Читать книгу Into the Sun - Takalani M - Страница 9

THANDEKA

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so harsh! His face has turned hard, making me wish I could take back my words, one by one.

It might be the drink that has loosened my tongue. He is one of the bosses and could get me fired, even though I report to Ms Diana. Maybe I was harsh, but I had to say something! He needs to know that I am not one to fall for his tricks. Honestly! I haven’t heard stories about him at work but I bet they are there. He just sweeps them under his fluffy black carpet.

‘I really did need someone to talk to,’ he says and turn his face away from me.

I feel bad. Maybe I took it too far.

‘I am sorry about the coffee incident.’ His eyes land on me.

I return the favour and stare back at him. Why can’t I pick up a bad aura from him? All the stories I heard at the funeral … I cannot see him doing those things. Apparently, he does not only date a lot, he dates many women at the same time and he is not honest about it. He lies to women and cheats on the ones he has relationships with. I don’t need such drama in my life.

‘You know what? Let’s forget about my coffee request and this previous conversation. Let’s just have these drinks and I will drop you home afterwards, is that okay?’

‘Fine.’

‘Thank you,’ he says. His eyes light up. The temptation to smile at him creeps up on me. He confuses me, this guy. One minute I hate him; the next minute I don’t. One thing is clear though – I need to get him out of my mind.

Why did he have to be a monster of a man? He looks like a guy who has a good heart. But it makes sense: Would he have fathered a hundred children if he was a monster towards women? He is obviously charming and comes across as wonderful. He is handsome, successful, a man any woman would fall for; hence they all fall for his tricks.

‘Did you have a good relationship with your brother Ronnie?’ I ask. This is what we are here for, correct? To let him talk.

‘We were pretty close growing up.’ His smile is dull.

‘I am sorry about his death. That little boy too … I saw his photo in your office. You must have loved him very much. I am sorry he died,’ I quietly say and he stares at me like I said something wrong.

‘Khuthi … yeah … I … I will get over it in time. But it hits me hard sometimes,’ he says.

I understand exactly what he means. I know the feeling too well. ‘Time heals and the thought that these people become our angels, watching over us, makes things better.’

He beams at me. It is his line and I am allowed to use it on him.

We keep on talking, order more drinks, and I start to relax. He is steering clear of any topic that might make me uncomfortable. He’s not even flirting now. What is his deal?

‘How come a Thandeka landed in Venda?’ he asks at one point.

‘Parents died and we had to move from Soweto to there. It was years ago.’ I was only seventeen when they died and Thulani was twenty-one. Not one family member took us in. My mother was born in Venda and we knew she still had a tiny house there, that used to belong to our grandfather before he died. So we moved to the village. The house was falling apart, but Thulani fixed it. We only had each other and he is my only family now. I have disowned every family member who did not help us. Especially my aunt who was so cruel as to leave Thulani and I on the day of the funeral, when we needed her the most.

‘Oh, you are from Soweto, just around the corner. Is it where you are staying now?’

‘That house is sold or something … even if it isn’t I don’t want to go back there … bad memories. I stay in town with Maria. I don’t know if you know her. She also comes from our village. She digs you a lot but she does so from a distance,’ I say and chuckle.

Too much information, Thandeka. I think I got carried away. I’m on my second cocktail and have refused dinner. I need to watch out.

‘She digs me from a distance? You should tell her to holla at me,’ he says with a smirk. Of course. So that you can devour her, right?

‘I think I need to go.’

‘Oh, did I say something wrong?’ He seems worried. ‘I was only joking.’

Yeah, right.

‘No. It is just that it is getting dark.’ This is the truth and a lie at the same time.

‘Yes, you are right. I was just enjoying your company,’ he says while picking up his wallet. ‘Don’t you want to order something out? You haven’t eaten anything.’ He lifts his hand for the waiter, who rushes to our table. ‘Can you please prepare me a take-out box of your house specialty dish?’ He turns to me. ‘What are you having?’

I ask for two boxes of their best pizza. Maria and I will have a feast tonight while watching television and lying next to each other in our bedroom. The waiter brings the food after a good twenty minutes. Rudzani settles the bill and leads the way to his white Mercedes-Benz. Leather seats and all. I like it.

It is sad that I cannot share what has happened with Maria. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. She is infatuated with Rudzani.

