Читать книгу Many Blessings - Sonnee Weedn PhD - Страница 11

CHAPTER 3

The Inspirers

For every one of us who succeeds, it’s because there’s somebody there to show you the way out. The light doesn’t necessarily have to be in your family; for me, it was teachers and school.

— Oprah Winfrey

African American women have traditionally been inspirational and encouraging to others in their communities. They have been the bedrock of their churches, for example, and have provided spiritual nourishment to their children, grandchildren, and extended families.

Often, in the course of resolving problems or issues within themselves or their own families, they provide inspiration to others to do the same, without even knowing that they are having that kind of influence or that anyone else is observing their process. Helping one another and modeling success is critical to improving the self-esteem and self-confidence of those who are less aware or confident of their own possibilities.

Inspiring women are essential to their communities because they provide hope. They model the attributes of courage, commitment, confidence, and spiritual vitality so essential to successful and meaningful lives.

Inspirers encourage just by their presence. They come from all walks of life, and social and economic strata. They are not necessarily famous, though some are, but they serve as competent coaches and role models, encouraging others to take stock of their own possibilities and to make the most of them.

Inspirers are generous in their praise and acknowledgement of other’s attributes. They encourage lavishly and criticize when they believe the criticism will be helpful in a particular situation. Every woman interviewed for this book spoke of people along the way who had inspired her, with either a personal touch or as a model to emulate.

In the course of writing about inspiring African American women, one of them explained to me the truism that, “Sometimes when I want to be inspirational, I put my backside to the business at hand and push from behind. A tugboat doesn’t always pull, it mostly pushes.” Her statement made me laugh at first, and then I realized that it was a good illustration of the diverse ways in which Inspirers affect others and sometimes effect change.

As I interviewed each of the following women, I was not only personally inspired by their stories, but I could see that they had had broad influence on the people around them because of their ability to be flexible and purposeful, and have courage and integrity. They made others better just by association.

Sonya Lockett

“If you don’t give back, your blessings have been wasted.”

I introduced myself to Sonya Lockett when I was on retreat at Miraval, a wellness resort in Tucson, Arizona. I had watched her and her friend, wearing bathrobes fresh from the spa, visiting over lunch, and asked if she would like to join me for dessert. It took some nerve for me to approach her and I worried that she would think I was rude or too pushy. But, she was really friendly and we exchanged enough personal information for me to learn that she was Director of Public Affairs at Black Entertainment Television (BET) in New York City. She had won an in-house weight-loss contest at BET, as part of their educational initiative targeting obesity in African American girls and women. In twelve weeks, she had shed twenty-five pounds and won a weekend at Miraval as her reward. As I was to learn during the course of the interview I requested of her, this was a great example of her determination in plotting her own life course, as well as inspiring others to improve themselves through making educated choices.

Sonya also exemplified how sometimes when we have to give up a dream we have held onto, in her case, the dream of being an actor, the new dream emerges and turns out to be highly fulfilling.

She was quite modest, telling me that the person I really should be interviewing for my book was not her, but Denise Stokes, who she claimed was a REAL hero in the fight against AID’s. And so, Sonya helped me contact Denise, who is represented in the chapter on Survivors. This is an example of the way in which much of this book evolved. I would contact a particular woman and she would tell me that she was not “the one”; that “the one” was someone much more accomplished than her. It is refreshing to hear women pointing to other women as examples of accomplishment, rather than criticizing them, as so often happens. At the same time, it is critical to understand that most women are inspiring to someone, and that leadership involves claiming one’s own accomplishments, as well as highlighting others.

Sonya’s home life while growing up in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, was like Ozzie and Harriet, she says. Her parents, both professional educators, were strict, Catholic, and provided a good foundation for their two daughters. Sonya’s parents taught her that, “no one is better than you, but as a black girl, you will probably have to work harder than others.” She felt mostly protected from racism in her Catholic school environment, even though she was one of only six black students in her class of 120. She says that she loved the structure, the nuns, and the whole experience. “Being black didn’t stop me,” she says. “I was class president my sophomore, junior and senior years in high school and I just didn’t view myself differently. Nothing made me think I should have.”

Sonya is emphatic when she says, “You have to be comfortable with yourself to be comfortable with people different from you. If I’m the only black person in a situation, I’m fine with it. I always see myself as just another person.” When speaking of racism, Sonya says that she entered school after integration was underway. “I just handled it. At that time, any racism I experienced from white people came more from stupidity, rather than viciousness.”

