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الفصل الثالث

فى استرحامات شتى

Chapter Three

Assorted Pleas for Mercy

4.3.1

من كان من طبعه المين والافترآ او من كان جاهلا بالنسآ ارتاب فى هذا الوداع ونسبه الى ترقيش الشعرآ ومبالغاتهم * ولكن اىّ منكر على من جعلت دابها وديدنها وشنشنتها ونشنشتها ومهوأنها وهُذَيرباها واُهجورتها وفَعِلتها ومَطِرتها المحاضرة والمفاكهة والمسقاطة والمطارحة والمحارزة والمجارزة وسرعة الجواب * بل كثيرا ما كان يجتمع بالفارياق اثنان او ثلثة من اصحابه فاذا خاضوا فى حديث انتدبت لهم وجارتهم فيه وعارضتهم وماتنتهم * فكل فصيح ان تعارضه لم يُبِن وكل بليغ ان تساجله يرتكّ * وقد علم بالتجربة ان جواب المراة اسرع من جواب الرجل * وان المشتغل بالعلم يكون ابطا جوابا من غير المشتغل به * لانه لا يقدم على ذلك الا بعد الفكر والرويّة *

Those who are by nature mendacious and given to slander, or who know nothing about women, will be suspicious of this farewell and attribute it to the embroidering and hyperbole of a poet. But who can gainsay one who has made it her habit, practice, custom, convention, utmost goal,⁵¹ wont, way, fashion, and observance to riposte, jest, banter, chaff, rally, sally, and respond with alacrity? Often, indeed, two or three of his friends would gather with the Fāriyāq and take on a topic on which she would rise to their challenge, keep pace with them, oppose them, and out-argue them. No speaker, however persuasive, should she oppose him, could find his tongue, and any master of rhetoric, should she enter the lists against him, would tremble, learning by experience that a woman’s answer is faster than a man’s and that one who has dedicated himself to scholarship may be slower to answer than one who has not, for the former will only venture to answer after cogitation and deliberation.

4.3.2

على ان هذه العبارات التى نقلتها عن هذه المراة المبينة من غير قرآة البيان هى دون الاصل بمراحل * فانى لم اقدر فى نقل الكلام على نقل الحركات التى كانت تبدو منها * وعلى ان اصوّر للمطالع عيونا تغازل وحواجب تشير * وانفا يرمع * وشفاها تزمع * وخدودا تتورد * وجيدا يلوى * ويدا تومئ * ونَفَسا يربو ويخفت * وصوتا يخفض وينبر * وزد عليه مسح الماق اشارة الى الاستعبار * وتوالى الزفرات رمزا الى الحزن والانبهار * والتبلّد ايذانا بالاسف * والتنقل من جنب الى جنب اعلانا بالجزع واللهف * وغير ذلك مما يزيد الكلام قوة وبلاغة * وهذه ثانى مرة ندّمتنى على جهلى صناعة التصوير * والمرة الاولى كانت فى الفصل الرابع عشر من الكتاب الاول عند ذكرى الحسان على اختلاف جمالهن * ويمكن انى اندم مرة ثالثة *

That said, the utterances that I have reported above from this woman so persuasive (despite her having read not a word in the art of rhetoric) fall far short of the original, for I was incapable, in reporting her words, of reporting likewise the gestures she made along with them and of picturing for the reader eyes that flirt and eyebrows that hint, a nose aquiver and lips that shiver, cheeks that flush, a neck that twists and a hand that gestures, breathing that rises and falls, and a voice that dips low and soars high, to which may be added the wiping of the eyeball to indicate incipient tears, a succession of sighs to symbolize sadness and joy, a display of foolishness to give notice of regret, a movement from side to side to announce grief and pain, and other things of that sort that lent power and rhetorical force to her words. This is the second time you’ve made me regret my ignorance of the craft of photography, the first being in Book One, chapter 14, when fair women in all their diverse beauty were discussed, and I may yet feel the same regret a third time.