I have to admit I had a good time after my little outburst. He talks a lot, knows a lot, and seemed interested in everything I had to say. He doesn’t sound like a boss that makes everyone walk on eggshells.

Rudzani parks at the address I gave him, in front of the old building that accommodates thousands of people who came to Joburg to hustle – including me. I know what he is thinking as he stares at it: It doesn’t look safe at all. Maria and I are already working on a move.

‘I had a great time. Thank you,’ he finally says after what seems like forever. ‘I apologise for being a jerk at first. I just wanted your attention and … I know I went about it the wrong way. I had a lot to offload about the funeral and everything. You were a great listener, just like I thought you would be.’

‘Thank you for the pizza.’

‘Would –’ He shakes his head and keeps silent. I stare into his eyes, searching for this monster that he is hiding from me. It is not there. Instead, I see hurt, sorrow and disappointment.

‘Thank you for the pizza and drinks,’ I say while unbuckling the seatbelt. I jump out of the car and join a crowd of people rushing into the block of flats. The queues to the elevators are always long. Stairs are better. It takes me ten minutes to get to floor seven. There is no need for a gym.

Maria is lying on the bed when I enter our room.

‘Pizza?’ she says with a grin. ‘I was craving some.’

She sits and grabs a slice from a box. I do the same and settle on the bed next to her. A smile wants to creep onto my lips, but I shake it off.

‘Where did you go?’ she asks, her face on the small TV in front of us.

Should I tell her the truth about the dinner date which turned into just-drinks and a chat? A chat that I ended up enjoying?

Why do I feel like I am falling for a man that I know will squash my heart, chew it and spit it out like a piece of gum? I know that very well but my heart has decided to have a soft spot for him, all of a sudden.

‘I had to meet with the boss … for some work …’ I say but luckily we are disturbed by a noise from outside the window. Every night there is something happening in the street outside our block of flats. Weekends are the worst. We both jump up from the bed, go to the window and stare down. Men are fighting outside – why, we don’t know. A crowd surrounds them and minutes later the police are flooding the scene.

‘We need to move,’ I say.

‘We do,’ she responds and shoves a piece of pizza into her mouth.

* * *

I don’t know what I want now!

It has been a month since that meeting with Rudzani and we haven’t spoken ever since. Okay, I have seen him walking out of the second-floor boardroom now and then, but all he does is greet, smile and rush to the elevator. Always.

That is what I wanted, right? The answer should be yes but my heart is shouting no. Where are the instances of him flirting with women? Did he just change overnight?

The only new thing that I’ve found out about him, is that he is actually the owner of the company! The staff around here call him ‘Mr R’. I knew he must be one of the bosses because he works on the fifth floor, but I didn’t know the company belongs to him! He could have really fired me … But he didn’t.

I push the trolley to go set up the boardroom for the creative and PR teams. I love their brainstorming sessions. I always find myself eavesdropping and making quiet comments and suggestions on my own. I find their job fun.

It is nine-thirty, so I have ample time to set up the boardroom before they start at ten.

I push the door open and force my tray in.

Everybody turns towards me.

Hawu! What time is this meeting?

‘Come in, Thandeka,’ Phuti, head of the PR team, says from the front. ‘The meeting only starts at ten. Don’t mind us.’

‘Sure,’ I nod and start setting up the tea station quietly so as not to disturb them.

‘So, the boss lady gave us a budget to use for the boss’s birthday. What do you think we should do? And please do not tell anyone. It is a surprise.’

‘Are we buying alcohol?’ one guy enquires.

‘If we get a sponsor. We are not allowed to use petty cash for booze.’

‘Let’s have a braai on the rooftop. Township tshisanyama vibes for the boss. He loves that kind of thing.’

‘Tshisanyama on a Thursday? Mr R will be rocking a suit,’ Brian chips in.

I laugh quietly. He is right. Rudzani is always in a suit or dressed somewhat formally.

‘We will have his PA book him for a golf meeting or something and call him to come to the office to handle an emergency when we are ready for him,’ Phuti explains.

‘I like that,’ someone else says.

‘Please guys, he deserves this. He hasn’t been himself since the death of his son,’ Phuti says.

I almost drop a mug. My clumsy hands failing me again.

It is his son who passed away? Kanjani? I thought the son belonged to the elder brother. Oh my God, Rudzani! My heart is aching for him. All this time I thought he was mourning his brother. How could I be so stupid? He really needed company that other day and I was so harsh on him.

