Читать книгу The Day the Ear Fell Off - T.M. Alexander - Страница 14

clumsy clot

Bee did the talking.

‘C.P. went back up to the classroom after D.T. to get his catapult. He thought he ought to leave it at home for a few days because of . . .’ She stopped and stared at Jonno with big wide eyes that seemed to say, ‘All your fault, Newboy.’

‘Anyway, on the way back down the stairs he was just testing the elastic, he says . . .’ (she made a ticking-off face at Copper Pie) ‘when his finger slipped and . . .’ (she winced) ‘he knocked the left ear off the statue of Charles Stra-Stra-Stra-att-on . . .’

The last word got longer and longer because it was interrupted by little snorts as though she was trying not to cry.

I gasped. The statue stands in the corridor right outside the hall doors. Charles Stratton was the founder of the school hundreds of years ago. I could see why she was upset. It’s probably priceless.

Bee took a breath and finished her sentence without any gaps, ‘. . . withafiftypencepiece,’ and then let out a huge ‘HA HA HA’, sat down on the pavement and carried on laughing her head off.

‘I’m sorry, Copper Pie, but only you could be so stupid and so unlucky,’ said Fifty, grinning away.

I couldn’t see what was funny about damaging such a valuable part of the school’s history but all the rest of them were in fits.

‘You’re right. I never hit anything I’m aiming at,’ said Copper Pie, who seemed to find it just as hilarious as the others even though he was in terrible trouble.

‘Listen,’ I said.

No one did.

‘Listen! This is serious.’ I wondered if perhaps I wasn’t making any noise because no one seemed to hear.

‘Stop! It’s not funny.’

Finally, they stopped.

‘You’re right, Keener. It’s not at all funny. Poor Charles is deaf in one ear now,’ said Fifty, before he started laughing again.

‘I think it’s more a case of amputation,’ said Bee, wiping tears off her cheek. It’s weird. She always cries when she laughs. Her tear ducts must be wired up wrong.

‘Stereo to mono with one flick of elastic,’ added Fifty.

‘And nothing to rest his glasses on,’ said Jonno, who had walked over.

There was a pause while we worked out the joke.

‘Good one,’ said Copper Pie.

You see, that’s the other thing about Copper Pie: he’s not complicated. I don’t mean he’s simple, as in thick, but he’s straightforward.

Jonno wasn’t wanted on our patch, so he told him to go away.

Jonno annoyed him, so he hit him.

Jonno said something clever, so he congratulated him.

I said Jonno was all right, so Copper Pie gave him a chance.

‘So what are you going to do about it?’ Jonno asked Copper Pie.

‘I dunno. Hope no one notices.’

‘Is it safe to do that?’ Jonno went on. ‘I mean . . . did anyone see you?’

‘No one saw me hit it . . . but Walsh saw me going up the stairs. She was coming down.’

‘What about when you left?’

‘Miss Maggs was still in the playground.’

‘Any other kids about?’ Jonno was giving him the third degree.

‘Only Bee. It was well late.’

‘What were you doing all that time?’ I asked.

Copper Pie didn’t answer.

Bee sighed. ‘We went to see if we could intercept the letter from the Head to Copper Pie’s mum and dad.’

‘What?’ I shouted.

‘It was just an idea,’ said Bee. ‘And we didn’t find it anyway.’

‘It’s illegal you know, interfering with the Royal Mail,’ I said.

‘Never mind about that,’ said Fifty. ‘Damaging the statue’s the problem. Punishment for that won’t just be a letter. It’ll be an invitation for C.P.’s whole family to sit outside the Head’s office.’

‘There aren’t enough chairs,’ said Bee.

‘They could bring their own sofa,’ said Fifty.

‘This isn’t helping,’ said Copper Pie.

‘What are the chances you’ll get away with it?’ asked Jonno.

Copper Pie screwed up his face. ‘Not good.’

There was lots of nodding from the rest of us. C.P. gets blamed for most things whether he’s done them or not.

‘So the only way out of this that I can see is if we make sure no one notices the damage – that way they won’t be looking for a culprit.’ Jonno had a good way of putting things. ‘Have you got the ear? Is it in one piece?’

‘Yes and no. It’s not what you’d call an ear any more.’

‘Let’s see.’

Copper Pie fished deep into his pockets and pulled out some bits of grey stone tangled up with some string, three rubber bands and two empty crisp packets, both beef flavour.

‘You really shouldn’t eat those. They’re in the top five of the junk food table.’

‘Not now, Bee,’ said Fifty.

The ear was like one of those frustrating puzzles you get at Christmas that start off as a nice shape but can never be put back together again.

KEENER’S WORST CHRISTMAS STOCKING PRESENTS EVER

• A rubber dog toy

• Union Jack pants

• Slime (ear wax colour)

• Coal

• Squashed satsuma

• Pinocchio pencil sharpener

‘Well, that’s not going back on,’ said Bee. ‘And someone will definitely notice a missing ear. I mean, it’s assembly tomorrow and we line up right next to Charles.’

Jonno shook his head. ‘They might not. But it’s going to take team work.’

‘What is?’ said Fifty.

‘Fixing the statue of course.’

Jonno had gone from the unwanted member to the one who had us all listening. How did he do that?

‘Have you got a master plan?’ said Fifty.

‘I might have. Do you want to hear it?’

‘Too right,’ said Copper Pie. ‘And, er . . . sorry about the headlock.’

‘You’ve got scarily fast reactions,’ said Jonno. ‘I’m glad Keener held on to you because I didn’t fancy the punch that was coming next.’

Jonno looked at me when he said that and did a sort of nod. It got me thinking that although I was trying to save Copper Pie from trouble, it was really Jonno that I’d helped. I don’t do a lot of rescuing so I felt quite proud. I nodded back in what I hoped was an it’s-no-big-deal-I-do-it-everyday way.

‘Go on, then,’ said Bee. ‘Spit it out. How do we get Copper Pie off the hook?’