The Interpersonal Communication Playbook
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Teri Kwal Gamble. The Interpersonal Communication Playbook
Descriptions of Images and Figures
The Interpersonal Communication Playbook
Brief Contents
Detailed Contents
Preface
Digital Resources
Instructor Teaching Site: www.sagepub.com/gambleicp
Student Study Site: www.sagepub.com/gambleicp
Acknowledgments
About the Authors
1 Interpersonal Communication: Why It Matters
Learning Objectives
Communication Presence
How Do You Decide Whether to Speak With a Person Face-to-Face or Text?
What Do You Know?
What is Interpersonal Communication?
Interpersonal Communication is About Relationships
Interpersonal Communication Takes Two
Interpersonal Communication Establishes Connection
Interpersonal Communication is a Lifelong Project
Models of Interpersonal Communication
People
Messages
Channels
Noise
Feedback
Context
Effect
Visualizing Communication
How Does Interpersonal Communication Enhance Life?
It Fulfills Psychological Functions
It Fulfills Social Functions
It Fulfills Information Functions
It Fulfills Influence Functions
Understanding Interpersonal Contact
Five Characteristics of Interpersonal Communication
Interpersonal Communication Is a Dynamic Process
Interpersonal Communication Is Unrepeatable
Interpersonal Communication is Irreversible
Interpersonal Communication is Learned
Interpersonal Communication is Characterized by Wholeness and Nonsummativity
Interpersonal Patterns
Five Communication Axioms
Axiom 1: You Cannot Not Communicate
Axiom 2: Every interaction has a Content and Relationship Dimension
Axiom 3: Every Interaction Is Defined by How It Is Punctuated
Axiom 4: Messages Consist of Verbal Symbols and Nonverbal Cues
Axiom 5: Interactions Are Either Symmetrical or Complementary
Diversity and Cultural Considerations
Diversity and Communication Style
Orientation and Cultural Context
Individual and Collective Orientation
High-Context and Low-Context Communication
The Impact of Gender
Gender and Communication Style
The Impact of Media and Technology
On the Way to Gaining Communication Competence
Add to Your Storehouse of Knowledge About Interpersonal Communication
Recognize the Effects of Your Relationships
Analyze Your Options
Interact Ethically, Respect Diversity, and Think Critically
Consider these questions:
Practice and Apply Skills to Improve Interpersonal Presence
Demonstrate your understanding by answering these questions:
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Key Terms
Descriptions of Images and Figures
2 Self-Concept, Identity, and Communication Presence
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
Self-Concept: Your Answer to Who You Are
How Are the Self and Self-Concept Related?
How Accurate Is Your Self-Concept?
Self-Esteem: Assessing Self-Worth
High Versus Low Self-Esteem
Self-Esteem and Personal Performance
Others Help Shape Our Self-Concept
We Reflect Others’ Appraisals
Consider these questions:
We Compare Ourselves with Others
We Have Perceived, Ideal, Possible, and Expected Selves
Goffman’s Dramaturgical Approach
Reactions to You: Confirming, Rejecting, and Disconfirming Responses
The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
It’s a Cycle
The Pygmalion Effect
Revising Your Self-Concept: Reexamining Impressions and Conceptions
Can You Reinvent Yourself?
Diversity and Culture in Relationships: How Important is the “I”?
The Self in Individualistic and Collectivistic Cultures
Consider these questions:
The Self in High- and Low-Context Cultures
The Self in High- and Low-Power-Distance Cultures
Loneliness and Self-Discontent Across Cultures
Gender and Self-Concept
Seeing the Self Through the Media and Technology Looking Glass
Consider these questions:
The Impact of the Media
The Impact of Technology
Gaining Communication Competence: Ways to Strengthen Your Self-Concept and Communication Presence
Update Your Selfies
Conduct an Image Review
Explore Others’ Impressions of You
Picture Infinite Possibilities
Recipe for Success in College
What Do You Think?
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Key Terms
Descriptions of Images and Figures
3 Perception and Social Experience
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
Our Perception Defines Our Reality
Do We Perceive the Same Social Reality?
