Читать книгу The Doctor Returns - Stella MacLean - Страница 11

CHAPTER TWO

AS SHERRI APPROACHED the outpatient clinic nurses’ station the next morning, her mind was made up: from now on she’d refuse any shifts outside the clinics she normally worked. Now all she had to do was finish her shift in the outpatient clinic and then she was off for a couple of days.

She was going to Portsmouth to look for a place to live and to meet with the members of the nursing department she’d be working with in her new job. During the interview a few weeks ago, she’d discovered that she and the nursing coordinator shared the same approach to risk management, a key function in modern hospitals. She might even go to Bangor tomorrow and buy something special for the trip. Just thinking about her new job and the potential it held for a career in nursing management excited her.

Seeing Neill with his daughter, being aware of how focused he was on his life now, had made one thing clear. Neill Brandon had moved on; he had made decisions in life to meet his own personal goals. And so should she. When she’d told her friend Gayle Sawyer about meeting Neill, Gayle had been shocked to learn he hadn’t recognized her.

Gayle’s take on the situation was that the sooner she resolved her feelings around Neill, the easier it would be for her to move on with her life. In Gayle’s mind, there were unfinished issues between them. What Gayle didn’t seem to get was that Sherri had moved on. She wasn’t interested in resuscitating an old relationship. Neill’s presence in her life would be fleeting and of no real importance in the end.

After work yesterday, Sherri had dropped into her mother’s house before going home to her condo. Colleen had been preoccupied with the fact that her son, Ed, was about to be paroled and what that would mean in their lives. With her mother’s attention on Sherri’s older brother, it wasn’t difficult to talk about seeing Neill again. Her mother had been curious about the incident, but Sherri had convinced her that everything had gone well, that they had been perfectly civil with each other. Nothing more.

Her mother didn’t know that Neill was her baby’s father. Even back then, her mother’s attention had been on Ed, who’d just been jailed for drug smuggling. Sherri didn’t want to give her mother any more reason to worry.

Sherri’s husband, Sam, had died five years ago. She’d let her mother assume that her baby had been Sam’s. He’d been in love with Sherri for years, and when she’d met him again in Bangor, they’d started dating. When she could no longer hide the fact that she was pregnant, she’d confided in him what had happened. He proposed to her that night. Feeling she had no other option, she’d accepted.

Sam wanted to be a father very much, and was delighted to have her son carry the Crawford name. She was so grateful for everything he had done for her, and it seemed the right thing to do under the circumstances. He’d supported her by telling everyone that the baby was his. He’d even gone along with fabricating a story about the date she’d conceived. But all of the small lies and minor fabrications had been unnecessary in the end when her son died only hours after he’d been born.

Sam’s parents and his brother Charlie still lived in Eden Harbor, and she saw them at church on the Sundays she wasn’t working. Charlie and his wife, Freda, included her in their children’s birthday celebrations and the Crawford family always invited her for Christmas. She would forever be thankful that Sam was the kind of man he was, despite his problems with alcohol, and that his family treated her like a daughter.

Neill’s arrival in Eden Harbor had complicated her life, but it was nothing she couldn’t manage. She’d decided six months ago to leave Eden Harbor, long before she’d heard that Neill was moving back. She was not leaving because she didn’t like living there; she loved it. But she needed to expand her horizons, find a more challenging nursing job and meet new people. The social scene in Eden Harbor consisted of married couples and twenty-year-olds. Obviously, she didn’t fit into either category.

As Sherri approached the desk, Gayle Sawyer glanced up, her mass of black curls bouncing around her high cheekbones. Any other day Sherri would’ve arrived early for her shift so that she and Gayle could start the day off with a quiet chat. Although Gayle had only arrived in Eden Harbor a year ago, they’d developed an instant rapport that had led to a very close friendship. There were few secrets in Sherri’s life that she hadn’t shared with Gayle, including her relationship with Neill.

“Sorry I’m late, but I got caught in the traffic on Higgins Road. There are days when I wonder why I bought a condo so far from the center of town, but I love waking up to the sound of the ocean.” Her condo building was designed as a series of semidetached units that wrapped around the edge of a hill with a view of the ocean.

“They’re finally doing those road repairs they’ve been talking about. None too soon,” Gayle said, her smile anxious. “I’ve got some bad news.”

Resting her arms on the raised counter in front of Gayle, she waited, fearful that Gayle’s teenage son, Adam, was in trouble again. “What happened?”

“Dr. Brandon is working the clinic this morning.”

“Neill’s here today? His daughter’s a patient on Pediatrics. What’s he doing here?” Sherri had a sudden urge to check her makeup; instead she controlled her rush of anxiety by tidying the already-neat pile of charts on the desk.

