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REAL RULE #4: Don’t Play Games

THE REAL RULES are all about being smart. Smart women don’t play games. The dictionary defines the word game as a form of play or sport, a scheme, plan, or trick. THE OLD RULES are all about playing games. Why shouldn’t you play games in relationships?

• Playing games is for women who’ve been convinced that they aren’t intelligent enough to figure out the right way to communicate or behave with a man, and instead, must memorize absurd lists of do’s and don’ts.

• Playing games is for women who’ve been warned against using their own natural instincts, and talked into being too mentally frightened to think through situations moment by moment.

• Playing games is for women who’ve been conditioned to believe the purpose of a relationship is to get the prize—an engagement ring—and that then they’ll be the winner.

• Playing games is stupid, and you’re not stupid.

Games are for children, or people who want to act like children. Good parents teach their children not to lie, not to pretend, not to fool people. Would it be okay with you for your child to play these kinds of games with you? I don’t think so. Why, then, would it be okay for you to play these kinds of games with men? It isn’t!

Here’s what’s wrong with playing games in your relationships: The basis of most games is deception, secrecy, and competition. If I’m playing a game of cards, I don’t want the other person to know what’s in my hand—I want the advantage. If I’m playing a game of tennis, I don’t want my partner to know where in his court I plan to serve the ball. If I’m playing a game of chess, I want to get more pieces than my opponent.

Deception, secrecy, and competition may be fine for cards, tennis, and chess, but they don’t belong in your love life.

You know what men always tell me? They say that one of the reasons women have gotten the reputation of not being as smart as men is that we play stupid games. “Does a woman really think we don’t know what’s going on when she’s playing a game?” men will ask me in disbelief.

Of course a man knows what you’re doing. He may even go along with your game for a while, but in the long run, he’s not going to respect you for it. And if he really doesn’t know what’s going on, how can you respect him? IF A MAN IS STUPID ENOUGH TO FALL FOR OLD RULES GAMES, WHY WOULD YOU WANT HIM?

“Wait a minute,” you might be thinking to yourself. “What about those guys who know what’s going on and like it, men who like women who play games and use the OLD RULES?” As we saw with REAL RULE #3, there are some men who psychologically respond to manipulation. You act indifferent, hard to get, and too busy for him, and suddenly he has to have you. Isn’t this the result you’re hoping for? NO!

Remember: Just because he wants you doesn’t mean he loves you.

I’ll bet you’ve had the experience of wanting something just because you thought you couldn’t get it. Example: You break up with a guy, and discover several weeks later that he’s dating one of your friends. For a moment, you wonder, “Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all … maybe I was too hasty.” If you’re smart, you’ll realize that you don’t really want him back—you just don’t like NOT being able to have him. Your desire is just a reflexive response from your ego. It’s not coming from your heart.

This is exactly what happens to men when you play games with them, games like:

“You Can’t Have Me”

“Maybe I Like You, Maybe I Don’t”

“Try to Guess What I’m Doing on the Nights I’m Not Seeing You”

“Aren’t I Mysterious.”

The men who respond to these games, men who see themselves as the hunter and you as the prey, are men you should stay far away from. Attracting them on purpose is a big mistake.

What’s the alternative to playing games and being manipulative? BEING SMART and BEING APPROPRIATE BY USING THE REAL RULES.

A Real-Life Scenario of How You Can Use the Real Rules to Check Out a Man

THE SITUATION: You’ve just started a relationship with a guy you really like, and you don’t want to be overly excited about sharing your feelings until you know more about him and how he feels. One way to approach this is to use the OLD RULES: never show your enthusiasm when he asks you out, never call him, never return his phone calls, and act nonchalant when he brings you flowers or gifts. In other words, you could play games and TEST HIM.