Standpoint Theory
The Perception Process in Action
Selection
Organization
Evaluation and Interpretation
Memory
Response
Attribution Errors
Frameworks of Perception
Schemata
Perceptual Sets and Selectivities
Unconscious Bias, Ethnocentrism, and Stereotypes
More Barriers to Accurate Perception
Age and Person Perception
Fact-Inference Confusions
Allness
Indiscrimination
Frozen Evaluations
Snap Judgments
Blindering
Judging Others More Harshly Than Ourselves
Diversity and Culture: Interpreting Through Different I’s
Gender and Perception
The Media, Technology, and Perception
The Media and Perception
Technology and Perception
Gaining Communication Competence: Enhancing Your Perceptual Skills
Recognize the Part You Play
Be a More Patient Perceiver
Become a Perception Checker
Widen Your Focus
See Through the Eyes of Another
Build Perceptual Bridges, Not Walls
Answer these questions:
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Key Terms
Descriptions of Images and Figures
4 Listening and Life Contexts
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
Listening in Your Life
Differences Between Hearing and Listening
Differences Between Effective and Ineffective Listeners
Stages of Listening
Stage 1: Hearing
Stage 2: Understanding
Stage 3: Remembering
Stage 4: Interpreting
Stage 5: Evaluating
Stage 6: Responding
Ways of Listening
Styles of Listening
People-oriented Listening
Action-oriented listening
Content-oriented listening
Time-oriented listening
Types of Listening
Appreciative listening
Comprehensive listening
Critical/Deliberative listening
Empathetic listening
Listening Ethics
Do You Tune Out?
Do You Engage in Fake Listening?
Do You Ignore Specific Individuals?
Do You Lose Emotional Control?
Do You Avoid Challenging Content?
Are You Egocentric?
Do You Waste Potential Listening Time?
Are You Overly Apprehensive?
Are You Suffering Symptoms of Listening Burnout?
Hurdling Listening Roadblocks
Responding With Feedback
Defining Feedback
Feedback Options
Feedback may be immediate or delayed
Feedback may be person or message focused
Feedback may be low or high monitored
Feedback may be evaluative or non-evaluative
Probing
Understanding
Supporting
“I” messages
Diversity and Culture in Listening
Culture’s Influence on Listening
Gender’s Influence on Listening
Media and Technological Influences on Listening
Media Influences
Technology’s Influences
Visual listening
Social outcomes
Divided attention
Secretly listeners
Gaining Communication Skills: Becoming a Better Listener
Catch Yourself Exhibiting a Bad Habit
Substitute a Good Habit for a Bad One
Listen With Your Whole Body
Consistently Use Your Ears, Not Just Your Mouth
See the Other Side
Listen Non-assumptively
Participate Actively
Consider these questions:
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Key Terms
5 Communicating With Words
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
Defining Language
The Meaning of Words
The semantic code
The syntactic code
The pragmatic code
The Triangle of Meaning
Remove Semantic Barriers
Differentiate Denotative and Connotative Meaning
Denotative meaning
Connotative meaning
Recognize How Time and Place May Change Meaning
Consider the Effects of Your Words
Euphemisms and Linguistic Ambiguity
Recognize Emotive Language
Acknowledge the Power of Polarizing and Hateful Language
Balance Politically Correct Language
Beware of Bypassing
Don’t Be Misled by Labels
Language and Relationships: Communication Style, Words, and Feelings
Language Conveys and Reinforces Attitudes Toward Culture, Gender, and Age
Culturespeak
The Sapir–Whorf hypothesis
Reasoning Patterns and Expression Preferences
Language and co-cultures
Genderspeak
Language Can Diminish and Stereotype Women and Men
Language Can Convey Gendered Feelings About Power
Age and Language Variation
Language, Media, and Technology
Experiencing Media
Experiencing Technology
Gaining Communication Competence: Making Your Words Work
Are My Words Clear?
Are My Words Appropriate?
Do I Use Concrete Words?
Do My Words Speak to the Other Person and Reflect the Context?
Do I Share “to Me” Meaning?
Do I respect uniqueness?
Do I Look for Growth?
Answer the following questions:
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Key Terms
6 Nonverbal Communication
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
Defining Nonverbal Communication
The Nature of Metacommunication
The Functions and Characteristics of Nonverbal Communication
All Nonverbal Behavior has Message Value
Nonverbal Communication is Ambiguous
Nonverbal Communication is Predominantly Relational
Nonverbal Communication can be Unintentional
Nonverbal Behavior may Reveal Deception
Reading Nonverbal Messages
Kinesics
Face and Eye Talk
The Face
The Eyes
The Ethics of Face-work
Gestures and Posture
Cue Categories
Decoding the Body’s Messages
Paralinguistics
Pitch
Volume
Regulating Volume to Promote Meaningful Interaction
Rate
Articulation and Pronunciation
Hesitations and Silence
Proxemics
Spatial Relationships
Places and Their Spaces
Territoriality
Haptics
Artifacts and Appearance
Consider these questions:
Olfactics
Color
Chronemics
Culture and Nonverbal Behavior
Gender and Nonverbal Behavior
Nonverbal Cues and Flirting: Expressing Interest or Disinterest
Media, Technology, and Nonverbal Messages
Advertising and Programming
Technology
Gaining Communication Competence: Using Skills to Enhance Relational Understanding
Focus on Relational Language
When Uncertain About a Nonverbal Cue’s Meaning, Ask!
