Читать книгу The Essential Ingredient - Love - Tracy Madden - Страница 14

Back at the front door, Matt seemed to have remembered something. Dashing over to the Range Rover parked in the driveway, he was back in seconds with a bunch of white freesias, wrapped in white paper and tied with a huge white satin ribbon.

“I wasn’t making it up when I told Bill that I wanted to thank you for doing such a great job selecting the art. I bought these by earlier, but you weren’t home.” He glanced over his shoulder once again and then raised his eyebrows at her. “Your neighbour has a pretty good watch on your house doesn’t she?”

Across the road, Milly and the poodle dawdled on the footpath. Bless her heart, thought Chilli, she did a magnificent job of neighbourhood watch, but she may have been overdoing it today.

Raising her hand, Chilli let her know all was fine and she could move on.

As Matt’s car pulled away from the curb, Chilli noted that Milly was still watching from behind a curtain. Sighing, she shook her head.

Back inside she trimmed the freesias and placed them into a crystal vase. She inhaled deeply. Their fragrance was stunning. Matt had done well. It was hard to buy freesias with a fragrance such as these.

From the fridge she pulled out a bowl of watermelon chunks and ate a couple. Perching on a stool, her mind ticked over. There was something she couldn’t shake. Something was troubling her and she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. A run would clear her head. She’d take a run over to her parent’s home and her father could drive her home later.

At three o’clock, she left home. In pale pink shorts and a singlet top, she ran up the drive and turned left down to the river. Cap on her head and ponytail flapping out behind, she headed up around the cliffs and then over the Story Bridge.

As she ran, things started to dawn on her. Maybe, just maybe, a small part of her had been attracted to Matt last night. Forgetting his age, he was a good looking, interesting guy. He was more than good looking. He was gorgeous. How could she think that? But he was! He was trim, had a muscular chest, great biceps and a cute backside. When did she notice his backside? She should not have noticed his backside. What was wrong with her? There was nothing wrong with appreciating a good physique, was there? But was she simply appreciative or was it more?

And his aftershave had been overpowering. She thought of his breath on her neck, it made her feel weak and even now sent shivers up her spine. And then there was that moment before she pulled away, when his thumb had just begun to caress the back of her neck. No, she had to get it out of her mind. Ever since that day in the pharmacy with the Lancôme representative, she’d had feelings come alive that she thought were dormant; that she wanted to be dormant. She was just lonely. She just wanted arms around her, arms to hold her. Rob! Rob! Rob! He was all she wished for.

She knew she was on the edge of crying. She could not allow herself another descent into that emotional netherworld.

With the back of her hand, she brushed at her face, and then detoured through Dockside, taking a left turn and running down through the lush gardens of the hotel and along the riverside promenade to the marina. Wishing to distract herself, she stopped to admire the view and found a seat on a park bench in front of the marina. Still puffing and panting, she tried to compose herself.

It was different looking at the river from this angle. The vivid crimson and orange bougainvilleas flowering on the opposite river bank, drew her attention. And then as she sat admiring the boats and the river, a sense of peace came over her. She had begun to recognise this feeling. Maybe Rob was with her now. He would have loved these boats. Oh poor Rob, he would think her terrible. Last night she had made such a poor judgment.

But her thoughts were surprisingly interrupted. “Hello there Chilli, hi!”

Chilli’s head spun around to the gate of the marina and there stood Jeff Bryson. This man seemed to have a habit of popping up when she was not feeling herself. She was determined not to make him uncomfortable this time.

Standing up, she injected some brightness into her voice. “Hello Jeff. How are you?”

With a metallic clang of the gate as it closed, he approached with a genuine smile on his face. Casually dressed in cargo shorts, black tee-shirt, white canvas shoes and a black cap pulled down over his thick wavy hair, he looked healthy and tanned.

With a warm tone to his voice he asked, “What are you doing in this neck of the woods? You haven’t taken up boating, have you?”

She laughed. “No not at this point in time. Although I am sitting here envying all these lucky boat owners. The boats are superb aren’t they? I was on a run over to my parent’s home, but stopped for a breather and to look at the view from here.” Then she remembered something. “Well of course. You’re a boat owner aren’t you?”

