Читать книгу Into the Sun - Takalani M - Страница 3

GUNDO

This calls for a celebration! I clink my whiskey glass against that of my attorney seated across from me. He came straight here from the court registrar where he collected my and Diana’s divorce decree. The gold liquid shimmers in his glass as he twirls it around in the air. He pours one shot down his throat and delicately puts the empty glass on my desk.

Diana and I are finally divorced! I don’t know how she feels right now, but I am content with my decision. She must be doing just fine. Our divorce procedure was smooth and quick – that is what you get when two adults agree to walk away from a dead relationship. We just had to go our separate ways, legally.

Our marriage of seven years has come to an end, but in fact it has been dead for the past two years.

We could bite off each other’s head over the simplest issue. But the main factor was the bad relationship between Diana and Khuthadzo. I understand that she was not happy to raise my son from a previous relationship, but after Khuthadzo’s mother, who was looking after him, went AWOL three years ago, what else could I do but take him in? I needed to raise my son. Diana made it unbearable to have both of them in the house, never seeing eye to eye. She seemed to be jealous of my boy and too hard on him. She favoured our own daughter, Ciara, and did not have a good word for my son. I often had to send Khuthi to stay with my family in Venda, just to appease Diana for a while. But I wanted my son with me. He has been abandoned once before, left without anyone to mend him. I had to step in.

My situation and priorities have changed and Diana understands that. We can’t have the same life that we used to and that doesn’t work for her. It was better to end the marriage.

A knock echoes in my office. My door flies open before I can respond. It can only be Diana.

‘Oh. You are not alone.’ Diana darts her glowing eyes from the attorney to me. He delivered her decree first, while I was on a call with a client.

‘Congratulations on your divorce, sir.’ The attorney gets on his feet and holds out his hand. We shake hands once before he leaves. Diana is standing in the corner of my office. Her face looks pale.

‘So, this is it,’ she says. She turns her glittering eyes to mine. Is it desperation I see there?

‘This is it,’ I repeat her words. This cannot be so hard on her, can it? It is not as if it comes as a surprise. We knew we would be getting the decree today. Two weeks ago the judge gave us a divorce order. Now, the formal delivery from the attorney seals our decision. There is no turning back. ‘Are you fine?’ I ask.

She lets out a short laugh and kicks off her red stilettos. I cross the room to where the bar fridge is. Diana nods when I ask if she wants something to drink.

‘A glass of whiskey,’ she says.

I pick up the bottle from the drinks cabinet and pour us a shot each. This is our toast to new beginnings. With a trembling hand she takes the drink from me.

I don’t move my eyes from her when I throw my drink down my throat. She does the same and frowns at the bitter taste.

‘I am scared,’ she mumbles. It takes a lot for Diana to open up and admit to vulnerability, so I know that she is telling the truth. She is not walking out of this marriage empty-handed, but I bet it is scary to start afresh.

‘I am always here,’ I reassure her. After all, we work together every day. Our offices are across from each other. ‘You can always come in here if you need someone to talk to.’ I am all ears and more; she knows that.

‘As if you are not going to move on and remarry.’ Her smile has always been seductive. Physical attraction was never our problem.

I huff out a laugh and say, ‘Never!’

Her eyes light up. Hope? She mustn’t hope for the impossible. We are not getting back together.

‘That means … nothing’s really changed.’

‘Nothing’s changed …’ I say. ‘Except that we’re living apart.’ She moved out of the house months ago, but we visit each other. We’re sharing custody of Ciara.

Her lips curve into a smile.

We are divorced, but we can still see each other whenever we wish to.

She sighs deeply before walking up to me and throwing her arms around my neck. She rests her head on my shoulder while I hug her.

‘We tried,’ she mumbles.

‘We did.’

When she lifts her head from my shoulder, her lips are trembling. And although I know my remaining attraction to her is just physical – I’m not in love with her anymore – it takes all my willpower not to kiss her and lift her up onto my office desk the way I might have a couple of years ago.

