Читать книгу Only craft - Sergej Strelyaev - Страница 2

“The one who does not see the truth turns away from bad, is not capable to feel pleasures from good; not thinking of death life for nothing will live”, – now he even more often heard the father, to it unusual dreams came, persistently forced out habitual dreams, tried to hint about something. Instead of a ring of coins and wine in beautiful glasses music was, pictures of the far childhood emerged.

Having groped the grown dumb fingers the button, Alexander disconnected an alarm clock. He knew, after three minutes the repetition designed to pull out finally his body from a dream will work. But it will occur later, ahead several minutes of pleasures in complete darkness still glimmered. In time which remained for rest the guy tried to fall asleep, forget the forthcoming day. Fog of close morning enveloped consciousness, immersing in a sensitive somnolence, forced to shudder, opening eyes. In a close window the darkness penetrated by wind was concealed. From time to time the expected signal began to seem. Being afraid to oversleep, he stood up from a sofa, listened to silence, extended a lamp from under a pillow, highlighted the dial of hours. Still there were two minutes. The whistle of wind reaching outside filled the room with nonexistent cold. From one thought – “in half an hour it is necessary to come to a frost and to battle again against elements”, the shiver scolded. Muffling up with the head in a blanket, drawing in under itself knees, Alexander tried to find the reason allowing to stay at home. But the body, contrary to desires of the owner, performed the operations brought to automatism: the ringing click of the switch – and the room lit up is dazzling caustic light. The night trapping behind the jingling glasses, having condensed even more densely, it was removed deep into windows.

The ring repeated. Having shrunk, continuing to freeze, Alexander reached phone, again disconnected an alarm clock. He hated, was even afraid the sounds awakening it. Looking for rescue, changed a melody, the result remained the same. At last, having guessed that it is not sounds, and in the sense put in them, returned to the first, quieter option of a signal. And still, despite innocence, he continued to hate an opposite tweedle. It is not important where and in what time he happened to hear familiar notes, together with them also the morning discontent came back. Having cast away a blanket, he right there regretted about the dressing gown forgotten on a chair. To treasured warmth remained to steam of steps, disgustingly far, stumps.

The left sofa creaked an old age. Being exempted from weight of a body, springs deafly cracked. Having got on feet, the guy right there got back into a bed – it was not succeeded to have a rest in a night: the head was turned, there was a wish to sleep. Ability to move, and reason hardly came back to the languished body, following its example, refused to understand …. The remains of night images still sent consciousness to fantastic corridors; in them strange music still sounded. Every moment of the appearing reality in emptiness several notes were lost, already not clear words of a mysterious song were confused. Soon Alexander had one aftertaste yes silhouettes strange, not hurrying to be dissolved in the dawn, images. They pursued it all day, assimilating to a plane loop, slowly, without losing the sharpness, continuing to attract afar, crept away on the parties.

“Do not close an eye, do not miss anything”, – the father demanded more and more quietly while Alexander did not cease to understand it at all.

“I look…, only good does not hurry. Where it got lost?” – their conversation always came to an end with the same question.

Having found forces, Alexander got up and achieved the planned objectives: having thrown with a dressing gown shoulders, heavily fell in the released chair. Legs shivered from weakness, dull ache howled in all joints, nausea attacks bothered. Tickled in a throat. Cheap Chinese hours on a wall beat off “rubber” seconds – the only sound in impenetrable silence which is not noticed in the afternoon at all. He waited when, bringing new torments, phone rings out.

– Give already, – being irritated, Alexander addressed persistently being silent tube.

Phone which heard the owner, having burst in bells, spread on the varnished table cover.

– Yes, – the voice did not submit; having cleared the throat, squeezed out from itself louder: – I listen.

– The sonny, you did not oversleep?

– How many time to you to repeat same?! I put an alarm clock. No, all the same you call!

Similar phrases, обозляясь for all next day, Alexander repeated every morning.

– You will take to eat itself or to me on a stop to take out? – the woman of reproaches did not notice, or managed to get used to them.

– I have a girl. She knows how to cook too.

Eloquent silence followed.