“That’s right, you remembered.” He smiled that great smile he had, lifting her spirits immediately.

Chilli remembered the way it sent a kink across his forehead. “It’s a Riviera isn’t it?

Jeff seemed impressed. “Great memory!” He pointed. “It’s the third boat down on the right. Her name is Abbracci and she’s a beauty. Although I have been told, that the two happiest days of your life when you have a boat; are the day you buy it and the day you sell it,” he laughed a rather contagious laugh.

Liking the sound of it, she joined him. “Now it can’t be that bad; what about all that family time you were going to have on board?”

“Well it’s great in theory, but it hasn’t happened as much as I’d like, although Coco is joining me onboard this afternoon. She’s bringing a little friend and we’re having a sleepover.” Raising his eyebrows, he grinned.

“Truly, that sounds wonderful!”

Jeff was now casually leaning against a sign post, with one foot propped up behind him. “I’ve been busy stocking the fridge with treats for the girls. It’s a little different sleeping in the marina, not as quiet as at home, but a bit of an adventure for Coco. She’s becoming an excellent first mate. We’ve been heading out on the bay some Sundays. It’s fantastic!” The entire time he’d been talking he’d been smiling.

Her eyes lit up. “Have you taken it up to the Whitsunday’s and cruised around yet?”

“You do have a good memory. No, it hasn’t happened yet. You think that you’re going to make the time, but before you know it, the year has gone.” Chilli felt her face drop at this. Quickly Jeff changed the subject. “How was Paris?”

“We go in two weeks time. I can hardly wait.” She smiled again. “Anyway, my parents are expecting me so I’d better keep going. Good luck with your boat.”

“Would you like to have a look onboard?”

He’d taken her by surprise. “Actually I’d love to.” Her voice was full of enthusiasm.

He held the gate open for her. Together, they walked the few metres to the Abbracci and in that time an alarm bell went off in her head, warning her loud and clear that she may be sending the wrong signal.

“Do you know,” she said hesitantly, “I won’t come onboard. I’ll just look from here and then I’ll have to dash.” But then she paused. “Goodness, she’s beautiful Jeff,” she said with feeling. She took in the generously proportioned back deck with the navy and white striped canvas seating, the flybridge up the top, and she could just see a hint of the interior; white leather upholstery and beautifully polished teak.

At the sound of a voice calling, they both spun around at the same time.

“Dad! Hi! Can you open the gate for us?” Coco called loudly to her father, her friend in tow.

“Hello girls, all set for a fun night on the boat?” he asked. Coco was staring at Chilli. “You remember Chilli don’t you Coco. We had breakfast at her restaurant.”

“Oh yeah, it’s my favourite restaurant now. Dad says we can go again soon.” And then she looked at her father. “Can we go for breakfast tomorrow Dad, please, please, please? I want Ruby to come and try the coconut pancakes. Chilli this is my friend Ruby.” And before Chilli could respond, Coco remembered something. “Oh and Mum’s waiting in the car, she wants to speak to you, she couldn’t get a park. She said you had to hurry.”

The look that crossed Jeff’s face, didn’t escape her. The woman was evidently not a boating person; not everyone was. This was her cue. “Well I’d better get going…”

Coco interrupted, “Oh there she is. She must have found a park after all. Come on Ruby, let’s put our things in the cabin. Bye.” The two young girls clambered aboard.

Raising his brows, Jeff greeted the woman in a rather monotone voice, “Hello Gayle.” It wasn’t hard to miss his body language.

The woman slowly blinked and then answered in a similar tone. “Hello Jeff.” She was a tall, beige blonde with a short bob, in her late forties. Chilli thought she was a bit beige all over; her hair, her complexion, her clothes and her voice, but she was stylish, if not rather conservative. It was obvious that she would have been attractive when she was younger, but now had a slightly matronly look about her. Her demeanor did nothing to help.

To Chilli’s interested eye, this woman wasn’t what she pictured Jeff’s type to be. But then again how did she know what Jeff’s type was? She barely knew the man.

“Gayle this is Chilli Montgomery, Chilli this is Gayle,” Jeff said, still in his monotone voice.

