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HEROIN

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Our sample was 60 percent heroin, 20 percent acetaminophen, 10 percent caffeine, and 10 percent unidentifiable chemicals. Even though that sounds like a lot of additives, it’s about right. New York heroin is 63.3 percent pure on average. Oh, forget the whole idea about heroin being cut with Drano. Heroin is most often cut with acetaminophen, caffeine, malitol, diazepam, methaqualone, or phenobarbital. Diazepam is a sedative hypnotic. Methaqualone is Quaaludes. Phenobarbital is a sedative used to stop seizures and treat insomnia. See, they just cut it with stuff that makes you sleepy but doesn’t cost as much or cause as much hassle to get as dope. That’s all. If you want some better shit, move to London. Ross Coomber of the University of Greenwich analysed 228 samples of heroin and found that 44 percent of them weren’t cut with anything at all. The rest were cut with the same stuff as above. Coomber did another study where he gathered information from 17 heroin dealers at varying points in the chain of distribution. He asked them if they adulterated (that is the word for adding other drugs to) or diluted (that is the word for adding inert substances to) the drugs they sold. Eleven said that they never adulterated/diluted at all, four adulterated/ diluted only sometimes, and only one (dealing four to five ounces a month) said he always diluted the heroin (with glucose, by around 10 to 20 percent). Asshole.

Findings: Heroin is a little more cut than coke, but ours is average. And dealers don’t want to poison their customers. It’s bad business, and if you’re dead you can’t buy any more smack from them. The most important finding to us in this section was this great new dealer who got us a bundle of smack, delivered to our door in 20 minutes in the middle of the workday. Too bad we’re in recovery.

The World According to Vice

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