‘Let’s make it happen,’ Phuti says before the door flies open.

‘Are you having secret meetings behind my back?’ Rudzani asks with a grin. He always manages to put a smile on his brave face. Despite this dark cloud that is surrounding his family.

‘No, sir. The invite said nine-thirty, so we thought to start. We didn’t discuss much,’ a white lie comes from Phuti’s mouth.

‘Let me get tea, we need to keep this meeting to just thirty minutes. I have to rush somewhere after this,’ he says while walking towards the tea station, where I am still preparing.

My throat dries up as he walks closer to me. I feel guilty for pushing him away the other day. It is a month ago, but I still feel bad. He really needed a shoulder like I did the whole year. We all need that one shoulder to cry on even if it is just once.

‘Thandeka, how are you?’ He picks up a mug.

‘I am fine. How are you?’ I whisper.

‘I feel good,’ he says while pouring tea into his mug.

Everybody stands up from their seat to join the queue to my trolley. This is my cue to leave. I hurry out to the corridor, chest tight and painful. I close the boardroom door and lean on it before taking the deepest breath. I feel terrible.

I wonder if Maria knew the boy was his? Why didn’t she tell me? She is not even around for me to ask her. I can’t bother her with a phone call about this either: She has enough of her own problems with her mother suffering a heart attack and her having to take time off to go back to the village.

Maria was quick to tell me all the bad things about Rudzani. But losing a child is the worst feeling ever, I cannot even wish it on my worst enemy.

* * *

GUNDO

‘Daddy, wake up.’

Ciara is standing next to my bed when I manage to open my eyes. Suddenly I’m wide awake. ‘Is everything okay, my baby?’ I glance at the alarm clock: It is past three o’clock in the morning.

‘I had a bad dream.’ I can’t make out her face clearly, but I can hear the shakiness of her voice.

I sit up and swing my legs off the side of the bed. Rub sleep from my eyes. Then I pull her close. ‘Don’t worry, it was just a dream. It is all over now.’

She climbs onto my lap and snuggles against my chest.

‘Do you want to tell me what the nightmare was about?’

She hesitates. ‘I saw Khuthi in heaven … but he was angry at me.’

‘No, sweetie, why would he be angry at you? Your brother loved you.’

She sniffs. ‘He said I wanted him gone so that I could have Daddy and Mommy to myself.’ She looks up at me. ‘I didn’t want that, Daddy, I promise!’

‘Of course not, my angel! Where would you get such an idea? Your brother would never think that.’

She wipes at her nose. ‘When I was sad about Khuthi, Mommy said I must look on the bright side, that Daddy will have more time to focus just on me. She said you and Mommy might even get married again.’

I’m so shocked that I cannot speak. What the fuck is Diana telling our child? How could she say that? This just confirms how little she cared for my son. Damn her!

And confusing Ciara like that with talk of remarriage … Hell! I told Diana weeks ago, after my almost-date with Thandeka, that we cannot have casual sex anymore and that we are not getting back together. Even though Thandeka made it clear that she is not interested in dating me, I realised that I have feelings for her. I realised I want more than just casual sex with a woman and I would never get what I really wanted from Diana. Thandeka has opened my eyes to something more.

But Diana doesn’t take no for an answer. Now she is filling Ciara’s head with nonsense.

I need to keep it together, for Ciara’s sake. ‘Mommy didn’t mean it like that, my baby. Your brother is in heaven and he is your angel, looking down on you and loving you like he always has. Now let me go tuck you in, okay?’

She nods slowly. ‘Okay, Daddy.’

* * *

THANDEKA

‘He is driving into the parking lot,’ Phuti says so that everybody can settle down. We are on the rooftop, waiting to celebrate Mr R’s birthday. Everybody is in a good mood. My colleagues and I were requested to join the party. The whole building’s workers are on the rooftop. Rudzani has about a hundred or so employees in his establishment. It is a lot for a one-man show. I know by now that Ms Diana isn’t an owner like Rudzani is. She does call a lot of the shots though.

We are standing, waiting for Rudzani to come up. I am eager to see the smile on his face when he sees the whole setup. The team turned this place into a hot chilling spot. I have not been to many hangouts but if this one existed, I would go to it all the time.

