Читать книгу The Essential Ingredient - Love - Tracy Madden - Страница 13

Matt began regularly joining the older gents for a healthy dose of good natured arguments and a not so healthy dose of Italian canollis and coffee. Chilli had been the baby of the group for long enough and it was refreshing and entertaining to have a young male crossing swords with the older men.

It became apparent that he enjoyed their lively debates, giving as good as he got. Often in the midst of setting up someone for a good argument, he’d wink conspiratorially at her. When the going got tough, as it so often did, he’d throw his hands in the air, admit defeat and run for cover back to work.

More and more she too joined in the lively discussions, feeling like she had a voice once again. Occasionally, when she couldn’t muster up the mood for more, she’d retreat to her magazine, but this was happening less.

Matt had recently purchased in the adjoining suburb, Fortitude Valley, acquiring a rather modern apartment in a desirable building, with fantastic views of the city. Pleased to be working with a clean canvas, he wished to inject some warmth and colour into a very contemporary, monochromatic colour scheme, so he was now keen to invest in some art pieces.

The area in recent years had undergone an extensive urban renewal, transforming a sleepy and one time seedy suburb into a thriving eclectic and expensive trendy inner city location. He said the area suited him perfectly.

Art for his apartment became a constant source of conversation, and frequently Chilli advised him on upcoming exhibitions in his area. Admitting he knew nothing at all about it, he explained that upon her suggestion, he had called into one of the galleries, and quite liked a few pieces, but had not felt confident enough to purchase. There was to be an exhibition on the following night, and Matt wondered if she would like to go with him and help him select one or two.

The more she thought about it, the more excited she became. This was exactly the type of thing she’d loved sharing with Rob. It wasn’t as exciting going alone. Nothing was; all of life’s greatest moments were made all the more special by sharing them with someone.

With a hollow feeling in her stomach, Chilli pushed these thoughts from her mind. “So what time should I meet you?”

“It begins at eight, but I can swing by and pick you up.”

“I’ve got a couple of errands after work so I’ll pop along after that. It’s not too far from my place so it’ll be fine.” She was grateful to actually have something to do for the start of the weekend, even if it was only selecting art for someone.

*

Arms folded across her chest, she stood in the walk-in-robe and wondered what to wear. A simple but elegant look was called for. White jeans and a white off-the-shoulder ruffled blouse teamed with Italian gold sandals, gold hoop earrings and of course her gold Marc Jacobs handbag.

The relatively new gallery was rather impressive. The space featured three levels accessed by a glass elevator, and a front courtyard set back from the bustling street, enclosed by classic Art Deco gates.

On arrival, she spotted Matt waiting just inside the gates. Normally dressed in corporate gear, she was pleasantly surprised to see how boyish he looked in well cut jeans, with another of his signature white shirts with the starched collar and extra long cuffs. Whereas he normally wore a suit coat, tonight with no jacket on, Chilli was able to see how snugly his shirt fitted across his chest and around his biceps. He’d mentioned that he worked hard at the gym, and now it was apparent. What a waste that he didn’t have a woman in his life at the moment.

Bill had given them all a brief history on Matt and his engagement that had been called off a few months before the wedding. Shaking his head, he’d told them that Matt had simply thrown himself into work and had refused to discuss it with anyone.

At the time, Chilli had thought how everyone had their own challenges to deal with, and again she thought of it now.

His sparkling smile dazzled her as he ushered her politely into the gallery, where they were greeted by a waiter with a tray of Dom Perignon.

The exhibition was stunning, and the champagne kept them merry whilst perusing. The paintings were massive in scale, vibrant in colour and thought provoking in expression.

A particularly mammoth canvas, a crashing waterfall of colour, had caught her attention, but there also were a couple of smaller ones that could be suitable. She questioned him further about his apartment and where they were to hang.

“It really isn’t that difficult. Just buy something you love,” she told him. “You don’t need to understand art to appreciate it. Just respect your own opinions and feelings. There isn’t a wrong response you know.”