“He’s covering for Dr. Keith, who’s been called away on a family emergency.”

“They all seem to be having family emergencies,” Sherri said. “What’s next, I wonder?”

“You’ll have an overwhelming urge to leave work early?” Gayle’s eyebrows twitched.

“Not a chance. Neill’s return to Eden Harbor is just fine as far as I’m concerned.”

“Sherri, it’s me, remember? What if someone starts gossiping about you and Neill? People have long memories, especially when it comes to a new doctor in town. Rumors can ruin lives.”

Sherri suddenly remembered that her medical chart was in his uncle’s office—now Neill’s office—with her past health history, including what had happened in Bangor. Neill knew about the pregnancy, and if he read her chart, he’d learn how their son had had no chance of survival. The struggle she’d had to keep her sanity, and how that struggle had ended. What she didn’t want him to discover was what had happened after that. She was entitled to her privacy when it came to the man who had no right to know what she’d been through. “He won’t find out. I’m out of here in a couple of weeks, and I’m taking my chart with me.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“You worry too much,” Sherri cautioned, although she worried enough for everyone, including herself. But where had all that worrying gotten her? She still lived in the town she’d grown up in. She hadn’t traveled anywhere in her entire life. Another reason for getting out of Eden Harbor.

Neill’s uncle, Dr. Nicolas Brandon, had been her family doctor all her life. Now it was Neill’s practice. And now people had reason to gossip about the newly divorced doctor and his past relationship with one of the nurses. Keeping her secret for twelve years had been tough, and all that effort would not be in vain if she had anything to do with it. She deserved to be able to move on with her life without becoming the subject of unfair gossip.

How had she forgotten about her chart? Did she have time to drop by his office and pick it up? She could request it because she was moving—a simple explanation. She glanced at the clock.

Gayle followed her glance. “Dr. Brandon hasn’t arrived yet, but he did call to say he’d be here in a few minutes.”

Too late. She’d go to his office after her shift. “He’s probably on Pediatrics visiting with his daughter.”

Gayle nodded, a smile teasing the corners of her mouth. “The building is buzzing with the news that Dr. Brandon’s ex-wife is going to be here very soon. She’s a doctor, and she owns a medical supply company in Houston. It seems that even though they’re divorced, Neill and Lilly get along very well. Not your typical divorce in my experience.”

The last person Sherri wanted to talk about this morning was Neill, and her second least favorite topic was his ex-wife. “Neill’s going through a difficult time right now. I hope his daughter is feeling better.”

“I do, too. Anything else you’re hoping for?” Gayle asked sweetly.

“After yesterday, I’d hoped to avoid seeing Neill again, but if I have to, I will.” She tapped the counter emphatically.

“I just want you to know I’m here for you if you need me, that’s all.” Gayle’s smile was sympathetic as she answered the phone.

There were lots of people in the small town of Eden Harbor who were curious about the new doctor—especially those who remembered him as a teenager growing up in the town. And of course everyone was interested in his personal life. Only Gayle knew the whole story about how her relationship with Neill had ended. Sherri intended to see that it stayed that way. After yesterday, there was no doubt that the past was over.

Gayle made a quick note as she hung up the phone. “We’ve got a busy morning ahead,” she said, glancing past Sherri toward the main doors leading from the hospital.

“All the more reason to keep personal issues out of the conversation,” Sherri muttered. She’d worked through all the hurt and pain that loving Neill had created in her life. She would never let him hurt her again.

With determination bolstering her self-confidence, she turned as the doors connecting the clinic with the main hospital slid open and Neill strode in.

His hair was still a deep auburn that kept threatening to curl if allowed to grow too long. He carried his six-foot frame with a clear sense of authority. His presence dominated the space, and the air seemed to pulse with expectation. Facing him across the expanse of corridor, she prayed her bravery of a few minutes ago would hold.

He walked up to her, his smile warm and inclusive. “Sherri Lawson, I want to apologize for not recognizing you yesterday in the emergency room. It’s just that you look...well, you look so different.”

His frank appreciation sent a fluttering sensation down the length of her body. This was a man who knew his impact on women. She’d experienced that impact firsthand and had lived with the consequences. Yet, did he really believe that he could walk in here, offer her a quick apology and everything would be fine between them? “It’s been...a while since we’ve seen each other,” she said stiffly.

He was standing so close she caught a whiff of his cologne. She was acutely aware of how dark his eyelashes were against his perfectly clear skin. “And I was completely preoccupied with Morgan’s emergency. But my concerns for Morgan aside, I’m so pleased to see you here in Eden Harbor. The last I’d heard you were working in Bangor.”

