Читать книгу Only craft - Sergej Strelyaev - Страница 4

In a locker room it is quite cold. Persons on duty forgot to merge water from ten, and after emergency shutdown of electricity, the ice formed inside broke off pipes. As soon as possible Alexander pulled a dirty uniform, disobedient fingers buttoned ice-covered overalls. On a body plaintively small pricks the shiver slid. It was necessary to suffer a couple of minutes, unceasingly long a couple of minutes until the clothes heat up.

Having taken a bucket with tools, Klot rose by the twentieth floor. The majority of flights were not put by a brick yet, and poured simply out by a monolith – a skeleton of concrete – and wind, freely walked on floors, mashed on them huge heaps of snow. Overcoming weakness and desire to have a sleep, Klot undertook the tool. On an object blows of a trowel, pick, brick were boomingly carried. It is more a sound, all around deafly and quietly as though it is wrapped in vatu. On days off most of workers stays at home. At own will there are only a few people. Клот it is constant among volunteers. He does not dare to have a rest long ago: it is necessary to live a dream of Lita, to endow everything for achievement of goals. Working, he thinks of it. Through some time of the guy called the hoarse, hoarse voice belonging to unnaturally stout person – the same numerous layers of clothes the matter is that. For about a minute he silently considered Alexander. “What does he see? How treats me? What life at it? Obviously better than mine: he is the production master. In everything our distinction is noticeable: purity of clothes, cheerfulness, expensive mobile phone – everything at it is easier, brighter. … Long ago in one crew, but plainly never communicated”, – Alexander reflected, trying to remember own person, it was impossible to look at himself from outside. Клот did not even remember when last time looked in a mirror. “And what for? Lita loves. What else?” Own appearance remained a riddle and thanks to the beginning blizzard the chief needed to consider also a little. The only thing that it could sort is high, under two meters of growth, the fellow from whom because of leanness the clothes hang down and, despite it, there will be lines of the athlete. In any case, Alexander had enough force in hands. Through the old greased overalls, the same worn felt cloaks and a shapeless cap bigger it is impossible to guess. On a belt a laser roulette – Klot’s pride, the truth given on change and that by extremely need. To it the guy tested special tenderness as he, however, and to any electronics, without thoughts spent the personal time, measuring another difficult sites of walls and floors. He and himself such bought, having never put it into practice. In life to sense from it was not, but all the same would get – legenky such device, here only the price very heavy.

– Give a roulette. And in an hour come for a lunch. You will get warm, – at last the person why came gave out.

– Unless we remain? – Alexander shifted from one foot to the other, took a frost.

– Yes. Will not darken yet. Ventilation needs to be finished, the end of month.

Damning sitting in heat and a cosiness distributing orders of people, Klot understood that on the market it will not be possible to come. “Though shops will be still open”.

Without having received any answer, the chief left, having thrown finally several phrases through a shoulder: faded, reluctantly and unclear why.

– Take away a bucket on a ladder, communism did not come…

“To you it is good, few times in a day left, looked how moves ahead, and back to an oven”, – Alexander was angry with the wide, removed back, stroking the belt which was deserted without roulette.

Having roughly sworn – the woods slippery – Klot returned to work. The small snowball broke. The sky tightened heavy clouds. The sun, hardly making the way through the hung kissel, went to a zenith. The city fell down, only occasionally in faceless windows lamps lit up. Alexander did not see the earth. It was surrounded by the last floors of high-rise buildings, all the rest – in a veil. Began to grow warm, greedy thawed drops, small and awfully cold from everywhere broke. Air was overflowed with moisture, it could be scooped a spoon. Below dogs barked furiously, rare passersby exchanged words, but it was impossible to see owners of invisible voices.

The brick wall grew a row behind a row. “It is good though this time received a straight line, and that bring behind others tails, yes balconies spread corners. On them you will not disperse, you will not earn”.

By a lunch fog so also did not get to anywhere. As annoyingly to stop work, and it was necessary to be supported. Клот pulled, did not leave to the last, and in a change house people already gathered. One sedately chewed food, others, changing clothes, with more cheerful faces gathered home. Silently having sat down by a table, Alexander got a thermos. Did not manage to take a fork as laughter sounded.