While canapés to accompany the champagne were served, they roamed the gallery, discussing the merits of different pieces. Fig wedges spread with peppered mascarpone and wrapped in prosciutto were too delicious for words. And the baked haloumi and tomatoes wrapped in vine leaves were a taste sensation. Being the food connoisseur Chilli was, she was enjoying the night. For a few minutes it was easy to forget her pain, and enjoy the moment. If only for a brief time, she felt like she had escaped.

Between the champagne and the canapés, she continued to murmur in delighted raptures. Glancing at Matt she caught him smiling at her. She raised her eyebrows in question.

Once again, he flashed his dazzling white teeth. “I have never in my life seen anyone enjoy food as much as you.”

She laughed and enthusiastically explained, “For me good food is one of the great pleasures of life. You have to slowly savour all of these exquisite tastes and textures.” She closed her eyes. “Yum!” For a few moments she felt so relaxed, she wondered if the champagne had gone to her head. She opened her eyes. “Oh look, come on,” she pointed and led the way. “A cheese table.”

An extremely large wedge of aged Gruyere with a crusty pebbled rind was presented with fresh corella pear slices. Handing Matt her glass, Chilli sliced the Gruyere, sat it atop of a firm pear slice and handed it to him. “Here taste this. Now eat slowly and let your taste buds really enjoy the combination.” She traded the cheese for her glass and took a sip, waiting for his reaction.

He followed her cue, chewing slowly. And then he smiled at her, nodding enthusiastically. “I see what you mean.”

French cheese was an absolute love of hers. Her first taste had been a defining moment. At the time, she had been in Paris with Grand-mere Celeste in a small fromagerie with a vast array of cheeses. A tiny slither from a wheel of Brie de Meaux, the king of surface ripened cheese, was given to her to sample. It was a revelation. The taste was never forgotten. From that moment on she was hooked on French cheese.

Once again, Chilli sliced the cheese, placing it on the pear, and popping it into her mouth. Closing her eyes, she leisurely chewed and swallowed. Slowly her tongue came out and lazily licked a tiny crumb of cheese from her top lip. Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes and smiled, unaware he had been watching her.

“Mmm it has that delicious condensed nutty texture and a slightly sweet aftertaste, doesn’t it? You can almost hear the distant cow bells echoing across cold mountains.” She laughed, enjoying herself all the more.

“I’m sorry?” he said with a look of astonishment. “You had cows?” he asked a little bewildered.

“No, no, no.” Laughing, she put her hands up. “You’ll have to excuse me. I have a vivid imagination when it comes to food.” She paused and exhaled heavily. “Now, we’ve been far too busy eating. We really must discuss what pieces you think will work for you. You know for some reason, I’m really drawn to that one,” she said indicating a particularly large canvas. “I’m not sure if the scale and proportions are right for where you want to hang it, so when you get home tonight, have another look and visualise it and see how you feel.”

She kept speaking but she noticed that Matt had become quiet. Something had changed and she was unsure what it was. Perhaps he still didn’t have the confidence to make a decision. Once or twice she glanced at him and noticed he was watching her intently. She took her attention back to the paintings.

“If you think that the large one will work, I think that it’d be fantastic to get that smaller one there as well for another wall. Together they work well, don’t you think? Choosing art is such a personal thing, isn’t it?”

Finally, he found his tongue. “I’ll be guided by you Chilli. If you think that those two will work, I’ll get them.”

“It’s important you take another look at where they’ll be hanging first,” she insisted, slicing another piece of gruyere for both of them and putting it on the sliced pear. She handed it to him.

“I’ve never tasted anything that delicious.” He told her. “I know it’s only cheese and pear, but it’s like a feast of kings.”

She laughed. “Now that might be over doing it.”

“You know, I’d love your opinion on the apartment Chilli. If it’s not an imposition and you don’t have to race off, would you like to have a quick look? It’s only around the corner. And then we can come straight back to the gallery. It should still be opened.”

She checked her watch. “I suppose I could. I’d love for you to decide tonight. I don’t want you to miss out.”