“I’ve been back in Eden Harbor for three years now.”

His gaze registered surprise. “That long?”

So much for wondering if he ever thought about her. She was dismayed to feel heat rising up her neck again.

There was an awkward pause caused by her inability to come up with a response that would politely put this topic to rest. Engaging in conversation with Neill could lead to complications she didn’t need in her life. “You were focused on your daughter’s health. I’m not surprised that you didn’t recognize me. But it doesn’t matter.”

The lie set her on edge. His lack of interest did bother her. With him standing so close, forcing her to face him, she cared deeply that he made her feel somehow...less of a person. It hurt to admit that he could so easily forget her, someone he’d claimed to love twelve years ago.

Or was she looking for his approval? Did she want him to admire all the changes she’d made in her appearance? No. Definitely not. “It’s only right that you should concentrate on your daughter.”

“I’m relieved to hear you say that. I really didn’t mean to upset you, especially when we’ll be working in the same hospital.”

Not for long, she thought. She’d rather work in a garbage dump than share workspace with a man whose only response to her after all these years was to worry if he’d upset her. To block any further discussion between them, she changed topics. “Have you met Gayle Sawyer? She’s new to the clinics.”

Neill’s face was alight with enthusiasm as he moved around the desk. “It’s nice to meet you, Gayle.”

“Thank you. I understand you’re doing Dr. Keith’s clinic today,” Gayle said.

“I am. Will you page me when my ex-wife arrives? I told her I’d be here instead of in our daughter’s room. Lilly was supposed to meet me in Morgan’s room an hour ago.” He glanced at his watch.

Sherri wished she could leave, go anywhere that didn’t include Neill and his ex. Still, she was a little curious to know what the former Mrs. Neill Brandon was like.

Just then the doors opened and a statuesque blonde walked into the clinic, her chocolate-brown business suit a perfect backdrop to her flawless makeup and hair.

Neill walked toward her and they hugged. With their arms still linked, they came to the desk, stopping beside Sherri.

The woman was breathtakingly gorgeous, the kind of woman men desired.

Neill had obviously set his sights on the prettiest girl in his medical class, and he’d won her...at least for a time.

Was Neill’s disinterest that fall day she’d called him, seeking reassurance that he loved her and their baby, due to his infatuation with Lilly? Or worse, had he been dating Lilly when Sherri had called to tell him she was pregnant?

She remembered that call—his shock, his distracted response, followed by his bumbling suggestion that she come to Boston. What was even more humiliating was she’d seriously considered going. If she’d found Neill with another woman... What a fool she would’ve made of herself. In the end, of course, it hadn’t mattered.

“I’d like you to meet Dr. Lilly Russell, Morgan’s mom.”

Lilly smiled. Sherri smiled back. “It’s so nice to meet you,” Sherri said, and in the oddest way, she meant it. Somehow, she sensed that Lilly was someone who’d be a good friend, someone who would be kind to others. “How’s Morgan?” she asked.

“She’s doing much better. And I understand you’re the nurse who was so caring and concerned about our daughter.” Lilly smiled at Neill before returning her gaze to Sherri. “Thank you for everything. I wish I could have been here, but having you with Morgan and hearing Neill sing your praises was so reassuring.”

How could he be such a hypocrite? He had shown no interest in their little boy, but he could praise her nursing abilities to his ex-wife. “It was a pleasure. Your daughter is a wonderful little girl.”

“She is. I’ve been concerned about how she’ll make out with the move here. So I’ve decided to stay for a few days to be with her. Neill got me a room at the Wayfarer’s Inn on Waterside Street.”

“You’ll like it there.”

“I’m sure I will. I’m so pleased to meet some of Neill’s coworkers. For months he’s hardly talked about anything other than practicing medicine here,” Lilly said with genuine friendliness as she smiled at each of them in turn.

Sherri had to admit she could see what had attracted Neill to this woman. Besides being beautiful, she was outgoing, friendly and at ease with people. “We’re all pleased to have Neill back with us.”

Now who’s being a hypocrite?

“Are both of you from here?” Lilly asked.

“Sherri went to school with Neill, but I’m new here,” Gayle offered, leaning her elbows on the desk.

“Neill, you didn’t tell me you were surrounded by beautiful women,” Lilly teased.

Well, what do you know? Lilly didn’t have the faintest clue that she and Neill had been friends for years and had dated in high school. It was nice to know just how much he’d thought of their relationship.

Once again, she was so thankful that Sam Crawford had been there for her, for her unborn child. Sam had been a wonderful man and a good husband who would have made a great dad.

