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CHAPTER 1

Faith, Family, Fortitude, and Flexibility

There is an old proverb that says, “Be good to the women, for you will be under their hands at the time of your birth and, again at the time of your death.” Because, historically, it was often African American women who were midwives, as well as caretakers of the old and the sick, it is a saying that ought to especially apply to them. However, traditional American culture has not been particularly good to African Americans, in general, or African American women, in particular. And so, when these same marginalized women rise up and make important contributions to the larger community, it is a wonder and a blessing!

As I traveled around the country, talking to African American women of all economic, educational, and social strata, I began to have a deeper understanding of the various factors that had shaped them and allowed them to make the most of their particular gifts, despite overt and covert discrimination, and the despair that comes of internalized racism.

Certainly, every woman is unique. Her life circumstances and history belong to her alone. And yet, I found threads running through each story that wove them together in meaningful ways.

It is important to note that young people today never experienced law-enforced segregation, and have no real understanding of its meaning to those it was meant to hold back. This was so evident when I went to hear Melba Beals, one of the original nine students to integrate Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas, speak at Dominican University. High school students in the audience responded to some of her stories of racial injustice by commenting that they would just never tolerate that kind of treatment if it happened to them. They seemed not to understand that resisting “that kind of treatment” could mean risking one’s life … or worse.

In addition, most young women I speak with have not experienced the spirit-deflating effects of overt sexist attitudes that barred women from many jobs, especially the higher paying ones, as well as equal treatment in the home and society as a whole.

As we begin the 21st century, these old attitudes of racism and sexism have certainly not been completely eradicated. Though we have come a long way, we have a long way to go.

Four fundamental values or attributes became apparent to me in the interviews and discussions I conducted with thirty accomplished African American women. Almost every woman spoke of her family’s deep, Christian faith. Most had been raised attending church services regularly, singing in the choir, or otherwise participating in a religious community. Bible verses were quoted as themes for many of their lives. Frequently, the women were still active members of congregations, though they may have branched out from the faith of their childhood to embrace other forms of spiritual practice that nourish their souls. Faith communities typically provide children with core values of kindness, compassion, and altruism. Most of the women I interviewed spoke of having been taught these values that are critical to a thriving, humane society. They are actively involved in the generous giving of their time and expertise in a variety of ways.

There is family. Not every woman came from a healthy, supportive family, but many did. If they were lucky enough to have this benefit, the family often didn’t just mean the immediate, nuclear family, but a patchwork of extended family made up of blood relatives, as well as those designated by mutual agreement as aunties, uncles, and cousins. In other words, they had a community of connection.

For those who had difficult family backgrounds, other forms of “family-style” relationships made the difference. This could be a 12-Step Fellowship, teachers who reached out, employers who empowered, helpers of one sort or another along the way. But, it certainly cannot be over-emphasized that a family who not only cares, but also holds its members accountable is invaluable.

Fortitude was evident in the lives of every woman I encountered. It takes strength and courage to face the hurdles and challenges presented to each of the women interviewed. If a woman came from a secure and educated family, she still faced the obstacles of the prejudice of the dominant culture, not to speak of the internalized racism that gives self-doubt to even the most confident and competent woman.

For those who came from more humble beginnings, the challenges have been even more daunting. But, what is so obvious is that it is some of these challenges, themselves, that have pushed the particular woman to set her intention and strengthen herself by whatever means she could, to rise to the challenges and move forward despite setbacks.

Flexibility is the ability to change course or tolerate changes in plans, even setbacks, without losing faith or ambition. It is also the ability to entertain new ideas without being threatened by them. It was obvious that this flexibility was essential in each of the stories of success. These women learned to take risks that are unimaginable to the average person from the dominant culture. They adjusted to changes in living arrangements, jobs, and personal relationships. They let go of entire careers and security when other possibilities arose, or the necessity of moving on became apparent. They tolerated disappointments and failures without giving in or giving up. They simply changed course, gathered their energy and kept on.

In addition to the core values that shaped these women, seven character strengths seemed to describe them and appeared to characterize African American women, in general. Each of the following chapters features one of these character strengths, and brings forward the stories of distinct women who exemplify this particular strength. The individual stories are meant to affirm and honor the contributions of the particular woman featured, as well as inspire the reader to adopt and nurture the particular strength personified.

What became clear about the thirty women interviewed for this book is that each woman could actually fit into every one of the categories I had identified. Each of them had some degree of each of the strengths, as you will see. At the same time, some aspect of their individual stories exemplifies the strength recognized and helps it come alive.

In addition to honoring these amazing women, this book is meant to support you, the reader, in your pursuit of your life’s work and your destiny. When you are in need of one of the strengths identified in these pages, go to that chapter and read several of the stories for inspiration. See if you can find the support you are looking for in the stories of these thirty women. Then make a plan and take action!