However, Sonya experienced more hurt from the inter-racism, based on skin color and hair type, that she says is common in Louisiana. She heard comments like, “You are too dark,” or, “You have nice hair for a dark-skinned girl.” She acknowledged the painful affect this attitude had on her and saw how it affected other girls. The message was that to be attractive, you had to look more white than black. Internalized racism among African Americans is a challenge.

After high school, Sonya attended and graduated from Howard University. She had wanted to go away to school and her father believed strongly that she should attend a traditionally Black college for the support. Feeling stifled by the cliquishness of Baton Rouge and believing that her father’s notoriety as a professor at Southern University would have been further restricting, Washington, D.C. promised a bigger worldview. Being at a historically Black college, she also felt the relief of having “no burden of my race. I didn’t have to be a token.”

Though she had planned to major in drama, Sonya eventually chose public relations. She was politically active in the undergraduate student association and the D.C. Young Democrats.

Sonya loved being in Delta Sigma Theta, a women’s sorority that emphasized public service. She loved learning the lineage, the songs and traditions that had been passed down to them as a legacy from the founders.

She embraced the largely unspoken, but clearly understood commitment that if you were a Howard University graduate, you would go out and change the world.

While Sonya says that her sister was extremely focused on becoming a physician, she, herself, wanted to do everything and lacked clear focus. As a result, she says she had some trouble growing up, which she wasn’t even sure she wanted to do.

After a stint as a bank teller, she got a job with The D.C. Department of Human Rights as a public affairs specialist, writing press releases and speeches and developing brochures. She credits Janice Smith with being a great first boss, and attorney, Maudine Cooper, head of The Urban League, with being an excellent mentor.

Sonya was certainly getting great experience, writing speeches for the mayor and learning the intricacies of special event planning. But, her original dream of being an actor was always in the background. And so she auditioned for The American Academy of Dramatic Arts in New York and was accepted. Though her family was nervous and she was terrified to leave a promising career and start over at age twenty-five that is what she did. “I was either brave or stupid,” she says now. Although Sonya was successful at The Academy, being told that she was talented and had a strong presence, she was not thin and she didn’t sing or dance. The older she got, the more discouraged she was because there was so little work available for black actors – female or male.

In 1999, she was auditioning and working as a restaurant manager/bartender, while quietly believing that she had more to give. A man whom she had met previously, while doing freelance public relations work, came into the bar. Tim Rosta was the Executive Director of LIFEbeat: The Music Industry Fights AIDS, and as the evening progressed, “and the drinks flowed,” he asked Sonya to contact him at his office. She did, and he offered her a job serving as the LIFEbeat representative on The Lilith Fair Tour, which was a traveling music festival and concert tour featuring exclusively solo female artists. Sonya’s job was to coordinate the AIDS outreach activities on the tour, but with her public relations background, she began to create press opportunities for the organization, too. After speaking at one of the tour’s press conferences praising the tour’s efforts to have organizations that combat AIDS, breast cancer and domestic abuse be a part of the festival, she was asked by tour founder, Sarah McLachlan, to speak at every press conference. This insured that LIFEbeat was mentioned in tour articles. She says that, “Tim Rosta is still one of my biggest supporters.”

After Lilith Fair, Sonya was asked to be project manager of the Levi’s sponsored “World AIDS Day Concert,” which was another LIFEbeat event. She arranged for numerous artists such as In Sync and Destiny’s Child to give public service announcements. As a result of the success of this event, Sonya was asked to join the staff full-time and eventually became Director of Communications and Marketing for LIFEbeat. After three years with the organization, and though she loved non-profit work and had learned so much, she needed more income.

Around that time, a sorority sister from her Howard University days, who was now at BET (Black Entertainment Television) reached out to her and in 2002 she went to work for them as Director of Public Affairs; her job at the time of this interview. She has since been promoted to Vice-President. In this role, she creates pro-social initiatives, such as Rap It Up, an HIV-AIDS prevention campaign that is presented to a variety of audiences and tailored to the needs of the particular population being addressed. “I am so proud of what I’ve been able to accomplish,” she says. “We’ve expanded our partnerships with educational campaigns. We’ve been recognized internationally for our work. The United Nations put our ‘Global AIDS Initiative’ up as a model. I expanded grassroots HIV testing events and teen forums. We want our programs to serve communities. We partner with local radio stations, look for a local physician to be on our panel and bring in youth living with AIDS, a celebrity and a representative from BET. The program is called Choices, and it focuses on the implications of choices we make in our lives. We try to clear up misconceptions regarding HIV and AIDS. We do prevention and education, and try to reduce the stigma usually associated with this disease. I’m so happy with what I’m doing. I see the young people being changed by what they have experienced with our program.” Her enthusiasm and pride are readily apparent.