* * *

NEILL COULD HAVE kicked himself for his stupidity as he watched his wife charm the two women. Seeing Sherri that morning, he’d wondered what she believed about him. Probably she saw him as a complete jerk, or worse, for not acknowledging her or giving her any indication what she’d meant to him.

In his defense, he hadn’t expected to find her working in the emergency room of Eagle Mountain Hospital, not to mention being the clinic nurse this morning, at least until Mike Fennell had told him. He’d been having coffee with Mike an hour before, discussing Morgan’s condition, when Mike had said something about Sherri being the nurse in Emergency yesterday.

As he stood there listening to the banter between the women, he focused his attention on Sherri, his heart hammering in his chest at the realization that she was easily the most attractive woman he’d met in a very long time. With her wide hazel-green eyes and her sun-streaked hair framing her face, she was beautiful. So different from what he remembered—the light brown hair, the large-framed glasses and a careless disregard for a few extra pounds. He’d actually found Sherri’s lack of concern over her weight a relief as his mother had always been obsessed with her weight and the refrigerator reflected her rigid diet concerns. The worst possible scenario for a teenage boy who was always starving.

But he was delighted to see that Sherri had blossomed from the teenager he’d known into a woman whose body language suggested a very self-assured and confident person who knew what she wanted from life. He tried not to stare. He didn’t need to add another mistake to his first one of not recognizing her.

“Well, it’s been lovely to meet you both. I’m going up to see Morgan, but I’m sure we’ll run into each other over the next few days.” Lilly turned to Neill, her smile bright. “You’ll be along when you’re finished here?”

“Of course. You’re all she talked about this morning at breakfast,” Neill said, relieved that Lilly was there for a few days. Morgan missed her mother.

Experience had taught him that Lilly, as much as she loved their daughter, would stick around until she was assured that Morgan was being competently cared for. Once she was satisfied, she’d return to her medical supply business in Houston. Lilly had purchased the company with proceeds from her parents’ estate, and she had insisted Neill move to Houston with her. That was the first major disagreement they’d had. He couldn’t see himself as chief operating officer of a company any more than he could imagine living in Houston. They’d compromised; he’d stayed in Boston but had agreed to be on the board of directors.

Lilly had left Boston, leaving their daughter behind with promises of returning every other weekend and holidays and taking Morgan to Houston for her school break, most of which never happened. Parenting was not one of Lilly’s strengths. Maybe it wasn’t his, either, if the move had caused Morgan’s seizure.

“And we have to get to work,” he said, glancing from Gayle to Sherri.

“Hope your daughter is able to go home soon,” Sherri said, her smile open and friendly. “Let me know if you need anything while you’re here.”

“Thank you, I will.”

Lilly touched Neill’s arm as he walked her to the connecting doors between the clinic and the hospital. “When you’re finished with your clinic, we need to talk about Morgan. I’m worried about her.”

“Me, too. Wait for me, will you?” he asked, feeling the weight of Lilly’s concerned expression, one he knew only too well. Lilly didn’t like problems, especially those that were unsolvable. When they’d first met, he’d been drawn to her take-charge approach, as had many of his classmates. They’d been dating for two months when she’d asked him to marry her. Flattered and in love, or so he had believed, he’d said yes.

Lilly Russell was a natural leader, exciting to be around back then. Now, her determination to lead, to take control, grated against his need to go slow, to be more thoughtful and circumspect about life.

But they’d continued to disregard their differences until the day they’d been forced to accept that the love and excitement had gone from their relationship. There didn’t seem to be any point in blaming each other. They had their own careers. Though they still shared a friendship and a love for Morgan, loving each other had become a distant memory.

As Lilly walked through the doors, Neill turned his attention to the pile of charts on the counter. “Where do we start?”

“Follow me,” Sherri said, picking up the charts.

He matched her stride as they moved down the corridor. “Sherri, it’s great to see you again. I’ve taken over my uncle’s practice,” he said lamely, anxious to smooth over the obvious lack of rapport between them.

“Yes, your uncle was an excellent physician.”

Was that skepticism he heard in her voice over his ability to step into his uncle’s shoes? “Yeah, and now he and Aunt Mildred are enjoying retirement in Sarasota.”

Sherri made no response as they moved down the corridor. Patients were waiting in each of the exam rooms. Sherri called out to several as they passed, and the warmth and compassion with which she treated each of them didn’t surprise Neill. She had a gift for making people feel appreciated.

Especially the skinny kid with the doting parents whose only ambition had been to go to med school. During the months they’d dated in high school, he’d loved her most for the way she’d made him feel valued. Appreciated.

