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VOL. I.

Shakespeare Jest-Books;

A Hundred Mery Talys,

II.

Mery Tales and Quicke Answeres,

W. CAREW HAZLITT,

¶ A C. mery Talys.

The Table.

INTRODUCTION.

A C. MERY TALYS.

¶ Of hym that said there were but two commandementes. i.

¶ Of the wyfe who lay with her prentys and caused him to beate her husbande disguised in her rayment. ii.

¶ Of John Adroyns in the dyuyls apparell. iii.

¶ Of the ryche man and his two sonnes. iv.

¶ Of the cockolde who gained a ring by his iudgment. v.

¶ Of the scoler that gave his shoes to cloute. vi.

¶ Of hym that said that a womans tongue was lightest of digestion. vii.

¶ Of the woman that followed her fourth husbands bere and wept. viii.

¶ Of the woman that sayd her woer came too late. ix.

¶ Of the mylner with the golden thombe. [17] x.

¶ Of the horseman of Irelande that prayde Oconer for to hange up the frere. xi.

¶ Of the preest that sayd nother corpus meus nor corpus meum. xii.

¶ Of two freres whereof the one loued nat the ele heed nor the other the tayle. xiii.

¶ Of the welche man that shroue hym for brekynge of hys faste on the fryday. xiv.

¶ Of the merchaunte of London that dyd put nobles in his mouthe in hys dethe bedde. xv.

¶ Of the mylner that stale the nuttes of the tayler that stale a shepe. xvi.

¶ Of the foure elementes where they shoulde sone be founde. xvii.

¶ Of the woman that poured the potage in the iudges male. xviii.

¶ Of the wedded men that came to heuen to clayme theyr herytage. xix.

¶ Of the merchaunte that charged his sonne to fynde one to synge for hys soule. xx.

¶ Of the mayde wasshynge clothes that answered the frere. xxi.

¶ Of the thre wyse men of Gotam. xxii.

¶ Of the graye frere that answered his penytente. xxiii.

¶ Of the gentylman that bare the sege borde on hys necke. xxiv.

¶ Of the merchantes wyfe that sayd she wolde take a nap at sermon. xxv.

¶ Of the woman that said and she lyued another yere she wolde haue a cockoldes hatte of her owne. xxvi.

¶ Of the gentylman that wysshed his tothe in the gentylwomans tayle. xxvii.

¶ Of the Welcheman that confessyd hym howe he had slayne a frere. xxviii.

¶ Of the Welcheman that coude nat gette but a lytell male. xxix.

¶ Of the gentyll woman that sayde to a gentyll man: ye haue a berde aboue and none benethe. xxx.

¶ Of the frere that sayde our Lorde fed fyue M. people with iii. fysshys. xxxi.

¶ Of the frankelyn that wold haue had the frere gone. xxxii.

¶ Of the prest that sayd Our Lady was not so curyous a woman. xxxiii.

¶ Of the good man that sayde to his wyfe he had euyll fare. xxxiv.

¶ Of the frere that had hys chylde make a laten xxxv.

¶ Of the gentylman that asked the frere for his beuer. xxxvi.

¶ Of the thre men that chose the woman. xxxvii.

¶ Of the gentylman that taught his cooke the medycyne for the tothake. xxxviii.

¶ Of the gentylman that promysed the scoler of Oxforde a sarcanet typet. xxxix.

¶ Of mayster Skelton that brought the bysshop of Norwiche ii fesauntes. xl.

¶ Of the yeman of garde that sayd he wolde bete the carter. xli.

¶ Of the fole that saide he had leuer go to hell than to heuen. xlii.

¶ Of the plowmannys sonne that sayde he sawe one make a gose to creke sweetly. xliii.

¶ Of the maydes answere that was with chylde. xliv.

¶ Of the seruaunt that rymyd with hys mayster. xlv.

¶ Of the Welcheman that delyuered the letter to the ape. xlvi.

¶ Of hym that solde ryght nought. xlvii.

¶ Of the frere that tolde the thre chyldres fortunes. xlviii.

¶ Of the boy that bare the frere his masters money. xlix.

¶ Of Phylyp Spencer the bochers man. l.

¶ Of the courtear and the carter. li.

¶ Of the yongman that prayd his felow to teche hym hys paternoster. lii.

¶ Of the frere that prechyd in ryme expownynge the ave maria. liii.

¶ Of the curat that prechyd the artycles of the Crede. liv.

¶ Of the frere that prechyd the x commaundementis. lv.