4.3.3

وهنا ينبغى ان اقف على قدمى منتصبا واستميح الاجازة من ذوى الامر والنهى لان اقول * انه قد جرت عادة جميع الولاة والملوك ما عدا ملك الانكليز بان لا يدعوا احدا يدخل بلادهم او يخرج منا ما لم يدفع لدواوينهم او لوكلائهم المعروفين بالقناصل قدرا من الدراهم بحسب خصب ممالكهم ومحلها * وذلك بدعوى ان المسافر اذا نزل بلادهم ساعة او ساعتين فلا بدّ وان يرى قصورهم الفسيحة وعساكرهم المنصورة او خيلهم النجيبة ومراكبهم الفاخرة * فيكون كمن يدخل ملهى من الملاهى * اذ ليس يدخلها احد من دون غرامة *

Here I have to stand up straight and request permission from the powers that be to declare that it is the custom of all governors and kings, with the exception of the king of the English, to invite no one to enter or exit their lands who has not first paid to their ministries or their agents known as consuls a sum of money in keeping with the fertility or barrenness of their possessions. They do this on the pretext that if a traveler spends one or two hours in their country he is bound to see their spacious palaces and ever-victorious armies or their thoroughbred horses and luxurious vessels, thus putting him on a par with one who enters some place of entertainment, which no one would do without paying a fee.

4.3.4

فان اعترض احد بقوله انّا فى الملهى نسمع اصوات المغنين والمغنيات وآلات الطرب * ونرى الانوار المزدهرة والاشكال المتنوعة ووجوه الحسان الناضرة وحركاتهن الباهرة * ونضحك حين يضحكن * ونطرب حين يرقصن * ونشغف حبّا حين يغازلن * فاما فى رؤية احدى مدنكم فانّا لا نرى شيا من ذلك * بل انما ندخل لكى يغبننا تجّاركم * فتكون فائدتنا فى الدخول بالنسبة الى فائدتهم فى الدخل قليلة * قالوا قد يتفق وقت قدومكم بلادنا ان تكون عساكرنا قد شرعت فى العزف بآلات الطرب فهذا فى مقابلة الطرب فى الملهى * اما النسآ فانّا ناذن لكم فى التمتّع بكل من اعجبتكم فاجروا ورآء من شئتم بحيث يكون النقد على الحافر * ومع ذلك فلا ينبغى ان تشبّه مدائننا التى تشرفت بحضرتنا ببعض الملاهى * ولا سيما ان هذه سنّة قديمة قد مشت عليها اسلافنا طاب ثراهم * وتقادمت عليها السنون والاحوال حتى لم يعد ممكنا تغييرها * فان الملك اذا امر بشى صار ذلك الشى سنّة وحُكْما * ويشهد لذلك قول صاحب الزبور ان يد الرب على قلب الملك * بمعنى ان الملك لا يفكر فى شى الّا ويد الله عاصمة له فيه * هكذا شرح هذه الاية العلمآ الربانيّون فى بلادنا ومن خالفهم فجزاؤه الصلب *

If anyone objects, saying, “In a place of entertainment we hear the voices of the singers, male and female, and the sounds of the musical instruments, see the decorative lights and varied decorations, the shining faces of the lovely ladies and their dazzling displays, laugh with them when they laugh, are transported when they dance, and fall in love with them when they flirt, but we see none of these things when we view one of your cities; indeed, as soon as we enter them we are fleeced by your merchants, meaning that what we gain from our coming in is but little compared to what they gain in terms of their incomings,” they will tell you, “Your arrival in our country may coincide with a musical performance by our soldiers, and that can be in lieu of any transports you may experience in that place of entertainment. As far as women are concerned we give you permission to enjoy any of them that takes your fancy and run after any of them you wish, so long as you have ready cash. It’s not right, however, for you to liken our cities, graced as they are with our presence, to some place of entertainment, especially as the payment of these fees is an ancient custom followed by our ancestors (God bless the sod!) that has been practiced for so many years and eons that it can no longer be changed. If the king commands something, that thing becomes custom and law, as witness the words of the psalmodist when he says, ‘The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord,’⁵² meaning that whenever the king thinks of something the hand of God renders his judgment infallible with regard to it. This is how the divines in our country explain this verse and the reward of any who disagrees is crucifixion.

