Читать книгу The Woman's Book of Spirit - Sue Patton Thoele - Страница 15

A WOMAN I ADMIRE ONCE COMPLIMENTED me by saying, “Nowhere in your books did I find a shred of judgment.” Luckily, my books are edited, but unfortunately my life is not. Judgment is an ongoing issue for me and for most of my clients.

Judgment arises when our expectations are not met, but often our expectations are idealized and unattainable and, therefore, impossible to meet. When I have gone deeply into examining my tendency to judge, I've found at the root, a set of impossible standards that I hold myself to, which inhibit my ability to love myself and others. Selfjudgment gives rise to judgment of others—and both suck the love-enhancing moisture right out of our hearts and create draught conditions in our relationships.

Jamie was going through a very rough period in her marriage and was judging herself harshly for not being able to remain a calm and totally loving parent at all times. From my point of view, she was doing a great job under difficult circumstances. Her husband was in the military and virtually never home, her own emotions were in an uproar, and her sense of security in their future together was teetering precariously. Then, one day, a friend commented to her, “To love perfection is to hate life,” which affected Jamie deeply. This profound little sentence helped her understand, at a gut level, what a burden she was placing on herself by expecting perfection in a far from perfect situation.

Although it was not easy for her, Jamie sought therapy and began learning the skills for de-idealizing her expectations and concentrating on self-acceptance rather than self-judgment. Over time the results of her work led to a greater tolerance of her imperfections, an increased ability to flow with life, more relaxed kids, and a revitalized marriage.

As human beings, we are evolving, maturing, and changing continually. It is unrealistic and discouraging to expect perfection from ourselves or others. Letting go of unrealistic ideals frees us to love more and, ironically enough, allows us to be better people.

I love life, imperfections and all.

I love myself, imperfections and all.