– You have buddy buckwheat with egg again? – the malicious, semi-humiliating smile from Oleg’s lips – the former miner and the bore what are not enough, at heart clumsy, negligent, always in solution, often working fingers instead of a trowel flew.

– Yes, again, – it is strummed vigorously Klot waved away, using the same words day by day, answering the same constantly repeating catch.

As if the joke was even released by Oleg always at the same time and repeated once again when Klot began to turn a filthy polyethylene bag and hid it in a bag. “Anything. You about me will hear, I will escape, and you in cold yes of dirt will decay with worthless to nobody the necessary dushonka”.

– It did not bother you!? Gourmet. You eat nothing any more, – Oleg on a fork has a fat pork gammon similar to his self-satisfied person.

– No.

“What you would understand, – Alexander cheerfully swallowed the grain which actually very bothered to him”. Fried eggs still nothing, more, than nothing; but two-three eggs a day will not improve a diet, and to eat more for time – to remain next day at all with empty porridge. “Why people cannot do without food”?

After a lunch of Klot there is one. Around sound. Blows of own hammer are shrill and heard, probably, for hundreds of kilometers. There is no wish to break tranquility of the world. At each ring of the tool the guy pulled in the head in shoulders, looked around, waited for a hail to stop. Sounds were leveled to a crime.

Evening was risen. Fog with new, more considerable, than in the morning, persistence clouded to the district. It came to life. His dairy feelers reached for houses, devoured trees, the sky. Hardly the neighboring yards, the shining windows in houses differed. Hands approached three. Twilight was condensed, but Alexander did not give up: still row, still brick. Memories of Lita helped to overcome cold and fatigue.

“Litas”.

There were no other desires, there were no thoughts.

With arrival of evening wind woke up, blew into snow for a collar. Quickly darkened and though eyes got used, but the stiffened fingers – a sure sign to finish the working day.

…The gloom was dispersed below by automobile headlights, voices, someone’s laughter were heard.

“Customers arrived …", – Alexander noticed the cars parking on the parking, not less brilliant, getting out of them, owners. He did not understand neither brands, nor fashionable breeds, but knew for certain: dresses of the audience are below graceful and awfully expensive. “And women …. What is cost by women! Their skin, white without uniform defect, expensive jewelry, the shining laughter …, they precisely know about freedom firsthand. They have no problems neither with money, nor with something else. Do not know physical work, tasteless food and, precisely, get enough sleep, lay down to have a rest when takes in head, and are not afraid to oversleep …. Where to hurry? Where to spill out?”

People, finding the elevator, disappeared in a ladder aperture. But before their voices abated, Klot managed to catch the cost of the walls built by it. With rage the thrown trowel departed down. Everything, than he was proud to what it aspired, was nonsense, and the efforts which are daily fitted by it completely lost sense. All affairs filling its worlds, all thoughts long occupying the head, awaking in the middle of the night, forcing to dream, to move further were destroyed.

“Who will remember me in five years after death? Yes what there five years. To whom do I am interesting now? What I, in general, am engaged in?”

Alexander touched in the head everything pleasing him and by the nature of duty professions. Grabbed one, hasty rejected, hoping to find though something irreplaceable in the daily actions, looked for again: unfinished repair, tens of mastered professions, need to go every day to shop behind products and shortage of money for these products. The house – shabby, with the cracked walls which turned black from dampness corners, the thawed snow filtering into kitchen from the rotted-through ceiling, the plaster pouring from walls; internal furniture also not causing special delight. Furniture is old-fashioned, to pain cheap, got in inheritance. “Ten years passed, and I all am engaged in repair. Yes unless those, – Alexander began to boil, turning away from annoying headlights, – that entered the elevator which to me for the sake of economy forbid to use – on foot supposedly will walk – it is possible to interest in similar? They, in general, fall to the thoughts haunting me? Know about us? Run by a dog, well, and let – around there is a lot of them. Though for hundred works I will settle – nothing will change. Whether there is in work though some sense? Those, not switched off headlights, the accumulator are not sorry …, sit to themselves in heat at office, sign pieces of paper and do not know about the real work bringing disgust to soul, pain in joints. What they know about continuous attempts to escape in people, and all the same to remain the slave., where freedom: not to think, not to know. Not there I look for”.

