Читать книгу The Interpersonal Communication Playbook - Teri Kwal Gamble - Страница 138

Would you see things differently if you were a different gender? Gender, like culture, influences how we make sense of our experiences. Men and women are conditioned to perceive different realities, encouraged to perform in different ways, and prefer to use different communication styles. In addition to influencing how men and women perceive one another, beliefs about gender-appropriate behavior influence how we relate to each other.

Do personal gender beliefs affect reactions to persons exhibiting gender non-conforming behavior?

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From early childhood, boys and girls are rewarded for gender conforming behaviors. For example, boys are commended for displaying strength and independence, whereas girls are praised for expressing their feelings and being kind to others. We even categorize them differently—men as rational and women as emotional.⁴⁸

As a result of interacting with parents, teachers, peers, and others, we internalize the lessons of what others label as appropriate gendered behavior. Such lessons instruct us in how society would like us to behave, framing our perceptions. These constructs, however, can limit our perceptions and may lead to the judging of men and women based on gender expectations rather than on observed cues.

Additionally, we continually monitor ourselves and others. We sort stimuli, selecting some and rejecting others. The information we store in our internal database helps us build our view of reality and gives our lives a sense of stability. For example, if we develop the perspective that men are persistently more dominant than women, then we use that belief to categorize both genders and predict their actions. However, when our expectations cause us to misperceive others and their intentions, undesirable consequences can result. All too frequently, rigid categorizing creates communication problems and precipitates interpersonal fiascoes.

We do not have to accept the gender prescriptions our culture provides. We can reject those that limit our development, and in doing so, we can elicit changes in the behavior of others toward us. When we refuse to support a gender-based definition, we in effect participate in redefinition. For example, when one woman encourages another to be more autonomous, she may help that woman to expand her definition of behaviors appropriate for women. As women change their behavior and roles, men may perceive both women and themselves differently and may change as well. In the process, we recast the meanings of masculinity and femininity.