He smiled to himself as he watched her. This was her life now, and her devotion to her job was evident.

Still, being near her again reminded him of how close they’d been during their last year of school. He’d gone off to university homesick for her and the idyllic world they’d shared.

He hadn’t heard from her after the short, really awkward phone call about two months after he’d moved to Boston. She’d told him she was expecting his baby, and he’d behaved so stupidly and so hurtfully, he’d been ashamed. But when he had called back to talk to her, she hadn’t answered the phone. And every time he’d tried after that day, she’d refused to speak to him. She was in her first year of the nursing program in Bangor, part of the dream they’d shared, a dream about working together as doctor and nurse. When he’d left for Boston, he’d wanted her to go with him, but she hadn’t made it into the nursing program she’d applied to in Boston.

After her brief call about the baby, he hadn’t heard from her again, although he kept trying. Then one day when he’d called, her roommate had answered and told him Sherri had quit nursing, that she had left no forwarding phone number. He’d called her parents’ house to be told she’d married Sam Crawford, a man two years ahead of them in high school and a guy Sherri had dated in tenth grade.

Wanting to congratulate her on her marriage, he’d gotten her number from her mother. When the message he’d left wasn’t returned, he didn’t try again. Was his pride hurt? Probably. And he’d let his busy life take over, a life he was so sure he wanted back then.

His mother had told him about the death of their baby, and then about Sam’s death in a boating accident. He’d tried to phone Sherri when he heard about the baby, but she wouldn’t take his call. When her husband had died, he’d tried again with no response from her. He’d tried to write her a letter, but his words about being taken by surprise, needing time to absorb what she was telling him, seemed so immature and selfish he’d torn it up. Walking beside her now, remembering the past, his neck glowed hot with embarrassment.

Back then he’d told himself he’d done everything he could to reach out to her, but he recognized what a total lie that was. He could have done so much more. Having Morgan in his life, he knew a joy he’d never known before. Yet he’d denied the same joy to Sherri by not supporting her during the pregnancy.

Being back in familiar surroundings made him remember what they’d once had between them, how he’d missed her during those early years. And now those old feelings were back. “Sherri, can we talk?”

“About what?” she asked. Her hazel eyes flared green.

He motioned toward the medical dictation room.

Once inside, he stood next to the counter. “Look, I don’t know how to say this, and I’ll probably get it wrong.” His smile, meant to be encouraging, faltered against the stiff set of her lips. “We meant so much to each other, yet everything’s changed between us... I want you to know how sorry I am.”

“About what?”

He could only imagine her devastation at the loss of their child. “The...baby.”

“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” Her tone was hard, uncompromising.

“Yes, it probably is,” he replied, aware of the emotional distance between them. “And Sam. I’m sorry. I liked him. He... His father gave me my first job in his hardware store,” he said, fumbling his words.

“Sam was a good person, a good husband.”

“You didn’t take his name?”

Her sadness evident, she murmured, “No. He wanted me to. I should have. His parents weren’t comfortable with my decision, but they didn’t say anything.”

A mix of emotions, some he couldn’t identify, cascaded through him. The sudden urge to touch her nearly overwhelmed him. “Look, this isn’t easy for either of us, but we’ll be working together,” he continued, determined to say what needed to be said.

“You mean you don’t want anything to interfere with our professional relationship.” She stood just inside the door of the tiny room, her arms crossed. “I agree completely.”

Her words sounded so cold, so impersonal, making him suddenly aware that he hadn’t said what he’d meant at all. “That’s part of it.” He sought her eyes, needing her encouragement to continue. “I want us to meet somewhere, not here, but somewhere we can catch up, reestablish contact.”

“Why?” she demanded, her eyes harboring suspicion. “What would you and I have to discuss at this point in our lives?”

“I...I didn’t recognize you yesterday. I didn’t mean to imply that I don’t remember you. I do.” Feeling suddenly very awkward, he jammed his hands into the pockets of his lab coat. “You surprised me,” he blurted out.

“How?”

“I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

“You thought I’d never come back here because of what happened,” she said, her gaze aimed directly at him.

“Maybe...” Why did he feel so tongue-tied around her? He never used to be.

“It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?” she asked, her voice clear and untroubled.

“That’s my point. I want us to—”

“Neill, please don’t say any more. You and I have a clinic to do. Let’s leave it at that.”

Her voice conveyed strength, but her eyes swam with emotion. Seeing her anguish, he leaned toward her. With their bodies nearly touching in the narrow room, their heat mingling, need flared in him. He wanted to take her in his arms, awaken those old feelings. “Do you remember that night at Reef Point Lighthouse—”

* * *

“DON’T!”