Realize Inconsistent Messages Have Communicative Value
Match the Degree of Closeness You Seek with Your Nonverbal Behavior
Monitor Your Own Nonverbal Behavior
Answer these questions:
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Key Terms
Descriptions of Images and Figures
7 Conversations: Social Glue
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
Small Talk: Social Lubricant
Preliminary Pointers
What is Conversation? Why is it Important?
What is Conversation Deprivation?
What Are the Rules and Norms of Conversation?
Conversation Games and Game Players
Conversational Structure
The Greeting
Topic Priming
The Heart of the Conversation
Preliminary Processing
The Closing
Conversation Management
Turn Taking: Maintaining and Yielding the Floor
The Cooperation Principle
The Quality Maxim
The Quantity Maxim
The Relevancy Maxim
The Manner Maxim
The Dialogue Principle
Having Difficult Conversations and Repairing Conversational Damage
Cultural Differences and Conversation
Gender Differences and Conversation
Media and Technology Talk
Media Talk
Technology Talk
Technology and Conversation
Influences of Digital Connectivity
Multi-Tasking Multiplies
Blogging and Podcasting
Ending the Connection
Gaining Communication Competence: Improving Your Conversation Skills
Develop Meta-conversational Abilities
Be Aware of How Culture and Gender Differences Affect Conversation
Strive to Improve Your Conversation Initiation, Management, and Termination Abilities
Strike a Balance Between Face-to-Face and Digital Conversations
Consider these questions:
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Key Terms
8 Emotions
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
What are Emotions?
Managing Emotions
Developing Emotional Intelligence
Emotions Have a Look and Feel
Surprise
Anger
Happiness
Sadness
Fear
Disgust
Primary and Mixed Emotions
Emotion Contagion
Experiencing Emotions in Relationships
Emotions in Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
Managing Emotions
How Does Making Sense of Another’s Behavior Facilitate Coping?
Scoring the Test
Interpreting Your Results
How Does Describing or Displaying Your Feelings Facilitate Coping?
How Does Understanding Your Emotional Attachment Style Facilitate Coping?
Culture and the Expression of Emotion
Gender and the Expression of Emotion
Media and Technology: Modeling and Channeling Feelings
Media Models
Technological Channels
We Actively Participate
Sharing Emotions Digitally
Gaining Communication Competence: Communicating Emotion Skillfully
Recognize That Thoughts Cause Feelings
Choose the Right Words
Show That You Accept Responsibility for Your Feelings
Share Feelings Fully
Decide When, Where, and to Whom to Reveal Feelings
Describe the Response You Seek
Review This. Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Key Terms
Descriptions of Images and Figures
9 Trust and Deception
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
What is Trust?
Why We Place Trust in Others
The Bases of Trust
The Components of Trust
Trusting Behavior
Trustworthy Behavior
Failed Trust
Forgiveness: Rebuilding a Relationship After Trust Was Betrayed
The Forgiveness Process
Are You Forgiving? And What If You’re Not?
Cost-Benefit Theory: The Price We Are Willing to Pay For a Relationship
Exploring Relational Situations
Cooperative and Competitive Relationships
Supportive and Defensive Relationships
Evaluation Versus Description
Control Versus Problem Orientation
Strategy Versus Spontaneity
Neutrality Versus Empathy
Superiority Versus Equality
Certainty Versus Provisionalism
Lying and Relationship Ethics
Why Do We Lie?
White Lies: Motivation Matters
Lying to Ourselves: Defensive Strategies
Displacement
Repression
Rationalization
Relationship Counterfeiters
The Effects of Lying
The Effects of Gossip
The Dark Side of Gossip
Culture and Gender
Culture and Trust
Gender and Trust
Media, Technology, and Lessons in Trust
The Media and Trust
Technology and Trust
Disinhibition
Detecting Deception Online
More Digital Dangers
Gaining Communication Competence: Developing Skills Needed to Nurture Trusting Relationships
Be Willing to Disclose Yourself to Another Person
Let the Other Person Know You Accept Them
Develop a Cooperative/Supportive Rather Than a Competitive/Defensive Orientation
Trust Only When It’s Warranted
Consider these questions:
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Key Terms
10 Power and Influence
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
The Control Factor: Exploring the Balance of Power in Relationships
Feeling Powerful Versus Powerless
Are You Socially Anxious?