¶ Of the wyfe that bad her husbande ete the candell fyrste. lvi.

¶ Of the man of lawes sonnes answer. lvii.

¶ Of the frere in the pulpet that bad the woman leue her babelynge. lviii.

¶ Of the Welchman that cast the Scotte into the see. lix.

¶ Of the man that had the dome wyfe. lx.

¶ Of the Proctour of Arches that had the lytel wyfe. lxi.

¶ Of ii nonnes that were shryuen of one preste. lxii.

¶ Of the esquyer that sholde have ben made knyght. lxiii.

¶ Of him that wolde gette the maystrye of his wyfe. lxiv.

¶ Of the penytent that sayd the shepe of God have mercy upon me. lxv.

¶ Of the husbande that sayd he was John Daw. lxvi.

¶ Of the scoler of Oxforde that proued by souestry ii chykens iii. lxvii.

¶ Of the frere that stale the podynge. [114] lxviii.

¶ Of the frankelyns sonne that cam to take ordres. lxix.

¶ Of the husbandman that lodgyd the frere in his own bedde. lxx.

¶ Of the preste that wolde say two gospels for a grote. lxxi.

¶ Of the coutear that dyd cast the frere ouer the bote. lxxii.

¶ Of the frere that prechyd what mennys sowles were. lxxiii.

¶ Of the husbande that cryed ble under the bed. lxxiv.

¶ Of the shomaker that asked the colyer what tydynges in hell. [119] lxxv.

¶ Of Seynt Peter that cryed cause bobe. lxxvi.

¶ Of hym that aduenturyd body and soule for hys prynce. lxxvii.

¶ Of the parson that stale the mylners elys. lxxviii.

¶ Of the Welchman that saw one xls. better than God. lxxix.

¶ Of the frere that said dyryge for the hoggys soule. lxxx.

¶ Of the parson that sayde masse of requiem for Crystes soul. lxxxi.

¶ Of the herdeman that sayde: ryde apace, ye shall haue rayn. lxxxii.

¶ Of hym that sayde: I shall haue nener a peny. lxxxiii.

¶ Of the husbande that sayde hys wyfe and he agreed well. lxxxiv.

¶ Of the prest that sayde Comede episcope. lxxxv.

¶ Of the woman that stale the pot. lxxxvi.

¶ Of mayster Whyttynton dreme. [134] lxxxvii.

¶ Of the prest that killed his horse called modicus. lxxxviii.

¶ Of the Welcheman that stale the Englysshmans cocke. lxxxix.

¶ Of hym that brought a botell to a preste. xc.

¶ Of the endytement of Jesu of Nazareth. xci.

¶ Of the frere that preched agaynst them that rode on the Sonday. xcii.

¶ Of the one broder that founde a purs. xciii.

¶ Of the answere of the mastres to the mayde. xciv.

¶ Of the northern man that was all harte. xcv.

¶ Of the burnynge of olde John. xcvi.

¶ Of the courtear that ete the hot custarde. xcvii.

¶ Of the thre pointes belonging to a shrewd wyfe. xcix.

¶ Of the man that paynted the lamb upon his wyfes bely. c.

ADDITIONAL NOTES AND ILLUSTRATIONS.

A C. MERY TALYS.

¶ Tales, and quicke answers, very mery, and pleasant to rede.

Mery Tales, Wittie

Questions

and Quicke Answeres,

The Table.

TALES AND QUICKE ANSWERES.

¶ Of hym that rode out of London and had his seruaunt folowynge on foote. i.

¶ Of hym that preched on saynt Chrystophers day. ii.

¶ Of the frenche man, that stroue with the Janway for his armes. iii.

¶ Of the curate that sayde our Lorde fedde U. C. persons. iiii.

¶ Of hym that profered his doughter in mariage. v.

¶ Of them that came to London to bye a Crucifixe. vi.

¶ Of hym that folowed his wyfe to buryenge. vii.

¶ Of hym that felle into the fyre. viii.

¶ Of him that vsed to cal his servant the kinge of foles. ix.

¶ Of the yonge woman that sorowed so greatly her husbondes deth. x.

¶ Of him that kissed the mayd with the longe nose. xi.

¶ The Uplandisshe mans answere, concerninge the steple and pulpit. xii.

¶ Of the beggers answere to M. Skelton the poete. xiii.

¶ Of the chaplen, that sayde our lady matens a bed. xiiii.

¶ Of him that lost his purse in London. xv.