His body was so close, so touchable. Sherri closed her eyes to block out the image of him, of that night—his body pressed to hers, the excitement and their happiness.

“Seeing you again has brought it all back for me,” he murmured.

Did he remember that night the way she did? Their lovemaking, the raw need driven by the knowledge that very soon they’d go their separate ways to different places, all the while vowing to love each other forever.

What that night had cost her would live forever in her memory—the night she’d conceived. In the excitement of their graduation party, they hadn’t used protection. When her pregnancy test had come back positive, she’d been so eager to share her news with Neill, believing he would be excited at the prospect of a child. It would be difficult to raise a baby while Neill did his medical degree and she’d have to drop out of nursing school when the baby was born, but she had faith in them, in their love. They could do it...together.

She’d called, prepared to tell him. He’d been so full of stories about his career, his hopes and dreams, none of which fit with the arrival of a baby. When she’d finally cranked up her courage to tell him, he’d acted like she was kidding him. He’d wanted to know what she wanted him to do about a baby, as if their baby was some sort of undesirable nuisance. She’d been so upset, she’d hung up the phone, convinced that she would never be able to get him to understand that she loved him and their baby.

Maybe she should’ve tried harder for her baby’s sake. Should have called him back, given him another chance. But he’d become so involved in university life in Boston that she’d felt she no longer fit in his world. She didn’t want his pity, didn’t want him to feel obligated to do the right thing. Or worse, pretend he cared.

As she met his gaze, confusion and doubt stilled her heart. “It was graduation night, and we were dancing under the moon.”

“And you never looked more beautiful.”

Don’t let yourself remember. Don’t. It’s not worth it. He’s not worth it.

She took a deep breath, willing herself to speak calmly. “We have to get back to work.”

His fidgeted with his tie, ran his hands through his hair. Mesmerized, her eyes followed his hands as she recalled the excitement of his touch.

“Sherri, I’d like to see you sometime. Socially, I mean. Dinner perhaps?”

How could he possibly think he could make up for the past and what they’d lost by inviting her out to dinner?

Yet his voice, his openness as he looked at her and his uneasy smile—they were all so familiar. She waited to see if he’d rub the back of his neck after running his hands through his hair.

When he did, a rush of feeling—long held hostage by her fear—flooded to the surface. It was as if he’d never been gone. She stepped back in shock and disbelief.

How could he still have this effect on her?

She had to stop herself from reaching for him, for everything his love had once offered her. “Dinner? That’s hardly necessary,” she said over the blood pounding in her ears. She leaned against the wall for support, hoping he didn’t notice her apprehension.

When would she ever be free of these feelings? It had been twelve long years since she’d seen him...since he’d seen her. And still he held the power to make her want him.

“A date for coffee then. We can go anywhere you’d like. We could escape to Portland,” he said, his voice flowing around her.

Searching for an easy exit, she glanced around. Several patients stood outside the room, their curiosity directed at the two of them. All she needed was for people to start talking about her and Neill—talk that could lead to questions whose answers could hurt her and her family. “Dr. Brandon, this isn’t the time or place,” she cautioned.

“I’m only asking for a chance to talk things out,” he countered.

Why should she agree to meet him in Portland or anywhere else? What difference would it make? “What’s the point? We’re professionals. We can keep our private lives to ourselves, can’t we? I can.”

“Sherri, you have to admit we never really ended our relationship. I went off to medical school, and you went into nursing. Then we—”

“Yes, we both made choices. We’ve both gotten what we wanted.”

“On the professional front, but what about personally?”

“My personal life suits me just fine. Yours does, too, I assume.”

He shook his head as his gaze swept the floor and then rose to meet hers. “Would you just consider going to lunch—or dinner or coffee, whatever—with me? For old times’ sake?”

“What would that accomplish? We’re not friends. And, as close as we once were, our past relationship is hardly a subject for conversation now.”

He fisted his hands and shoved them into his lab coat pockets. “I’m not asking you to change anything, only to have a meal with me. We don’t have to talk about the past if you don’t want to. Let’s just get together like old friends.”

The despondent look in his eyes stopped her anger in its tracks. She hadn’t expected him to give a damn about what was going on in her life or care whether or not they ever spent any time together. She’d expected him to behave like a big-city doctor, to treat her like he would any other nurse working with him. Instead the old Neill shone in his eyes as he continued to watch her carefully.

She couldn’t help wondering if he’d missed her. Had he wondered why she hadn’t called him again? Why hadn’t he come looking for her to offer his support, if not his love?