“I am aware as she prepares”, – the dry crash in dynamics replaced words.

– Forgot that Lita arrived, – constraining reproaches, the woman sighed. – Well, you though I wash the dishes from salad bring. Found?

Having set a couple of nothing not meaning questions yet and having received as much faceless answers, Nina passed to the latest news and scrupulously collected gossips. Stories followed one by one, their contents – about everything and about everyone, did not miss the uniform acquaintance, did not disdain any subject. Sometimes the woman did a pause, asked something. Without knowing what to refer to and how somewhat quicker to hang up, Alexander answered. Nina continued to enrage him and demanded impossible: it is not simple to answer, but also to think, be at loss for words, to turn them into intelligent phrases.

“Well what will change if I answer in a different way? If I in general keep silent? Can switch-off phone next time? No! – hasty Alexander refused the tempting idea, without having managed to enjoy it properly. – Will begin to ring round neighbors. Itself will come tearing along, without reckoning with distance. And after even it is necessary to construct the sat-down battery, breakage of phone, a problem with hearing. The last at all to anything – will drag to the doctor. In loading will finish a conversation on the shed tears, the endured disorders, the endured heartache and the drunk valerian bottles …. Or what it accepts there? – the similar prospect beat off any desire to give in to minute pleasure. – And it is not guilty”, – Alexander was softened – loved parents, though seldom showed it. But unlike most of the friends never hesitated of them. Old men paid it in the same: were not angry, did not reproach with unjustified hopes and the brought disappointments. “Yes, it is not guilty. Worries. And the father so in general restraint, idle will not call. Though, so… suffers for the sake of appearance. Too misses …. To serve it in investigation. … Probably, knows who killed Kennedy if, of course, knows who such Kennedy”.

Especially got when Nina called on work, it is frequent during a lunch break, and, naturally, without having heard squeal of a saw, at once began to suspect something wrong and surely bad, often threatening with accident. On the guy the hail right there spilled from: “Why it is so silent?”, “You where are?”, “And why not at work?”

As Alexander restrained, for a long time the patience did not last: was rude and in a minute listened to infinite lamentations and charges of cruelty. Here and now, each word pronounced by Ninoyu brought it almost physical pain, any thought which is making the way in the head, striving to bring out of a dozing state brought closer a snow blizzard, reminded of fast need to go outside. Consciousness renounced reality, demanded to leave it alone. Thoughts sought to continue the slow course in not clear, not demanding any efforts direction. “To sit and, without thinking, to consider the images emerging in the head, to stick to some of them, it is imperceptible for itself to come back to previous, to eat away them to the bottom and to go further, so and without having found anything, so and without looking for anything”.

Having darted a farewell glance at the bed storing traces of his body Alexander, palmed it, felt the catching a cold warmth. Having heaved a deep sigh, left in kitchen. Here it seemed even more cold. Welded a cup of coffee; trying not to look at the food strengthening a desire to vomiting put something with himself for lunch. Began to smoke a cigarette and again plunged into contemplate tranquility.

The same hours, as well as in the hall, monotonously killed the last minutes of silence. In total around it seemed disgusting, hated. At each inhaling in a cigarette crackled the smoldering tobacco. The flashing spark snatched out from darkness, reflected a face of the guy in windowpanes, added shades red to his brown eyes, decorated with a flush thin, actually very pale face. Small shuddering, long fingers brought and brought a cigarette to lips. Smoke scratched a throat, forced to cough. Gray clubs, coiling, settled on the black, unbarbered head. As if trying to dump from itself the living being, Alexander swung hands, crashed fingers into a thick hair, with a force pulled the hand which is getting stuck in them and, without paying attention to the rising pain, tore apart the hairbrush and shampoo, ringlets bound, long ago calling. But to take care of the own life there was neither desire, nor time; and now there was a wish only – to return one to heat, to bury in a fluffy blanket and, having felt its soft touches, to fall asleep even if forever. Such minutes death attracted it for itself, seemed the disposal bearing long-awaited rest. It after, before noon, life will seem tolerable, worthy continuations ….

