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ABOUT THE BOOK

Let’s begin this journey with a concise, yet powerful message, which has been inscribed on a tomb at London’s Westminster Abbey since 1100 A.D.

First, Change Myself

“When I was young and free, and my imagination had no limits; I dreamed of changing the world.

As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat, and decided to change only my country. But it too, seemed immovable.

As I entered my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I sought to change only my family, those closest to me, but alas! They would have none of it.

And now, as I lie on my deathbed and realize (perhaps for the first time), that if only I’d changed myself first, then by example, I may have influenced my family. With their encouragement and support, I may have bettered my country, and who knows… I may have changed the world.”

Most of us wish to make a difference in the world, or to matter in some way. What the previous message points out is an important fact of life: that our greatest power to create change exists within ourselves.

For you alone are the common theme in everything you experience, and by changing yourself, you can change the world.

For instance, you may be a member of a family, a social group, a military unit, or a civilian corporation. However, your capacity to influence those groups is dependent upon your ability, desire, and readiness to change yourself. For you alone are the common theme in everything you experience, and by changing yourself, you can change the world.

ACHIEVE A LIFE OF PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY

Throughout this book, you will find little mention of why things happen, or whose fault something is. On the contrary, this book’s intent is to empower you, the reader, by guiding you on a personal quest to improve only yourself. By doing this, you will naturally become responsible for all things over which you have even the smallest influence. If something is broken, fix it. If there is trash on the ground, pick it up. If a person asks you for assistance, help them… or better yet… teach them to help themselves.

This is why we chose the title, By Example. Throughout both military and non-military organizations around the world, the motto of ‘lead by example’ is echoed. This book aims to assist individuals in their efforts to live by that motto, until the day when you no longer realize that you are doing it.

One day, when an inspired follower stops to ask you for your ‘secret’ to success, you can share this personal journey with them, and know that your inner work has been more than enough to create an opportunity for positive change in the world.

Sometimes, however, people don’t ask; they just follow. For this reason, we must take personal responsibility for ourselves, and the organizations of which we are a part. Ask yourself questions like…

“What can I do to improve the strength, resilience, or well-being of my family, team, or unit?”

Along this journey you will learn two things: (1) that there is always a solution, and (2) that the solution always begins with you. Perhaps in the end, feeling confident about your ability to Be, Know, and Do, you will pass this book on to another rising star, or struggling warrior. In your own unique brand of encouragement, you will offer the following message: “Go forth with honor my friend, and live by example!”

THE TWELVE-MISSION DESIGN

There is no right or wrong way to read this book. You can choose to read it from front to back, or to begin with a chapter that seems most appropriate for you right now. Each of our twelve missions could also stand alone as an interesting discussion topic for various group settings. However you choose, just know that we have designed By Example as a journey for personal growth, and have included a three-phase training plans as part of each mission. We recommend this approach, which was designed using a solution-focused, and cognitive-behavioral model for change. We trust that the social learning theories of Dr. Albert Bandura will explain how your personal efforts to lead by example will also influence others, further enhancing the environment in which you live. The phases will now be explained in detail.

Phase I

First, before attempting to make any major changes, it is important that you become familiar with our missions, and the integrated learning process. This will help you understand the road ahead, and prepare you for Phases II & III.

Based on the focus, Phase One is also known as familiarization. To make the most of this stage, we ask that you choose one challenge in your current life, and focus on it throughout this stage.

This process includes browsing the contents of each chapter, reading only the headings, and answering each of the corresponding Phase One questions. This can be done in just a few days.

Once you have finished this initial process, we recommend that you enter Phase Two, where you will find insight-oriented training missions.

Phase II

During this 12-week process of self-discovery, you will read the entire book (if you have not done so already), and complete each of the Phase Two exercises, which are assigned at the end of every chapter. Since there are twelve chapters, the goal is to complete one personal mission each week.

If you take the journey seriously, and complete each task to standard, this phase will be challenging, insightful, and rewarding. To save you time and money, we have included pages for journal writing within this book. This is the cognitive, or thought-oriented phase.

Phase III

Finally, having completed the first and second phases, you may want to move beyond self-awareness, and create even more positive changes in your life. For this reason, we have designed each Phase Three mission with an action-oriented (behavioral) approach. For it is here, that you will strive to become a true master of yourself.

Because this lofty goal requires an ongoing process of both reflection and adaptation, we challenge all of our readers to complete Phase Three at least once.

Over the course of one year, you will spend an entire month on each mission, creating healthier habits of thinking and behavior as you go. Throughout this very challenging adventure, you will experience life in ways you perhaps never have.

This final phase can be done alone, or with a mentor who is also on the journey. Such a friend can serve as a light during hard times, and you can do the same for them. They can give you honest feedback, and help to keep you on track. Just remember, the journey is about you, not them. Live by example, and others will follow.

ALL CHANGE IS NOT GROWTH

This book is about acceptance, adaptation, and positive change. It is important to realize that mere change is a naturally-occurring process, requiring no human effort whatsoever. Therefore, the authors would like to highlight the difference between change and improvement.

By Example, is about creating positive change, which takes work, and conscious effort. For in the words of Ellen Glasgow, an American writer and women’s rights activist,

“All change is not growth, just as all movement is not forward.”

Please take the time to read each story, think about each chapter, complete each practical exercise, and incorporate these changes into your everyday life. For by improving yourself, you improve those around you, and in some small way, you will even change the world.

EMBEDDED TOOLS

To save you time and money, we have included journal pages in the printed editions of this book. You can use these pages to complete the phase I & II exercises, and to keep notes regarding your progress and lessons learned.

For phase III, we have included a behavioral change calendar, so that you can track your progress throughout each month, and evaluate your efforts toward developing healthier habits.

Additionally, we have included two blank sheets following the journal pages for each mission. This ‘free space’ can be used for creative conceptualization of the lessons, or whatever you feel is helpful given your particular learning style or artistic talent.

BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND

Finally, we offer this foresight before you move on to the first mission. Just as in life, time is very precious in the military, so we have what’s called the BLUF, or the bottom line up front. We offer the same for you here.

Simply be where you are, lead by example, and have fun doing it. The rest is in the details.

Simply be where you are... lead by example... and have fun doing it. The rest is in the details. Enjoy the journey!

SPECIAL NOTES

You may find some of the worksheets at psychologytools.com to be excellent during this journey... We’re just saying. Check it out by typing “best free CBT worksheets” into your favorite search engine, and look for a link to psychologytools.com. Find an activity log that works for you. It will come in handy more than once along the way.

Additionally, searching online for images based on the terms ‘emotion wheel’ or ‘the feeling wheel’ may also come in handy when we get to sections about developing your emotional awareness and intelligence. Research has indicated powerful connections between the emotionally sound mind and exceptional leadership abilities. As you may have guessed, many people are unfamiliar with a wide range of emotion words and their various definitions, though there are hundreds. This is a good place to begin, and these diagrams will assist with exercises throughout our book.

As you complete these missions, we encourage you to find and incorporate ideas, tools, and worksheets that you come across along the way. In the end, this journey is designed to empower you as the reader to achieve your own goals, and to be who you want to be. There are no boundaries, and we encourage creativity at all times. Think outside the box, and make the journey that much better.

Finally, we would like you to know that we have made the eBook version of By Example FREE to anyone who has an electronic device on which to read it. Help us spread the word however you are able, and enjoy the mobile companion as you travel this long and challenging road.