Читать книгу Waking Up In Charleston - Sherryl Woods, Sherryl Woods - Страница 8

As he dutifully washed his hands as ordered, Caleb thought about the twists and turns his life had taken. He wasn’t entirely sure when he’d fallen for Amanda with her chin-up pride and stubbornness and her sad, vulnerable eyes, but the knowledge of the attraction had been eating at him for a long time now. There were so many things wrong with it, he couldn’t begin to count them all.

She was a member of his church for one thing. For another, after her husband’s death, she’d needed his counseling and his comfort. He couldn’t do that objectively if his own emotions kept getting in the way.

And then there was Max. There were times when Caleb thought he’d made a deal with the devil when he’d agreed to Max’s scheme to help his daughter get out from under the mountain of debt she’d been left in after Bobby’s death. He’d known buying the land for her house anonymously was the only way Max could make himself reach out, but Caleb had done everything he knew how to do to convince the stubborn old coot to go about helping in a more straightforward way.

His entreaties had fallen on deaf ears, and now Caleb was burdened with this secret that stood squarely between him and Amanda. If she ever discovered what he’d been keeping from her, he doubted she’d forgive him. The animosity between her and Max ran too deep. She wouldn’t take kindly to the fact that Caleb had been in cahoots with him behind her back, even with the best intentions.

But despite the potential for heartache, Caleb couldn’t seem to stay away from this woman whose strength he’d come to admire. Nor could he seem to keep himself from stealing an occasional kiss, just as he had earlier. He knew it disconcerted Amanda. Heck, it disconcerted him. He wasn’t in the habit of tossing out innuendoes and hoping for a quick rise of color in a woman’s cheeks. In his own way, he was every bit as skittish about love and commitment as Amanda. He believed in it in the abstract. He preached about its importance in church and counseled couples on ways to make the love stronger in their marriages. But he doubted he’d ever take another chance on it himself.

All that sage advice and supposed wisdom hadn’t done a thing to keep his own marriage from crumbling. Feeling like a fraud after the divorce, he’d kept to himself, deftly avoiding all the attempts by friends and parishioners to do any matchmaking on his behalf. He’d cut back on premarital counseling, then seven years ago he’d changed churches to get away from all the reminders of his failed marriage and especially anything that reminded him of why it had fallen apart. He wasn’t sure he would ever come to terms with that.

Nor would he ever do anything that might lead to another devastating rejection. Watching his wife walk out on him over something that was beyond his control, losing her and, maybe worst of all, not really blaming her for her choice had nearly destroyed him. He’d been devastated, but so had his wife. He couldn’t bear hurting Amanda in the same way.

For a time he’d lived by one principle, guiding his congregation, offering solace when needed, but pretty much keeping everyone at arm’s length. When he’d gotten to know Amanda after Bobby’s death, he’d recognized a kindred spirit, a lost and wounded soul. And somehow his own resolve to remain uninvolved had melted. During the building of her house, he’d forged real friendships, just as she had.

Maybe it was because of Amanda herself or maybe it was because she had the family he’d always wanted for himself, but he’d gravitated to all of them and now couldn’t seem to make himself pull back. They represented his dream, the one he’d thought gone forever. In them he saw that hope for a warm and loving family in all its tempting glory. In many ways, though, it was still oh-so-sadly out of reach.

Aside from his own fears and reservations, the biggest obstacle to making this family a real part of his life was the way Amanda danced so skittishly away from him. As she had yet again tonight, she repeatedly told him what a wonderful friend he was, how lucky she was to have such a good friend come into her life when she needed one so desperately. He was growing weary of the word.

One of these days, she was going to start to utter it and he was going to cover her mouth with his just to silence her. This time it wouldn’t be one of these quick little pecks he was stealing, but a full-fledged, no-holds-barred kiss that he figured would pretty much destroy the whole friendship masquerade she was so determined to cling to. It would also end the illusion that he had tight control of his own emotions.

Of course, she might very well kick him to the curb in the process. That was the one thing that had made him keep his distance.

For now. And, if wisdom overcame need, forever.

Caleb walked back into the living room just as the pizza arrived. He had his wallet halfway out of his pocket when Amanda shot a warning look in his direction and grabbed her purse.

“Sorry,” he murmured. “I lost my head there for a minute.”