4.3.5

وبعدُ فان الملك اذا اخذ فى تغيير العادات وتبديل السنن فربما افضى ذلك الى تغييره * فيكون مَثَله كالديك الذى يبحث فى الارض عن حبة قمح فيثير التراب على راسه * وصَغُر ذلك تشبيها * فالاولى اذًا اقرار كل شى فى محله * ثم لا فرق بين ان يكون قاصد بلادنا غنيا او فقيرا * صالحا بارّا او لصا فاجرا * رجلا كان او امراة * فكلهم ملتزمون بادآ الغرامة وتحمل الغبن – ولكن ياسيدى ومولاى انا امراة معسرة قد اضطررت الى المرور بمدينتك السعيدة * لان زُويجى المُسيكين كان قد قدم الى بلادكم الملكية ليدير مصلحة فقضى عليه الله تعالى بالوفاة * فتركت صِبْية لى فى البُيَيت يتضورون جوعا وجئت لارى زويجى المويت حالة كونه لا يرانى * ومع ذلك فانى اُعدّ من الحسان اللآى يحق لهنّ من امثالك العناية والالطاف * فكيف التزم بالغرامة فضلا عن نفقة السفر وفَقْد زويجى الذى كان لى سندا – ارجعى من حيث جئت فما هذا وقت الاسترحام * لان القواعد التى تقرر فى دفاتر الملوك لا تقبل التبديل ولا التحريف ولا يستثنى منها شى –

“But to return to our argument: if the king starts changing customs and exchanging conventions, this may lead to him too being changed. His situation is comparable to that of the rooster that searches for a grain of wheat on the ground and in so doing stirs up the dust till it covers his head (though this is an unworthy comparison). Better then that everything stay as it is. And again, it makes no difference whether the one bound for our country is rich or poor, pious and righteous, a thief and a libertine, a man or a woman—all are obliged to hand over the fee and put up with the fleecing . . .” “But my lord and master, I am a woman in straitened circumstances obliged to pass through your happy city because my poor dear hubby came to your royal country to conduct some business and the Almighty determined that he should meet his end there, so I left young children I have writhing with hunger in our little cottage and came to see my poor dead hubby (since he can’t see me), not to mention that I’m considered one of those good-looking women who deserve to be looked after and well treated by those in positions such as yours. Why then should I be obliged to bear the fee, not to mention the costs of travel and the loss of my hubby, who was a support to me?” “Return, woman, to whence you came! This is no time for pleas for mercy, for the rules set down in the ledgers of kings admit of no change or modification and no exceptions can be made . . .”

4.3.6

وانا ايضا يامولاى رُجَيل فقيّر قد رمانى الدهر بصروفه لامر شآه الله * فوافيت بلادكم طمعا فى تحصيل وُظَيّفة تقوم باَوَدى * وما انا من ذوى التغاوى والفتن ولا من الباحثين فى سياسات الملوك وايالاتهم * فقصارى منيتى تحصيل المعيشة * على انى اعرف شيا لا يعرفه اهل بلادكم العامرة فربما كان مقامى فيها مفيدا لدولتكم السعيدة * ولو صدر الامر العالى بامتحانى واختبارى فيما ادّعيه لاكرمتم مثواى فضلا عن الرخصة لى فى الدخول بغير غرامة – ياطائف ياعسس يازِبْنية ياجلواز ياشرطيّ ياعَون ياذَبّىّ^١ يامِسحَل يافارع ياقيْلع ياتُؤرور ياثؤرور ياثؤثور ياتؤثور يااترور ياترتور اودع هذا السجن * ان هو الّا جاسوس قدم يتجسّس بلادنا * فتّشوه عسى ان تجدوا معه اوراقا تكشف لنا عن خبره –

١ كذا في القاموس وفي ١٨٥٥: ياذِبّىّ.

“And I too, my master, am a poor little fellow whom fate has bombarded with its calamities for reasons known only to God and I have made my way to your country hoping to obtain some minor post that will satisfy my needs. I am no seducer or sower of dissent nor am I one who pokes his nose into the policies of kings and their governance. All that I wish for is to make a living, though I do know something that the inhabitants of your ever-prosperous land do not and my presence here may be of benefit to your happy realm. Should a sublime decree be issued that I be examined and tested as to my claims, you would provide me with a house, to say nothing of issuing the permit for me to enter without a fee . . .” “You there, policeman, watchman, guard, nabber, grunter, rozzer, runner, cop, slop, constable, catchpole, cozzpot, woodentop, nabman, beagle, derrick, nubbing-cove—put that man in prison! He’s surely a spy come to spy out our land. Search him. No doubt you’ll find papers on him that’ll tell us what he’s up to.”