¶ Of the marchaunt that lost his bodgette betwene Ware and Lon[don]. xvi.

¶ Of him that was called cuckolde. xvii.

¶ Of the iolous man. xviii.

¶ Of the fatte woman that solde frute. xix.

¶ Of a poller that begyled a prest. xx.

¶ Of Papirius pretextatus. xxi.

¶ Of the corrupte man of lawe. xxii.

¶ Of kynge Lowes of France, and the husbandman. xxiii.

¶ Of an other picke-thanke, and the same kinge. xxiiii.

¶ Of Thales the astronomer that fell in a ditch. xxv.

¶ Of the astronomer that theues robbed. xxvi.

¶ Of the plough man that sayde his pater noster. xxvii.

¶ Of him that dreamed he fonde golde. xxviii.

¶ Of the crakynge yonge gentyll man, that wold ouerthrowe his enmyes a myle of. xxix.

¶ Of hym that fell of a tre and brake his rybbe. xxx.

¶ Of the frier that brayde in his sermon. xxxi.

¶ The oration of the ambassadour sent to Pope Urban. xxxii.

¶ Of the ambassadour sent to the prince Agis. xxxiii.

¶ The answere of Cleomenes to the Samiens ambassadour. xxxiiii.

¶ Of the wyse man Piso and his seruant. xxxv.

¶ Of the marchant that made a wager with his lord. xxxvi.

¶ Of the friere that gaue scrowes agaynst the pestilence. xxxvii.

¶ Of the phisitian, that vsed to write bylles ouer eue. xxxviii.

¶ Of hym that wolde confesse hym by writinge. xxxix.

¶ Of the hermite of Padowe. xl.

¶ Of the Uplandysshe man, that sawe the kynge. xli.

¶ Of the courtier that bad the boy holde his horse. xlii.

¶ Of the deceytfull scriuener. xliii.

¶ Of hym that saide he beleued his wyfe better than other, that she was chaste. xliiii.

¶ Of hym that payde his dette with crienge bea. xlv.

¶ Of the woman that appeled fro kyng Philip to kynge Philippe. xlvi.

¶ Of the olde woman, that prayde for the welfare of the tyrant Denise. xlvii.

¶ Of the phisitian Eumonus. xlviii.

¶ Of Socrates and his scoldinge wyfe. xlix.

¶ Of the phisitian that bare his paciente on honde, he had eaten an asse. l.

¶ Of the inholders [222] wyfe and her ii louers. li.

¶ Of hym that healed franticke men. lii.

¶ Of hym that sayde he was not worthy to open the gate to the kynge. liii.

¶ Of mayster Uauasour and Turpin his man. liiii.

¶ Of hym that sought his wyfe agaynst the streme. lv.

¶ Of hym that at a skyrmyshe defended him with his feet. lvi.

¶ Of hym that wolde gyue a songe for his dyner. lvii.

¶ Of the foole that thought hym selfe deed. lviii.

¶ Of the olde man and his sonne that brought his asse to the towne to sylle. lix.

¶ Of him that sought his asse and rode on his backe. lx.

¶ The answere of Fabius to Liuius. lxi.

¶ The answere of Poltis, the kynge of Thrace, to the Troyan embassadors. [246] lxii.

¶ The wyse answere of Hanibal to kynge Antiochus, concerninge his ryche armye. lxiii.

¶ The wordes of Popilius the Romayn embassadour to Antiochus the kynge. lxiiii.

¶ Of him that loued the marchants wyfe. lxv.

¶ Of the woman that couerd her heed and shewed her taile. lxvi.

¶ Howe Alexander was monysshed to slee the fyrste that he mette. lxvii.

¶ Howe the cite of Lamsac was saued from destruction. lxviii.

¶ Howe Demosthenes defended a mayde. lxix.

¶ Of him that desired to be made a gentilman. lxx.

¶ Of the gentyll man and his shrewde wyfe. lxxi.

¶ Of the two yonge men that rode to Walsyngham. [258] lxxii.

¶ Of the yonge man of Bruges, and his spouse. lxxiii.

¶ Of hym that made as he hadde ben a chaste lyuer. lxxiiii.

¶ Of hym that the olde roode fell on. lxxv.

¶ Of the wydow that wolde nat wedde for bodily pleasure. lxxvi.

¶ Of the couetous ambassodour, that wolde here no musike. lxxvii.

¶ How Denise the tirant serued a couetous man. lxxix.

¶ Of the olde man, that quengered [267] the boy oute of the apletree with stones. lxxx.