By the way the woken-up memory gave for itself hope: “I write, so I will be able to find the same freedom as they”. But near an exit, oskudny joy, stood the daily need dictated by survival: sawmill, building, household chores. The place in the planned easy life was not them, but more time, than to creativity was found. “What is it? Disbelief in? Then why to write? If I trust, then to what the drag extending the road? To give time, to bend all efforts to achievement of goals and, having received the desirable, to forget, to leave by another everything grounding, preventing to live or release the imagination, to throw everything as is?”

Desire to come to be somewhat quicker at a table threw Klot down steps. At some point somewhere between flights Alexander caught a female voice, is juicy the stamping notes giving playfulness of the hostess. In it confidence, freedom, an ideal ringed. Without seeing the person speaking, Klot knew – the stranger is beautiful. Girls of the high society are always beautiful. If the nature during their creation was greedy on paints, they will be replaced with interest by expensive cosmetics, ideally picked up spirits, ability to put on, speak. Concede one of them in beauty to the most nice little girl from Alexander’s environment, all the same the overweight will remain on the party of the stranger, as well as overweight of a crane over a titmouse. And, for certain, appear an opportunity to rush to the sky for a noble bird – everyone will rush. Do not decide from what soaring in blue does not give chance, does not call for itself scanty sparrows.

Being afraid to come across clients, especially in the dressing its rags, Klot made the way to the opposite side of the building, went down on a spare ladder.

Ran in in a shower. Without noticing a poor locker room, cabins long ago demanding repair, Alexander mechanically put a uniform, took shampoo and a bast. His look passed through dirty walls, stopped somewhere in the distance, resting against bright future. Arrived haunted, awoke envy, warmed up impression, and, above all, did not hide, as they are people too, as they speak, laugh, so, can also hear and see it, of course, if he tries. “Why did not look at it? Perhaps later I will find… what voice! Really I will be able sometime to feel close breath of the similar girl, to hear the declaration of love burning heart, I will be able to touch her body, and she will not be discharged, having disgust, and on the contrary, will reciprocate, will demand proximity …?”

But also these dreams were a small part of the desirable – even more often in dreams near women, exactly as houses on posters in a bedroom and a hall that is with which, just met and did not stand nearby also his face flashed. It went further: “To the fortieth anniversary …. No, long. By thirty five years I will achieve unknown heights, the whole stadiums in honor of my anniversary will gather, even I will write the song and, wearily, not to refuse forces to the questioning public, I will execute it on a vseuslyshaniye. Girls, struyashchy the beauty from screens, learn about Alexander Klot’s existence, will begin to dream of my attention. We will change over, I will become the unattainable purpose, a riddle which they see each other to me now. Each of them will compose the song, having put music on my verses. During execution of a line will flare on a stadium board bright fire. This flame will go to eternity, but will not sink into it, and will take the worthy place there, and will burn to a skonchaniye of times. I will be always remembered. In recreation centers, on squares still lifetime monuments to my genius will tower. Alexander Klot …. And the pseudonym is not necessary to me, the fine accord…! The most famous and rich people will consider it as honor to reap my hand, in the face of millions will begin to look for my friendship, without turning away, without being ashamed, and being proud of acquaintance”. Newspapers will call him the most great creator of the present and it if does not surpass, then, at least, will rise near authors whom Klot more than once asked council which novels do not become dusty on shelves. Numerous societies of writers will urge to join their ranks, but it will remain the proud single. Lita will leave by then, without having understood, without having believed, without having waited. … The destiny wholly will pay off with the girl for treachery – will force to shed tears, to vegetate in poverty, damning itself and the inability to consider, support and to wait a little. “At first she will prefer richer, and as a result progadat: the elect will be ruined, and after and will become an inveterate drunkard …". And new mistresses of Alexander, and at once not one, will begin to look after, protect tremblingly him the genius, to indulge the slightest whims. He should not dream of other girls any more, they already will be others, the carrying-out any his desires about the half-words which are listening spellbound behind this half-word to it. Each phrase which took off from his lips will turn into infinitely quoted pearl …. “And they and now quietly live, perfectly look, with someone communicate, but not with me, they do not know me yet, but precisely wait, such present, genuine which, for certain, with the girl you will not mix, unlike their present fleeting, differently and cannot be, hobbies”. But the relations filled at the rapid nights without obligations were disturbed by physical work and poverty – idleness is given full-fledged love as living only for themselves there is nothing to be engaged more. And fatigue too at anything – not the main hindrance in pleasures. What pleasures can be felt when understanding the pettiness? Alexander believed that glory, love and, of course, freedom already close. It is a little more, and everything will be quite so. “… But having reached height, I will not deteriorate, I will banish arrogance, I will remain same as now, simple and modest. Unless grief in eyes will increase: saw, learned… and not without consequences. Wisdom, restraint and accuracy of the old man will affect my body. People will notice how I bear unimaginable for others I carry as strong I experience tortures from available to one to me knowledge”.

