Читать книгу Leashes and Lovers - What Your Dog Can Teach You About Love, Life, and Happiness - Sheryl Matthys - Страница 18

CHAPTER 3

How to Bark When Spoken To

Silence is more than just the lack of sound. In the right hands, silence can be salve for your wounds, a place for you to grow, a doorway to enlightenment, and even a classroom for those of us seeking stronger, longer human relationships. Try sitting quietly with your dog for a few moments; you can practically feel your blood pressure go down.

Kristie Leong, a physician and author of many popular health articles, explains, “When you’ve had a bad day, a dog can often sense your fatigue and apprehension. He may quietly come and sit beside you, nuzzling his wet nose against your hand. There’s no need for words. His presence is enough even in his silence.”

But how can silence help us communicate more effectively? After all, silence is the lack of communication, right? Wrong. Silence is merely the lack of sound. And if dogs can teach us anything, it’s that you don’t need sound to communicate.

Yes, dogs bark to let us know a stranger is approaching, whine to let us know they’re hungry, growl in the presence of danger, or are vocal simply because it’s in their bloodline, such as with herding breeds. This is far from silence, but those are just a few examples of how dogs use sound to enhance, not replace, effective communication.

Studies show that your words account for only 7% of the messages you convey. The remaining 93% is non-verbal (55% of that based on what people see and 38% on voice intonation).

Think about it... You are saying the most to people when you are not speaking. Unless you are a master of disguise, you are constantly sending messages about your true thoughts and feelings, regardless of whether you are using words. Our dogs can read and sense our nuances on a deeper level. They read our human, non-verbal communication of submission, aggression, or even happiness by our postures and facial expressions.

Think of how your dog nuzzles you for affection, tugs you into playfulness, gives you those “puppy dog eyes” when begging for food, or even that “hang dog” expression when he’s done a number on your favorite rug. Dogs aren’t just experts at body language, they are masters at communicating without sound. While communication among animals of the same species is common throughout nature, communication between species is less frequent, which is what makes it even more interesting that dogs can read us so well.

International Dogs – Universal Language

I traveled to St. Maarten in the Caribbean years back, and as we drove through the towns I noticed stray dogs just about everywhere. Many appeared gaunt and lonely. Later, when we were on the beach, several dogs were there as well. So I put out an ice bucket filled with water near my beach chair and some approached. When I went to take a walk, a couple of large mixed breed dogs and a Rottweiler joined me, and before I knew it, a whole pack had surrounded me. But instead of fear, I experienced a sense of tranquility as I continued with my walk. They seemed to seek out a human who was kind and open to having a relationship with them. They didn’t ask anything of me but to be in my company.

I walked with them and learned from them that day with no expectations. One by one, even more dogs quietly tagged along on our walk. Some passersby seemed concerned and even afraid, but I wasn’t. These dogs – none of them had a collar on so I didn’t know if or where they may have had a home – seemed happy, and they made me smile all over.

When I returned to my beach chair, a couple of dogs stayed with me all day hanging out – so ready to be my friend and companion even though we had just met – and all due to a pat on the head, a sip of water, and an open heart. Our simple walk left an indelible impact on me – to relax, listen to the peace, welcome others with an open mind, embrace an alternative reaction, confront fears, and enjoy the moment. It was all they had and they were happy.

Three Steps for Communicating More Effectively – Without Ever Saying a Word

It is my belief that, by engaging in more silence more often, we, too, can become more effective communicators, particularly with our human counterparts. Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the bestseller Eat, Love, Pray, discusses her fondness for communicating without sound when she shares how meditation helped her throughout her spiritual journey. She acknowledges she sometimes has to push herself to do it, but says that when she doesn’t meditate her heart longs for it. Here then, inspired by dogs, are Three Steps for Communicating More Effectively – Without Ever Saying a Word:

1. Use body language: What if you couldn’t speak? How would you communicate? It would be a challenge, to be sure. But think about how much more open and expressive interactions might be if we spoke (with our mouths) less and communicated (with our bodies) more. As an example from pop culture, take a look at the Pixar animated movie, Wall-E. This animated love story about two robots is told primarily through beeps, squeaks, sounds and, most importantly, gestures – yet everyone loved it, and more importantly, got it. Said Roger Ebert upon reviewing the film, “That it works largely without spoken dialogue is all the more astonishing; it can easily cross language barriers, which is all the better, considering that it tells a planetary story.” Try incorporating and being aware of what body language is saying in all your interpersonal relationships.

2. Make eye contact: We know how our dogs give us that look with their big brown eyes when we’re eating, as if we owe them a favor, and how strong we have to be to not give in to those eyes! It’s so powerful – just a look. I taught communications at the University of Notre Dame, St. Mary’s, and Indiana University at South Bend, and my curriculum always emphasized the importance of relating to your audience with eye contact. You don’t hear so much about eye contact anymore, perhaps because of the impersonal nature of human interaction these days. Think about it... most people would rather start and end a relationship via a dating site or a “Dear John” email or even a text message than live and in person.

I often think of the Sex and the City episode in which a guy broke up with Carrie on a Post-it® note, and how distraught she was over this method! Yet the impersonality of emails, text messaging, and voicemail leaves us aching for that eye contact, that directness that can mean so much with so little. Try to be more aware of making eye contact and encouraging others to do the same in your day-to-day interactions.

3. Don’t ignore the human touch: I have a friend who’s very touchy-feely, to the point that strangers often comment on it. I marvel at her ability to open up new doors of communication merely by placing a hand on someone’s shoulder or embracing a total stranger who’s just made a revealing comment. I used to wonder which came first, the touch or the response, but now I know they are simultaneous. Dogs are the same way. They use touch as an active, important, and effective means of communication. When a dog is relaxed and playful, he may even offer his forepaw to you – reaching out to you. When I’m petting my Greyhound, Shiraz, she just lies there. But the moment I stop, she touches my hand with her paw, as if to say, “Don’t leave! Please continue!” Your dog responds to your touch when you need to distract him from something he shouldn’t be focusing on. While I am not suggesting you stretch too far out of your comfort zone, see for yourself how a simple handshake, pat on the back, tap on the shoulder, or especially a hugging embrace can open up lines of communication that a simple word or phrase cannot.

You are constantly sending messages about your true thoughts and feelings, regardless of whether you are using words.