“Don’t let it happen again,” she said, handing him the boxes of pizza, then turning to pay the delivery boy.

“Are the kids at the table?” he asked. “Or do I need to chase them down?”

“They have sensors when it comes to pizza delivery,” she assured him. “I’m sure they’re already on their way.”

Sure enough, all three of the children were seated at the kitchen table when Caleb arrived with the two pizza boxes. He’d wound up ordering two mediums, rather than a large, so there would be leftovers for the kids and Amanda tomorrow.

“I want pepperoni, jalapeños and onions, like Mr. Caleb,” Jimmy announced.

Amanda frowned at her towheaded son. “I don’t think so.”

“How come?”

“Remember last time?” she asked.

Jimmy’s eyes widened. “Oh, yeah. I hurled.”

“Exactly,” Amanda said. “You stick with the plain pizza. One slice.”

“But I can eat at least two,” Jimmy argued. “Maybe even three.”

Amanda shook her head at the boast. “We’ll see.”

“What about me?” Larry asked. “I didn’t get sick.”

“Then you may have one piece of Caleb’s pizza,” Amanda conceded. “If he says it’s okay.”

Caleb grinned. “Hey, I’m all about sharing.” He handed a piece to Larry, then looked at Susie. “You having plain, young lady?”

She nodded. “That other stuff’s yucky. Only boys would eat that.”

“You’re just a baby,” Jimmy taunted.

Amanda scowled at him.

“Sorry, Susie,” Jimmy said meekly.

Caleb bit back a grin. Despite all they’d gone through, all the things they’d lost and continued to be deprived of, these three kids were as normal as any he’d ever met. They squabbled among themselves, but if any outsider threatened any one of them, they united. Amanda had done a fantastic job with them. Caleb admired the strength it must have required for her to do that, especially on days when a lesser woman would have caved in under all the pressure.

“Hey, Mom,” Larry said. “Me and Jimmy have this really cool idea.”

“Jimmy and I,” Amanda corrected.

Larry stared at her blankly.

She sighed. “Never mind.”

“Anyway, that tree out back is really, really big, so we were thinking it would be just right for a tree house,” he said enthusiastically, his pizza momentarily forgotten. “So, can we build one?”

“I don’t know,” Amanda began, casting a worried look in Caleb’s direction.

“Maybe we could take a look after dinner,” he said, treading cautiously. He knew the kids turned to him when they sensed their mother’s disapproval. They hoped that as a guy he’d be an ally. His gaze on Amanda, he said, “There might be some sturdy branches not too high off the ground that would hold one. I think that would put your mom’s anxiety to rest.”

Larry regarded him gratefully. “Then would you help us build it? Not just some platform, but a real house with walls and everything,” he said excitedly. “Maybe Mr. Josh would help, too. He did a great job on our house. And I’ll bet he has some extra wood and stuff he could give us.”

Caleb caught Amanda’s frown, so he took a step back. “Let’s see what the tree looks like before we get too carried away. Remember, when it comes down to it, it’s your mom’s call.”

“She’ll say yes,” Larry said confidently, giving her a huge smile. “I know she will.” He put down his barely touched slice of pizza. “I’m done. Can we go look now?”

“Other people haven’t finished eating,” Amanda said at once. “And neither have you from the looks of that pizza slice.”

“I’ve finished mine,” Jimmy said loyally, stuffing the last bite in his mouth.

“I’m not finished, but I’m all filled up,” Susie added, clearly determined not to be left behind.

Amanda sighed. “Then you three can go outside. Caleb and I will be out later,” she told them. “And do not, under any circumstances, climb that tree. Understood?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jimmy said dutifully. Larry reluctantly echoed the promise.

As soon as they’d raced outside with a slam of the screen door, Amanda turned to Caleb. “What are the odds we’ll find them up in the tree?”

He grinned. “If I know those two, it depends on how long it takes us to get out there. Maybe we ought to go now. We can warm up the pizza later.”

She looked relieved. “Do you mind?”

“Not if it’s in the interest of preventing broken bones,” he said.

Sure enough, they found Jimmy and Larry at the foot of the tree studying it in a way that suggested they were plotting which way would give them the best access to the lower branches. At their first glimpse of Amanda and Caleb, they stepped back guiltily.

“What do you think, Mr. Caleb? Can we build one?” Larry asked.