In a hurry soaping the head, groping a bast with the narrowed eyes, Alexander overturned a bottle with shampoo. A kind quarter of dense liquid went to the sewerage. “All …. Week it is necessary to use one soap. Otherwise until the end of a month will not be enough”, – the drawn conclusion against the background of recently represented events, could make cry anyone, but the appeared in time rage saved the guy from despair. “To save it!” Together with shampoo through a lattice on a floor also pougasshy dreams filtered. Bright colors grew dim, the real life, and together with it and shower, covered with the tile which is falling off walls, with the bulbs which are clumsily hanging down from a ceiling, a rust on a floor came back. At the same time watered with hatred and envy Klot of those of whom dreamed, whose ranks wanted to join. “They lead inaccessible, expensive and beautiful life, and to me to save”, – any more without being angry, and longing, it accurately twirled a stopper. As it is bitter, and it was necessary to save shampoo nevertheless, as well as matches, gas, electricity, I go also everything, giving in to economy.

Despite burning desire to sit down for work, Alexander did not begin to change plans – came into friendly shops. The pocket and soul were warmed by the money given by the master. Bought a new chain on a saw, couple of pleasant souvenirs: the globe, a metal flask for cognac, glass figures of fishes, pleased itself with the next lighter with the built-in small lamp which did not hurry to use, and did not fill with gas though the barrel providently got. Клот left everything saved up for the best times when it is not able to spoil a beautiful thing, to bedraggle it at rough physical works. Expecting hour of triumph of the owner, every month the next set of trinkets flew to a sideboard.

Admired the electronic measuring instrument of nitrates, counted the salary rest, damned its space price …. Still was enough on rubber, warmed by fur, boots. Similar purchases did not please the guy, but were constantly debugged need. “After I will take. And so was spent”. Together with a pocket also joy became scanty. Saving, Klot refused a trip in the bus. The benefit, was no place to hurry, and there was no wish to come back home. Having included a player, he started wandering through the city, cold, tired of winter, causing in memory of charming performers, remembering their clips. Quality and sense of songs were not taken into account, Alexander liked more that music which proceeded from more sexual, more beautiful little girl.

It fell into dreams again, without noticing that, quickened the pace, compressed cold metal of a lighter more and stronger, gesticulated hands and morally prepared for various situations in the future: “… How not to be exposed by the fool if the beauty with the microphone umostitsya unexpectedly at me on a lap, will embrace for shoulders, will touch by cheek eyelashes? What to do how to answer?” Alexander thought out, learned phrases for getting out of any possible awkwardness, said them aloud until he suddenly neither regained consciousness and nor was ashamed of the naive dreams. Trying to decrease, become invisible, Klot contracted, fear that someone will overhear his words, and, above all, thoughts, did not release. Being afraid to give a secret, it moved ahead as it is possible more slowly. Sometimes stopped, looked in ballot boxes – suddenly will carry as in movies: “Rich durashka exist: took and threw out a thick roll of money. Grew hysterical, and all here …, for someone the trifle will provide my existence”. What, of course, it was hardly trusted in. No, not in a find dense, with a special smell of packing – it is just possible, and here existence of the people having such money, besides loss of which will not be reflected in their lives in any way, will take also minutes of thoughts, will not cause regrets – this seemed a lie. Anyway, he persistently looked in the garbage tanks scattered along sidewalks of the city. Hopes about the secret fan of his creativity, certainly, very well-founded, gratuitously solving all its financial problems got out of the same opera. In turn Alexander promised not to be greedy and help deprived, but gifted. Such promises by all means had to hear unknown forces and add to it chances of execution of own desires. But, neither nutty durashka, nor secret admirers hurried to enter his life and to change something to the best. The destiny gave nothing to the guy at all though selected nothing. To Alexander never has the luck to find at least a small coin, but he never also lost them. Everything, being at its disposal, all he could count on, proceeded from its efforts. Exactly thanks to a neutrality of destiny, Klot also did not believe in her …. Around people loomed. Much of them were devilishly lucky, others choked in chronic misfortunes, and it and remained on a roadside, forgotten, not demanded by the third forces which for some reason persistently ignored it.

