Читать книгу Communication - Carolyn Boyes - Страница 8

Good listening skills are a vital element of good communication and help to build business relationships, whether in a team or when selling to a client. Most people think they listen, but, if you watch them closely, they are really simply working out what they are going to say as soon as they get an opportunity in the conversation.

Lots of people listen with their ‘mouths’ rather than their ears. They are not really listening at all. They are simply looking for a chance to speak so they can take control of the conversation – this is called selective listening.

Why is this so? They probably assume that they have more interesting, intelligent, knowledgeable or relevant things to say than the other person. Or they are mentally editing or criticizing what the other person is saying, and prejudging the outcome of the conversation.

In contrast, when you actively listen, you don’t jump to conclusions about what the speaker is saying but try to see things from the other person’s viewpoint. Real listening is not passive. It takes focus and energy, but the pay off is much improved communication. These are some steps you can take to listen actively:

“Silence is a source of great strength” Laozi, Chinese sage

1 Use body language. When you actively listen, you show the person through speech and body language that you are listening. Use eye contact and your facial expressions and gestures to show that you are listening.

2 Be curious. Don’t prejudge what the speaker wants to say. Be interested. What is the outcome they want? What is their motivation? What is the real reason they are talking to you?

3 Summarize. Repeat back what you think the speaker has just said to you. For example, “What I have heard you say is XXX.” This gives the speaker the opportunity to clarify any misunderstood areas.

4 Clarify any abstract or fuzzy terms as you go along. This assists the speaker to recognize any gaps in the information that they are giving you. You can say, “This is what I am hearing you saying? Is this right?”

5 Be silent when necessary. Silence is an important part of listening. Silences in the conversation give the other person time to explore and express their thoughts fully.

Listen actively and focus on the speaker’s message without prejudging the conversation.