Are You on a Power Trip?
Where Does Power Come From?
Power Categories
Reward Power
Coercive Power
Expert Power
Legitimate Power
Referent Power
Persuasive Power
Exercising Persuasion
The Role of Attitudes
What Is an Attitude?
Where Do Our Attitudes Come From?
The Role of Beliefs
What Are Beliefs?
The Role of Values
Gaining Compliance in Interpersonal Relationships
Strategies for Gaining Compliance
Strategies for Achieving Relational Balance
Balance Theory
Cognitive Dissonance Theory
Routes to Interpersonal Influence
The Impact of Culture, Gender, Media, and Technology On Conceptions of Power
Culture, Values, and Relational Power
Individualism and Collectivism
Uncertainty Avoidance
Masculinity and Femininity
Power Distance
Gender and the Balance of Power
Media, Technology, and Power Shifts
Media Power
Technological Power
Social Control
Power Equalizer
Power Distorter
Gaining Communication Competence: Skills for Balancing Power in Relationships
Use Power Wisely
Understand How Beliefs, Values, and Attitudes Affect Relational Comfort
Capitalize on the Need for Balance
Consider the following questions:
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Key Terms
11 Conflict in Relationships
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
The Meaning of Conflict
Conflict Defined
Conflict Is Based on Interaction
Complementary, Symmetrical, and Parallel Approaches
Feelings About Conflict
Functional Conflict
Dysfunctional Conflict
Conflict
Sources and Classifications of Conflict
Classifying Conflicts
The Nature of the Goal
The Intensity of the Conflict
The Character of the Conflict
Conflict Management Styles
Avoiding
Competitive
Compromising
Accommodative
Collaborative
Communicating During Conflict
Competitive Communication Behaviors
Cooperative Communication Behaviors
DESC Scripts
Describe
Express
Specify
Consequences
Your Expressive Style
Nonassertiveness
Why We Don’t Assert Ourselves
Nonassertive Language
Aggressiveness
Why We Act Aggressively
Aggressive Language
Assertiveness
Learning Assertive Behavior
Using Assertive Language
Culture and Conflict Resolution
Gender and Conflict Resolution
Early Learning
The Gendering of Conflict Related Communication
Resolution Preferences
Media, Technology, and Conflict Resolution: Models or Madness
Media Portrayals: Model the Way
Technology: Real and Unreal
Gaming
Factors Influencing Online Interactions
It’s Not All Bad
Gaining Communication Competence: Guidelines for Skillfully Resolving Conflict
Recognize That Conflict Can Be Resolved Rationally
Agree About How to Define the Conflict
Exchange Perceptions: Describe, Express, Specify, and Note Behavioral Consequences
Assess Alternative Solutions and Choose the One That Seems Best
Implement and Evaluate the Selected Solution
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Key Terms
Descriptions of Images and Figures
12 Interpersonal Needs, Attraction, and Relationship Dynamics
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
Why We Form Relationships
Relationships Preserve Happiness and Health
Relationships Prevent Social Isolation and Loneliness
Relationships Meet Interpersonal Needs
Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
Relationships Serve as Behavioral Anchors
Relationships Function as Communication Conduits
Good Relationships Help Maintain Our Sense of Worth
Relationship Characteristics
Duration
Contact Frequency
Sharing
Support
Interaction Variability
Expectations and Goals
Relationship Attractors
Physical Attractiveness
Social Attractiveness
Task Attractiveness
Proximity
Reinforcement
Similarity
Complementarity
The Upshot
The Relationship Spectrum
How Close Are We?
The Nature of Acquaintanceship
The Nature of Friendship
Role-Limited Interaction
Friendly Relations
Moving Toward Friendship
Nascent Friendship
Stabilized Friendship
Waning Friendship
Romance: Coming Together and Breaking Apart
Love’s Dimensions
The Triangle of Love
Love’s Stages
Stage 1: Initiating
Stage 2: Experimenting
Stage 3: Intensifying
Stage 4: Integrating
Stage 5: Bonding
Stage 6: Differentiating
Stage 7: Circumscribing
Stage 8: Stagnating
Stage 9: Avoiding
Stage 10: Terminating
Progress, Retreat, and Phases
How Culture, Gender, and the Media and Technology Influence Our Relationships
Culture’s Effects
Does the Culture Place More Stress on Individuals or on Social Relationships?