4.3.7

وانا كذلك يامولاى وسيدى غُلَيّم مُسَيْكين قد جئت لانظر ابى اذ بلغنى انه كان قادما من سفره فدخل بلادكم فاصابه هواوها الحميد بمرض شديد منعه من الحركة * فلما علمت امى بمرضه وهى مريضة ايضا مما شملها من الحزن والكرب لطول غيابه بعثتنى اليه لعلى اخدمه وامرّضه فيطيب خاطره برويتى ويخف ما به * فان رؤية الاب ابنه حال مرضه تقوم له مقام الدوآء – ما نحن بمربّى الاولاد ولا بلادنا مكتب لهم حتى ياتوا اليها ويخرجوا منها من دون غرامة * اذهب وكن رجلا بادائها على الفور –

“And I too, my lord and master, am a poor young laddie. I have come to see my father because he has told me that, on his way home, he entered your country, where the clement climate afflicted him with a malady that prevents him from moving. When my mother, who is also sick from the grief and care that have consumed her as a result of his long absence, learned of his illness, she sent me to him, in the hope that I might serve him and nurse him and his spirits then revive at the sight of me and recover, for when a sick father sees his son the latter takes the place of medicine.” “We’re not children’s nannies and our country’s no schoolhouse that they should come and go without paying a fee. Get on with you and show you’re a man by paying it right away . . .”

4.3.8

وانا ايضا ياعتادى وملاذى * وثمالى ومعاذى * وملجاى وملتحدى * وسندى ومعتمدى * وركحى وركنى * وعزّى وامنى * رجل من الشعرآ الادبآ كنت قد مدحت بعض امرآئنا الكرام بقصيدة فاجازنى عليها مئة دينار * فاشتريت بنصفها موٓنة لعيالى * ووفيت بربعها ما كنت استدنته لكسوتهم وبقى معى ربع * واذ سمعت بمحاسن مملكتكم الخصيبة البهية البهيجة وبما فيها من التحف والطُرف التى لا توجد فى بلادنا * رمت ان اسرّح ناظرى وانزه خاطرى فى هذا النعيم اياما قليلة * عسى ان يخطر ببالى عند رويته معان^١ بديعة ما سبقنى اليها احد فاصوغ منها بادئ بدٓى مديحا بليغا فى جنابك الرفيع * ومقامك السنيع * وانشر الثنآ عليك فى جميع الاقطار * فى الليل والنهار * واجيد وصف مكارمك فى الاسفار – ما اكثر الشعرآ الغاوين العاوين فى بلادنا وما اكثر اقاويلهم واقل رزقهم * اما ان تدفع الغرامة واما ان ترجع على عقبك واما ان نؤويك الى دار المجانين *

١ ١٨٥٥: معانى.

“And I too—O my shield and my refuge, my succor and my resort, my haven and my shelter, my support and my prop, my foundation and my stay, my strength and my security—am a poet and man of letters who wrote a poem in praise of a certain emir, for which he granted me a hundred gold coins. With half of these I bought provisions for my family, with a quarter I covered what I needed to clothe them, and I have a quarter left. Having heard of the merits of your magnificent, splendid, fertile kingdom and of the treasures and curiosities that it contains, to be found in no other country, I desired to let my eyes roam and my mind saunter in the midst of this luxury for a few days. Who knows? Maybe on seeing it, brilliant tropes that no one has beaten me to will come to my mind and from them I shall fashion, before anything else, a brilliant eulogy in praise of your elevated position and gracious condition, broadcast praise of you in every clime, at every time, skillfully describe your noble qualities in books . . .” “How many a dilettantish and doleful poet we have in our country! How many are their writings and how little their income! Either you pay the fee, or you turn around and go home, or we consign you to the madhouse.”

4.3.9

ولكن هيهات ان تشرف مسامع المسترحم الحقير من سيده الجليل الخطير بمثل هذه الاجوبة السلبية * فان السلب من مقام الكبير منّة * وانما الغالب ان يكون جوابه برغم الانف او بالقفد * او باللكم على الخرطوم * او بهثم سن * او ببقر بطن * او باطنان ساق * او بانقاض ظهر * ولهذا لما عزم الفارياق على السفر وكان ممن لا يستغنى عن احد اعضآئه التمس من خمسة قناصل ان يشرفوا جَوازه بختومهم * فختم عليه كل من قنصل نابلى وليكورنه ومدينة اخرى فى مملكة البابا وقنصل جينوى وفرنسا * لان سفينة النار تمرّ على مراسى هذه المدن كلها وترسى فيها بعض ساعات * اما مدينة نابلى فهى مشهورة بكثرة ما فيها من العجلات والمراكب والحدائق والغياض * واما ليكورنه فبطيب هوائها وارتفاع بنائها وكذلك مدينة جينوى * قال وهى عندى احسن منهما * وانحس ما يكون مدينة البابا اذ ليس عليها رونق المُلك ولا الملكوت وما بها شى يقرّ العين *