* * *

THANDEKA

The sun is piercing my skin as I hang my laundry on the washing line. I bet it is going to rain tonight. It always does whenever it gets this hot just before Christmas. But I don’t mind the weather, because it means the festive season is upon us and Vhonani will be coming home. I cannot wait to see my boyfriend when he returns to the village. The past six months without him have been very long – the longest we’ve ever been apart. The distance between us has been worrying me, all sorts of ideas creeping into my head, but my love for him keeps me going strong.

My baby kicks, inviting me to rub my huge belly. I can hardly believe that I’ll be a mother in a month’s time! But I think I’ll make a great mother and I know Vhonani will make a great father. He was so excited when I phoned him on the afternoon that I found out I was pregnant. And I’m overjoyed.

When Vhonani comes, we’ll go for an ultrasound. He has not been able to send money while he was away and times have been tough, but everything will be better once he’s back.

Maybe Vhonani will bring me a new phone from the city. Ever since I lost mine in a taxi to Thohoyandou four months ago, I have had to rely on short conversations on my brother’s phone and it is not the same. It is uncomfortable talking while Thulani is hanging over my shoulder wanting me to hurry up with the call. I could hear Vhonani was also not at ease. He kept our conversations short. Many times when I phoned he did not answer. When I last spoke to him, a couple of weeks ago, he said he found it too difficult to talk on Thulani’s phone but that he would be home soon and we would be able to speak face to face then.

Oh, it doesn’t even matter whether he brings a phone or not. I don’t really care about that. All I care about is our love for each other and our baby.

With the washing on the line, I take up the sewing I’m doing for my customers and make myself comfortable on the veranda. The neighbourhood kids are gathered at my gate. The little boys are playing soccer while the girls play with their dirty dolls. I don’t mind them there; they keep me company while I’m sitting here working. Soon my own child will be joining them.

‘I thought you would be at your boyfriend’s house,’ Thulani says from behind the door. I turn my eyes to meet him where he stands with a bottle of beer in his hand. He seems to have just woken up after a late night out. Thulani is forever drunk. He might be older than me, but he is definitely not more responsible. But Thulani is the only family I have left since our parents passed away, so we have to stick together.

‘Why would I be at my boyfriend’s home?’ I ask, turning my focus back to the kids playing outside the yard.

‘Well, he has been back for two days now. He passed by the lounge yesterday and bought some guys two crates of beer. I thought you would be at his house until he goes back to Johannesburg.’

I pretend not to be shocked by what he is revealing to me. In reality, I am in the dark. I am hurt.

‘Well, I will be visiting him today,’ I force a lie. Thulani doesn’t make a fuss about it. He walks into the house, leaving me to beat myself up for not trusting my instincts. Something is wrong between us. How can Vhonani be back from Johannesburg and not come to visit me?

I am going to find out.

It takes me minutes to freshen up and get into a long pink dress that hugs my belly perfectly. It is one of the best dresses that still fit me. Thulani is snoring on the couch when I march out of the house.

I lift my hand to shield my eyes from the sun for a few seconds before setting out, hoping to prove my brother wrong. It takes me a good thirty minutes to reach Vhonani’s mother’s house. I pray that he isn’t back. I pray that my brother is wrong. My heart skips a tiny beat when I notice his red Polo parked outside the garage.

He really is here.

Just a few knocks and a beautiful young lady appears at the door. She smiles sweetly at me while rubbing her tummy which looks just like mine.

‘Hello, I’m Tumisang,’ she greets with a smile, scanning my belly. ‘Ohhh, look at you! Are you having a girl or a boy? I am having a boy.’

‘Can I come in?’ I ask. She doesn’t have to know that I do not know the gender of my baby. How was I supposed to afford an ultrasound appointment when Vhonani never sent me a cent?

With a smile still on her face, she leads me inside.

