Читать книгу Sorry, But Has There Been a Coup: and other great unanswered questions of the Cameron era - Steve Lowe - Страница 9

Is Cameron just Clarkson’s patsy?

Certainly, the car-loving rock fan and smoker seems to be present at 90% of the key gatherings of Britain’s elite: why is no-one drawing the obvious conclusion?

At Christmas 2010, as the BSkyB debate raged (can we get away with letting Murdoch have all of BSkyB? Should we wait a bit longer so it doesn’t look too obvious?), Clarkson dined with David Cameron, Rebekah Brooks and James Murdoch (at Brooks’ house).

Clarkson has revealed that they did not discuss the BSkyB deal, but instead talked about taking ‘sausage rolls’ on a ‘picnic’. This is his little joke: ‘sausage rolls’ is code for BSkyB, and ‘picnic’ is code for shooting the Director-General of the BBC in the back of the head. Clarkson’s Chipping Norton pile is the epicentre (but is not in the centre) of the Cotswolds. Brooks met her husband at Clarkson’s house – Charlie Brooks, the ‘racehorse trainer and novelist’ (which sounds like a euphemism for being either a gangster or unemployed). Yes: Clarkson set the media player up with ‘an old pal’.

Moreover, at an earlier New Year’s Eve party, David Cameron himself looked on as Clarkson brandished a Kalashnikov. And that’s true, because an eye-witness said so. And that eye-witness was Dom Joly, and Dom Joly does not lie. So it’s true: Clarkson has a stock of the world’s leading assault rifles (a stock of at least one).

Even in public, Cameron genuflects before Clarkson. The PM dressed up as The Stig for Clarkson’s 50^th birthday party. He really did do that. He made a little film for him. Clarkson likes films.

Clarkson often humiliates Cameron. He makes Sam Cam smoke. Sam, according to Clarkson, ‘is one of those non-smokers [who’d like to] smoke all my bloody cigarettes.’ At the fateful ‘sausage roll’ Christmas meal, a row between Clarkson and Murdoch about the environment (no, really) only ended when ‘Samantha Cameron suddenly remembered that she’d like 400 of my cigarettes.’

What is Clarkson saying here? He’s saying: ‘Look, Cameron, your wife is padding around after me again, begging for cigarettes. She’s putting my fags in her mouth again, Cameron – how does that make you feel?’

Clarkson has drawn many into the orbit of his Cotswolds seat of power. At one legendary party for the great and the not very good, and Clarkson, as well as the motoring motormouth himself, movers and shakers moved and shook all over the place. Mandy frugged ‘vigorously’ on the dancefloor. Michael Gove was there, as was Patrick Kielty. Steve Hilton was there, and James Purnell (remember him?).

For there is a nexus of power in this land running from Clarkson to Mandy to Kielty.

Bet you didn’t know Kielty was involved. Yeah, well, he’s bringing down the BBC from within. There had to be some reason for those shows.

Think about it.