Читать книгу Learn to say Good-Bye - Tõnn Sarv - Страница 3

All was confusion in the Oblonski house.

Leo Tolstoi, Anna Karenina

It seems as if you have been slogging through thick mud. Seeing or hearing nothing, tormented by feelings. Now it is hot, now freezing cold. You understand nothing but you seem to want something all the time. Every movement hurts or, on the contrary, causes sharp pleasure. For both of you. Neither can get away. One can hardly calm down and rise to the surface when the other comes and presses him/her back into the mud.

A woman has described those feelings thus:

If you have put your heart, your feelings into it, when you have been humiliated and oppressed and trampled on and treated ironically you are not going use silk gloves in the end; you DO NOT WANT TO “stop hurting him”: there is nothing soft in the play anymore. Quite the contrary, you want to hit him, hit as hard and as painfully as you can. Love is always vulnerable and if you have been hurt, hurt to the bottom of your soul and several times and he does it with pleasure, you want to hurt him back. Even if there is no trace of love any more, the feeling of being offended remains and thousands of small things tend to get on your nerves, not to mention the situation where you have to share your living space with a person who has become your worst enemy.

That's the way it is. Living together can change life into the deepest hell imaginable. And, in such a situation, people may do awful things they never would do normally. We can read about them in newspapers and police records: murders of passion, arson, suicide, beatings, rapes, injuries…

An Australian policeman told me that the most dangerous situations always occur when he is asked to come to sort out a family quarrel. They are completely unpredictable. Is anyone armed? Is anyone hiding somewhere? Will anyone attack you? You have to be ready for anything. No rules, no logic.

Horrible, cruel, awful, depressing…

Is it the marriage we wanted?

- No, this is not a good question.

Is it possible to get out of this hell?

- This is better.

And the answer?

- Yes, it is possible, but not easy for anybody.

Let's first take a look at our needs.