“Has a sleep only four hours. This movie was given me”, – Alexander in each cruel morning repeated, repeated that he by all means will lay down today earlier, will sleep. Then evening came, morning tortures were forgotten, and it sat up again late. The competition begun very long time ago with itself continued. “All right still would be engaged in business …. No, looked, envied others talent. And that…? Differently it is possible to feel, let without having slept, but having satisfied made. You look, and others will begin not to fill up, accusing my art, damning morning. So not, I sit, I look what the hell! Today I will surely be engaged in work and to sleep!” – while the head broke up, Alexander trusted in the promises made to themselves.

Having smoked one more cigarette, glanced in a bedroom. In the twilight, hardly dispersed nochnichok, guessed outlines of the sleeping girl. Having creaked polovichka, trying not to rustle, approached closer. Eyes got used to darkness: more and more distinctly objects in the room appeared, appeared through a wall dullness, book shelves, posters with the girls who are pulled out from magazines. Having inclined, Alexander distinguished the nutbrown hair scattered on pillows, the long shuddering eyelashes, accurate handles of eyebrows and the small cheek birthmark dementing him, are a little higher than lips. All the rest hid a blanket which impressive thickness could not conceal symmetry of the Liteny figure. At these moments the girl seemed especially expensive, especially fine. Its easy breath called for itself, immersed in a dream, desire to get to it under a blanket, to nestle on a young, smooth body awoke.

“Late to climb in a bed, – having once again envied the sleeping girl, he right there became angry to himself: – Gave to drink cold wine …". The last night had to be spent separately, far away from each other: Lita strongly caught a cold and went to bed early. And therefore – an hour or so more in front of the TV, and then one more…, and as a result night on an outcome together with the pathetic remains for a dream – neither sense, nor forces for a travel to the neighboring room – a leaden sleep on a rigid sofa.

“When we will meet now?” – Alexander decided not to keep the promise made by it the day before, decided not to awake and say goodbye. Having kissed the girl on a beautiful mouth, put on and resolutely left to the yard.

– Protect everything here, and I will go.

Having learned the owner’s voice, the dog jumped out of the box. Alexander glanced in the big eyes exhaling human mind. Slowly translated a view of massive paws of a sheep-dog. Not without pleasure frayed the new, appeared by winter Thunder wool.

– In it you are actually a giant, – having remembered, returned on a cold verandah, dug up a full bowl of porridge from a pan. – You though demand, and that somehow you will remain hungry …. It is advisable to release you to run about.

The thunder silently agreed with the owner, wagging a tail. Agreed and hoped for freedom in a thousand time in a row.

– Tomorrow by all means, – Alexander pledged it the word and looked down.

It became already awkward for expired promises. And an animal, constantly hearing same, could not understand told in any way. Words and words, as well as many others, not intended for his understanding, never supported though with any actions, and remained empty phrases.

…The dim sun, having seemed on the horizon, designated borders of the earth and the sky, separated them for time allowed to day. For night of snow increased. The white smooth surface painted with the thin beams sliding on a surface of an ice crust gleamed bloody steel. The boundless field where look. The rare tree on branches brought by an icy cold met on the way, reminding the pathetic look of death, lifting inexplicable sadness in soul. The heaps of stones scattered in a disorder, frightened by blackness, threateningly gleamed frost peak, and in several kilometers the vast object of the gloomy wood at some distance was seen.

From time to time it seemed that got on others, the planet abandoned and forgotten in space depths. Only rare traces on a white carpet hinted that Alexander not the only inhabitant of an ice block. But the imagination solved in own way: “Than not other planet?” – it went on. Confirming a mad thought, on a dim star the clouds which are poured out of the most sad tones ran. They promptly rushed forward, then, suddenly braking, ate light which is let out by a star.

Alexander took off a glove, was verified with hours: “Morning”, – they convinced, rejecting suspicions that still night and in the sky moon. Through the opened hole on a hand ran cold. A second later Alexander hasty returned a missing part of “space suit” on the fingers which already stiffened from a frost.

