because they’re family. Regardless, you have them and everything that comes with them. My hope for you is that they behave, but what if they don’t? Too often, clients tell me stories about something one of their bridesmaids is doing or a groomsman who isn’t holding up to his job duties. Regardless of what the situation may be, it only stresses out the couple, leaving them frustrated and wishing they had picked a better squad.

Just as in marriage, communication is key to setting boundaries with your bridal party. Logistical details are all they need to know during the wedding planning process. Give them the specific information they’ll need, such as what to wear, when to arrive at the rehearsal, the time and location of the rehearsal dinner, and what time to be at the venue on the wedding day.

I know you’re excited about the details and you may want to share those. But please know that your bridal party will have opinions, so if you’re comfortable with listening to their opinions, then share away. It would be amazing if when you share details with them, they are excited and think your choices are the best possible choices. However, the frustration comes in when they offer their opinion and it upsets you. I don’t want that happening for you.

The main point I want you to hear is that there are so many special people in your life and that is amazing! All those people have opinions. Keep those boundaries up between your dreams and their opinions. This day is about the two of you and no one else, period. Respectfully listen and then filter out what isn’t of value to your wedding or doesn’t reflect who you are as a couple. Stay focused on your fiancé’s opinion and build a day for the two of you to enjoy because white flowers are your favorite!