At last, after several hours of a tiresome travel the familiar alley conducting to anonymous small villages which in the district and not to consider seemed. So sharp transition from the city to poverty expelled from Alexander’s head the nonsenses decided for the road. Only two steps separated luxury of majestic high-rise buildings and huge mansions from dirty dirt roads of the village with the stocky izbas stretched on its edges. In the summer still anything: buyayushchy greens masked a dullness… Now all negligibility of the settlement which is not conceding in dullness to a lowering sky was covered with nothing. The curve houses which were lop-sided from an old age rolled in snowdrifts. … Seldom the roofs corrected by a color brick fences updated a metal tile – beauty crumbs demanding from owners of long years of physical work and scrupulous financial accumulation that did constructions even more disgusting, even more clearly shouting of senselessness of the works enclosed in them met.

Having got a cigarette, having checked pockets and not having found matches, Alexander curtailed to the next gate. It was necessary to go to the house a little, but to it was impatient to light right now. After ringing bark of a dog, on a threshold the hostess appeared.

– What?

– To Podkurit if it is possible…

– Into the yard come. Be not afraid, a chain at the Gipsy strong ….

The woman took out boxes of matches and, shrinking from cold, went back to the house.

In an own dwelling he was met by pictures of the same paints and the directions – the pathetic hovels menacing to collapse the most unexpected minute, which hardly are giving in to repair and reconstruction and it while before eyes there were big, fine, not crying decay mansions not thinking neither to burst, nor to collapse.

“Those to whom I build would define my house under demolition”. As Alexander tried to love the small shelter from wordly adversities, it looked very poorly.

About the rusted gate the Thunder dozed. Several cat’s heads stuck out of the box. On him, towering two whitish balls, several kittens umostitsya – so cozier it was fallen down by everything. Without wishing to drive small hot-water bottles, the Thunder slightly opened eyes, hardly moved with a tail.

– You sleep, you sleep, – Klot agreed with desire of the friend not to rise, allowed not to welcome himself.

Having appeared at the computer screen, the guy long peered at the flickering cursor of a new line – the initial rush to creativity cooled down, and the imagination idle dreams and intensive walking exhausted. There was a wish to have a rest – to esteem, listen to music, to watch favourite movies. “Why to me it is a lot of hobbies?” – Alexander sighed, without knowing what to give preference to.

“She waits. One. My Lita. For the sake of it I am obliged to try. Another I do not have. To throw everything, to recognize impossibility of our happiness? To be given?” The beautiful face of the girl, the last evening spent together was remembered. The room was filled with dead loneliness, and heart – pity to itself, on veins warm tenderness spread.

“It is necessary to continue, there is no place to earn normal money more”. Клот drew near a table, got records. Soon it caught itself (himself) on reading of the same line in the third time in a row and not understanding of the sense written. Began to hurt the eyes fire. Клот gave up reading, started writing new, but also here flew forward, without pondering, without stopping. Alexander conceded to a thought to a rush – without discrimination poured out words on paper. Business progressed. Having printed the page in fifteen minutes, Klot with satisfaction checked ready, in his opinion, to the publication the text. The taken speed gave forces.

