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• Speak of the baby as our family’s, not as yours or mine.

• Get a baby doll for your toddler if he or she doesn’t have one, or outfit an old one with new clothes and some new equipment. Be sure the doll is immersible; it will probably undergo some bathing later!

• Unpack your child’s old baby clothes together and recall stories about infancy while you do.

• Take your child with you to shop for a new baby outfit.

• Consider, if you take down the crib, not just moving it to another room but storing it away for a while. A child’s bed is very personal. You might even want to paint it a different color so it won’t stir up memories (and resentments). If you are just moving it to another room, do so well in advance of your due date. Or trade crib or stroller items with a friend so it doesn’t seem like the new baby is “taking” things.

• Let your preschooler in on your discussion of the baby’s name as well as other plans and decisions. Listen and talk about them but don’t make promises about selecting his or her choice of the baby’s name. You might consider using it as a nickname.

• Have your child talk to the baby using your navel as a microphone.

• Let your child feel the baby kicking and listen to the heartbeat with a stethoscope. Some toy stethoscopes work surprisingly well.

Our 2-1/2-year-old always knew we were getting ready to leave him when we gathered up the pillows for our childbirth classes. He’d immediately throw a full-scale tantrum, going so far as to hold his breath and pass out. We’d go anyway, knowing from hard experience that he’d come to and be all right with the sitter. But I must admit that leaving the house with our child purple and unconscious on the floor pretty much took the fun out of it.

Ellen S., Minneapolis, MN

My 5-year-old daughter would talk to the baby putting her mouth close to my belly button. (Since the baby was inside me I could hear what replies he was thinking and tell her.) The baby would get furious if someone was mean to her, and the baby would take her side.

C. Calzada, Miami, FL

• Invite your child to do stretching and muscle-strengthening exercises with you. Leg raises and pelvic rocks are usually especially appealing for little people.

• Take your child with you to prenatal checkups. With subsequent visits to the doctor, your child will likely come up with additional questions. Children will often mull over earlier questions and answers; doctor’s visits offer a place to ask for more information.

Does Spacing Affect Adjustment?

We feel the most important help our older child had was a good three years of our attention before she had a sibling. This got her off to a good start and almost eliminated any rivalry problems we might have had.

Candace Waidrum, Paris, TX

Our son Matt was 19 months old when we brought his new brother, Patrick, home. His first hello was to jump into the baby’s crib while it was occupied. Things got steadily worse until big brother made the adjustment of sharing Mom and Dad. Somehow Patrick has managed to survive a year and eight months, and a change has gradually taken place. The little kid who used to just lie there is suddenly lots of fun.

Mac Ann Koenigsfeld, Charles City, IA

Our children are four and one-half years apart. Our oldest had a “full turn” at being a baby and fully welcomed his sister. Now, at 10-1/2 and 6, they seem to be secure in their own persons.

Betsy Durham, Waterford, CT

My brother and I were 18 months apart and great buddies, but I still remember the desire for more individual attention. My children are eight years apart, and both have benefited from individual attention—but are not buddies at all. I doubt there is an ideal spacing.

Beverly Audeh, Huntsville, AL