Matt’s apartment was on the third floor in a block of about 30, with six separate villas on the ground floor. Getting out of the lift, they turned right and immediately were at his door.

On entering, she was drawn through the apartment and straight out on to the balcony where the stunning view of the city painted a picture no artist could create.

“Matt you don’t exactly need artwork when you have this view,” she enthused, waving her arms around to include the panorama. Then dragging herself away, she walked back inside and had another look at the apartment. There wasn’t much furniture, just some key pieces. He explained that the look he was trying to achieve was relaxed yet sophisticated. She understood.

For the next few minutes, they discussed where the paintings would hang, and if they thought that they were right for the apartment. The view was spectacular, but nearly everything in the apartment was white. Matt said that this was because he didn’t want his new art collection to have any competition from colour. The two pieces they had selected earlier could not have been more perfect.

For Chilli, the view from the balcony was intoxicating and once again she stood out there for a few minutes taking in the city lights. Turning around, she noticed Matt taking a bottle of champagne out of an ice bucket on the coffee table and pouring it into two glasses.

“We’d really best get back or we’ll miss the pieces we’ve selected,” she told him, motioning for a half a glass.

Matt handed her the glass but the way he was looking at her unnerved her, so she turned away. Taking a small sip, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Matt down the last of his, much too quickly. He refilled his glass yet again. Glancing back to the view, her brow wrinkled. Definitely time to get back. Her fingers drummed on the balcony railing.

She sensed rather than felt him standing close behind her. Her body froze. What was he doing? She didn’t turn around. Her mind was racing. Why did she come to his apartment? What the hell was wrong with her? She’d not even given it a second thought.

He stepped in a little closer and slightly leant against her. Chilli could feel her heart pounding through her chest. Through the fabric of her blouse and his white shirt, she felt his warm muscular body. Oh my God. What was he thinking? What signals did he think she had been sending?

She didn’t move. He must have taken it as being a sign, as he then put his arm around her and pulled her into him. He pressed himself closer. She could smell his aftershave and feel his breath on her neck, and she realised she was out of her depth.

Finally, she found her voice, blurting out, “No Matt. You’ve got it wrong. Please don’t!” Her voice trembled. She stepped around him. “Look I’m sorry, but it’s time for me to go!” Walking quickly through the apartment, she picked her handbag up off the lounge and headed out the door and down the stairs, taking two at a time, not even waiting for the elevator. When she reached the footpath, she realised her hands were shaking.

She heard him running after her and calling out. “Chilli wait, look I’m sorry. Wait up and I’ll walk you back to your car.”

She didn’t turn around, but kept walking. “No Matt, I’ll be fine to walk myself. Please don’t!” She quickened her step until she was almost running. But he continued after her.

“I’d prefer to walk you back to your car,” he insisted.

She stopped and faced him, brown eyes wide. “I don’t want you to.” She spoke quite forcefully. With that she broke into run.

She jumped in the car, locked the door behind her, started the engine and then began to cry. Her crying turned into sobs. With the engine running, she placed her head against the steering wheel. After what seemed like ages, she was able to sit up, put her seatbelt on, and put the car into gear and head for home. She was such an idiot! She was stupidly naïve to get herself in such a position, especially at her age! And then anger set in. Where was Rob? Why wasn’t he looking after her? Why hadn’t he looked that night before getting out of his car? Why? Why? Why?

On the short drive home, almost numbly, but out of habit, she looked in her mirror to see if Rob’s silver BMW was following close behind. Of course she knew it wasn’t. But how could she lose a lifetime of habits? When they had been out in separate cars, he would follow close behind. It had made her feel safe and protected, and she realised now that she’d never told him that. She’d taken it for granted he’d protect her for the rest of her life.

Home seemed lonely when she pulled in that night. She’d thought she was getting used to the solitude, but how would she ever? After she’d put on her nightdress, she climbed into bed exhausted. All she wanted to do was sleep, but her mind kept going over the night. Perhaps she could have handled things slightly better. These days, did giving your opinion on artwork and taking an interest in someone mean she wanted a physical relationship with that person? Maybe not, but going back to his apartment might have. Maybe he hadn’t misread the signals; she had.