“For the page it is possible and to smoke, and better tomorrow I will continue”. Having made music is louder, Alexander in high spirits went to kitchen. “Perhaps still page? It is necessary to do more, quicker, – were scraped in the doubt head, but there was no wish to write. – Without that affairs collected too much, and then time for creativity still will be”. Yes, I will achieve, by all means, and now it is necessary to be engaged in repair. I will put couple of squares of a tile, at the same time I will listen to music”, – Alexander finished himself and, having finished a cigarette, glue mixed. “Slowly, but surely repair goes”, – counted the money invested in walls. There was much to its measures. Inspired with achievements, set to work with redoubled zeal. Forces lasted not for long. From diligent crawling on a floor and draggings of weights ached a back, the neck ached. Alexander even more often suited breaks, made coffee, smoked. Something urged on to sit down at a table and to continue the story …, and at the same time it found thousands of justifications of it not to do, everything, it seems, met: “Was tired, I will not sleep, the head is not capable of freshness of thoughts any more”. But also alter ego was not given: “Excuses, – it went on. – And eternity will pass, and conceived will not execute. Write!”

Походив about the room, Klot took seat for the computer, but there was no wish to think in any way, and after the first inept offer self-arrangements worked, having persistently proved the rationality: “Tomorrow. There will always be enough time, it sometimes could not be put”, – convinced Klot the severe portraits of writers which are living on walls, going on: “Tomorrow precisely nothing will turn out. Give now”. Alexander already listened, almost gave up, almost decided to offer immodest amount of time as light suddenly went out. Everything was solved in itself. “Well,”, – Klot fell apart in any way, without knowing that he smiles.

With relief zanyl the tired-out muscles. Excessive overfatigue did not allow to fall asleep. Alexander suffered, phone did not ring out yet.

– Money was transferred! – the vigorous voice of Ivan and a joyful message raised Klot from a bed. – I to you got in a queue. Give rather, otherwise you will stand till tomorrow. To the people gathered …. I also did not know what works for us so much.…

– I run, – Alexander shortly threw, jumping from a sofa.

The fatigue evaporated together with bad mood. But during a way one circumstance nevertheless impaired a little sudden joy: on a player the accumulator sat down. Клот did not intend to walk late at night, and therefore did not make daily recharge of the device. Now there was a wish to listen cheerful, by all means to cheerful, though senseless music. Under it in the head fantastic pictures were easier developed, hopes for fast future revived. While music sounded, he persistently leafed through the coming across “songs about life”, forcing to listen to own feelings.

– You that so long? – Клот found Ivan who is already lowering money in a pocket. – Went as grandmas in school, – the workmate grinned, advancing Alexander. Dissatisfied hum blew over crowd.

– Where without turn …?!

– It did not stand here…

– The youth absolutely became impudent…

Клот, protected by Ivan, managed to remove cash and to depart from the ATM, without having experienced usual disorders in such cases forcing to smoke one cigarette for another, to mark time or in an expedited manner to click sunflower seeds. Also fears prevailing in turns did not take place: “Suddenly on me money will end? And if approach occupied earlier, for a while departed on affairs now? Perhaps there will be also turns which are pushing away me to the region…”

Having counted money, Klot joined crowd already received, on envy to people around, a salary. The company was located near the round-the-clock little shop containing in itself inexhaustible stocks of alcohol.

– So, what you are so long? – bringing the guy a beer glass, Ivan repeated a question. – The cat stole a march, круголя gave?

– No, I do not trust in it, far I live. You know itself. All right, I will go, back still to stamp …, – having taken couple of sips and having said goodbye, Alexander started on on a way back.

One of one thousand rusted jokes and amicable laughter of workers reached his hearing. On the way of Klot came across on not clear for what always open shoe shop. Smiled to the coin clamped in a palm: “Heads or tails? Nonsense what”, – without having thrown it in air, glanced inside. Regretting that in its regions not eternal summer, chose warm, according to the sleepy shop assistant, waterproof boots.

As to rejoice there was there is nothing more, to arrive home it appeared hardly. Difficult day, several difficult campaigns and so prompt running to the ATM extended from it the last forces. The guy dopletsya hardly to the computer, once again was upset because of absence of a new episode about stars and failed on a sofa. Before the drowsiness the head was visited by an interesting thought. It was necessary to rise, write down, but laziness. “Till the morning I will not forget”, – having calmed down such decision, Alexander sank into a sleep. Naturally, from the dawn from the night guest there is no trace left also.