“Hello, nice to meet you.” Chilli spoke quickly, sensing something that she had no intention of being involved in. “Look I was just running past, must keep going. Bye.” She took off at a faster pace than she intended, noticing that Gayle hadn’t actually responded.

Twenty minutes later, perspiring profusely, heart racing, and almost out of breath, she pushed open the gate to her parent’s home, a 1920s Queenslander, which they had masterly renovated to give a contemporary look and feel. The usual welcoming aroma of freshly baked bread wafted all the way out to the front door, greeting her, and giving her a sense of comfort. “Come in, come in,” her father welcomed, attempting to hug her.

“Dad, I’m all sweaty, you’d best not.”

“That won’t hurt me,” he said. “Come here.” Grabbing her, he gave her his usual embrace and a huge kiss on the forehead. “Your mother’s in the bedroom. She’s been fussing for hours over what she should take. Go sort her out love.” And then he called to Solange. “My favourite daughter’s here.” This was his all time joke that he thought was hilarious.

Glancing back over her shoulder to him, she rolled her eyes. “I’ll just grab a cold drink of water.” She headed towards the kitchen. “Won’t be a minute Mum!” she called on her way through the house.

Over the years, her parents had collected beautiful pieces of modern art, blown glass pieces and sculptures. The blown glass pieces were displayed to their full advantage in hallway niches. Her eyes were drawn to a particular piece. She stopped and picked it up. Holding it to the light she marvelled at how the colours changed. She and Rob had chosen this particular piece while on a trip to Mykonos. Really it had been Rob’s choice, he’d had superb taste. Her thoughts were interrupted by her mother calling out.

“I’m in here up to my eyeballs in clothes. I can’t decide on what to take. Help!”

Putting her head around the door, she smiled. Her mother was sitting on the bedroom floor surrounded by half her wardrobe.

“Select the clothes that you know you absolutely will not be able to do without. Then work out the shoes that go with them. After that only take clothes that go with the shoes you have already decided on. That narrows it down and makes choosing easier. Two things though, think comfort and think glamour. Nothing worse while travelling, feeling like you don’t look like yourself because you’ve chosen for comfort only.” Chilli flopped onto her stomach onto the bed.

“Clever girl, I know exactly what I should take now. There were some outfits that I needed another pair of shoes for, but I’ll leave them out. I’ll put all those ones back first and then you can help me choose from the rest.” Her mother walked into her robe, but continued talking. Chilli stayed where she was on the bed.

Solange popped her head back out. “What’s wrong with you, you haven’t heard a word I’ve said.”

“Hmm?” Chilli was still lying face down.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing Mum, I just had a headache this morning. That’s all.”

Her mother came over and stood beside the bed. “I know something is wrong. Come on talk to me,” she insisted.

Chilli rolled over on to her back and looked at the ceiling. “I feel guilty.”

“About anything in particular?” Solange sat on the edge of the bed.

“About everything in particular, about all of the things that I can do and Rob can’t!” She was still looking at the ceiling.

“But something’s bothering you to bring this out right now? Has something happened?”

Lifting her head, Chilli glanced at her mother. “You’re very good Mum. You know, we never used to talk like this until Rob went.”

“Generally I feel that most things aren’t my business, so I don’t interfere, but you are my business. And you’re changing the subject. Does this have anything to do with going to that art gallery last night to select art for that fellow? Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened,” Chilli said and then lay there for a minute. “Well, something almost happened. I wasn’t prepared for it and I freaked out and made a fool of myself.”

Solange took her time with this. “If you’re feeling guilty, then what exactly is bothering you?”

In a small voice Chilli explained, “Nothing happened, and I definitely did not want anything to happen, but I think I gave the poor guy the wrong signals and when I’ve thought about it, I think it is because he actually is attractive.” And then she began to ramble. “That still doesn’t mean that I wanted anything to happen. I don’t even know if I knew what I was thinking, or even if I knew he was attractive last night. I might have just realised that today.”

“I’m not sure I follow you.” Solange looked rather confused.

Chilli threw her hands in the air. “I don’t follow me!”

Solange laughed and shook her head. “Chilli you are so silly, sometimes you are like a little girl. I think you’re saying that you had thoughts about someone. Am I right?”