What had hurt the most that day she’d called him had been his preoccupation with his career, as if that was all that mattered to him. Prior to that phone call, she hadn’t considered the possibility that his life in Boston had changed him—that maybe he’d stopped loving her. Words she hadn’t admitted to herself until she’d come to the realization of what her life would be like alone with a baby.

Had he come to regret saying he loved her once he got to medical school and became immersed in his new life in Boston? She hadn’t tried to reach him over the years because her life had been tumultuous enough with having to leave nursing, getting married, the pregnancy, followed by the loss of her baby and then losing Sam. What she and Neill had shared was somehow irrelevant in her life during those years. But her mother often mentioned any news involving Neill. It would seem he’d led a life she could only imagine. During their brief love affair in high school, they’d made plans, but none as big as what Neill had planned with Lilly.

Although their plans back then had fueled their love for each other, they were only kids, filled with hope and driven by dreams. Today was their reality. They no longer shared anything worth believing in.

And now she wanted to be free to explore life outside Eden Harbor. For years she’d looked after the needs of those she loved, her patients included. She owed it to herself to put her past to rest and move on to her future.

In a matter of weeks she’d be in Portsmouth, a move she now saw as essential. In the meantime, she’d consider meeting with Neill on her own time when his nearness didn’t cloud her judgment. “Let’s not decide today.”

A long sigh emanated from him as he reached for a chart. “If you don’t want to go, just say so.”

“We’re in no rush, are we?”

“I’m offering you an invitation to dinner, not to the rest of our lives,” he said, frowning.

So she’d annoyed him. So what? Maybe that was how he behaved in Boston, ordering what he wanted and expecting others to comply. She needed to end this conversation before one of the patients started asking questions. “Fine. I’ll get back to you about dinner. Or lunch. Whatever.”

His smile brightened. He leaned closer, his gaze meeting hers, his breath warm on her cheek. For a fraction of a second, she feared he was going to kiss her.

Edging away, she pressed her back against the wall.

“Now we have something to look forward to,” he said, his tone charming and intimate.

Wrong pronoun! She wasn’t looking forward to dinner with him. He must never learn that even now he could influence her so easily. She eased closer to the door. “Then let’s get back to work. There are patients waiting.”

Determined to maintain her distance from the one man who, it seemed, could turn her life upside down and back again, she walked out of the dictation room to the waiting patients.

Someday before she left Eden Harbor for good, when she wasn’t feeling so mixed up, she’d have dinner with him and find the closure she needed. Nothing more.

* * *

HE’D NEARLY KISSED her—the second worst mistake he could’ve made. One dumb move after another...

He followed her out into the corridor, berating himself for doing everything wrong. Suddenly he focused on another possibility. Was there another man in her life? Had she not wanted to go out with him because she was seeing someone?

An even greater concern was the fact that she hadn’t shown any interest in their past, not even when he’d given her an opening. It had to be on her mind as much as it was on his.

As they proceeded to see the patients in the clinic, her lack of communication, except when it involved a patient, made it very difficult for him to concentrate on his work. Feeling dissatisfied and completely out of his element, he finished his clinic and took the elevator to Morgan’s room.

Whatever Lilly had to say would be thought-out and logical, because that was how Lilly dealt with problems. Thinking of her opened the door on his insecurities about his failed marriage.

Why hadn’t he been able to be the husband Lilly needed? His parents had made marriage look so easy, so natural. He’d assumed his would be like that, as well. He’d given what he had to the relationship, only to discover that they made better friends than lovers, better business partners than life partners.

Entering the room and seeing Morgan enjoying her mother’s company, he pushed aside all other concerns. “How’s it going, sweetie?” he asked, hugging his daughter tight. Morgan hugged him back; the scent of her strawberry shampoo filled his nostrils.

“Good. Mommy says she’s going to bring in a pizza for dinner tonight. Can you stay and have pizza with us?” she asked, her eyes intent on his face as she squirmed out of his arms.

Lilly’s arrival had obviously lifted Morgan’s spirits, for which he was grateful. “Absolutely.”

“Mommy says she’s staying for a few days, that you and her have things to talk about,” Morgan said, hope brimming in her eyes.

Neill gave Lilly a questioning look.

Neill knew that Morgan wanted her parents back together, and he couldn’t blame her. From Morgan’s perspective, there hadn’t been a problem. Her parents hadn’t fought about anything; there were no big differences of opinion expressed in her presence, no passionate arguments. Just two people who should never have married one another.

But explaining the complicated dynamics of a relationship to a child who missed her mother and who needed them both was out of the question. “We do have things to talk about, sweetie. But it’s much more important that you and Mommy have a great visit together.”