But, Sonya’s enthusiasm wanes when we touch on the subject of significant men in her life. “What’s the deal?” she asks. “There is this phenomenon of so many great women who are alone. Most of us would like to meet a nice guy. We date, but rarely find ones who are ready or willing to commit. I am stumped and disappointed about this.”

Nevertheless, Sonya is resolute in her advice to other women. “Stay true to yourself, no matter what the situation,” she emphasizes. “Integrity is my favorite word. Never let others dictate who you are and what you think. Don’t ‘dumb’ down for someone.” She acknowledges that she sees some of her friends do this and it saddens her.

“The thing I like best about myself is that I am non-judgmental,” she says. “I may not approve of or like something you do, but I respect your choice. And more than anything, I know, for sure, that I have been so blessed. If I don’t give back, then my blessings have been wasted. Be yourself. Don’t hide your light.”

Sonya has shed the light of health education to countless people, male and female, adults and youth. She is indeed blessed, and a blessing.

Karolyn Ali

“Ground yourself in some form of spirituality. Love yourself and go forward.”

I met Academy Award-Nominee Karolyn Ali when my son, Simon, was hired as an intern at Amaru Entertainment in Santa Monica, CA. Amaru represented the estate of the late rap star, Tupac Shakur, and it was a college student’s dream to work in such a setting. Karolyn was kind as well as strict with her new intern. And I, as Simon’s mother, was grateful for her guidance and direction for this teenager who was so excited to be working in the music industry.

I got to know Karolyn during the time Simon worked for her and found her to be as beautiful in her spirit as she is in her physical appearance, with her long, flowing hair, and her regal presence. She remained a mentor to Simon throughout his college career, having written a recommendation for him when he applied to The Berklee College of Music, and taking his phone calls from Boston when he was at Berklee College studying music business. She was also inspiring to me in the process of writing this book, offering her encouragement when I was challenged or feeling like Sisyphus, of Greek mythology, endlessly rolling the great stone up the mountain, only to have it roll down again. Karolyn was helpful from beginning to end. Early on she agreed to chant, in her tradition, for the best outcome for all concerned with the project.

Karolyn Ali was born Carolyn Jeannette Brown in Washington, D.C to parents who soon divorced. Her mother, Jennie, moved with her two daughters to Cambridge, Massachusetts, where they lived for a time with their great-aunt. She describes this period as hard for them, but they made it work; and eventually settled into what she describes as a comfortable life in Springfield, Massachusetts revolving around school and the Baptist Church.

Karolyn and her younger sister really had little relationship with their own father, but came to deeply appreciate their stepfather, Hammie Golden, who came into their lives when Karolyn was thirteen. Together, they regularly experienced family outings to a different New England city or landmark every Sunday and Karolyn speaks of her mother, Jennie, and stepfather with great fondness and respect. Hammie, or “Pop” as they called him, “was an uneducated Southern gentleman with a heap of common sense and a big heart…a beautiful man,” Karolyn says. He was a decorated Army soldier, who loved animals and loved to fish. He loved bringing his catch home for his family and the neighbors, too. Although both her parents worked full time, their jobs were menial with low income. But, Karolyn explains, “We didn’t know we were poor. For Blacks at that time to have a home and two parents together and with jobs, well, that was rich.” Eventually, her stepfather owned his own dry-cleaning business where Karolyn worked part time.

Unlike her younger sister, Daa’iyah—a linguist with a Master’s degree in Education, French and Spanish—Karolyn, regrets that she did not identify herself as an academic. She says that as a youngster, she knew she was endowed with the work ethic and just couldn’t wait to join the workforce, starting with a job at the public library when she was fifteen. She worked through junior college and held a dream of having her own business. Within six months of receiving her Associate of Science degree, United Airlines hired her as their thirteenth black flight attendant. “My mother was an emotional wreck over me flying for a living. What did we know about airplanes? Black people didn’t fly.”

