Читать книгу The Zombie and his Existential Crisis - Chantal Spies - Страница 3

Just when Fred thought things couldn’t get any stranger, a talking cockroach ran up to him, “Prince Frederick! Prince Frederick!”

What the hell was going on?

“My goodness. Prince Frederick, thank God you’re alive. Well, sort of.” The cockroach suddenly seemed a little sad seeing his friend like that. “What is going on here?” Fred shouted at the talking insect in front of him. “Calm down, calm down, my lord.” the cockroach said as he moved four of his feet up and down. “Who the hell are you? And why can you talk?” Frederick asked. “My Prince! How can you not recognize me? Yes, I know I have a different exterior, but my eloquence, my charm… it should all be a dead giveaway – if you’ll pardon the pun Sir.” the cockroach took placed three legs on his chest as he gasped.

“I just discovered that I don’t have a heartbeat and that I cannot breathe. I don’t have blood in my veins. Now I’m arguing with a talking cockroach! So, excuse me for not immediately being able to recall who you are exactly.” the zombie said as two frown lines formed between his brown eyes. The cockroach looked at and with a dramatic sigh, he said, “Alright, alright, allow me to explain. You are Prince Frederick. Well, used to be, and I am Lord George. I used to be your most trusted advisor and friend while you were still alive and still the Prince of Ginthonia. You were to be made king, but somehow you ended up in that grave and I ended up being…” he paused, finally at a loss for words.

“A cockroach?” Prince Fredrick finished his sentence for him. “Well, actually, I prefer to be referred to as an insect of the order of Blattodea.” Lord George said with a polite chuckle. “Look, why can’t I remember anything of my life before?” Frederick wasn’t amused.

“Allow me to point out that there might be worms in your brain, my prince. I have been told that worms are particularly fond of the hippocampus area of the brain where memories are stored.” George replied helpfully. “What? Are you telling me that there are worms in my brain?” Frederick shouted hysterically. George ran up the zombie’s arm and stood on his shoulder. “My prince, permission requested to access your brain through your ear in search of worms?” As if he had a choice. “Permission granted.”

In a flash, George jumped into the zombie’s ear. Frederick didn’t feel anything, but he did hear kicking and boxing noises followed by tiny, little screams. A few seconds later George crawled out of his ear holding two dead worms. He threw the worms on the ground. “There! Problem solved. I also tried to reconnect some of the wires in your brain that were eaten away. Hopefully you will start to get flashbacks soon. But your memory will never be fully restored I am afraid.” Frederick stared at the worms, “Where did you learn how to do that?” The little roach puffed up his chest. Lord George loved nothing more than to have his intellect admired, “Gaston has taught me many things over the past few days while I was searching for you.”

“Gaston? Who?”

“Oh, Gaston is a ghost that lives here in the graveyard. I thought it would be wise to befriend some of the locals.”

“This is not real. This is not real. This is not real.” Frederick’s panic attack started up again.

“May I say that ghosts are the most fascinating creatures? They can travel through time! Gaston has been around for 300 years and has all the knowledge of the future.”

“What is that sound?” Fred asked, distractedly.

“Pardon me my prince, but my stomach is still getting used to this new diet. On occasion, my body involuntarily produces some unpleasant gas.” George said.

“No, this was not a fart! It’s something else. Something quite lovely actually.”

“I do not hear a thing!”

“We must follow it! Find out who is making that beautiful music!” Fred started walking in the direction of the music.

“My prince! My prince! Wait for me!” George shouted and ran after the zombie.

The music led them to a castle covered in pink flower creepers. The music was coming from within. “Now what?” Frederick said in frustration as he eyeballed the tall, thick castle walls and the soldiers keeping guard.

“Now what, what, my prince?” George asked out of breath.

“How am I supposed to find out where that music is coming from without being caught? I doubt the living will be hospitable towards a walking corpse and a talking roach.”

“Well firstly,” said George as he raised one of his feet in the air, “I find the word ‘roach’ to be derogatory to my kind. Secondly, why don’t we just swim to the inside through the canal?”

Frederick looked at castle canal filled with black water and said: “Swim through the canal, but how will we sur-“ “Survive? Allow me to remind you that you do not need to breathe and in my ne form I now possess the ability to hold my breath for up to 40 minutes. Easy-peasy” Lord George said with a little smirk on his little face.