“Maybe tomorrow when you’re discharged, you can come and stay at the inn with me. It’s a lovely spot, and we can rent a sailboat and go out on the bay,” Lilly said, her smile encouraging as she tucked her daughter’s hand in hers.

“Can you come, Daddy?”

“Your dad’s pretty busy these days. He has so much to do now that you’ve moved to Eden Harbor,” Lilly said, smoothing Morgan’s auburn curls off her face, a face now clouded with sadness and disappointment.

“I want Daddy to come with us. We could have a fun day together. I’ll help make the lunch. Mom, you and I can go shopping for a dessert to take with us.” Morgan swung her pleading eyes from one parent to the other. “Gram says there are eagles off Cranberry Point, and I have to see them,” she said.

Neill wanted to say yes with every part of his being, if only to make up for refusing her the chance for a sleepover. But the last time he and Lilly had gone on an outing with Morgan back in Boston, she’d been very upset and tearful when her mother didn’t stay the night.

As much as he wanted to indulge his daughter, he couldn’t risk getting her hopes up over something that would never be. With a leaden heart, he met Morgan’s eager face. “I can’t go tomorrow, sweetie. It wouldn’t be right.”

“What do you mean?” Morgan asked, her eyes wide, her lips beginning their all too familiar quiver.

Lilly edged closer to Morgan, her arm slipping around her daughter’s shoulders. “Morgan, your daddy and I are divorced, which means that we have separate lives.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t go on a picnic, does it?” Her glance flew to her father’s face. “Daddy, why can’t you come just this once?”

Seeing the plea in her eyes, he wavered. What would it hurt to spend a few hours as a family to make life a little better for Morgan? But he had a day full of appointments tomorrow. “Tell you what I’ll do. You and Mommy go out on the sailboat tomorrow, enjoy your day together, and I’ll have dinner with you tomorrow evening.”

“At our house?” Morgan bargained.

“At our house,” he answered, hoping he hadn’t simply added to the problem.

Lilly kissed her daughter’s cheek and hugged her close. “I’m going to walk out with your dad and arrange for the pizza and then I’ll be back, okay?”

“Yeah, Mom.” Morgan turned to her father, her smile of joy twisting Neill’s heart. “See you later, alligator.”

“In a while, crocodile,” he answered, playing the old word game he’d taught her as soon as she could talk. At times like this he wondered if he and Lilly should have tried harder to fix their marriage—for Morgan’s sake.

Outside the room, Lilly said, “Neill, you shouldn’t be so unyielding with Morgan. She only wants to spend time with the two of us together. After all, she’s had a lot to deal with, considering the move and the changes in her life. She’s given up her friends and all her activities to come here to Eden Harbor. I understand your need for change in your life, but have you thought about the impact on her?”

“I’ve thought of nothing else.” Morgan had been a happy little girl in Boston; her only complaint was she wanted more attention from her dad. He’d assumed she’d do well with the move. He’d planned for them to lead an idyllic life in the community that had provided him with such a happy childhood. She’d have new friends and the love and attention of his mother. They’d have more time together, since he wouldn’t be teaching medical students.

“Well, we certainly don’t want a repeat of this,” Lilly admonished.

“Morgan cannot be allowed to believe we’re getting back together. That would be cruel. We have to remain firm on this or she’ll continue to work on each of us,” he responded, frustrated by Lilly’s inability to understand that offering false hope to their daughter would only delay her acceptance of their divorce.

He glanced back at the door to make sure Morgan hadn’t followed them out into the corridor. “She’s constantly searching for ways to get us together. She brings you into our conversations whenever she can. She’s always remarking on how you do something versus how I do it. What you tell her on the phone becomes her motto for the day.”

“She obviously misses me.”

“And she misses the life she had when we were married. And it’s left to me to explain why that can’t be.”

She touched his arm. “I realize how hard this must be on you—to be the one who constantly has to remind her of the truth.”

“I hate it.” He ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

“Okay. Let me see what I can do. I’ll talk to her again when we’re out on the boat tomorrow.”

“It would help if you’d see her more often. Whenever you cancel a visit, she goes into a funk.”

“I’ll do better. I promise.”

“Lilly, I’ve heard this all before. Why can’t you see what you’re doing to our daughter? Why don’t you at least try not to promise her something, then break that promise?” he asked, his voice rising.

She gave him a faintly disapproving stare.

Why did he bother trying to reason with her? Lilly would never change. Her parents had spoiled their only child to the point where she had no understanding of anyone else’s needs.

But was he any different?