Читать книгу The Struggle is Real, but So is Jesus - Tessa - Страница 19

Chapter 12

My friend knew a guy who lived in the same area as I did with my husband who no longer lived there. He had found a new girl and moved to Tucson.

I had the intention of finding a job working with DDA kids I loved and actually left the one in my hometown on good terms. I had a good reference, but it didn’t work out. I couldn’t find one so decided to go back to bartending.

I had gotten an apartment with her friend who turned out to be like a brother to me. I couldn’t find a bartending job either then saw an ad that was hiring waitresses at a nearby strip club. I went to apply and was informed that they no longer had openings for waitresses but that they could hire me to be an exotic dancer.

At first, I said no way, not because I thought anything was wrong with it. I admired the girls who did and enjoyed watching them but just didn’t think was good-looking enough and could never dance like they did.

The owner offered me free drinks to sit and watch and think about it, and I wasn’t one to turn down free booze. Then the girls started coming up to me and telling me how good the money was and how pretty they thought I was and if I wanted to audition, they would let me borrow an outfit to go on stage.

I still refused but continued to drink for free and eventually lost my inhibition. “I’m positive” was the owner’s intention and agreed to do it.

The hardest part was walking up to the stage and thought for sure I would lose my nerve to take off my top, but once the music started, my shyness disappeared. I felt like a completely different person and really got into it and walked off the stage with a hundred dollars in tips. I couldn’t believe it and was hooked.

Even though I was already thin, I soon started doing the very thing that led me from leaving my husband. The girls at work would offer it to me in the dressing room, and I soon found out everyone there did it including the managers. They called it the Pacers Diet, the name of the club.

I had always had an attraction for women. Actually, my first sexual experience was with a girl when I was twelve, she was sixteen. That was the only time until I started dancing. I was actually shocked to find out how many girls were either bi or gay at the club. I just assumed they loved men because of dancing. That was not my case; I was in it for the money. But there were a couple of men I went home with that I found very attractive, young long-haired musicians. But later, I understood why they hated men actually and thought of them as complete pigs, as most were married and would sneak off behind their wives backs and spend their money on girls and were actually stupid enough to believe we liked doing it for them, that we got turned on it, made it that much easier to hustle them and make them believe we were into them.

I became good friends with many of the girls and was surprised when I was first approached by this absolutely beautiful mulatto girl to come home with her and party and hook up.

I was so nervous and didn’t actually know what to do. It had been so long ago, and even then, being a virgin and only twelve, I didn’t know. She actually did most of the playing. I so enjoyed making out with her, her lips so soft unlike a man’s. It was very intense, and I was thrilled, especially since I really didn’t think I was very attractive and had this really hot girl wanting me. I was defiantly out of her league. I always thought that I would not be attracted to me at all, so I didn’t see what they saw in me.

Throughout my life after that, I had been with a lot of women, maybe more than men, and they all were so beautiful, more attractive than any man I was with.