It was 1965 and because of issues of segregation and prejudice, Blacks were not welcome in the South. United Airlines did not require their African American crewmembers to fly south of the Mason-Dixon line, but Karolyn says she thought, “I’m not going to let that fear keep me from doing my job.” And so she accepted flight schedules from her Chicago domicile to all destinations. She served many dignitaries and well-known people, including Duke Ellington, Senator Everett Dirksen, Richard Nixon’s presidential campaign press plane and Muhammad Ali. Of the latter, she says they became friends after a turbulent flight between New York City and Chicago, where The Champ became so fearful that he accidentally pulled the shade off the window. His first comment to the fair-skinned Karolyn was, “Are you passin”?” He was referring to her position as a black flight attendant and meant that he wondered if she was trying to pass for a white person. After the flight, he and Howard Bingham gave her a ride home. They have remained friends for forty years.

During her stint as a “stewardess,” Karolyn maximized her days off by modeling. Shortly thereafter, she was discovered by Ebony magazine for their ’67 national Fashion Fair. United granted her a leave of absence to join the fashion tour where she held the distinct privilege of closing the show each night as the show’s “bride.” Her groom was Richard Roundtree. On her return to the airline Karolyn was selected into United’s management training program and groomed for various management positions. Her first assignment was as an appearance counselor for flight attendants who were all women at the time; teaching trainees about grooming guidelines, which included wearing girdles, and strict weight control. From that position, she moved on to be an in-flight supervisor, anonymously evaluating crewmembers on random flights and writing reports regarding issues of safety and quality control.

It was around this time that Karolyn married John Ali who was introduced to her by The Champ and Howard. While she enjoyed being treated like a princess by John, the confines of a traditional marriage did not suit her ambitious professional goals. Karolyn got a divorce and continued her climb up United’s corporate ladder and beyond.

Ultimately, Karolyn was appointed Director of In-flight Services Training. She designed and wrote training manuals for In-flight safety and dining services, including galley and serving procedures, menus, service-ware —all the most minute details of In-flight service. She was one of the few black women in management, and says it was a fabulous experience that prepared her for corporate life and allowed her to travel the world.

Karolyn began mingling with popular recording artists and took another brief leave of absence from United to explore the entertainment industry. She was invited to join Bob Marley’s management and music publishing company taking up residencies in London, Jamaica, New York and Los Angeles.

But, in contrast to her “charmed life” with her family and at United, Karolyn’s personal life was marred by a devastating relationship with an abusive man—a “Jekyll and Hyde.” She had to literally run for her life, slipping away from their digs in the middle of the night and begging the doorman not to reveal seeing her. She took a bus home to her parents, who sheltered her and nurtured her back to health. This experience, though a dark chapter, planted a seed of a dream, which she still holds, of one day creating a documentary for and about abused women. Its purpose will be educational and, hopefully, preventive, as it will encourage women to keep their power and not give it up to any man. She laments that “in the name of love,” so many good women are filled with drugs and then emotionally and physically beaten by men who claim to care about them. This is a theme that many of the women I interviewed echoed, and I look forward to Karolyn’s dream coming to fruition. “I became empowered through determination,” Karolyn says today. “My naiveté was gone after the experience of physical abuse, and I simply took an attitude of no fear.”

Strengthened and reinvigorated, Karolyn bounced back in New York as the Executive Assistant to Bennie Ashburn, manager of The Commodores, which included Lionel Richie. She traveled the world promoting their image and reputation, and helping keep their corporate profile intact. This gave her an opportunity to interface with agents, concert promoters and sponsors.

In the early eighties, Karolyn was tapped by Dick Griffey of Solar Records and moved to Los Angeles to manage the artists they represented, including The Whispers, Babyface & L.A. Reed, and Shalamar, to name a few. During this decade, that saw the birth of the music video, there was concern that their recording artists’ themes and concepts portrayed on film (the combinations of imagery with songs) were not impactful enough to compete successfully with well-known white acts. Karolyn convinced Mr. Griffey that she could better present their acts. She went on to produce music videos for all of the Solar Records artists. Her work with Solar resulted in one of their groups, Lakeside, receiving a CEBA award for best video and Shalamar’s, Dead Giveway, which was filmed in London, became an early MTV hit.

