Читать книгу System life. How to organize life to cope with uncertainty and achieve results without burnout - Семён Колосов - Страница 23

Before moving on to the goal-setting system, let’s analyze the main mistakes so that you know the enemy in person. They understood how to deal with it, and why exactly these tools are used. When you understand what mistakes, they help to exclude, you will understand the principles of their work. This will allow you to adapt everything to yourself and improve your own approaches.

«Terminator: I have human anatomy files embedded in me.

Sarah Connor: I can imagine. After all, it makes you a more perfect killer»

«Terminator 2: Judgment Day»

Some errors are components or causes of other errors, but I have compiled just such a list so as not to miss anything and understand the cause-and-effect relationships. It turned out to be ten points – a beautiful number for a paragraph of a non-fiction book. I described the mistakes that I made myself and that I meet most often with other people. I also briefly described how to avoid such mistakes. Do not rush to let the thought «Thank you, cap, this is understandable, but how to do it?» into your head. Next, I will describe my approaches. Even without special knowledge, they will drive you into the framework of an algorithm that will minimize errors. Let’s start our hit parade!

1. No goals.

I’ve met a lot of people who can’t answer what their goals are. They just answer that they want to live well. Usually there is no goal for those who, like a squirrel in a wheel, solve problems nonstop in order to stay afloat. They just go with the flow. They are driven by incentives, so the goals are simple. But if they had ambitious goals, the approach would be completely different. Also, the desire to set goals decreases with the onset of the basic comfort zone. People in the comfort zone experience anxiety and do not develop. Without a goal, it is difficult to understand what is important, since everything becomes important, and it is impossible to determine the priority. The worst option is when a person is depressed or cannot recognize their desires. Such people live in the image of a victim and are happy to stay in it, blaming everyone around. So, it’s easier to come up with an excuse for your inaction and wait for everything to be brought on a platter. I was at the place of the victim and the squirrel. You read my story above. If you are reading this book, it is unlikely that you do not have goals. At least you have a desire for them to appear, and that’s fine. If you don’t have goals, analyze the reason why this is happening. In any case, you have desires and curiosity. If you don’t see them, figure out why. Through books, videos, psychotherapists or the poke method. The main thing is to try. Otherwise, life without goals will kill you mentally and physically.

2. Somebody else’s goals.

In the beginning, I already touched on this topic a little. Usually, they tell me that there are no other people’s goals. If a person wants something, then how can it be someone else’s wish? There is some truth in this. But I would say that there are no other people’s desires, but there are other people’s goals. Today, many people want to work in the IT field. Is it a desire or a goal to get such a profession? Ask such a person why he needs it. He’ll say something like, «well, it’s cool, modern, they pay a lot, cool offices and they have cookies there.» Such a person sets himself the goal of «becoming a programmer». But for some reason, actions are postponed, excuses are invented, and the code is not written. Most likely, this is someone else’s goal, with which a person wants to satisfy his desire for security or status. He wants to have a sought-after and prestigious profession, so that the conditions are better, and he is not ashamed to tell his friends about it. Because YouTube and social networks show such content about programmers that gives the right to think so. They program electric cars there, launch startups and speak at conferences. Everyone has become very successful. Wherever you look, there’s CEO, CPO and a lot of other abbreviations. Any person watches it and wants to satisfy his desire, but with the help of someone else’s goal. It won’t work that way. You need to want what you want and understand why you want it. I had such a situation with learning English. At the beginning of my work at red_mad_robot, I saw a man in the office who spoke on the phone in English, as if it was his native language. Then the thought flashed: «I want it that way too.» Why don’t I, so cool, working in such a company, speak English? Then I met a few more people who call to London and chatter in English no prob. So, in my goals for the year there was a goal to learn English. No matter how I formulated it and decomposed it, no matter what methods I tried, nothing worked. A year has passed, and all the progress that I had was only a dozen new words and that’s it. I made new attempts, but all to no avail. At some point I thought that I was not given, and gave up. At that time, I thought I understood goal-setting. So, I decided: if it doesn’t work now, then there’s no point in trying. It was just someone else’s goal, and I made such a disastrous conclusion about my abilities. My brain didn’t want to lose my status so that I would be worse than others. I was ashamed, and it hurt my ego. Although I have always been a person who has never tried to prove anything to anyone. But so unconsciously there was a goal that I didn’t need. I realized that the goal was someone else’s when I asked myself the question: «Why do I need English?». I wasn’t going to move, it’s not really needed at work, I had enough knowledge for traveling. The answer was – because everyone at work knows it, and am I worse than them? Of course, nothing works like that. The brain wants everyone to love and respect us, but it doesn’t want to do anything. I started enjoying learning English when I needed to do what I like. I translated the lyrics of my favorite bands and read in English at work about UX design, digital product development, management, psychology and education. When I received the information, I needed without waiting for the translation of articles and books, I did not notice any difficulties with the language. Even though I looked every second word up. I slowly formed a habit. It has become the norm for me that I can’t understand everything, but I read in English. Then I was shown the TV series «The Office» in the original with subtitles. Watching all the seasons in the original immediately became a priority goal. Fans of the series will understand. Again, the question «Why?» saved everyone. When the answer to this question appeared, there were no problems with motivation. I was just having fun because I liked doing it. Understand your desires so as not to live by someone else’s goals. The most annoying thing is to be disappointed when you have reached the goal, and you don’t need it. I presented my thesis in university, I know what I’m talking about.