Читать книгу Wicked Enchantment - Wanda Coleman - Страница 19

against bone. rubbing. pressure against bladder

i pee and pee and pee

and drink water and more water. never enough water

it twists in my womb

my belly a big brown bowl of jello quakes

twenty pounds and climbing

eat eat eat. milk. got to have ice cold milk

vitamins and iron three times daily

cocoa butter and hormone cream

infanstethoscope

sex sex sex. can’t get enough of that funky stuff

bras getting too small. is that me in the mirror?

it bucks/brings belches

smooth skin. glossy hair. strong nails

i’m 99% body. my brain has dissolved into

headaches tears confusion

my navel sticks out/eye of cyclops

my life for an apple fritter

snipping the elastic in panties, another pair ruined

nausea. vomit. muscle strain

”they” tell you to eat fresh fruit and lots of

vegetables. eating fresh fruit and lots of vegetables

afraid of what it will/won’t be

anxious. it’s got to look like him

it’s got to look like me. be healthy. be live. be all right

why doesn’t it hurry up and come

read books. more books. know the tv program by heart

fantasies about returning to slim

the ass sleeps. tingles when wakened

walking is hard. sitting is hard. sex, an effort

he stands in lines for me

thirty pounds and climbing

people smile, are sympathetic

will it be capricorn or aquarius?

can’t drive. too big to get behind the steering wheel

ice cream cone jones

(out of three hundred deliveries this year, ours

is his third legitimate, says doc, “it’s what

they are doing to the black community”)

daily reports to the grandmothers

is that me in the mirror?

he worries. i worry. we worry together

more hugs and affection

i can’t reach my feet

more calcium and iron

wow. my gums are bleeding. scurvy?

it rubs. twists. kicks. moves

sex? it takes too much out of me

the flu. food poisoning. cold

too tight pants bite me

preparation: pelvic spread. vaginal walls widen

forty pounds and climbing

showers. no more long hot luxury baths

muumuus and mules. naked = relief

his ear to my stomach to hear the heart beat

emergency cookies

it presses against my diaphragm. it’s hard to

breathe. can’t sleep good. dreams

more dreams. it’s a boy. it’s a girl

backaches. swollen feet

refrigerator lover, clandestine rendezvous at 2 AM

advice from the experienced, questions from the barren

the planets are lining up in scorpio

suitcase packed and ready

names for him. names for her

(everybody-else-we-know-who’s-pregnant-is-having

a-perfect-baby pressure)

sex? oh yeah. used to be fun

it turns. kicks. twists

that’s me in the mirror, definitely

why doesn’t it hurry up and come

crying jags. throb of false labor

will he be there

when it’s time?