‘It is just me and Vhonani in the house. He is taking a nap and I don’t know where everybody else disappeared to.’ This woman is too gorgeous for a fully pregnant woman. She is wearing a tank vest and leggings, with her long weave falling on her shoulders. I follow her into the sitting room. My gut is telling me something I don’t want to believe.

‘Can I get you something to drink? It is hot around here. I promise you, by the time we go back to Johannesburg, I’ll be so dark and numb,’ she says with a chuckle and I fake a smile back.

When they go back to Johannesburg? Stop fooling yourself, Thandeka. This is too obvious. This woman is here with Vhonani!

My fake smile is wiped away from my face when my eyes land on a glittering ring on her finger.

‘Sis, can I please see Vhonani?’ I ask and she frowns.

‘What business do you have with Vhonani? What did you say your name was?’

‘I heard he is back and I thought –’

Vhonani barges into the room before I can finish my sentence.

‘Hey, Thandeka.’ His voice is shaky. Guilt. I stare at him while the woman darts her eyes from Vhonani to me. She has her hands on her figureless waist. ‘Babe,’ he says to her, ‘please go and run me a bath. I need to freshen up.’

Babe? How dare he?

I could not help but let my tears gush down my cheeks.

She comes to stand in front of me. ‘Is she one of your side chicks?’ I can see her hands trembling and I am shaking like a leaf too.

‘Stop stressing the baby, Tumisang, you know what the doctor said,’ he says with so much concern, it hurts me. ‘Thandeka is just a neighbour who is here to see my mother.’

Just a neighbour? I walked for thirty minutes to get here.

‘Why are you lying?’ I sob.

Tumisang’s eyes go wide. ‘Vhonani, have you lost your mind? Did you impregnate me and this damn woman at the same time? Vhonani, are you crazy?’ She starts weeping while my tears are falling down my cheeks like a waterfall. Vhonani is standing in the middle of the living room with his hands on his waist, looking tense.

Tumisang is as defeated as I am. She storms out of the room, with Vhonani following her. My knees are weak, so I drop onto the couch next to me.

Shhh! I feel pain in my stomach. My baby is unsettled. I rub my tummy a few times, trying to calm it. There is chaos down the corridor. I could walk away right now, but Vhonani owes me an explanation. I wish he would tell me that he made a mistake.

Vhonani comes back into the living room. ‘You had to do that, didn’t you?’ he yells at me. ‘Why are you here, Thandeka? I thought we were done.’

‘What do you mean you thought we were done?’ I hiss at him while getting to my feet. ‘I called you so many times but you kept ignoring me and the last time we spoke you told me you were coming back to see me face to face. We were going to see the doctor. You never said we were done.’

‘How can I even be sure the baby is mine?’

‘You have got to be kidding me, Vhonani.’ I didn’t mean to raise my voice at him, but I do. I am so pissed at him right now.

‘Look, I am sorry things turned out this way. I fell out of love with you. I got engaged to Tumisang. I couldn’t explain it all on your brother’s phone. But I thought you would get the hint when I never called you back. Anyway, there you have it.’ He shrugs. ‘I haven’t seen you in so long, what do you expect?’

He doesn’t love me. He never did. I wish he would apologise and beg for my forgiveness. I wish he would tell me that it was just a silly mistake. I would try to believe him. For the sake of our baby.

‘How long have you been with her?’ I ask and he shakes his head. I shout, ‘How long have you been dating her?’

‘Just a few months.’

‘Just a few months and she looks ready to give birth? Wearing a ring? Don’t make me your fool.’

‘Eish, please man. I’m sorry things turned out this way. There is nothing I can do.’

You can leave her and be with me, that is what you can do.

‘So, what about us? What about all the promises you made to me?’

‘There is no us.’ He turns on his heels and takes a few steps towards the corridor. He stops and says, ‘Please leave. I don’t want to upset my fiancée and baby.’