Rarely, though, does the puissant, magnificent master honor the ears of the wretched pleader with the like of such negative responses, for mere negativity from the great is a boon. Usually it comes with humiliation and a slap to the back of the neck, a punch on the snout, the pulverizing of a tooth, the slitting open of a belly, the slicing off of a leg, or the snapping of a back. For this reason, the Fāriyāq, being one of those who couldn’t spare any of his limbs, when he resolved to travel, requested five consuls to honor his passport with their stamps. The consuls of Naples, Leghorn, and another city in the Papal States, as well as the consuls of Genoa and France stamped it, because the steamer passes by the ports of each of those cities and docks in them for a few hours. The city of Naples is famous for its numerous carriages, ships, gardens, and forests, Leghorn for the sweetness of its air and the height of its buildings, and the same holds true for the city of Genoa. The Fāriyāq said, “In my opinion, the last is better than the other two. The papal city is as disagreeable as can be, since it has none of the glamour of sovereignty or royalty and there is nothing in it to please the eye.”

4.3.10

فلما وصل الفارياق الى مرسيلية اُخذ صندوقه الى ديوان المكس واشير اليه ان يتبعه * ثم طلب منه المكّاسون ان يفتحوه ليفتشوه فظن انهم يريدون ان يفتشوا فى كراريسه ليعلموا ما فيها فقال * انا ما هجوت سلطانكم ولا مطرانكم فلمَ تفتشون فى كراريسى * فلم يفهمه احد منهم وهو لم يفهم احدا * فلما فرغوا اشاروا اليه ان اقفل صندوقك فثلج صدره * ثم انبرى واحد منهم يمسح بيديه على جنبه فظن انه يتمسح به اى يتبرك لكونه وجد كراريسه بخط غريب * لكنه علمَ من بعد ذلك انهم كانوا يفتشونه ليعلموا هل كان مدّخرا شيا من التبغ والمسكر *

When the Fāriyāq reached Marseilles, his trunk was taken to the customs office and he was shown by signs that he was to follow it. The customs officers asked him to open it so that they could search through it, but he thought they wanted to look through his notebooks so that they could know what was in them and said, “I haven’t written satires on your sultan or your metropolitan, so why would you look through my notebooks?” but none of them understood him and he understood none of them. When they were done, they gestured to him to close the trunk and he breathed a sigh of relief. Then one of them started feeling his side with his hands, so that the Fāriyāq imagined that he was “rubbing” him,⁵³ in the sense of seeking blessing from him, because he’d found his notebooks in their strange hand. Afterwards, however, he learned that they were searching him to see if he was carrying any tobacco or intoxicating spirits.

4.3.11

ثم سافر من مرسيلية الى باريس ففُتّش ايضا هو وصندوقه فى ديوان مكسها * فكانّ مكّاسى هذه المدينة كانوا يحسبون ان رفاقهم فى تلك قد ناموا عن قيام الليل * فبال الشيطان فى آذانهم فعمشت عيونهم عن رؤية ما فى الصندوق * او انهم يرتشون كسائر اصحاب الوظائف * فاقام فى باريس ثلثة ايام فى دار سفارة الدولة العلية وفيها حظى بتقبيل ايدى الوزيرين المعظمين والمشيرين المفخمين رشيد باشا وسامى باشا * ثم سافر من باريس الى لندن وسياتى الكلام على وصف هاتين المدينتين العظيمتين* ثم من لندن الى قرية فى بلاد الفلاحين وفيها القى العصا وعندها اقف انا ايضا *

Next he traveled from Marseilles to Paris, where he and his trunk were likewise searched at its customs house. The customs officers of the latter city seemed to believe that their colleagues in the former had gone to sleep while on night duty and the devil had urinated in their ears and as a result their eyes had been made too blurry to see what was in the trunk, or that they’d taken a bribe, like other civil servants. He stayed in Paris three days, in the house occupied by the embassy of the Sublime State,⁵⁴ where he enjoyed the privilege of kissing the hands of the August Ministers and Honored Marshals Rashīd Pasha and Sāmī Pasha. Then he left Paris for London; these two mighty cities will be described later. From London he went to a village in peasant country, where he hung up his hat and where I too shall now call a halt.