Читать книгу Unchained - Stacey Chatman - Страница 8

The following Saturday, I met Marco at the apartment. When I walked into the living room, there was no furniture. At that moment, I realized, for the first time, he was hurting. I stood there looking at him. He was playing music. I will never forget these two songs. “A House is Not a Home” by Luther Vandross and “Cause I Love You” by Lynnie Williams. Every time I hear the song “Cause I Love you” my facial expression becomes blank! This is PTSD at its best. There are some things that will always have an everlasting impression on my spirit, my mind and my SOUL! I left him sitting alone in the empty apartment.

I have spent a lifetime healing from this relationship. As I look back on my childhood, my sister and I witnessed, on numerous occasions domestic abuse. My mother was physically abused in front of us.

My sister and I thought my mother’s long-term boyfriend, Lyle, was our biological father. Tracey and I loved Lyle. Lyle bought us our first pets. Those dogs drove my mother crazy. Lyle would sit us on his lap and hug us like a dad should.

My mother and Lyle struggled to continue to keep a healthy relationship. My mother and Lyle would argue in front of us. I remember my mother saying; “They think that you are their dad?” He would look at her. Then, he would look a us, and he decided to stay.

One night, my mother and Lyle got in a physical fight. There was yelling! He took a telephone cord and wrapped it around my mother’s neck! My sister and I ran towards our mother; as we held onto her, the scuffle continued. All of a sudden, I broke loose and my sister still held onto our mother. As the struggle continued, all of a sudden, there was a crash and then silence! The crash, in the struggle, was the china cabinet. It fell on my sister! She was covered in glass! Her eyes were closed. My mother screamed! I remember the chaos. My sister began to cry. Lyle and my mother began picking up the pieces of glass away from my sister. She was checked to make sure she was not bleeding. I remember my mother and Lyle being happy she was not hurt, no bleeding. Lyle and my mother both helped my sister. Scared and frightened, I watched!

My mother placed the phone back on the receiver and she called my grandparents. My grandparents arrived. There was a heated argument! After the argument, Lyle packed his bags and left.

My childhood saviors were my grandparents, Margie and Paul. Margie and Paul were an interesting couple. They loved, despised, and hated each other. Monday through Thursday Margie and Paul engaged in their normal routines; however on Friday hell broke loose! The drinking binges occurred. I refer to these binges as getting into the spirits. On the weekends, it was normal, to see my grandmother go into a rage about her life. It was normal to see my grandfather say very little and just drink liquor. On Friday and Saturday, it was normal for the dark and white liquors (the spirits) to take control. It was normal to watch Margie and Paul engage in a marriage mixed with love, resentment and hatred. On the weekends, it was normal for family to have dinner and when the spirits were in control; all of a sudden my grandmother would slap my grandfather so hard that he would fall to the floor; he was drunk. He would stumble back to his chair, place his hat back on his head, look at me and my sister and look away. Sometimes he would stare at us blankly drunk and sometimes he would let a tear flow from his eyes. My grandfather did something to my grandmother to make her so resentful. Equally, I loved Margie and Paul, no judgment, I just observed.