Читать книгу To Forgive or To Revenge. Collection of articles - Сергей и Дина Волсини - Страница 8

Lately, advising people, we often face the situation when a person entangled in the problems and quite desperate finds such an explanation of this – I was told that I was cursed, that's all my troubles come from. Speaking of this, the person usually imagines such a witch conjuring with her potions and sending all sorts of misfortune to people.

Thus the person has the right feeling: there is a real flow of alien energy. However, the source of the problem is not a witch-woman, as it is commonly believed; it is much closer – the man himself, or rather, an unresolved issue with some of his relatives. This can be a mother who hasn't approved her daughter's choice; a father who hasn't forgiven his son for something; a brother or a sister nursing a grievance in his/her heart. The feeling of guilt and fear of punishment makes a person go out of his way: he tries to resolve the conflict, explain or justify himself, make amends.

Imperceptibly for the man himself, this goal becomes the basis of his life; it governs all his thoughts, all his time and all of his resources. He tries to achieve just one thing – to earn forgiveness, for only this might remove the burden off his heart and give a long-awaited freedom. But every time the man fails, and would ever fail, if he didn't stop waiting for forgiveness from someone.

One should forgive himself first, as well as allow himself to live a new life without backing up the former scenario of relationships.

Here are some examples from our practice. Man faced a crisis in all the areas of his life: the business collapsed, his wife left with the children, and health problems started as well. The core of this situation was a huge sense of guilt towards his younger brother who had been imprisoned for many years. The man blamed himself all these years: it became his lifework to help his brother and his family. It required more money; the man did not dare to refuse and ultimately lost everything.

In the other case, a young woman could not set her personal life going: a man, with whom she had been dating for a few years, did not want to undertake the next step. They did not live together and did not plan to have children. She felt she was in a deadlock. The reason for that was the unconscious intention of the woman to arrange the life of her elder sister at the cost of her own happiness. Beginning of this model was based on an old case when her elder sister's wedding collapsed. Younger sister considered herself to be responsible for that and then did her best to make amends before the elder. Guilt made a woman to be engaged in her sister's life for years and to do everything possible for the latter was happy. She thought that the worse her own life was as compared to the sister's life, the better it was; because it was the only way she could feel she made amends and earned forgiveness. Once we explained the situation and helped her get rid of the guilt, she felt enormous relief. Shortly thereafter, her life turned around: the long-playing story of unpromising relations ended, and she met a man who loved her and was going to start a normal family life with her.

No one can take a love from a man, lead him astray, and manage his life at all, unless he does not allow doing that with him. There is no man – neither near nor stranger – able to cause such damage to another man, unless the latter has given its consent himself, consciously or unconsciously.