Caleb glanced at Amanda, then turned his attention to the old pin oak. There were some branches that appeared solid enough to hold a tree house big enough to accommodate these two without putting them at too much risk.

“It could be done,” he said carefully, his gaze on Amanda. “What do you think? A tree house would be pretty cool. I had one when I was their age. There was nothing better than going up there to read a book or hang out with my friends. I thought I could see the whole world from up there.”

Amanda winced, probably at the reminder of the tree house’s height off the ground.

“It wasn’t that high,” he told her. “I had a vivid imagination.” He grinned. “And I never fell out.”

“Never?” she asked.

“Not even once. Not even a scratch on me from climbing up there.”

“And you’d help them build it?” she said.

He knew what lay at the heart of her concern—not just the prospect of the little daredevils tumbling out of the tree, but helping themselves to dangerous tools in their eagerness to get the tree house constructed. “Absolutely,” he assured her. “They’d never touch a tool without me around, right, boys?”

Both of them nodded solemnly.

“And you wouldn’t go up in it without an adult around?” she asked.

They looked a little more hesitant over that one, but Caleb gave them a surreptitious nod.

“Sure, Mom,” Jimmy said.

Amanda clearly caught the lack of enthusiasm for that particular rule. “That one’s a deal breaker,” she said adamantly.

“Okay, okay,” Larry grumbled. “We’d never go up there without a grown-up around, right, Jimmy?”

“Right,” he said.

Susie had listened intently to the whole exchange. “What about me?” she asked. “I wanna go up, too.”

“No girls,” Jimmy said fiercely. “It’s only for boys.”

“That’s not fair,” Susie protested, near tears.

Amanda picked her up. “Trust me on this one, you don’t want to go up there, anyway. Trees are all full of bugs and stuff.”

Susie didn’t look convinced. “I’m not scared of bugs.”

“Snakes can climb up there, too,” Jimmy exaggerated. “And big ole birds can swoop in and carry little kids away.”

Susie’s eyes widened. “You’re not that much bigger than me. How come they won’t get you?”

“’Cause we’re tough,” Larry said.

“And we’re boys,” Jimmy added. “They only come after girls.”

Caleb listened to the exchange with amusement, then waited to see what Susie’s response would be.

She hugged Amanda a little tighter, then announced imperiously, “I don’t want to be in your ole tree house. Mr. Caleb and me are gonna build a playhouse down here and I’m gonna have tea parties and cookies and you can’t come in, so there.” She gazed into Caleb’s eyes. “Is that okay?”

“Absolutely, short stuff. It’ll be the best playhouse in all of Charleston,” he promised.

“And only me and you and Mommy can come inside,” she added emphatically.

“Seems fair to me,” Caleb said.

“Okay, now that we’ve agreed to all these building plans, I think it’s time for you guys to take your baths and get to bed. Scoot,” Amanda said, setting Susie back on her feet.

All three kids headed for the house, but Susie ran back and held her arms out to Caleb. When he’d picked her up, she kissed him. “I love you, Mr. Caleb,” she said.

“Love you, too, little one.”

He put her down reluctantly and watched her run off.

“I’m sorry you’ve gotten dragged into yet another housing project for this family,” Amanda told him. “You don’t have to do it, if you don’t have time.”

“Nothing would give me greater pleasure,” he assured her. “I like your kids.” He hesitated, then added, “I can think of someone else who might want to help.”

She studied him with a narrowed gaze. “Oh?”

“Why don’t you give your father a call? I’ll bet he’d enjoy giving the boys a hand.”

“Are you crazy?” she retorted bluntly. “Why on earth would I call my father under any condition? And what makes you think he’d even take the call, much less come over here?”

“A lot of time has passed, Amanda.”

“Not since the last time I reached out to him. He all but laughed in my face when I tried to turn to him for help after Bobby died. I swallowed my pride then, Caleb. I won’t do it again.” She studied him with undisguised dismay. “Why would you even suggest such a thing?”

He regarded her somberly. “Because I know a day will come when it’s too late and you’ll regret it with all your heart that you didn’t try harder.”

Her expression remained stoic and determined. “I’ve long since learned to live with regrets. My relationship with my father is what it is. There’s nothing I can do to change it.”

“Amanda, surely you know better than that,” he chided. “Aren’t you even willing to try?”