This wasn’t something she was ready to handle. Silently, she cried again into her pillow, her heart aching with the loneliness of missing Rob.

*

After a night spent tossing and turning, she took one look in the bathroom mirror and then headed straight back to bed, pulling the covers over her head. Hiding might help.

The trouble was that her mother was expecting her to come by this morning to help sort her wardrobe for the trip. Chilli didn’t have the energy for anything, much less pretending to be cheerful. She fell back to sleep, and around nine woke with a start.

She called her mother. “Hi Mum. I was going to come over, but I have a bit of a headache... I have had some Panadol... No, it hasn’t worked yet... Listen, can we leave it until this afternoon… Yes, I’m sure I’ll be fine by then... Great, I’ll call you later… Bye.”

Chilli went down to the kitchen, made a huge pot of tea and took it back to the bedroom, and again hopped under the covers.

She must have dozed off, because suddenly, through a foggy oblivion, she heard the front door bell. She wasn’t expecting anyone and the last thing she felt like was talking. Holding her breath she didn’t move, willing whoever it was to leave. Eventually she knew she had to get up. As tempting as it was, she couldn’t stay in bed all day.

Pulling on a white soft terry towelling track suit, she scooped her thick chocolate hair up into a high ponytail and slid her feet into pink fluffy slippers. Comfort clothes were what she needed today.

But as she reached the bottom step of the staircase, the front door bell rang once more. Talk about bad timing. She froze knowing that her shadow could be seen through the frosted glass door panel.

Tiptoeing over to the window, she peeked out from behind the blind and came face to face with Matt. She quickly stepped back and just stood there for a second. Later, she would remember that even at that moment, she wondered exactly how many crisp white shirts with starched collars and extra long cuffs did he have, because God knows, he was wearing yet another.

The bell sounded once again. He called out through the door. “Please Chilli, I would like to explain. If I go away, I’ll just have to come back another time.”

She walked over to the door and opened it. “Well?” was all she said, arms folded firmly across her chest. She knew it sounded curt but couldn’t help herself.

For a moment Matt looked sheepish. He looked at the ground briefly and then back up at her. “Chilli I’m sorry about last night. It was totally my fault. I really read the signals wrong. I hope I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable as that was not my intention.”

Chilli said nothing. The fact was she felt so depleted; she actually had nothing to say. Couldn’t he please just go away and leave her alone? Her head thumped.

Matt continued, “It’s just that I’ve been going through some pretty heavy stuff and it has really messed up my head.”

Finally, she spoke, but with a cynical tone, “You and me both!” Catching the look on his face, she regretted her words.

Hands in pockets, Matt glanced over his shoulder and across the road where Chilli’s neighbour Milly stood watching, her poodle in tow. “Those two look like each other,” he commented dryly.

Chilli gave a wistful smile. “That’s exactly what my husband used to say.” She lifted her hand and gave Milly a short wave to let her know all was fine. After a few more seconds, the woman continued on with her dog.

Suddenly Chilli felt rather silly standing out the front, but she had no intention of giving Matt the wrong impression, again. Stepping out, she closed the door behind her and indicated for him to follow as she walked around to the riverfront and sat down at a black wrought iron table beside the pool.

Sitting opposite her, Matt began to talk. “Look Chilli, sincerest apologies about last night. It was bad behaviour on my behalf. I saw that I had really upset you and I want you to know that wasn’t my intention. I mean I didn’t ask you back to my apartment to make any moves on you. I really did value your opinion on the artwork.” She didn’t speak.

He continued, “I’m not sure what I was thinking.”

With that she opened her eyes wide.”Oh really!” she stated rather dryly.

