Читать книгу Getting Pregnant For Dummies - Sharon Perkins - Страница 122

After a hard-fought battle to conceive her first child, co-author Jackie smiled, nodded, and promptly began dreaming of more to come. She remembers her drive to “get started again” as follows:

“I want another child,” Jackie cried out, only weeks after her long-awaited daughter was born (following a three-and-a-half-year battle with primary infertility). Those first few weeks of babydom were filled with all the promised dreams of baby food commercials everywhere. She and her husband often looked down upon their (then) sleeping baby and commented that if only they “could,” they’d have many more. And then the long-awaited daughter “came to.”

Jackie relates, “Seriously, the next few months were consumed with feeding issues, sleeping issues, adjustment issues, family issues, and so on. We could barely imagine how we could care for the child we had, let alone another.

“Four years later, our son was born. I was convinced that we were perched on the edge of Camelot. Yet, a mere three years later when trying to negotiate an all-out war between the siblings we had dreamed of, I told my then seven-year-old daughter, ‘You’re so lucky! I always wanted a sibling. I thought you would too.’ In her inimitable manner, she stared at me before responding, ‘But, Mommy, you thought wrong!’ The best laid plans.”

In case you’re wondering about moving on down the road before you are even fully in the driver’s seat, we give you some good reasons to not rush into trying for another child:

 Underestimating the responsibility and work of a new baby: Perhaps this is one of the reasons why sex is forbidden in the six weeks following delivery. If it wasn’t, maybe in that pink (or blue) cloud of new parenting, second babies would be sprouting up everywhere!

 Wanting to have a spare: As a friend of multiples pointed out, doubling your child load doesn’t halve your fears of bad things happening. It actually doubles your fears, since it doubles your love.

 Trying for that elusive son or daughter: Trying again just for another gender is a sure way to set yourself up for disappointment. You need look only as far as Jackie’s poor grandmother who birthed seven daughters prior to finally producing a male heir. Jackie’s uncle didn’t marry until much later in life and then decided to limit himself to one child whom he adores — who, by the way, is a daughter and will not continue the family name anyway!

 Giving your child a playmate: As an only child myself, I (coauthor Jackie) always imagined the “luxury” of having a sibling to share my joys and the responsibilities of dealing with my parents as time went on. All I needed to clear up that misconception was time and eyesight. For as many inseparable siblings that exist, so do those who never speak at all. Biology is no guarantee of love or friendship. Nor is it a promise of commitment. Most families that I have encountered are made up of one child who bears many of the family burdens, including mending fences, dealing with aging relatives, and facilitating communication throughout the flock. Seldom are those responsibilities equally divided. The other lack of equality is in perception. I often wished for a sibling to share my views on my parents, our home, and life itself. Yet, it seems that there are as many different views of a family as there are members. Being raised together and/or in the exact same way does not guarantee a shared vision.Ideally, the parents of multiple children truly enjoy the experience of raising each child as an individual as well as part of a family. Giving your child a playmate is an added bonus to having more than one child, but not a reason in and of itself. Wanting to share your love again and again is cause for trying again, whatever the process of again may entail.