Covering her face with her hands Chilli answered, “Maybe, but it’s too soon and I feel so guilty about it.” And then she propped herself up on her elbow, “Mum, Rob loved me so much, I really don’t think I will ever need anyone else. I’ve had my share.” And then she gave a deep sigh.

Tapping at the bedcover, Solange spoke rather firmly. “Now that’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. Yes, he did love you, but there isn’t a quota on love. It’s like air or water. You don’t say, well I’ve had enough of that; it will do me for the rest of my life. There’s always room for more. You have a great capacity for love Chilli.” Pausing she let her words sink in. “Now you listen to me, it would be a huge waste if you were never to share your love with anyone else for the rest of your life. Last night was just a little tweak to say wake up, you’re still alive. It probably is too soon, but I hope that when it does come your way, and it will, that you will recognise it.” They were both silent. “Chilli, are you crying?”

Chilli answered in a monotone voice. “No Mum, what a surprise, I think that they’ve all dried up. About bloody time.” They both laughed, and then Solange lay down on the bed beside her and they laughed again.

The bedroom door opened and Jack put his head around the corner. “What’s happening in here? Looks like entirely too much fun. I’ve put a roast in the oven sweetie. Please say you’ll stay? Your mother made a pudding earlier just to bribe you.”

“Let me think what other bookings I have. You know I’m in great demand.” She looked at the ceiling and thought for a minute. “All right I’ll stay,” she said a little cheekily.

“We’re honoured,” Jack told her dryly. “I’m going to leave you two girls to it. The kitchen beckons.” He retreated, closing the door behind him.

Chilli looked sideways at her mother. “What’s with Dad cooking?” she asked, genuinely fascinated.

Solange shook her head. “Lately, every now and then, he fancies himself as a chef. He does a nice lamb roast though, so I’m glad you’re staying.”

“Mum I do appreciate the words of wisdom.”

Solange stood and began to sort her clothes. “Even though I didn’t necessarily listen to my mother when I was younger, the older I got, I realised that she had always given me great advice. Now it is my turn to pass it on to you. Do you still feel guilty?”

“Yep!”

“Why?”

“Because the guy was only 32! That’s enough, don’t you think? Imagine what Rob would say. He’d think I’d flipped my lid. I feel silly.”

“Enjoy the fantasy Chilli. There’s nothing wrong with that.” Her mother laughed.

“Mum! That’s not the thing mothers are supposed to say,” Chilli said rather shocked.

“Well Chilli, my mother once said to me that fantasies can actually be better than the real thing.”

“What!” Chilli shook her head. “Why on earth did she say that to you?”

Solange was back in the wardrobe, hanging her clothes and her muffled answer came back to Chilli. “I was contemplating having an affair.”

“You what?” Chilli literally jumped off the bed. “Come out here Mum.”

“Sshh. Your father will hear you yelling.” Solange waved at her to be quiet and sat down on the edge of the bed, looking out of the window. “It would have been about 30 years ago. Your father was working long hours, but still managing to fit in everything he felt was important. I didn’t feel very important. I know that it sounds ridiculous, but I felt like I came last on the list. Through your brothers’ tennis club, I met a man and I’ve got to say, I was tempted. At that point it was more of an emotional affair.” Still shocked by this revelation, Chilli had not said a word.

Solange continued. “Your grandmother got wind of what was going on and gave me a good talking to before it was too late. Thank God.”

“What did she say?” Chilli could not have been more astounded.

“She said that boredom was not a good enough reason and that I needed to love myself a little more, and not to go looking for that in someone else. She said that he belonged to his wife and that I belonged to your father, and that we would not only be hurting our partners, but also our children. She asked me if I wanted to be responsible for hurting another woman and her children.”

“What did you say?”

“I hadn’t even thought about the other woman, and I shocked myself with that. I had always told you children to treat others as you would like to be treated and then suddenly there I was, so self-absorbed, I hadn’t even given anyone else a thought but myself. My mother was very sensible. She told me to put the energy into making my marriage a better place. And then she said to pull myself together and to stick with the fantasy, that it would be easier. There was a lot more said, but you get the idea.”

“How did she find out to begin with? Did you tell her?”

“No, it was ridiculous really. I was obviously in a very confused, and may I say stupid, state.”