He put both hands up to placate her. “I’m not off to a good start am I? It’s not like I don’t think that you are totally gorgeous, I do. The thing is,” he paused, “I knew you’d lost your husband sometime back.” Chilli winced and he rushed on, “To be honest, I didn’t know that it was just over a year ago. As I’ve said, it’s no excuse, but I have been going through my own hard time and I’ve been pretty self-absorbed.” His tall frame leant forward. With his arms resting on the side of the chair, he put his hands together and looked down at them. “Loneliness can be an awful thing and sometimes you deliberately misread things, because maybe you want to. Maybe you just want to forget for a minute how you feel.” He glanced back up at her and she nodded, understanding exactly what he was saying. “The truth is, I got wrapped up in the moment and you looked so beautiful and I really enjoyed everything that you were saying and suddenly here was this perfect person in front of me and I hadn’t felt like that in such a long time and….”

She put her hand up to stop him. “It’s okay Matt. You’ve apologised enough. Maybe I gave you mixed signals, I don’t know. That certainly wasn’t my intention.” And then for a moment she remembered how his body felt against hers, and the heady fragrance of his aftershave, and how nice it had been to feel the warmth of another human being. And, although she understood how he might have felt, she knew it was not what she wanted.

“Matt, I have been married forever. I don’t understand a thing about what people expect these days. I do feel very naïve and embarrassed. I’m not looking for anything like that, and I too am sorry if I gave you any wrong signals.” With her arms folded tightly across her chest, she glanced away from him.

“You did fine. I know you were only trying to be helpful.”

Chilli noticed how genuinely sad he looked, definitely not the brash confident business man that she was used to talking to.

“Are you okay?” she asked gently. “You said that you’ve been having a rough time.”

“After what you’ve been through, it’s nothing,” he said, smilingly weakly at her.

“No really. I am interested,” she paused. “As a friend!” she added with a brief smile.

“What can I say? You know the usual,” he told her, attempting to be flippant. Raising his hands, he indicated inverted commas with his fingers. “Fiancé runs off with a mate two months before the wedding.” He sat back in his chair. “That’s it in a nutshell. I’ll recover, I’m sure.”

Matt continued. “You know love does crazy things to you. I thought that in time I’d be able to move on, but I’ve been at a standstill. I’ve wondered since, if I was still in love or maybe a little obsessed.” He shook his head as if to clear it. “Anyway, it has shaken my confidence. I haven’t been interested in the relationship thing at all. I haven’t been even remotely attracted to anyone until last night.”

Chilli sat quietly listening, while he continued to explain. “I guess it was more than that as well, I think I just wanted someone special to want me, and if you don’t mind me saying… you’re special.” He looked directly into her eyes as he spoke.

“Please Matt.” She was embarrassed and looked away. “I’m sorry, I’m sure at some stage I’ll find it a compliment, but at the moment it just scares me.” She folded her arms. “I’m not ready for that type of thing and I don’t even know if I ever will be.” They both sat there, not saying anything for a minute.

“Well, thanks for hearing me out.” He stood. “I should be going.”

Suddenly, a thought occurred to her. “You said that you didn’t know about how recent Rob.... How did you find out?”

“I phoned Bill this morning. I explained how grateful I was to you for your help with the art and that I wanted to give you some flowers,” he explained. “He gave me a bit of background. He told me it had only been the last month that he’d finally seen a change in you. I felt like a dog after that.” He shook his head.

While Matt had been talking she had the luxury of watching him. “Matt, how old are you?”

He looked up at her. “I’m 32, why?”

“Thirty-two, oh my goodness, you’re a baby. You have the self-assurance of someone older. Matt I am 44.”

“Really! You don’t look that old.” There was an emphasis on the old and he caught the look on her face. “What I mean is you look a lot younger than that. I should shut up right?”

“I have a son nine years younger than you. Surely you realised that?”

“Last night I wasn’t really working out the math. You just looked great and you were so enthused about the paintings and the food. The food got to me. I’ve never seen anyone enjoy food like you do, with such passion.” He caught the look on her face. He put his hands up. “Okay, enough. I should go. Everything cool with us?”

She nodded, “Sure. I appreciate you coming by. Maybe you’re more ready to meet someone than you realise. Take it from me, loneliness is an awful thing. But you know, the right person is out there waiting for you!”