With the rise in her success as a music video producer, Karolyn joined forces with several filmmakers she had employed to direct videos. The team’s independent production company became a powerhouse for music videos, concert films, and commercials. Her clients ranged from Stevie Wonder to Sinbad, from Steele Pulse and Ziggy Marley, to Dionne Warwick and Burt Bacharach. She produced numerous television commercials, including spots for Cherry Coke, featuring Cameo, and Jesse Jackson’s 1984 presidential campaign (both CEBA award winners), as well as for the twenty-first anniversary of McDonald’s Big Mac. She produced Stevie Wonder’s concert film, Live at Madison Square Garden, celebrating his twenty-fifth year in show business, and corporate films for Nissan and Peter Ueberroth’s, Rebuild LA.

Like most successful people, not all of Karolyn’s projects have had the hoped for level of success. For example, the industry considered her debut feature film, Kla$h, a “Jamaican film” and did not recognize it for theatrical distribution in the U.S. It went to DVD distribution and the cable. But, she counts it as a success anyway, in that it brought a great new friend into her life, Jasmine Guy, whom she refers to as “a dear.” Ms. Guy appreciated Karolyn’s person and her skills as a producer. When Tupac Shakur passed away, Jasmine Guy asked her to produce his memorial service in Atlanta. Tupac’s mother, Afeni Shakur, was pleased with the service for her son. Some years later, Jasmine recommended Karolyn to head up Amaru Entertainment, which continued to produce Tupac Shakur’s legacy of artistry.

The position at Amaru led to Karolyn producing the documentary feature film, Tupac: Resurrection, released by Paramount Pictures for which she received the prestigious Academy Award Nomination. It was a stunning achievement that she says was the culmination of a lot of hard work by a lot of dedicated people.

Karolyn says that she feels a spiritual connection to Tupac Shakur, though she never met him personally. “I feel hand-picked by him,” she says. Karolyn was also editor of the companion book, Tupac Resurrection 1971–1996 for MTV Books/Atria Books, distributed by Simon & Schuster. In addition she shepherded the production of Afeni Shakur: Evolution of a Revolutionary, written by Jasmine Guy for Atria Books/Simon & Schuster.

The recipient of numerous honors, Ali has earned the prestigious Lillian Gish Award from Women in Film. She was also selected as the NAACP/Legal Defense Fund’s, AT&T Entrepreneur of the Year.

Back in 1986, Karolyn joined forces with its Founder/Executive Director Sheila Scott-Wilkinson and became a founding member and board member of Theatre Of Hearts/Youth First. The Los Angeles-based nonprofit that empowers underserved youth and their families through mentoring and instruction in quality, multi-disciplinary fine arts educational workshops has served over 75,000 youth countywide.

Karolyn seems amazed, herself, at the serendipitous chain of events that have allowed her to fulfill so many of her aspirations. She is clearly as beautiful on the inside as she in on the outside, and exudes kindness, generosity and competence. She has provided inspiration to countless others, not only through her person, but also through the media she has inspired.

Over the past twenty-five years Karolyn has practiced Buddhism in the Nichren Daishonin tradition. Her chanting practice—“Nam-myo-renge-kyo”—bespeaks a devotion to the universal law of cause and effect through sound. Buddhism aims to prove the true dignity of human life through the individual’s life and his or her actions to help others do the same. It is a means to connect with one’s highest and best self and to manifest that best self in all one’s affairs. This inner journey has fortified her with “preparedness and perseverance,” she says. She emphasizes the need for women to embrace some form of spirituality that grounds them and allows them to love themselves and go forward in the world with confidence.

Karolyn continues to work in the music and film business that she loves.

Lovie McGee

“Excellence is the highest form of rebellion.”

I was shopping in Santa Fe, New Mexico, when I saw a magazine with a picture of Lovie McGee on the cover. She had been named, “Woman of the Year” by the governor of New Mexico, and I picked up the magazine to read about her. I was amazed at all of her accomplishments and especially struck by the fact that she said she certainly liked the financial results of selling an expensive home, but that her real joy came from showing people who never thought they would be able to own a home that they could. She helped them make a long-term plan for home ownership and then followed their progress.

Lovie was the first woman I interviewed for this book and she was patient with my anxiety and my inexperience. She had some suggestions, which I followed.

In a meeting with her over a year after that first interview, Lovie instructed me to return to my hotel room and look for the Gideon Bible in the desk drawer. “Look at the passage in Habakkuk, Chapter 2, Verses 2 and 3, then do what it says,” she instructed. Well, I did as I was told. And here is what it said:

“Write the vision; make it plain upon tablets, so he may run who reads it. For still the vision awaits its time; it hastens to the end— it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come, it will not delay.”