Chilli laughed at this.

Solange went on with her story. “Your father and I had gone on a family holiday with you children down to Currumbin. His parents drove down for the day and out of nowhere I confessed.”

“My God, what did you confess? You said that nothing had happened.”

Continuing with this unprecedented string of intimacies, her mother explained, “Nothing had happened physically, but emotionally I was very, very attached. I really thought that I was in love with him. I hadn’t spoken to him for a few days because we were away, and out of the blue, I panicked and thought I had to be with him. We were sitting finishing lunch and you children had gone down to the beach, when I blurted it out.”

“What did you say?” Chilli still could not believe her ears.

“I said, or rather almost screamed, that I was in love with Roger and I had to be with him. We were sitting at the table in the unit we had rented for the week, having cups of tea and eating passion fruit sponge. I can still remember that passion fruit sponge. Funny isn’t it! I think that your father and Pop were talking about the cricket. It was something mundane. Anyway I was very on edge and it just came out.” Her tone was fairly matter of fact.

Chilli covered her mouth. “What did Dad say?” she almost whispered.

“Oh your father stood up and yelled ‘Jesus bloody Christ!’ It was like it was only yesterday. It felt like everyone was yelling at once. I think that Nan was trying to calm him down. I ran crying into the bedroom and slammed the door.”

“Poor Nan and Pop, and poor, poor Dad.”

“Yes I know, it was a very strange time. Considering she was your father’s mother, your Nan was wonderful to me. She came into the bedroom and told me that lots of women my age feel the same way and when she was my age, she actually had an affair.”

Chilli screamed, “Mum, you can’t mean it.”

Solange waved wildly at her. “Sshh, be quiet, your father will hear you,” she chided.

“He already knows!” Chilli hissed back. “Wasn’t he there at the time?” She couldn’t have been any more shocked, and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“Yes, but the poor man doesn’t need to be reminded of it.” Chilli thought it was the first reasonable thing her mother had said.

“Did Pop know about Nan?”

“Not before that moment. It really was bedlam, quite a charming holiday. We packed up and came home, and your father rang my mother and told her to come and talk some sense into me. My mother was wonderful Chilli. I will always be grateful for the way she pulled me into line. I remember thanking her years later, and she said that she had to, it was her job. Something she said to me at that time, made me realise that my birth father was married with children, and she had not realised that until it was too late.”

“Mum, my head is spinning. You wanting to have an affair, Nan having one and Grand-mere Celeste perhaps with a married man.”

“Yes, but I believe your grandmother later realised the ramifications and didn’t want her actions repeated. I think she paid her whole life for those actions and the secret that she kept, so no one could be hurt.” Solange looked saddened.

“But what I don’t get is why you’ve told me all of this, aside from shocking the pants off me. Truly Mum, you blow me away with all this stuff. People I couldn’t ever imagine, doing things I would never imagine. I’m not sure any of this helps, it just confuses me.”

“I’ve told you because you’re so hard on yourself,” Solange said firmly. “You’re feeling guilty because of some three second thought. Get over it darling. Those thoughts are normal for most people and they don’t feel guilty. Guilt is definitely part of grieving, but try not to be so hard on yourself.”

Silently, Chilli nodded. The overwhelming aroma of lamb, rosemary and garlic had been wafting into the bedroom for some time. It finally broke through Chilli’s consciousness. “That smells divine. I’m famished, come on, let’s speed things up here and go see what wonderful culinary surprise Dad has for us.”

By the time the two women joined Jack in the kitchen, Chilli’s mouth was watering and she was almost weak at the knees with hunger and anticipation. The lamb was resting for the required ten minutes, while Jack was busy taking the crispy golden roast potatoes out of the oven.

The lamb had been cooked superbly, crispy brown on the outside and moist rose-pink in the middle, just how Chilli loved it. While Jack was carving, she couldn’t resist stealing some tasty titbits. The tender succulent meat had been slow roasted to juicy perfection. It melted in her mouth. “Dad, I had no idea you could cook like this.”

“Foxtel, my darling, Jamie Oliver taught me everything I know.”