¶ Of the ryche man that wolde not haue a glyster. lxxxi.

¶ Of hym that feyned hym selfe deed to proue what his wyfe wolde do. lxxxii.

¶ Of the poure man, into whose house theues brake by nyghte. [270] lxxxiii.

¶ Of hym that shulde haue ben hanged for his scoffynge. lxxxiiii.

¶ Of hym that had his goose stole. lxxxv.

¶ Of the begger that sayd he was kyn to kyng Philip of Macedone. lxxxvi.

¶ Of Dantes answere to the iester. lxxxvii.

¶ Of hym that had sore eyes. [274] lxxxviii.

¶ Of the olde woman that had sore eyes. lxxxix.

¶ Of hym that had the custodi of a warde. xc.

¶ Of the excellent paynter, that had foule children. xci.

¶ Of the scoffer that made a man a south sayer. xcii.

¶ Of the marchaunt of Florence called Charles. xciii.

¶ Of the chesshire man called Eulyn. xciiii.

¶ Of him that desired to be set vpon the pillori. xcv.

¶ Of the wydowes daughter that was sent to the abbot with a couple of capons. xcvi.

¶ Of the two men, that dranke a pynte of whyte wyne to gether. xcvii.

¶ Of the doctour that went with the fouler to catche byrdes. xcviii.

¶ Of hym that vndertoke to teache an asse to rede. xcix.

¶ Of the fryer that confessed the woman. [287] c.

¶ Howe a chaplen of Louen deceyued an vsurer. ci.

¶ Of the same chaplen and one that spited him. cii.

¶ Of the olde man that put him selfe in his sonnes handes. ciii.

¶ Of hym that had a flye peynted in his shilde. ciiii.

¶ Of th' emperour Augustus and the olde men. cv.

¶ Phocions oration to the Athen[ian]s. [295] cvi.

¶ Of Demosthenes and Phocion. cvii.

¶ Of Phocion that refused Alexanders gyfte. cviii.

¶ Of Denyse the tyranne and his sonne. cix.

¶ Of Pomponius the Romayne, that was brought before Mithridates. cx.

¶ Of Titus and the iester. cxi.

¶ Of Scipio Nasica and Ennius the poete. [297] cxii.

¶ Of Fabius Minutius and his sonne. cxiii.

¶ Of Aurelian, that was displeased, bycause the cite Tyna was closed agaynst hym. cxiiii.

¶ Of the Nunne forced that durst not crie. cxv.

¶ Of him that sayde he was the Diuelles man. cxvi.

¶ Of the vplandishe [303] priest, that preached of Charitie. cxvii.

¶ Another sayinge of the same preest. cxviii.

¶ Of the fryer that praysed sainct Frauncis. cxix.

¶ Of hym that warned his wife of wasshynge her face in foule puddell water. cxx.

¶ Of the husbandman that caused the iudge to geue sentence agaynst him selfe. cxxi.

¶ Of the Italian friar that shoulde preach before the B. of Rome and his cardinals. cxxii.

¶ Of the doctour that sayd, in Erasmus workes were heresies. cxxiii.

¶ Of the frier that preached at Paules crosse agaynst Erasmus. cxxiv.

¶ Of an other frier that taxed Erasmus for writyng Germana theologia. cxxv.

¶ Of an other that inueighed agaynst the same Erasmus. cxxvi.

¶ Of kyng Richarde the iii, and the Northern man. [315] cxxvii.

¶ Of the Canon and his man. cxxviii

¶ Of the same Canon and his sayd man. cxxix.

¶ Of the gentilman that checked hys seruant for talke of ryngyng. cxxx.

¶ Of the blynde man and his boye. cxxxi.

¶ Of him that sold two lodes of hey. cxxxii.

¶ How a mery man deuised to cal people to a playe. cxxxiii.

¶ How the image of the dyuell was lost and sought. cxxxiiii.

¶ Of Tachas, kyng of Aegypt, and Agesilaus. cxxxv.

¶ Of Corar the Rhetorician, and Tisias hys scoler. cxxxvi.

¶ Of Augustus and Athenodorus the Phylosopher. cxxxvii.

¶ Of the frenche kyng and the brome seller. [339] cxxxviii.

¶ An other tale of the same frenche kyng. [340] cxxxix.

¶ What an Italyan fryer dyd in his preachyng. cxl.

ADDITIONAL NOTES AND ILLUSTRATIONS.

MERY TALES AND QUICK ANSWERES.

Shakespeare Jest-Books

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