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When I meet with clients in conflict, I prefer to use a tried-and-true mediation process that looks at both the surface issues and the underlying causes for the difficulty. In this section, I show you why mediation is your best bet for a long-term solution and improved working relationship.

Following eight steps to a resolution

Using a solid process to mediate a meeting between co-workers in conflict gives you a foundation on which to manage and monitor the difficulty. Follow these steps from a professional mediation process:

1. Do preliminary planning and setup: Carefully investigate who’s involved and what you believe the issues are, and invite the parties to discuss the matter with you. Provide a private, comfortable and confidential environment for the meeting.

2. Greet and discuss the process: Explain your role as a neutral facilitator and go over the ground rules, including your expectation for open minds and common courtesy.

3. Share perspectives: Give each person an opportunity to share her point of view and discuss the impact the conflict has had on her. Reflect, reframe and neutralise emotional content while honouring the spirit of what she’s sharing.

4. Build an agenda: Allow both parties to create a list of topics (not solutions) they want to discuss. The list acts as a road map that keeps the discussion on track.

5. Negotiate in good faith: As co-workers discuss initial ideas for solutions, set the tone by listening to any and all ideas. Brainstorm and play out how suggestions might work and whether they satisfy what’s most important to the employees.

6. Hold private meetings as necessary: Confidentially explore what’s keeping each from moving forward, and discuss what each is willing to do (or ask for) in the spirit of progress and real resolution.

7. Craft agreements: Bring employees back together and let them share, if they so choose, any discoveries they made during the private meeting sessions. Begin to narrow down solutions and come to an agreement (with details!) on who will do what and when.

8. Monitor follow-through: Keep track of progress, address hiccups and refine as appropriate.

Facilitating a conversation between two people

Before you begin the mediation process, you need to consider the following:

A suitable meeting space: You want the employees to feel comfortable enough in the meeting location to open up about the real issues. Meet in a place that has lots of privacy and is seen as neutral territory.

Confidentiality: You need to build trust for a mediation conversation (see Chapter 6 for details on setting up a meeting), so agreeing to keep the conversation between the colleagues is a must, whether you act as mediator or bring in an outside expert.

Time and interruptions: You probably want to set aside up to four hours to work through the issues, and you want to clear your schedule of other responsibilities so that the meeting isn’t interrupted.

When you make the decision to mediate a conversation between feuding parties, a few things change for you. It’s imperative that you walk a fine line between manager or colleague and mediator. As a manager, you have the power to make decisions; as a mediator, you have the power to put the onus on the employees and act as a neutral third party.

Practising the arts of reflecting and reframing an employee’s point of view may be an initial challenge for you, but it’s worth it in the end. Chapter 7 walks you through these steps and helps you keep your footing along the path of conflict resolution.

Negotiating a resolution to conflict starts with getting all the relevant information about the past on the table and ends with a clear definition of what the future could be. Get there by listening for what’s really important to the parties involved and then asking directed, open-ended questions. In Chapter 8, I provide questions and cover the process of moving people through the negotiation stage of a mediated conversation.

The best solutions satisfy all parties involved and, perhaps more important, are lasting. Chapter 9 helps you work with your employees to develop good solutions and agreements.

Managing conflict with a team

If the conflict making its way through your organisation seems to affect each and every employee, suggesting, planning for and/or facilitating a team meeting may be the answer.

The more upfront preparation you do, the better your odds are for a fruitful outcome, so set yourself up for success by following a few simple tips:

Decide whether you’re neutral enough to facilitate the conversation. If not, look to a professional mediator or conflict resolution specialist to help.

Consider broad details like your goals and how you’ll develop milestones that quantify progress.

Plan for smaller details, like exactly how you’ll organise small group work and handle hecklers.

In Chapter 10, I discuss how to resolve conflict when larger groups are involved.

Following up and monitoring the situation takes some attention on your part. Look for signs of decreased tension and increases in work quality and quantity so that you can get out of the referee role and back into the position of managing the business you were hired to direct.