“If not on other planet, so in Tibet precisely”. Here, as well as in mountains, time was played infinitely long, without submitting to laws of the nature. Above – the millennium, in the world – minute. Created around it is not important at all: vanity, wars, opening – whether yes everything is equal. … Here are lived whole eternity, without losing anything, without losing in anything to the destiny: even to this ubiquitous pushful person there was no course here, it was not allowed to dominate over the fact that it was born long before her.

Observing the infinite scatterings of ice covered with snow in the thought-up deception it was believed easily, and at times willingly.

…Failing knee-deep during snow, became enraged pulling out legs from tenacious embraces of the nature, it moved ahead. Running into the cruel wind gusts continually saying directly ice kristallik it was covered with a glove and went further.

“I will go!” – angrily Alexander through clenched teeth growled, without hearing own voice. He believed in especially difficult moments that he resists to the living being, such as he: allocated with the feelings, emotions and desires for some reason developing for him into the ban to move further. It is even more обозляло the guy, as gave to persistence. He hated the fantastic being who is so unmercifully resisting his ox.

“I am stronger than you, I will not give up!”

In reply the opponent exploded new, stronger blows of anger.

“Give still, all perhaps?” – turning away, Alexander swallowed of cold air, choked from filling lungs, blowing from them oxygen, winds.

At last, having overcome the most difficult, he went down to the lowland. Dramatic changes guarded at once, then gave rest. Huge a poplar quietly dozed under snow caps, severe wind did not disturb their dream. In the distance, through a kiselny drizzle scanty five-storey buildings appeared. About their marevy walls snow fought, wind resorted to new attempts of destruction, but it is vain: here the person was stronger.

Alexander by heart, without looking at a track, made the way to a treasured stop, to the penultimate purpose of usual morning torture. Sincere disgust finished the working bus: cold, with through the chilled windows, with the sleepy, gloomy silent passengers, with the smell of the reek of alcohol soaring on salon and about the broken-off conductings of earphones by the “friend” who is eternally trying to connect.

“Rushed. It is necessary at once as soon as bought, to strengthen a wire an insulating tape. You look, and less with one earphone you will listen to a player, you will not allocate money on new yet”, – Alexander mentally advised the person who was seen by the tenth year in a row, but did not know either his name, or a post ….

All this oppressive reality – gloomy, petty reality – ruined colourful hopes, did the guy to one of all. Dreams flew away far aside, seemed someone’s mean joke. There was any more no way to achieve the desirable, as well as those who managed to make its plans – they turned into the imagination too. “Is, the filling life, opposite work, need – all what flounder all in. People cannot live in a different way, live happily, neither do, nor feel all weight allocated for me. … There are neither the subjects which are getting up early so, nor hurrying on always hated affairs, nor engaged, than there is no wish, and staying at home in connection with bad weather, laziness, unwillingness…”.

In any city, in an every spot on the globe the half-hour trip in surely was coming the person anywhere during which there is no need to look out of the windows – all the same not to understand where you are and there is no need, without that everything is clear: the body tends a little to the right, then two turns to the left, again to the right and, at last, minute on a straight line – will bring you to the places in vain burning, stealing precious, to nobody the necessary life. Everywhere in other cities, in other countries the bodies knowing the road by heart doze. Of course, is living to a stop a little closer, than he, but this only advantage of lucky… though not it and small, worthy Alexander’s envy. In all the rest anybody’s destinies did not differ from the life presented to him.

Having creaked brakes, the crowded bus broke from a roadside, hard drove forward. And, if in so early hour Alexander had eloquence, then by all means would name this creaking piece of metal “a horror symbol”. To all other, it was necessary to wait for this horror: hopping on the place, resisting the frost seizing a body. Seconds of expectation did not last, and at all stopped. To pass away time and to cease to freeze neither the cigarettes smoked one by one, nor the studied announcements nailed to close trees pasted to stop plates helped.

“I will dig up a kitchen garden” – paper since summer blackened. “I will make repair”, “I will give the credit”. Both the first, and the second and, especially, the last announcement did not make success – all made an incision strips with phones remained are untouched.

– I and itself dug up! – exclamations of the passengers missing, and therefore reading announcements including Aleksandra were quite often heard.