They dined outside on the timber deck, overlooking the spectacular native garden, to the backdrop of a cricket orchestra, with frogs providing the base line. Suddenly, in the distance, a neighbour, making the most of the last rays of late sunlight, started his lawnmower and the background din drowned out the insect buzz. Jack in turn selected music to dine to, and from the sound system wafted a wonderfully eclectic mix from the easy listening Dusty Springfield to the street urchin sparrow sound of Edith Piaf.

Still dressed in her running gear, Chilli shivered slightly. Her mother threw one of her cardigans around her shoulders. With the love and protection she felt, she began to relax in her parent’s home, and the guilt she felt earlier, eased. However, she was still recovering from all the news her mother had imparted, and knew that when she returned home later that evening, her mind would dissect every word that had been said.

Over indulging on the lamb and vegetables, Chilli begged for only a small serving of her mother’s pudding. The rich and fruity steaming wedge of deliciously, rich, homemade pudding tempted the most ironclad of wills. Drizzled with lashings of custard, this old fashioned comfort food had a sense of occasion and decadence. Chilli was only glad her mother had not served passion fruit sponge; she didn’t know if she could ever face it again, without thinking of what her mother had told her.

After dinner, Solange stayed behind to clean up, while Jack drove her home. With his eyes on the road, he asked, “Your mother told me you were feeling guilty. Do you need to talk about it anymore or are you fine now?” Briefly he glanced across.

“Dad I’m probably going to be fine. I certainly feel better after talking to Mum. I’m sure it’s all part of the process.” Right now, Chilli felt exhausted and no longer felt like discussing anything.

“Do you know darling, you don’t have the monopoly on guilt. We all carry things around in our heads that we feel guilty about. You know when your mother and I were much younger, we had a few issues…”

Yes, she did know, and she’d had enough for one night.

“…and I really came very close to having an affair...”

What the hell was he talking about? Chilli wanted to yell at him to be quiet and had to stop herself from putting her hands over her ears.

“...with a woman from the business next door to the dental surgery. Her name was Cynthia, every time I hear that name I think of her. Very attractive red head, quite well built if you know what I mean.”

The blood in her head started pounding. “Dad! Too much information, you don’t need to tell me this.”

But Jack continued on as if she hadn’t spoken, “Anyway out of convenience we began to have coffee every day and one thing led to another...”

“Oh my goodness Dad,’ she cried, “I don’t want to hear this. Please sshh.”

“…nothing exactly ended up happening, but it almost did and of course I felt very guilty about your mother. She was at home with the four of you children and I had been neglecting her.”

“Well, now that you’ve told me, I have to ask, did Mum know about this?” she asked, sounding perhaps a little too sharp.

“Yes, yes she did, and it really was quite horrible the pain I put her through. We had never been intimate, Cynthia and I…”

At this Chilli placed he hands over her ears. “Please Dad, I don’t want to hear!”

“…but we did form an emotional attachment.” And then his voice softened. “I would have done anything to have taken back the hurt on your mother’s face the day she found out. It was a killer and it will stay with me forever.”

She looked over at her father. “How long ago was it?” she asked quietly.

“Oh I don’t know, maybe about 30 years ago.”

Incredible! Both of her parents had told her a story of their own guilt. But neither had mentioned the other’s hurtful behaviour. This needed thinking about. She couldn’t wait for the peacefulness of her own home to let all of it sink in.

Pulling into the driveway Jack asked, “Do you want me to come in sweetie?”

“No I’ll be fine.” She didn’t think she could take anymore revelations. “Two things I wish to ask though. Firstly why did you tell me that story?”

“I thought it may make you feel better and not judge yourself so harshly. You have a right to happiness sweetie, but in your own time. What’s the second question?”

“Did Pop ever have an affair?”

“What type of question is that?” Jack was aghast at her question. “What type of family do you think we are? Heavens no, he would never have stooped so low, for goodness sake Chilli, what’s gotten into you?”

She leant across and kissed her father on the cheek. “Good night Dad, fabulous dinner, speak to you tomorrow.”

Wearily she got out of the car and unlocked her front door. She turned off the alarm and switched on a light, and gave her father a wave. What she really needed was a hot bath and a good night’s sleep to clear her head. As she climbed the stairs, she slowly shook her head. What a family!