Читать книгу Cathy Glass 3-Book Self-Help Collection - Cathy Glass, Cathy Glass - Страница 43

At this age your child will be assuming more and more responsibility for him or herself, and for his or her behaviour. It is very important that your child understands the consequences of his or her actions – cause and effect. So many of the children I foster with behavioural issues have lived in a bubble (as their parents do), going through life with total disregard for the consequences of their actions, in respect of others and society at large. It can come as quite a revelation to the child that what he or she does has an effect, positive or negative, on another person, and that he or she is solely responsible for that effect. They will learn this if you show them that good behaviour equals praise and bad behaviour equals a sanction.

It is relatively easy to notice and praise your child’s positive actions, and easy for your child to accept the acknowledgement of his or her good behaviour – ‘Thank you, Tom, that was very kind of you,’ perhaps said when Tom held a door open for you. Or tidying up his bedroom on the first time of being asked – ‘Well done, Tom! You’ve done a great job. That looks so much better.’ Or perhaps your child went out of her way to draw a less confident child into a game – ‘That was very thoughtful of you, Claire. Well done.’ The list of your child’s little actions that require praise will be endless, but it is important (without going over the top) that your child knows you are aware of his or her positive behaviour and that you are very pleased.

However, while children are happy to acknowledge and accept the effect of their positive actions, many are less happy to accept responsibility for their negative actions, even dissociating themselves from them to the point of lying. So that when you present Tom or Claire with their negative behaviour they might say, ‘It wasn’t me,’ or ‘It just happened,’ or ‘I don’t know who did it,’ when they were clearly responsible. I call it the Mr Nobody syndrome, and in my house, Mr Nobody could be held responsible for rather a lot if I let him. It is not helpful for a child of any age to believe that he or she can escape the consequences of his or her negative behaviour by either denying he or she did it or side-stepping the issue with ‘I don’t know,’ ‘I can’t remember’ or ‘It just happened.’ This is clearly a cop-out and needs to be addressed.