Читать книгу Natboff! One Million Years of Stupidity - Andy Stanton - Страница 8

Way, way back in the distant past, Lamonic Bibber was just a few huts and a warlock who lived on Boaster’s Hill, turning hats into nightingales. Now, I know this is going to surprise some of you but there was a giant who lived in those days, and I bet you can’t guess his name, but it was Gavin.

Now, a lot of people, when they first hear about Gavin the giant, like you are doing now – hearing about Gavin the giant for the first time, I mean – a lot of people immediately want to know all the details. They want to know how big his head was, for example. Or how big his hands were. Or his torso, that’s quite a popular one. Which is fair enough, but I don’t think that’s the most amazing thing about Gavin the giant, and I’m not just saying that because I don’t know the answers to all those other questions. I think the most important thing is how tall he was overall . I mean, at the end of the day, that is what is so impressive about giants, isn’t it? How tall they are overall . So sit back and strap yourselves in and prepare to be amazed as I tell you how tall Gavin the giant truly was.

Right. Let’s say that a normal man is about, I don’t know, about as tall as – let’s just say, for example, that a normal man is about as tall as a fencepost. (I know some men are slightly shorter than a fencepost, and some other men are slightly taller than a fencepost but let’s just say, on average, that one man is about as tall as one fencepost.) So we can write down the following equation:

ONE MAN = ONE FENCEPOST

Now, of course, the question is this: How tall was Gavin the giant? And we can write down this question as the following equation:

GAVIN THE GIANT = ???

So. Given that a normal man is about as tall as a fencepost, and given that we don’t know how tall Gavin the giant was, it is clear that Gavin the giant was quite a mysterious sort of a character. OK, so we – OK, I tell you what, this has all been a bit confusing what with all these equations and things, let’s start again.