Does the Culture Promote Development of Short- or Long-Term Relationships?
Does the Culture Value Results or the Natural Relationship Process?
Gender and Relationship Development
Media, Technology, and Social Worlds
Media Portrayals of Friendship and Romance
Technology: Meeting in Cyberspace
Gaining Communication Competence: Guidelines for Skillfully Navigating the Relationship Spectrum
Acknowledge That Relationships Don’t Just Happen
Own Your Need for Others
Understand the Nature of Friendship and Romantic Relationships
Meet the Challenges Media and Technology Pose
Consider these questions:
Review This. Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Key Terms
Descriptions of Images and Figures
13 Intimacy and Distance in Relationships
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
Self-Disclosure and Intimacy
The Norm of Reciprocity
Social Penetration Theory
The Johari Window and Self-Disclosure
Self-Disclosure: Rationales and Risks
Using Relational Dialectics Theory to Understand Relationships
Integration–Separation
Stability–Change
Expression–Privacy
Working Through Dialectical Tensions
Focusing on Relationship Maintenance
Relationships in Need of Repair: Fix It or End It
Identify the Problem
Identify Strategies to Repair the Problem
Decide to Dissolve or Save the Relationship
The Dark Side of Relationships: Dysfunctions and Toxic Communication
Relationships and Death: Processing Grief
The Effects of Culture, Gender, and Media and Technology on Relational Intimacy
Culture’s Impact
Gender, Intimacy, and Distance
Consider these questions:
Media and Technology: The Decline of Privacy and Distance
Gaining Communication Competence: Handling Relational Closeness and Distance Skillfully
How Important to You Is This Person?
Are You Willing to Initiate Interaction?
How Much and What Kind of Intimacy Do You Desire?
How Accepting Are You of the Other Person?
How Are You Willing to Support the Other Person?
Do You Recognize That Your Relationship Will Change?
Can Your Relationship Survive the Distance Test?
Do You Know When to Continue and When to End a Relationship?
Consider these questions:
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Key Terms
Descriptions of Images and Figures
14 Relationships in Context: Family, Work, and Health-Related Settings
Learning Objectives
What Do You Know?
The Nature of Familial Communication
The Family as Communication System
Family Members Are Interdependent
The Family Is Greater Than the Sum of Its Parts
Families Change
Family Members Engage in Mutual Influence
Family Communication: Roles and Rules
Roles
Rules
Expectations
Communication Patterns in Families
Problematic Communication Patterns
Productive Communication Patterns
Your Family Network
Culture and the Family
Varying Family Composition
Varying Communication Styles
Varying Family Roles
Gender and the Family
Who Has the Responsibility?
What Are the Gender Expectations?
Media, Technology, and the Family
Interpersonal Communication at Work
Relationships Are the Organization
The Dyad and the Organization
A Question of Power and Independence
A question of trust
A question of perception
Networks, Interaction, and Relationship Satisfaction
Working in Teams
Creating a healthy work climate
Practice Effective Decision Making
Use reflective thinking
Use brainstorming
Avoid groupthink
Culture and the Workplace
Are Workers Dominant or Submissive?
Are Workers Individualistic or Collectivistic?
How Do Workers Perceive the Need for Space?
How Do Workers Perceive Time?
How Diverse are the Interpersonal Needs and Skills of Workers?
Are Members of Different Generations Prepared to Work Together?
Gender and the Workplace
Stereotypes of Women in Organizations
Stereotypes of Men in Organizations
Gender and Work–Life Mix
Leadership and Management Style
Workplace Pathologies
Bullying
Sexual harassment
Media, Technology, and the Workplace
Media Portrayals
Technological Realities
Interpersonal Communication in Health Care Settings
The Consumer–Health Care Provider Dyad
Sensitivity Matters
Clear Communication Matters
Compliance Matters
Perceptions Matter
Decision Making Matters
Culture and Health Communication
Gender and Health Care
Media, Technology, and Health Care
Media Messages
Technology Messages
Gaining Communication Competence Across Contexts
Prepare to Handle Conflict Across Contexts
Recognize That You Cannot Always Be Happy and in Good Health
Learn About Each Other
Consider these questions:
Chapter Summary
Check Your Understanding
Key Terms
Descriptions of Images and Figures
Glossary
Notes. Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Index. A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
Y
Z
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