Читать книгу Digital Government Excellence - Siim Sikkut - Страница 62

As I said, there was a period of some months when I became too focused on deadlines and too focused on managing up. It was a time when we had to find an alternative to Phoenix. I became too blunt with people in the team who were just trying their hardest. Someone had to call me out to make me realize it. To avoid it happening in the future, I would try next time to find more people who are not afraid to speak. I would also ask them for feedback more often. We were delivering home runs and home runs, but it was killing people in the process.

I had been conscious about my own mental health from the start, but the job still had an effect. I gained a lot of weight, and my state was not always the best during the job. I was open about it and a deputy minister told me that I should not be showing cracks like that. It did not sit true with who I am as a person. I am very honest, am emotional and transparent as a person. I believe it is OK for people to see the leadership struggle because it is not easy all the time and nobody wants to work for robots anymore. They will not believe you then when you speak because you are not genuine. It would be like senior officials having people write their social media for them. Other people will know it and not buy it.

So, I should have made sure that my health and mental health came first. I did prioritize longer days over family at times, and that is no good. An evening eight o'clock call could have frankly just been a meeting the next morning, not happen immediately. The thing is that once you leave office at the end of your run, you are just a person. I should have realized that I was always first a person, while also in the position.