“Stop pushing me on this, Caleb,” she responded heatedly. “Stop trying to make it sound as if I’m throwing some stubborn little snit. It was my father’s decision to cut me out of his life. He’s going to have to be the one to reach out. I’m done.”

Caleb heard the unyielding tone in her voice and decided it would be prudent to back down. Otherwise she might start asking a whole lot of questions he didn’t want to answer, such as when he’d become such an advocate for Big Max.

“Okay, you’ve made your point,” he said quietly, trying to hide his disappointment.

She frowned at him. “Don’t you dare look at me like that,” she snapped.

“Like what?” he asked, genuinely puzzled.

“As if I’m disappointing you.”

“Sorry. It’s the circumstances that disappoint me, not you specifically. Nothing is more important than family, and I hate seeing people turning their backs on the ones they have.”

“Then go have this chat with Big Max. He’s the one who’s raised rejection to a whole new level.”

“Maybe I will,” he said mildly, wondering if she hadn’t inadvertently given him the perfect excuse to do what he’d already been attempting to do—build a bridge between these two.

She seemed startled by his response, but then her shoulders squared stiffly. “Just don’t bother reporting back to me. I don’t want to hear anything you might have to say about my father.”

Caleb sighed. “Look, I’m sorry I brought it up, okay? Let’s get back to the tree house for a minute. Maybe the boys are right and Josh will help. I can probably put it together, but it’s bound to be sturdier with an expert on the premises. He’d be a help with Susie’s playhouse, too. And he may well have leftover supplies, so there won’t be many expenses. I’ll give him a call.” He forced a smile and moved on. “Did you see the look in your sons’ eyes when you agreed to let them do this? They’re over the moon.”

Amanda’s anger visibly faded and she smiled slowly. “They were, weren’t they? For the first time in I can’t remember how long, it feels good not to have to deny them something they want.”

“A little denial isn’t bad for a child,” he reminded her. “It helps them learn that sometimes you have to work hard to earn the things you want.”

“I know, but I would give them everything if I could,” she said.

He understood the sentiment, but he couldn’t help reminding her, “That’s how Bobby felt, and look where it led.”

“Believe me, no one is more aware of that than I am,” she said soberly. “And if I forget it from time to time in my desire to make up to them for the bad times, I hope you’ll bring me back in line.”

“You’re a good mother, Amanda. I don’t think you need me to tell you what’s right.”

A part of him wanted to tell her, though, that he’d always be around if she needed him to fall back on, but it was the wrong thing to say, the wrong time to say it.

“I should go,” he said instead. He needed to remind himself that this wasn’t his home, wasn’t his family and that he’d already overstepped the boundaries tonight.

“But you barely ate any of your pizza,” she protested.

“I’ll take a couple of slices home with me. I can eat while I’m going over my sermon for tomorrow.”

He thought he detected disappointment in her expression, but she was quick to recover and offer a bright smile.

“I’ll wrap it up for you,” she said. “I wouldn’t want you to stand up there in front of the entire congregation and have to wing your way through a sermon, though something tells me you could do it. You have quite a way with words.”

“It’s probably best if we don’t put that theory to the test,” he said.

Inside, he accepted the pizza from her, then headed for the door. “Good night, Amanda. Thanks.”

She regarded him with surprise. “For what?”

For sharing your family, he wanted to say, but he doubted she’d understand how much it meant to him. It was probably best if she didn’t even try.

“The pizza, of course.”

“Thank you for hauling that armoire in for me.”

Caleb looked into her eyes and couldn’t seem to tear his gaze away. There was a time in his life when he would have responded to the need that was so plain in her eyes, when he might have reached for her, kissed her thoroughly and left wanting more. Now he simply left.

No, he thought as he got into his car. It hadn’t been that simple. Even without the kiss, he still wanted more.

Mary Louise hadn’t heard a single word of Reverend Webb’s sermon. Instead, she’d been clutching the prayer book in her hands so tightly it had carved lines in the palms of her hands.

Beside her, Danny was staring straight ahead, his shoulders slumped, looking miserable. It made her heart ache, seeing him like that.

