Читать книгу The Real Rules: How to Find the Right Man for the Real You - Barbara Angelis De - Страница 11

What’s one of the biggest problems you have in the beginning of any relationship?—How to tell whether or not you’re with the wrong man before things get too serious. How many times have you gotten involved with a guy, maybe even slept with him, only to find out three or six or nine months later that he was not the kind of person you wanted to be with, and that in fact, you didn’t even like or respect him?!!!

Here’s one of the greatest benefits of using THE REAL RULES—when you put THE REAL RULES into practice, the wrong men will automatically eliminate themselves from your life. Why? Because THE REAL RULES will make the wrong men uncomfortable!!

THE REAL RULES are like a “healthy man detector.” Guys who are good for you will love THE REAL RULES. Guys with unhealthy love habits will hate THE REAL RULES.

Let’s face it—there are some men out there who do fit the OLD RULES stereotype. They’re the kind of guys that call women they hardly know “hon,” “babe,” and “doll.” They think women should be “protected” from having too many responsibilities in life. They believe in the “boys will be boys” mentality—in other words, they expect to do what they want to without your feedback. They may act like you’re their princess, but there’s no doubt in their minds that they’re the king.

These men will love chasing you. It makes them feel successful, potent, manly. The pursuit and capture feeds into their unfulfilled need to feel powerful. Therefore, they like women who are coy, manipulative, and withholding, because they get excited by the challenge of conquering you. When you finally submit, they’ve won, and in spite of the sparkling ring on your finger, you’ve lost. Why? OLD RULES MEN don’t want a real woman—they want a trophy, a possession, a prize.

OLD RULES MEN:

• Want to feel like they’re in control

• Think of the male sex as superior

• Believe women have a limited role in life

• Are uncomfortable with real intimacy

• Don’t like powerful women

• Think their opinion counts more

• Are addicted to the chase, and are more likely to cheat when bored

• Judge you by your looks, your weight, and your breast size

• Want to feel smarter than you

• Don’t like to be questioned or challenged

• Aren’t interested in improving themselves for you

• Don’t want the relationship to go too deep, even if you’re married

• Will be threatened if you surpass them in any area (your intellect, your income, etc.)

If you’re looking for this kind of husband, you might as well throw this book away right now, because OLD RULES men don’t like REAL RULES WOMEN since you’re not willing to play their game.

Who are these guys, and how did they get this way? They’re usually men who felt overpowered as a child by a dominating father or critical mother, and decided when they grew up, they’d be the ones in control. Maybe they saw Dad treat Mom like a doormat, and decided it was either “rule or be ruled.” Or maybe Dad was a passive wimp who let Mom treat him like dirt, and the child decided he’d never let a woman control him when he got older. The bottom line is that OLD RULES men are always motivated by an unconscious fear of women and a secret feeling of inadequacy. After all, a really empowered, confident man doesn’t have to keep proving it to himself and you every five minutes!!

You should feel sorry for these poor misguided guys, but not enough to be with one. Don’t try to rehabilitate one if you meet him, no matter how tempting it may be. Recognize him for what he is, an OLD RULES MAN, and get out of his way.

So how should you use THE REAL RULES to eliminate the wrong men and leave room for the right man? Simple—just start putting THE REAL RULES into practice, and watch guys who are bad for you flee in the opposite direction. For instance:

You’re at a party and a friend just introduced you to a guy you find attractive. The OLD RULES say don’t make eye contact, don’t say much, let him take the lead, and don’t act interested. Instead, try THE REAL RULES:

a) Express who you really are by talking about what interests you (REAL RULE #15)

b) Don’t play games (REAL RULE #4)—if he asks you to go out with him two days from then, and you’re free and want to accept, don’t pretend you’re busy and say “no”

c) If you like him, let him know (REAL RULE #6)—if he says he enjoyed talking with you, don’t pause mysteriously and tone down your response. Tell him you also really enjoyed being with him.

Now, what if he seems turned off, or suddenly walks away during the conversation, or doesn’t call you again as he said he would? Does this mean THE REAL RULES didn’t work? No—quite the opposite: THEY WORKED PERFECTLY! CONGRATULATIONS! You’ve just used THE REAL RULES to quickly and effectively eliminate a potentially hurtful relationship with the wrong man! The sooner you spot OLD RULES guys and eliminate them as possibilities, the sooner you can find an emotionally healthy REAL RULES MAN and develop the relationship of your dreams.