Читать книгу Zero to Five - Tracy Cutchlow - Страница 18
ОглавлениеTake a moment to imagine your child as an adult.
What kind of work do you hope she is doing? What values do you hope he has? What life skills? What kind of relationship does your baby have with you, family, friends, and partners?
At first it might be difficult to imagine your baby being anything but a baby. It was for my husband and me. We did this exercise with Seattle-based parent coach Nita Talwar. Busy just keeping our heads above water, we spent more time worrying about baby’s next nap than pondering what our child would be like twenty years from now. Quickly, though, I could see the power of looking ahead.
“It’s easier to get where you want to go,” Nita pointed out, “if you have a map.”
Stating the skills and character traits that you value helps you prioritize how you want to parent. My husband and I each put “good communicator; articulate” on our lists—not surprising, given that we’re both writers and editors. I’m naturally a listener rather than a talker, but I overrode my quiet tendencies to talk to our baby a lot (see page 48). If we hadn’t stopped to think about what we value, I might have let that slide.
Which brings up another point: you might have to grow, too
Do you hope your daughter has a loving, healthy relationship with her partner? Then you’ll need to show her that kind of relationship. Do you hope she has empathy and respect for others? Then you’ll need to model that.
Do you hope your son values helping others? Then you’ll need to help others. Do you hope he knows how to solve problems in a calm way without being hurtful? Then you’ll have to do so.
What image do you want your baby to have of what a good father or mother is? Then . . . you get the idea.
This might require making some changes in your life.
No one wants to hear that, right? Some days I think: I’m just doing the best I can, based on who I am. Other days, I’m surprised by my desire to become a better person for my baby.
TRY THIS
During any given wonderful or terrible moment, you think, “I’ll remember this forever.” You won’t. That would require remembering nearly every single day of baby’s life. If you’re like me, you can barely remember what happened yesterday.
So, since pregnancy, I’ve kept a “One Line a Day” journal. One line per day is just about the right level of commitment. OK, one line every few days. Mine is a five-year journal: each page is devoted to one date, with space to write about each of the five years.
It’s neat to be reminded of what was happening on a certain date in previous years—and to wonder what my baby will glean from the journal when she’s all grown up.
Write down the values and life skills you hope your child exhibits as an adult, twenty or thirty years from now. How will you need to change in order to model those things?
