Читать книгу Workplace Conflict Resolution Essentials For Dummies - Scott Vivian, Vivian Scott - Страница 7

In This Chapter

Reviewing communication

Understanding the individual’s perspective

Shedding light on emotions

Addressing common responses to conflict

Each person in your workplace is a complex system of past experiences, beliefs, values, opinions and emotions. Each has different ways of communicating, processing the things around him or her, and handling conflict.

This chapter helps you gain a better insight into the people on your team – why they see things the way they do, why they react to different people in different ways, and how their emotions can complicate the whole situation. You can start to understand how your colleagues’ personal beliefs and attributes contribute to the team dynamic and sometimes contribute to conflict (which is normal, natural and inevitable, by the way) so that you can build better working relationships and a more productive working environment. You’ll see the broader foundation of conflict and be more prepared to proactively reduce and perhaps prevent it.

Rediscovering Communication

Good communication is the hallmark of a productive working relationship. Easier said than done, right? Even when you believe you’re being crystal clear, it’s possible that the other person doesn’t understand what you’re really trying to say. This happens for a variety of reasons, including differences in goals, misunderstandings with language, ambiguous body language and misinterpretations of tone of voice.

Changing the goal of communication

In conflict, goals for communication often turn destructive. If someone in your group enters into a conversation for the sole purpose of proving that she’s right, making the other person feel bad or establishing that the other person is an incompetent fool, the conflict is likely to get worse.

Reaching agreement is commonly thought of as the goal of communication, but this misconception is often one of the most unnecessary causes of conflicts. Instead, focus on creating understanding – and understanding doesn’t mean agreeing. It isn’t necessary for the two people in conflict to see eye to eye and walk away holding hands, but it’s helpful if they can talk to each other respectfully, feel heard by each other, and gain a greater understanding of the situation and the other person.

The old cliché ‘agree to disagree’ may be coming to mind. In a way, this saying is both accurate and inaccurate. The two people in the conflict may end their discussion on this note, and that’s fine as long as they both put forth a 100-per-cent effort to listen and understand each other. Unfortunately, most people use this saying as a quick way to end a conversation. They’re tired of trying to talk with the other person so they agree to disagree as a polite way of brushing off the other person. That’s not what striving for understanding is about.

Ultimately, if two people have a real and productive conversation where they both listen and feel heard, they’ll probably find more in common with each other and find more points to agree on. Changing the goal of communication is a new way to think about it and, even if you’re not directly involved in the conflict, if you shift your thinking, you’ll have a head start on working with employees to solve their issues.

Choosing words carefully: The importance of language

One of the most common contributors to miscommunication is language. The words you use can lead to misinterpretations and negative reactions, either because you choose words that don’t accurately express what you’re trying to say or you use words that the listener finds inappropriate or insulting. In some cases, the miscommunication is simply a matter of semantics (the meaning and interpretation of words).

Making sure you’re on the same page

Words are slippery things, and the same word can have different meanings for different people. The best ways to avoid misunderstandings are to be specific and to get creative. Take more time in a conversation, choose your words carefully and ask clarifying questions. If you suspect semantics are getting in the way, take a moment to define the word in question. State what that word means to you, and ask the other person what it means to her. This clarification could shed light on the disagreement.

When starting a conversation, try to avoid misunderstandings by giving thought to what information you’re trying to relay or gather, and then formulate a statement or question that meets that goal. For example, asking a colleague to respect you isn’t as clear as asking her to respect you by not playing practical jokes on you. Telling your boss that you want time off isn’t as clear as requesting leave for the week of 1 January.

You can also get creative and find other ways to get your message across. If words are keeping people from a shared understanding, try a different method of communication. Visual aids like photos, maps, charts and diagrams can be tremendously helpful. In some situations you may find that a demonstration or tutorial clarifies a point.

Being precise

Using words or phrases that are vague or too open to interpretation can cause problems. If you’re using one of the following words or phrases, consider whether you can be more precise:

Sometimes

In a timely manner

As needed

To my satisfaction

A few

Several

Often

Frequently

When you get a chance

Be proactive and use specifics whenever possible. If you have an expectation that the sales receipts need to be turned in ‘at the end of the day’, say that what you really mean is ‘by 5.30 pm each and every day’. Being specific avoids confusion and uncertainty.

Avoiding inflammatory language

Using the wrong language can make a good situation bad or a bad situation worse. By choosing inflammatory words to get a message across, you can easily sound insulting, insensitive, hurtful or just plain mean. Some inflammatory words, such as name-calling, are very obvious. Calling someone stupid, lazy or incompetent can get you in trouble, not only with your team or manager but also with the human resources department!

Beyond the obvious, some words are just easier for a listener to hear. For example, if an employee or colleague approaches you and says, ‘I hate my job’, you’ll probably have a negative reaction. If the same employee instead says, ‘I’m dissatisfied with my job’, your reaction would be quite different. Some words have a negative impact, and the trick to getting a more positive reaction from listeners is to find more neutral words that they won’t find offensive. I provide hints on neutralising language in Chapter 7.

Body language: Others’ and your own

Another important element in an individual’s communication arsenal is body language. Body language goes beyond obvious gestures (like showing someone your appreciation when he cuts you off in traffic!) and encompasses everything people do physically while they’re in a conversation.

Body language that’s open and encouraging includes

Facing the person who’s speaking

Making good eye contact

Nodding occasionally

Having arms in an open position rather than crossed in front of the chest

Body language can also be closed and discourage communication. The following will shut down the conversation and probably earn you a reputation for being rude:

Not looking at the person speaking

Rolling your eyes

Having an expressionless face, frowning or squinting to indicate the speaker isn’t making any sense

Staring off into space

Turning your back to the speaker

Pay attention to your group and make note of body language during tense or heated conversations. Do the same when things are going well and note the difference.

Be aware of the nonverbal cues you’re giving off in the workplace, and be aware of the nonverbal cues you’re getting from everyone else. Clenched fists, tightness in the shoulders and increased breathing can all indicate stress, whereas a relaxed posture, leaning back in the chair and a smile can mean happiness and contentment. What do these gestures say about the work environment, your team and yourself? When you know what to look for, you can tell a lot about someone’s day before she even says a word.

Use body language as a clue to discern what may be going on, but don’t use it exclusively. If a co-worker walks into the office one day, doesn’t say hello and immediately sits down at her desk, maybe she’s mad at you – or maybe she has a very busy day ahead and wants to stay focused. Making some assumptions about body language is fine, but check out those assumptions before acting or reacting badly. For more information on assumptions, see Chapter 3.

Discerning tone of voice

A largely under-recognised yet critical part of verbal communication is tone of voice. How something is said – either the tone used or the inflection given – can completely change the meaning of the words. Without knowing whether the speaker’s intent is to be funny, sarcastic, serious or sincere, a person may respond inappropriately. This often happens to people who communicate predominantly in writing. The written word leaves tone of voice open to interpretation, and you don’t want to learn that lesson the hard way.