She knew what she had to do this afternoon after church. As much as it was going to hurt, as furious as her parents were going to be, she had to let Danny go. She loved him enough to do that. She wanted him to be everything he’d dreamed of becoming, a brilliant architect and historical preservationist. She couldn’t stand in the way of that. She couldn’t let one mistake change the course of both their lives.

She reached over and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. In less than an hour, they would be in Reverend Webb’s office and she would be giving Danny his freedom. She didn’t know what would happen to her after that, but she knew it was the right thing to do. If Danny wanted to be a part of his baby’s life, well, they’d find a way to make that work, even if it just about killed her to see him and know it was over between them.

The sermon ended, the collection plate was passed and then there was one last hymn and the recessional. It all went by in a blur. It all happened too fast.

Danny looked over at her. “You ready?”

Mary Louise nodded.

Instead of going out the front door where they’d have to speak to everyone, they slipped out a side door and went straight to Reverend Webb’s office. He came in right behind them and closed the door.

“Will your folks be joining us later?” he asked.

“We decided against asking them to come,” Mary Louise said. “We needed to make this decision on our own. Once we’ve talked it over with you, we’ll tell them what’s going on.”

“Don’t you think they might have been able to offer some sound advice?” Reverend Webb asked.

Mary Louise gave him a wry look. “You mean after they stopped yelling at us and calmed down?”

He laughed at that. “You might have a point, though I’m not sure you’re giving me much credit. I might have been able to keep the yelling to a minimum.”

“Not with my folks,” Mary Louise said, resigned to the explosion that lay ahead. “They’re going to have a hissy fit.”

“Mine, too,” Danny said bleakly. “Especially when they find out I’m going to be blowing off a college scholarship.”

“Then you’ve decided to move back here and get married?” the minister asked, his tone pretty even for a guy who’d been advocating against that.

Mary Louise shook her head. “Actually, that’s not what we’ve decided,” she said, proud that her voice hardly wavered at all. She met Danny’s startled gaze and held it. “I think getting married is a bad idea. It’s not what Danny wants, not now, anyway, and I don’t want to live with knowing that I ruined his chance to go for his dream.”

There was no mistaking the relief in Danny’s eyes, but he asked quietly, “Are you sure about this, Mary Louise? I’ve given it a lot of thought, too. We could make it work if we had to.”

If we had to. That grudging phrase told the whole story. “No, we couldn’t.” She avoided Danny’s gaze and faced Reverend Webb. “You see, I really did listen to what Mrs. O’Leary said the other day, and I saw how frazzled she was when the kids started acting up. I know we’d only have one baby, but even one would probably make a lot of noise. Danny would wind up being tired all the time and missing classes and stuff or failing tests. It’s not fair. Sooner or later, he would resent me and the baby. I get that now.”

“It’s not fair that you’ll have to cope with all that alone, either,” Reverend Webb said gently. “Is that what you’re suggesting? Do you still plan to keep the baby?”

Mary Louise nodded emphatically. “I want this baby. I won’t give it up, but this is my choice, not Danny’s.”

Reverend Webb turned to Danny. “This girl of yours is pretty amazing.”

Danny’s eyes glistened with tears. “I know that. And she shouldn’t be the only one making a sacrifice. We made this baby together.”

Mary Louise saw that a part of him wanted still to do the right thing and she loved him for it, but she couldn’t do this by half measures. “Danny, this is what I want. That’s the difference between you and me. You see what you’d be giving up and I see what I’m getting. It’s my decision to keep the baby and it’s my decision to let you go. We can decide later about custody and stuff. I’ll never keep you from the baby, but I won’t expect you to be a part of its life, either. That’s up to you.” She managed to get the words out without a single tear leaking out. She was proud of herself.

“I’ll make support payments,” Danny said, sitting taller. “That’s only right. It might not be much at first, but we can set it up so it’s more later, once I graduate and get a halfway decent job.” He looked toward Reverend Webb for support. “Is that fair?”

“I think so,” the minister said.

“And the baby?” Mary Louise asked, her heart thumping unsteadily. “Will you want to see the baby?”

Danny hesitated, his eyes filled with uncertainty. “I…I don’t know,” he whispered. “Can we decide that later?”

The last shred of hope inside Mary Louise died. Their baby still didn’t matter to him, not the way it did to her. “Sure,” she said stoically. “Later’s good.”

Maybe later her heart wouldn’t ache as if Danny had just stuck a knife into it.