‘He is coming, he is coming,’ Phuti hisses.

The door opens and Rudzani walks out. He is wearing a red golf shirt with cream-coloured sporty shorts. Those calves. White sneakers and a white cap complete the outfit. Behind him are two guys dressed just like him.

He laughs so handsomely.

‘Surprise!’ everybody yells except me. I am still beating myself up for being a jerk when he needed someone to understand what he is going through.

‘What?’ He laughs, looking around at everyone who is smiling at him. He wasn’t expecting this at all.

Rudzani walks to the small stage and takes the microphone from Phuti.

‘What do you guys want, huh?’ he asks and chuckles. We all laugh. ‘If it is a double bonus … weeell …’

‘We don’t need a bonus, sir,’ one guy yells and the crowd breaks into laughter.

‘You know I have been wondering why everybody was in such a good mood this morning – on a Thursday.’ He laughs. ‘But on a serious note, thank you guys for doing this for me. I had no idea how I was going to celebrate this day without my son … but I am glad you decided to host this event for me.’

So, that confirms it: It really is his son who passed away. The memories of when he cried that day make my stomach turn. I feel my chest tightening and my throat drying. I didn’t know.

‘You know when Khuthi passed away, I never thought I would ever see myself smiling again? I mean genuinely smile? It feels wrong to be happy without him. If he was still around, he would be running around your offices, interviewing you guys for his school projects and all.’ He shakes his head and stares up at the sky. This feels like the first time he is speaking about his son with people. It is so sad to listen to. Everyone is quiet. This boy, his boy, sounds like he was a beautiful soul. For a few more minutes, he thanks his employees for making his company one of the best brand-focused public relations agencies in the country.

‘Thank you.’

‘It is our pleasure, boss,’ some guy yells from the back. Everybody else murmurs in agreement.

‘By the way, where did you get the booze from?’ He points at a few guys holding bottles of alcohol.

‘We all contributed …’ the guys at the back yell, one after another.

‘On that note, let’s drink and celebrate the fact that I am a year closer to retirement. Cheers, guys.’

He jumps off the little stage and grabs a beer from Phuti.

I want to go to him and apologise. Now I know why he always looks troubled. He keeps his smile but sometimes it slips. And his eyes are sad. People are surrounding him, so I keep my distance for now.

I should try to mingle with some of the other employees. Luckily Ms Diana is not around today. Since the day of the rug, things have been different between us. When she meets me on the second floor, she ignores me – no greeting, nothing.

I watch as Rudzani excuses himself from a group of people and sneaks out of the party. No one seems to notice but me. He looks pretty sad. Everybody is dancing and drinking. Maybe this is my only chance to apologise and have a word with him. I don’t have to go through the PA to get to him today.

My heart is throbbing as I take the stairs down to the fifth floor. The music fades away as I turn down the passage to Rudzani’s office.

I knock on the door and wait for him to respond. I knock again.

‘Go back to the party,’ Rudzani yells from inside. I open the door and close it again. ‘Whatever it is can be solved tomorrow.’

He is standing facing the huge window. He has thrown his cap on the coffee table.

I watch him for a moment. He clears his throat and keeps his gaze on the outside world. Does he even know that I am here?

‘I am so sorry about your son,’ I finally say. He quickly turns to me. I don’t like how he looks right now. He looks broken.

‘Hey, you … Sorry, I am miles away.’ His broad shoulders sag.

I take a few steps towards him.

‘I thought the boy who died was your nephew. I didn’t know he was your son. I am so sorry I shut you out when you needed to talk about it the other day.’

Womaniser or no womaniser, this man has lost his dear son.

The problem with me is I get too emotional sometimes. He is supposed to be the one sniffing the tears away, but here I am doing just that on his behalf. That pain I felt when my baby’s lifeless body was taken away from me … all that pain comes flooding into my heart. I screamed and kicked until the nurse disappeared with her that day – I’ll never forget it. I needed one more touch. I needed to plant one more kiss on her ashen face. This pain. It is the same pain he felt when the casket went down. I remember he shed a tear. That day at the funeral I saw his tears and wept on his behalf.

‘Hey, it’s okay,’ he says softly while walking towards me. He stretches out his arms for a hug and I throw myself into his embrace. The warmth I have been longing for. ‘I will be fine. Time heals.’

When he caresses my back, I allow him. Just this once.