The two sneakily jumped into the canal. Out of habit Frederick held his breath which made Lord George chuckle a bit. With their new found strength they swam underneath the castle effortlessly.

The crawled out of the canal to find themselves inside the palace garden. The garden was perfectly manicured and filled with pink trimmed rose bushes.

Beautiful music filled up the garden and washed over Fredrick like a warm gust of wind. With George on his shoulder, the zombie slowly pushed the branches of the large willow trees aside and followed the music. Then, he saw her - sitting there at the pond with her harp, singing, as the moonlight made her pale hair sparkle. Frederick was mesmerized. He listened and watched as her fingers brushed over the strings of her harp. It was lovely, but sad. Why was she making sad music? How can someone so beautiful be so sad?

Just as Frederick and George were both spellbound, George accidentally passed some gas that made the sound of a small bomb going off. Startled, the princess dropped her harp and looked Frederick straight in the face. She looked at him in shock, but not the kind of shock when you see a monster. Frederick was surprised that she didn’t scream.

“Frederick?” the princess asked as she stared at him with a frown between her large green eyes.

“Princess Minna!” George shouted and ran towards her. This time she did scream. “Princess Mina, it is me Lord George. Don’t be scared! Yes, you are correct, this is Prince Frederick, but both of us somehow died. Fredrick returned as a zombie and I as a cockroach for some absurd reason.” George informed her. “Wait, wait! What’s going on?” Frederick was utterly confused. “Oh, forgive him my lady, his brain had worms and as a result he suffers from memory loss.” George explained.

“Lord George!” Frederick was horrified. Brain worms aren’t likely to impress a princess. “Fredrick, it’s me, Minna. We knew each other really well while you were still, well, alive I guess.” she said. “What? Really? But why can’t I remember anything. Why can’t I remember you? Not even death should cause you to forget the most unforgettable thing.” He stopped when he realized he was getting a bit emo. “Worms, worms, worms!” George shouted as he stumped his needle-like leg. “Lord Geooorge!” Frederick hissed through his teeth. The princess giggled.

“Princess Minnaaaaaa!” they heard someone shouting.

“Oh, that’s my nurse calling me. It is time for me to get ready for bed.” the princess said. “Oh, no, do you have to go already? Can’t you decide when you want to go to bed by yourself?” Frederick asked. “Since my father fell ill, my schedule has become even tighter. As long as he is ill, the duke is in charge and he’s very concerned about my safety,” the princess continued. “Sounds like someone’s a control freak.” retorted George.

“Princess Minnaaaaaaa!”

“I’m sorry, I really should get going. Goodbye! Come visit again tomorrow.” the princess said and ran off with Miss Agnes, her mouse.

The princess rushed into her bedroom. Her nurse was already waiting for her. “I’m sorry I’m late Melinda but the most wonderful thing happened!” the princess said out of breath. “The most wonderful thing? Have you finally said yes to the duke’s marriage proposal? Oh! That man is sooooo dreamy!” Melinda said. “No Melinda.” the princess said with a laugh, “Frederick is alive! Well… kind of.”

“My dear, you must be hallucinating!” the nurse said with a look of shock. “No, Melinda, he is. He came back from the dead.” the princess explained. “Back from the dead? Is he a ghost?” she asked. “No, he is… erm…um… a zombie.” There was no other way to say it.

“A zombie!” Melinda shouted in terror.

“Yes, but he—”

“Zombies are walking corpses! They carry all kinds of diseases!”

“No, Melinda, he—”

“They smell!”

“No, he didn’t smell!”

“It’s probably only because he is still fresh!”

The princess shook her hysterical nurse by the shoulders, “Melinda! Please!”. Something had to calm her down.

Melinda looked at the concerned face of the young princess standing in front of her and placed her hands on both of her cheeks, “My dear, what would happen if you fall ill, because of him?” The princess thought it was sweet of her nurse to be so concerned. “It’s alright Melinda. Obviously, there is no future for me with him. We are too different. In the sense that I am alive, and he is dead. But right now, I’m simply enjoying his company.” the princess said.

Melinda looked at Minna and brushed over her hair. “Alright dear. Whatever makes you happy, my princess. I just don’t want you to get hurt, that’s all. But now it’s time for your bath and bed. Make it a hot bath… zombie germs. Gross.”